Chapter 6 #2
Chuckling, I wiped barbecue sauce from the corner of her mouth. “I can tell.” I licked the remaining bit off. “You taste good.”
She dropped her head on my shoulder. “Oh my God. I’m gonna kill Tyn for letting me sit out there with sauce on my face.”
I stared at her. She wore a baseball cap, a pair of pink shorts, and a matching shirt. “You still look good.”
“Oh please. It’s so muggy outside. My hair isn’t cooperating.”
I tugged her hat off.
She tried to cover her hair. “You’re so wrong for that.”
“You’re beautiful. I like you just like this.”
“Like a hot-ass mess?” She giggled, trying to snatch the hat from me. “Give me my hat back. I can’t leave this room looking crazy.”
“You can have it back.” I dodged her attempts to grab it. “When we’re done.”
She pouted. “Whatever, Asa.”
“I’m sorry for not telling you about Ezra.”
Rissa dropped her head and took a slow, deep breath. “You didn’t have to. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“Is that how you really feel?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “No. You took me through it. I can’t pretend this isn’t a lot.”
I snickered. “It is a lot.”
“Did you have feelings for Gemma?”
“Unconditional, platonic love.”
She entwined her fingers with mine. “That’s beautiful.”
I stared at our joined hands. Her soft to my rough. Her delicate fingers to my broader ones. Yet somehow, they fit together. “Back in the day, I donated sperm for extra money. That’s why she asked me to do it.”
She blinked. Hard. “You just keep dropping bombs, huh? So, the probability of there being other kids who share your DNA is high.”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” She sucked in a deep breath. “I guess that’s that.”
“Gemma wanted me to take Ezra.”
“Really?”
Nodding, I continued, “And I have to do what she wants.”
“Is that what you want?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want.”
She tipped my chin up with her free hand. “That’s where you’re wrong. It does matter. Because you’re the only person who has to live with that choice. If your heart isn’t in it, Ezra will feel that eventually.”
“I’m aware.” My entire family had said essentially the same thing in different ways. Some more direct. Blake. But most of them were understanding, gentle even. Which wasn’t like them.
“Listen, my father didn’t give a fuck about me and I felt that every single day of my childhood and beyond. I don’t want that for you or Ezra.”
“I remember your father.”
She rolled her eyes. “I remember him, too. I haven’t seen him since my wedding, but . . .”
Former NBA star, Alexander Reid, seemed larger than life in my young mind.
The six-foot-seven center had played for several teams, won three championship rings, and even had a short-lived stint on SportsCenter.
Back in the day, I used to see him shooting hoops in their backyard. He never spoke to me, though.
I was too engrossed with my childhood games to even recognize when he left.
But I did recall watching Tyn console Rissa.
From that moment on, Mr. Reid became public enemy number one.
My little ass was prepared to kick the shit out of his shins the next time I saw him, too.
But I didn’t see him again until Rissa’s wedding.
She swept a finger over my knuckles. “Anyway, I may not know the ins and outs of your personal relationship with Gemma, but I do know what it feels like to be connected to someone like that. Your sister is my Gemma. As much as I would want to do whatever she needs me to do for her, I know she would only want me to do what’s best for me. ”
“If you were me, what would you do?”
She offered me a sad smile. “I would raise the baby.”
“Okay then.”
“The situation would be a little different, though.”
I raised a questioning brow. “How so?”
Shrugging, she explained, “I’m older than you. I wanted kids before I couldn’t have them.”
Rissa had shared her feelings about her desire to be a mother.
We’d talked about it before she had her hysterectomy.
After the surgery, I spent some time with her, helping her out.
I held her hand when she cried, rubbed her back when she was hurting, and cooked meals for her.
Even then, I wanted to protect her, take her pain away.
That had never changed. From age five to age thirty-five, I never wanted her to be sad or hurt.
“If you do this, you’ll be a single parent,” she added.
“You’ll have to deal with a son who never got to know his mother.
It’s not the same, but again, speaking as a daughter who never really knew her father …
even though that muthafucka is still alive and living with some heffa who’s stealing all his money—”
I barked out a laugh. “You’re silly.”
“I used to wish I could’ve spent more time with him.”
Curious, I asked, “You miss him?”
“I used to, but not anymore. He’s more like a footnote in my life than a father.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“No, but I hate to think of anyone hurting you.”
“No one can promise a life free of pain.”
“Tell me about it.” Gripping her chin in my hand, I kissed her. “Question.”
She rubbed her lip gloss off my mouth. “What?”
I picked her up and sat her on my lap. “What does all this mean for us?”
Straddling my legs, she cupped my face in her tiny palms. “What do you want it to mean?”
I swept my hands up her thighs, wrapped my arms around her, and gripped her ass. “Are you going to leave me, too?”
Tilting her head, she searched my eyes. “Why would I leave you?”
“Because everything is going to change.”
“Things change. I can’t say what will happen in the future between us, but I do like being with you. I like the way I feel when you’re around.”
I smirked. “Is that so?”
Beaming, she brushed her lips over mine. “Don’t let it go to your head, nigga.”
I cracked up, resting my forehead against her mouth. “I won’t.”
She kissed my brow, trailed her fingers over my scalp. “Either way, I’ll be here for you.”
I looked at her then. “Promise?”
“Now wait a minute. I’m not promising that we’re going to walk into the hot sunset together, but I’m here right now.”
I slipped my hands under her shorts, pressing my thumb against her clit. Her head fell back on a sigh. “Does that mean you’ll change some diapers?”
She giggled. “Diapers? I think you need to pay me to do that. Double for the shitty ones. And you should probably hire a nanny.”
Dallas had already sent me a list of names. “Already on it,” I told her, placing a line of kisses from her chin to the low v in her T-shirt.
Slowly, she rolled her hips, brushing against my growing erection. But before I could lift her shirt up and off, she gasped. “Shit, Asa,” she whisper-yelled.
“What?”
She pointed at the door. “No. My mother is on the other side of the door. Your parents and your siblings are eating barbecue.”
I smiled. “Did I just imagine you rubbing yourself against my dick?”
Gaping, she smacked me. “Reflex.”
When she started to climb off my lap, I flipped her on her back and kissed the tip of her nose. “I can be quiet.”
“I can’t.”
“You did a good job the other day.”
She laughed. “I bit my tongue. That shit hurt.”
“Fine.”
“Plus, soon we’ll have to talk about my neck and my back. I’m trying to bend my body the way you want me to, but I’m not in shape anymore. I’m not at the gym every day.”
“We can work out together.”
“Hell no. You’re already killing me with your dick. I can’t die on a treadmill.”
Barking out a laugh, I nipped her bottom lip. “You’re silly for that.”
“Just sayin’.” She wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me deeply. “I love your dick, but I need to be able to move after you fuck me through the night.”
The last few days were horrible, some of the worst of my life.
Yet, the darkness had been eclipsed by tiny glimpses of light.
My heart was broken, but I’d laughed, spent time with my brothers, had moments with my parents, and now I was staring into Rissa’s eyes.
She made things better. She made me want to be better.
My father’s words filtered through my mind. He’d mentioned the pride I would feel when Ezra met the woman or man who made him want to be a better person.
I was too engrossed in my grief to appreciate it, but now …
I wondered if I’d already met her all those years ago.
Was the woman who’d turned my dick into a statue my forever?
I couldn’t be sure, but I believed she was the one for me at this moment.
And if I didn’t already want this thing between us to be more, she’d just cemented it today.
Because she’d unknowingly given me something no one had given me before. Not even Gemma.
Hope.