Chapter 12
Chapter
Twelve
Tomorrow wasn’t the priority. Right now was. Trixie was.
He could understand her sorrow. He felt it too, but he wasn’t about to let it control him.
Though he’d only met Lee this once, he’d gotten a good enough sense of the man to know he’d continue his vengeful crusade with or without Cayden.
Taking down Carver was his current case, but it also would cripple a portion of Massey’s enterprise.
Cayden wasn’t blind to that fact. At least with Cayden, Lee had a fighting chance.
Cayden didn’t know how they were going to bring down Carver and he didn’t know how long it was going to take.
He had a feeling nothing short of a recorded verbal confession was going to cut it.
Anything else Carver would be able to weasel his way out of.
Cayden prayed it didn’t take too long to bring him down.
He had a life to live, with Trixie. But he couldn’t live that life if he let her brother walk off into danger on his own.
He’d never forgive himself, not knowing if there could have been something he could have done to help.
At the very least, he had to try. Whether he succeeded or not, he had to try.
But when it came down to it, it wasn’t Lee, Trixie, or Marco that had made up Cayden’s mind. Their involvements were just factors in his decision.
Cayden had met Carver when he was sixteen.
He’d known how dangerous the man was, and for a while that had been appealing.
Like many who fell prey to danger’s temptation, Cayden had thrived on the adrenaline and ignored the evil.
He wasn’t blind or ignorant enough to not have figured out about Carver’s involvement in transporting drugs.
It wasn’t his sole operation, more of a way to make some easy cash on the side.
If he was already transporting the stolen cars, why not let Massey pay him to move his product too?
Cayden had known. He’d just turned his back on it and kept his eyes on the cars. Those were his prizes. Shame racked through him, not even wanting to know how much product had been moved in cars he’d boosted.
Cayden had had many options ahead of him years ago when his conscience had started to rear its head.
He could have just walked away or he could have gone to the police then with all he knew.
After Bucky had messed up, he’d taken the fall.
Maybe he’d thought he’d deserved to be in jail, regardless of being innocent of the crime he’d actually been sentenced for.
Maybe he’d just needed time to get his head on straight, to realize what he wanted in life.
Regardless, it had been the coward’s way out. He’d sat in a jail cell for two and a half years while Carver and the Black Pythons were still running the streets.
Lee’s offer to take Carver down was like a golden ticket to wipe his slate clean and cleanse his soul. Cayden may not have ever touched the drugs, but he certainly hadn’t been innocent in their distribution.
Trixie finally stopped shivering about an hour after her brother’s departure. Cayden hadn’t wanted to disturb her, so he hadn’t checked his watch to see what time it was. It didn’t matter anyway. He just held her until she was ready to talk.
He didn’t think anything he said now would have registered to her regardless. He rubbed her back and kissed her forehead, but he didn’t speak.
He nearly jumped when she spoke, unprepared for the break in the silence.
“I’ve been to too many funerals already.
Don’t make me go to yours. I won’t survive it.
” Cayden closed his eyes, fighting the onslaught of emotions that plagued him at her words.
“Don’t make me any promises. You can’t guarantee you’ll return to me. ”
“You’re right,” he said, clearing his throat. “I can’t guarantee it, but I can promise you that I’ll do everything I can to return to you.”
She buried her face in his shirt. “Why? Why are you doing this? And don’t you dare say it’s to help Lee or you’re doing good to prove you’re worthy of me. Those are bullshit answers and you know it. I deserve to know the real reason why.”
“Maybe I’m doing this for me.” She didn’t respond but he knew she was waiting for him to elaborate.
“I was arrested for car theft. I might not have stolen that particular car, but I did steal cars. A lot of cars. Beyond that, I aided in cloning cars, identity theft, and chopping them for parts. Cars were my…vice, but I am guilty of other crimes too. I kept telling myself it’s just stuff.
People can replace stuff. As long as I didn’t hurt anyone, I wasn’t so bad.
There were worse monsters out there than me.
” A cynical laugh escaped him. “When I say I’m not worthy of you, it’s not because of my record.
It’s for the things that made me empty inside, the sins that tore at my soul and blackened the remains.
“So maybe… Maybe I need to redeem myself just a little bit more than just going to jail. Maybe I need to help bring down someone like Carver so I can wake up every day and feel worthy of the beautiful woman in my arms.”
Her hands fisted his shirt. “You’re already worthy. I made you worthy when I chose to be with you. Doesn’t that count for something?”
Cayden lifted her up, sitting her back down on his lap so she was straddling his hips instead of resting on them.
“Baby, that counts for everything. I am the luckiest son of a selfish bitch alive to have gained your trust and your love. Please, please, don’t think that I take that for granted.
” He cupped her face, holding her to him when she tried to look away.
“But I need to be able to face the mirror solo too. I need to know that I did what I could to help put a bastard like Carver away.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know how to stay away from you. I don’t know how I can continue on living not knowing where you are or who you’re with or what you’re doing.”
Cayden was quiet for a moment. “There’s an old fisherman’s tale that Gran used to tell me.
Once upon a time, a woman fell in love with a fisherman.
She loved him as much as he loved the sea.
He told her it wasn’t safe on the boats and she had to wait at home for him.
He told her, ‘every night, when the moon rises look up and know that wherever I am, I’m looking at it too.
’” Cayden kissed her nose. “He said, ‘The moon and the stars will always guide me home to you.’”
A tear escaped her eye and he kissed it away.
“Every second that I’m gone, Trix, I’ll be thinking about you, missing you.
Everything I do will be with the intention of returning home to you.
I want it all, baby. You, this house, kids…
Anything and everything you are willing to give me.
I want it all.” She started to shake her head, but he gripped the other side of her face to stop her. “Do you want your present now?”
She paused and then looked up suspiciously. “It’s not a ring, is it?”
He laughed dryly. “No, but I make no promises that there won’t be one in the near future, along with a very existent marriage proposal.”
She sniffled, glancing her eyes away. “I think I’d be okay with that.”
Cayden’s heart soared. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she nodded. “And I promise to only freak out a little bit.”
He leaned forward to take her lips. “Deal. Your present is in my pants.”
She looked down and raised an eyebrow. “You’ve already given me that present. Numerous times, as I recall.”
“I meant in my pants pocket,” he said out loud while his mind fist bumped, Hell yeah, I did.
She reached forward, digging her hand into the pocket of his jeans. He had to stretch back so she had enough room to squeeze her fingers inside. He heard the jangle of the chain as she pulled it out.
On a gold necklace hung a two-headed 1976 quarter. It had a hole drilled through it for the chain.
She held it up in front of her face, marveling at it. “I don’t know anything about coins. Is it special because it’s got two heads?”
Cayden shook his head. “This piece of crap is worth less than twenty-five cents. Technically, it’s illegal to put the hole there, but my family’s never been too concerned with legality.”
She cocked a half-smile. “I don’t get it.”
“My grandpa and I are more alike than my gran cares to admit. When he came back from fighting in the Korean War, there weren’t many jobs available for a one-legged vet.
He started working on less…reputable means of making an income.
” Cayden nodded to the coin. “He’d say ‘heads I win, tails you win’. ”
“But there is no tails.”
Cayden shook his head. “Making him a double cheater. Gramps won and lost a lot of money over his lifetime, but no matter what, he always kept that coin. Said it was his lucky rabbit’s foot.
Mind,” he added offhandedly, “his son was wearing it when he was shot and killed, so maybe it’s skipped a generation.
But it’s the only thing I own that matters to me.
This,” he picked up the coin between his pointer and middle finger, “is my inheritance. A crappy, possibly luckless coin that tricked a lot of people out of their money. And I want you to have it.”
Her eyes, still red from her crying, were a mixture of amused and confused. “Thank you, I think.”
“Trix.” He waited for her to look at him before continuing. “I own one thing in my life that I didn’t steal or cheat to get. It’s not valuable, not in a monetary sense, but here.” He touched his chest over his heart. “It’s the one thing I have on me, and I’m giving it to you.”
She clutched it to her chest. “Thank you,” she said with sincerity. “I love it.”
“Keep it safe for me,” he told her. “I mean to take it back and exchange it for a ring on your finger.”
Not a hint of terror crossed her face as she smiled at him. “Who said I’d be willing to exchange? I want both the necklace and the ring.”