Chapter 7 #3
Gemma’s sudden death had sent shockwaves through our families, but the loss cut deeper for Ana.
Watching her grieve was like watching a mother mourn her daughter.
We talked every day in some way. Sometimes she texted to ask if I needed anything, sometimes she called because she wanted to talk about Gemma, and sometimes she just wanted to see Ezra.
And I shared updates with her as the custody case progressed.
I squeezed Ana’s hand. “You can come any time. Ezra loves his G-Ma.”
Ana’s chin trembled. “He’s getting so big. He looks like her, has her button nose, her eyes . . .” She held her arms out toward the baby. “Come to G-Ma.”
Only he didn’t reach for her. Instead, he wiggled in Bliss’s arms and let out a tense cry. For Rissa.
I watched as my . . . Rissa picked my baby up and . . .
I blinked. Because that was the first time I’d thought of him as my baby. My chest tightened at the realization.
Rissa glanced at me, concern in her eyes as she bounced the baby in her arms. “Are you okay?”
Clearing my throat, I nodded. “I’m good.”
“Is he sick?” Ana asked.
“He’s been cranky all day,” I explained unnecessarily. “I thought he had an ear infection or something. Rissa came over to help out since Tyn is out of the country.”
Rissa walked away from us, singing the cute lullaby that always got him to calm down.
I couldn’t stop staring, lingering on the sight of them together—the way he looked at her and the way she smiled at him.
Her soft voice seemed to settle him almost instantly, and his head fell to her shoulder like a heavy weight, like he’d given up the fight.
It almost felt like I was watching a movie. One of those romantic comedies where the tortured hero falls in love with the woman he never thought he’d get while the raunchy cast of characters rooted them on.
Because that was my life.
And there was no escaping the truth.
I love her.
“It’s okay, Chunk,” Rissa whispered. “You’re okay.”
Again, I struggled to turn away from the scene in front of me. My son, and my . . . Rissa.
“Asa?” Rissa called out softly.
“Huh?”
“I need a diaper.”
My eyes flickered to my sister, who was also watching the scene unfold with a soft expression in her eyes. When she caught my gaze, she smiled. There were no words, but there was a simple understanding, like she’d sensed the shift within me.
The urge to unburden myself, to tell Bliss everything, was strong. She always provided insight when I needed it. She grounded me in an unspoken but necessary way. And I needed that right now. I needed her to tell me I wasn’t trippin’, that I wasn’t going to fall off the cliff by myself.
“Asa?” Rissa called out again, this time louder.
I shook myself out of my thoughts and went to the bedroom to retrieve the diaper. Once I was in the safety of the bedroom, away from probing eyes, I sucked in a deep breath and braced my hand on the dresser.
“Asa,” Bliss whispered, smoothing a hand over my back.
Closing my eyes, I relaxed. The familiar comfort of her touch soothed the frayed edges of my mind, my heart. “I’m . . .”
“In love,” she said.
My eyes flashed to her.
“With your baby,” she continued. “And with Rissa.”
I dropped my head.
Bliss stepped closer. “It’s okay, Baby Boy.”
“What if it’s not?”
“Loving someone isn’t wrong. If anything, it’s freedom. Even if it ends, it’s a privilege to feel it.”
My throat burned as fresh tears pricked my eyes. “He’s my son,” I admitted for the first time loud.
She flashed a wobbly smile. “He definitely is.”
“I didn’t know if I could feel this way.”
“I knew.”
“How?” I asked.
“Because I know you,” she replied with a shrug. “I know that you love hard and completely. Unconditionally.”
“I want to protect him.”
“That’s normal.”
“I want him to have everything Gemma wanted for him.”
“Including you.”
I met her gaze. “I need to make sure he has what he needs to thrive, to live a full life. Love, family . . . He deserves that.”
“And you’ll give it to him.”
“But . . .”
She sighed. “Rissa?”
“I want her,” I confessed. “I love her, but I have to think about his needs first.”
“Why does it have to be either or? You can have it all.”
“She’s not ready.”
“Yet.”
“I don’t know that she’ll ever be. She’s stubborn.”
She leaned against the dresser, bumped her shoulder against me. “We know a few stubborn people. And all of them were brought to their knees by the person they least expected. It’s just your turn.”
My shoulders fell. “I’m scared.”
“Of Rissa?”
“Of living without Gemma, of failing as a father, of losing her. I don’t want to walk away from her, but I don’t want to just be here waiting on something that might never happen.”
“That’s a decision you don’t have to make today.” She looped her arm in mine. “Right now, you need to get that diaper.”
“Chuckling, I peered at her. “Do you really think I have what it takes to be a good father?”
“The best father. I know I’m not the only one who’s told you this.”
She wasn’t, but I needed to hear it from her.
Bliss hugged me. “Everything’s going to work out—with Ezra and with Rissa. I promise.”
I breathed a sigh of relief as her words washed over me as the pieces of my life started to gel together.
What I needed to do . . .
Where I needed to be . . .
Who I needed to be with . . .
And it started with Ezra and ended with Rissa.