Chapter 29
I’M READY FOR LOVE
MICK
Waking up wrapped around the man I loved was my new favourite feeling in the whole world.
Knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt he loved me back made it even better.
I could have stayed there all morning, all day, my whole life.
But that wasn’t practical, so I got out of bed, glancing at Michael’s beautiful body as I left.
After I’d done my business in the bathroom, I climbed back into bed, chuffed that Michael hadn’t woken up yet because that meant more snuggling.
He was on his side, so I slotted behind him.
A snuffly sound came out of him, but he didn’t wake up.
Stroking my fingers lightly up his thigh, over his delicate hip bone, then around his luscious arse, I was starting to get a bit excited.
“Not yet, love,” he mumbled when my dick pressed against his arse.
I laughed. “I didn’t mean to get hard, you’re just so gorgeous I couldn’t help it.” I nuzzled into his neck, and he sighed.
“No, you will not have your wicked way with me!” He wriggled out of my grasp and escaped to the loo.
Probably for the best, we had things we needed to discuss.
Opening the drawer I’d been using without thinking, I was relieved to see my things were still in there.
For a second, as I’d pulled it open, I panicked that he might have packed my stuff away.
He hadn’t, and I breathed easy. Pulling on a pair of boxers and an undershirt, I plodded into the kitchen.
I lit the hob to put the kettle on and heard a low whistle behind me. “I’m not sure I trust you to operate the cooker, you know,” he joked.
“Fine, make your own tea then,” I groused but shot him a cheeky grin.
“Actually, I thought we could go out for breakfast?”
“Jackie’s Cafe?” My stomach rumbled.
“Yeah, if you want.” He smiled at me. I loved that smile so much. The way his sapphire eyes shone, and the soft wrinkles besides them deepened. I could spend a lifetime looking at that smile.
“After, I thought we could go for a walk. Perhaps around Regent’s Park?” he asked.
“Perfect.”
“Jackie, will you marry me?” I gazed up at her, patting my belly.
“Get away with you, you silly sod.” Jackie stomped off to the kitchen with our empty plates with a laugh.
“Are you going to propose to her every time we come in here for breakfast?” Michael tried very hard to sound cross, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.
“Maybe. It depends how often we come here.” I held his gaze, hoping he understood what I was getting at.
“Shall we go for that walk? We have things to talk about.”
“Sounds good.”
Ten minutes later we were walking down a wide path flanked with huge trees. We hadn’t spoken yet, and I needed to be the one to start the conversation.
“I’m sorry, I–”
“Mick, I’m so sorry–”
We both stopped and laughed nervously.
“Let me, please?” Michael pleaded. I nodded. “I’m ashamed of the awful things I said to you, Mick. I didn’t mean it the way it came out, but I shouldn’t have said it–or even thought it–at all. You were spot on last night. I was terrified that you didn’t love me like I loved you.”
Looking at his feet, he took a deep breath. I wanted to reassure him that I did love him. But he knew. That wasn’t what this was about. He was trying to tell me something deeper and he needed me to listen.
“I’ve not been lucky in love, Mick. You know about Alistair.” He flinched, like it hurt him to say his name. “You know I lost my parents when I was young.”
I wanted to hold his hand or hold him. Why the hell did we decide to have this conversation in public?
“There’s more that I won’t go into right now. I trusted the wrong people–trusted my own heart–when I shouldn’t have. After a while, I stopped believing I’d ever be truly loved–it was easier that way. Then you came along with your copper curls and the prettiest freckles I’d ever seen.”
The blood rushed to my cheeks.
“And that.” He pointed at my face. “That delicious blush you do every time I compliment you. And I was a goner. Turned out you’re also funny, clever, and so bloody kind.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. “Michael–”
“I’ll stop. I just mean, you broke through my barriers, and I fell for you hook, line, and sinker. I coped well enough. Unrequited love fit in with the belief I’d never know true love. Then you had to go and fall too, and that screwed everything up.”
“I’m sorry?”
We shared a small laugh.
“Happiness was in reach, but I was scared. Scared it wasn’t real, that it would be taken away from me like it had before. I think… I think I was trying to protect my heart? When you said I wasn’t your man.”
“Michael, I’m–”
“I know. I know now. But it affected me when you said it. I thought it had happened again. So I made up a reason for the feelings I knew deep down you had for me, and I said those awful things. It’s funny when you think about it.”
“It is?”
“No, not really. I was so frightened that I wouldn’t find love, that I nearly chased it away.
The worst part, Mick, is that by doing that, I abandoned you when you needed me.
Just like your parents did, and I am so very sorry.
I wish I could go back and scrub that conversation from history.
But I can’t. Will you accept my apology? ”
“Of course I bloody will, sweetheart.” Maybe I shouldn’t have risked the word in a public place, but he needed it. “Let’s get home. I want to kiss you until you know how loved you are.”
It was his turn to blush. “Yes. Let’s do that.”
We’d walked quite a long way into the park and it would take a while to get back, so I decided it was time for another difficult conversation.
“So, you know I slept at Tommy and Eric’s on Friday?”
Cringing, he nodded. “Yes. If you want to stay in their spare room, I’ll understand.”
I dragged a hand over my chin. I needed a shave. “Right. So the thing is, Tommy’s spare room isn’t fixed.”
“Pardon? What do you mean it isn’t fixed?”
“Just that. It ain’t fixed. Still sodden with water. They had to chuck the bed in the tip. I slept on the couch.”
“You slept on that tiny, lumpy sofa?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Yeah. And it was the worst night’s sleep I’ve ever had. I mean, it was made worse by how bad I felt. But honestly, I don’t want to have to sleep on it if I don’t have to…”
“Of course not, don’t be ridiculous. You’ll stay with me.”
“I will?”
“If you want, I mean.”
“Yeah, I do. I really do. I can try and find somewhere to live as soon as I get a job–”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. Stay with me. Please. Please live with me. You can pay half the bills if you want, but please don’t go anywhere. Please move in with me. Officially.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Of course I do.”
“Okay. Yes. Yes, I’ll move in. Officially. And I’ll pay rent and stuff as soon as I get a job. I just–”
“Fuck! I forgot! Someone called for you yesterday. A Mr…um… hang on, I wrote it down.” He ran out and came back a second later with a piece of paper.
“Mr Kerridge. Of Rothschild Goods Ltd. He said they had a position for you. You can start Monday.”
“What? Michael, that’s brilliant! Their warehouse is only down the road from here.”
“I know, I know. It’s perfect. He left his home telephone number and told you to ring him with an answer.”
“I’ll call them as soon as we get back.”
He beamed at me, and it made me warmer than the summer sun had. We marched the rest of the way back to the flat, eager to be alone again. At the stone steps, we raced up to Michael’s flat. Our flat. I liked that.
“Oh, hello! You must be our new neighbours?” said a man in an accent I couldn’t place.
He stood in front of the next door flat among boxes, furniture, and suitcases.
His shirt was unbuttoned at the collar, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing the rich olive skin of his forearms, dusted with dark hair.
Before either of us could answer, he carried on.
“We’re just moving in, and it’s taking ages.
We have so much more junk than I realised.
Moving from a house to a flat, too, so I can’t seem to find the room for everything.
It will be nice to live in the city, though we’re country mice, you see.
Well, actually, I am from the city, but not this city, I’m from Italia!
Long time ago though. I don’t remember it.
Mama brought me here as a small baby. Before the war, you understand.
I was on this side. Too young to fight though.
Thank God.” He crossed himself. “Lovely little town on the coast, it was, safe from the bombs. Alas, not so, modern like the city. It became somewhat–” He waved his hands in front of him.
“–inhospitable. So we wanted to start again, you know? Make new friends. Fresh start. And here we are.” Brushing his hand through his thick, dark tresses, he smiled at us.
I glanced at Michael, who looked just as confused as me.
“Oh, excuse my lack of manners. I’m Pepe.
” Stepping forward, he reached out his hand, which Michael took first, then me.
As he stepped back, his gaze swept over us.
We’d been eager to rush into the flat when he stopped us and we were standing very close together.
I felt like he was sussing us out, and I probably should have been nervous.
Something about this flamboyant man made me think we’d be okay, even if he did work us out.
“Pleased to meet you, I’m–”
“Pepe, are we putting the bed under the window, or on the other side of the bedroom? I think–” Another man appeared in the doorway to the flat and cut himself off when he saw Michael and me. His eyes widened in fear. “I mean, the bed in my bedroom.”
My suspicions about Pepe were all but confirmed by his companion. I needed to let him know he was safe with us.
“Hello, we were just talking to Pepe. We live next door. Put the bed on the wall with the door. That way, you get to watch the sun rise in the morning.”