Chapter 5 #2
“Yep.”
Swallowing, I forced my attention on the car in front of me. I felt my mother’s eyes on me. Seeing. Knowing. Then I felt her hand pushing a strand of hair from my face.
I gripped the steering wheel. “Is he alright?” I asked. Honestly, I didn’t even care if he was. My cut-off game was strong. Second chances weren’t my thing, especially in romantic relationships. And my life was in post-Rick mode.
“He sounded good,” she replied. “Told me he wanted to call you.”
“I hope you told him not to.”
“Rissa, I don’t like seeing you like this, holding on to so much anger.”
Like her? I loved my mother, but she’d made bitterness a sport in the immediate years following the divorce. If my father was a guest analyst on SportsCenter, she would turn it off. Years of marriage had ensured she never had to work again, but she resented him for stealing her pretty years.
In a lot of ways, I was her. Minus the bitter part. I didn’t hate Rick. I was just done. “I’m not angry, Mom.”
“You seem like it.”
I swallowed past a lump in my throat. “I’m sleeping with Asa,” I blurted out.
Silence stretched between us and I chided myself for not giving a fuck about the potential consequences of telling my mom my secret.
“Say something,” I urged.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Anything.”
“Are you in love with him?”
I considered the question. I cared for him deeply, for sure. During a weak moment, I even thought I might love him. “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. Because I didn’t.
“How long has this been going on?”
“A couple years.” Out of the corner of my eye, I caught her watching me incredulously. “It started at Duke’s wedding.”
“Is that who you disappeared with?”
I nodded. “We spent the rest of the weekend together.”
“Oh. Ohhhhh.”
Glancing at her, I asked, “What?”
“It’s all becoming clearer,” she mused. “You’re torn because of Gemma’s baby.”
“Who told you?”
“Ana. When I called to give her my flight information, she told me everything—about the sperm bank, the girlfriend showing up at his house and dropping the baby off . . . That was crazy.”
“Tell me about it,” I muttered.
“Were you there?”
“Yep.”
“Does Paityn know about you and Asa?”
I sighed heavily. “She figured it out that day, actually.”
“Hmph.”
“What does that mean, Mom?”
“Have you told anyone else?”
The person behind me blew their horn, startling me. I switched lanes. “No.”
“Not even Zara?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t even tell Paityn. She saw us together.”
My mother gaped. “Having sex?”
Giggling, I told her no. “He was having a moment. I was there for him, holding his hand, yada, yada.”
“As long as that yada didn’t involve your best friend catching her brother blowing your back out.”
“Mom!” I barked out a much-needed laugh. “You’re too much.”
“Actually, I think you’re the ‘much’ today, babe.”
Amused at Mom’s propensity to keep up with current slang just like all my other “mothers,” I asked, “Why do you say that?”
“Because you could’ve led with that. But you decided to lead me around the mulberry bush before you spilled the tea, honey.”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“You said it all.”
“I like him,” I confessed. “A lot. But this whole Gemma thing . . . I can’t understand how he could father a baby, but not father the baby.”
“Would you have this same question for a surrogate?”
The question gave me pause, because no. I knew women who’d agreed to carry another couple’s child. After I found out I couldn’t have kids, I’d even interviewed a few. It didn’t last long, because I filed for divorce.
“Men do this every day,” she added. “If he can handle it, who are we to say he’s wrong?”
“I guess it’s a little different because he was around her … and Ezra. He acted like his uncle.”
“Because he was.”
“He wasn’t, though.”
“No, he was. According to Ana, they did this legally. They signed contracts, went to a clinic. He relinquished his parental rights. I’m sure he never thought Gemma wouldn’t be here to raise her son.
Life is tearing him up right now. Not only did he lose his best friend, but now he has to figure out what to do with the child he never agreed to raise. Don’t be too hard on him.”
Shame washed over me. Because I knew that. Deep down inside, I knew he wasn’t a bum-ass nigga like my father. For a brief moment, I’d let myself go there, but it never felt right.
“Rissa?”
“You’re right. Instead of judging, I should’ve been there for him. I left so fast I’m sure he thinks I’m pissed.”
“Well, you were angry.”
“Because I feel things I didn’t expect to feel, Mom.”
“Then maybe it’s time for you to voice those feelings.”
Shaking my head rapidly, I said, “I’m not ready.”
“I get it. You put your hopes and dreams in Rick’s hands and he dropped the ball. But the rest of your life doesn’t have to be sad because something sad happened to you. Trust me, I know. You should talk to him.”
“I will,” I agreed.
As we neared my house, I replayed our last night together in my head. He’d told me he dreamed of being with me. He pleaded with me to let him make love to me.
Then, he did.
And I loved every minute of it.
Shit, I do love him.
“It’s okay, Rissa,” my mother said, seemingly sensing my thoughts. “You don’t have to tell him you’re in love with him yet.”
I gasped.
“Emotions are heightened. It’s okay to let things settle down before you truly examine your feelings and determine if this is what you really want.”
Swallowing rapidly, I croaked. “Thank you for saying that.”
“I’m always here to tell you the hard truth.”
“In your blunt way.”
“Now, I have to know, what made you throw caution to the wind?”
“Honestly, I loved his vibe.” And his eyes, the shape of his nose, that million-dollar smile, and the subtle swag that made him irresistible. Then, there were all the small details about him that hid beneath his armor. “And he looks good.”
She snapped her fingers. “He’s a fine young thing. Beautiful. Like a tall, lean work of art. I wouldn’t pass it up either.”
“Regine Alexander!”
“That’s Mom to you.”
“Mom, I love you.”
“Love you, too, babe. Now, after we grab lunch, I need to get some sleep. That plane ride wasn’t good on these old bones.”
“Whatever you want.”