Scooter
The rest of the season continues with plenty of snark on camera and plenty of sparks in my bedroom late at night. As much as I'm enjoying our nightly rendezvous, the more they go on, the more my internal conflict about all things Cabot builds.
I'm developing real feelings for him while at the same time, hardening in my hatred of Riff and huuugely uncomfortable with the fact that him blackmailing Cabot is the reason he came into my life in the first place.
The whole situation is one almighty headfuck, and because I can't confide in any of my castmates since the less they know the better, I call up my buddies back home for a group chat to do something I've only ever done a handful of times over the years—ask for their help and advice.
I grew up with Courtland, Buzz, and Cyrus and love and trust them more than anyone in the world. They've got my back, just like I've got theirs.
Court's a doctor, Buzz a firefighter. They were 'best friends' for forever before getting their shit together and finally admitting to themselves what we've all known for years: that they're in love with each other. They've settled down and are now raising their beautiful son, Brock.
And Cyrus? He's a supermodel—as in that's literally his job.
Hands down one of the nicest, most caring, and sensitive people you'll ever meet.
Not to mention easy on the eye. Too bad his love life is pure chaos.
I do not like his Italian agent, who I suspect is more than just that, one bit.
The way he treats Cy is a huge red flag for me, but I'm treading lightly because I suspect there's more going on underneath the surface, which is why Cyrus is being all coy about it.
Normally there are three squares on my screen when we chat, but since Cyrus is back in Clovelly and hanging out with Courtland and Buzz, the screen is split in two, and they're sitting bunched in nice and close to each other.
I tell them everything, starting with the moment Cabot and I had in the Jacuzzi to him coming to me and confessing he knew the real reason why he'd been brought onto the show to how things have escalated between us on the physical front.
I save the worst for last, and when I get around to the part about how Riff is blackmailing Cabot, Cyrus shakes his head and mutters something about having an uncle who works for the FBI, who can look into things.
Before I can say yay or nay to that, he pulls out his phone and furiously taps away as I continue confiding to my friends about developing real feelings for Cabot.
"I so never pictured you being the next one of us to settle down," Buzz says with a huge grin.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I say to calm him down. "I'm secretly fucking a castmate who I've developed feelings for. That is not the same thing as settling down."
"True. But like you've said—twice now—you've got real feelings for the guy. That's significant since you've never had anything more than a few casual flings. Am I right, or am I right?"
"You're fucking annoying is what you are," I growl.
Buzz is correct, though. Dating has never been a huge priority for me. The show has consumed my life these past few years, and before that in Clovelly, I never found anyone who made me want to pursue anything more.
But I have now.
"Still waiting to hear I'm right," Buzz teases, way too happy with himself.
"Well, of course you're right," I snap. "That's not what's in question here.
The thing is, what do I do about it? The show wraps for the season next week, at which point I will be officially unemployed and moving back home to lick my wounds.
Cabot's life is here. He's the hot new thing, so I'm sure they'll renew his contract if they haven't already.
How can I bring up wanting to be with him when we'll be living on opposite coasts? "
"Could you stay in LA?" Cy asks, done texting.
"Nope. As soon as I'm done with the show, I am out of here. LA is a great place to work or visit, but I don't want to live here."
"Not even for Cabot?" he presses.
I shake my head. "I've put my life on hold for six years for this damn show. I want to do something for myself now. Mom and Dad aren't getting any younger, and I want to spend some more time with baby Brock to lock in favorite uncle honors over Cyrus."
"You know what you need to do," Court says with a chuckle and a knowing look.
"I do." I nod. "I've already started thinking about what I want to say."
"When are you going to do it?" he asks.
"Cabot's got a night shoot tonight, and we start filming our holiday episode tomorrow, so tomorrow night, I suppose."
"Yeah, nothing like pretending it's Christmas in August to get a guy in the mood to open up his heart and make some big life-changing decisions," Buzz jokes.
"Can you please punch him for me?" I ask Courtland who playfully obliges and grazes Buzz's shoulder.
Talking with my friends hasn't revealed anything new. It's only brought into focus what I already knew I have to do—have a proper conversation with Cabot to see where we stand…if we stand anywhere at all.
The timing for said proper conversation may not be ideal, but then again, is it ever?