Chapter 9
nine
ALL COMES DOWN TO YOU
LARISSA
“What are you thinking?”
I smiled at my sister. Usually, short rib tacos and margaritas made everything better, but I hadn’t touched my lunch since the waitress set it on the table.
“Well . . .” Zara pressed. “Are you moving here?”
Xavier had flown me to Atlanta, rolling out the proverbial red carpet to persuade me to join The Pure Talent team.
“They’re covering your relocation expenses,” she reiterated. “We can go house shopping, and they’ll pay you while you move. The kids will love having you closer. We’ll be able to spend more time together and I won’t have to worry as much about you being alone.”
“Do you really worry about me that much?”
“Every day.”
Frowning, I asked, “Why?”
“Because . . .” She reached across the table, and I placed my hands in hers.
“Since we were little, you wanted to have a family. A devoted husband, babies, and a big-ass house with a car in the garage that you wouldn’t drive.
Then, it all fell apart. Yes, you try to act like it doesn’t bother you.
You wear a bomb-ass, kick-ass, boss-bitch, fuck-you-and-yo-mama-too mask every single day.
But I was with you when you got married and I was there when you filed for divorce.
I saw the pain in your eyes, felt the sting of your tears against my neck when I hugged you.
I held your hand when you had your surgery.
Bitch, you’re doing a good job being fabulous, but I worry you won’t have anybody there to catch you if you fall or give you a shoulder to cry on. ”
A tear spilled from my eyes and I dashed it away quickly. “Stop,” I whispered.
“If someone hurts you, it’ll take my ass four hours and LA traffic to get to you. If I can get a flight out.”
I giggled as more tears fell. “Girl, you’re stupid. I know how to kick somebody’s ass.”
“But you know how it is. Touch my sister, and I touch you.”
Silence stretched between us.
“So come to Georgia, bug the shit out of X, make good money at Pure Talent, and maybe meet a man worthy of your love.”
“He won’t be in Atlanta.”
Zara studied me, then a slow smile spread across her face. “Because he’s in Michigan?”
“Yes.”
“Finally!” She smacked her hands on the table. “Shit, Rissa, I’ve been waiting on you to tell me you were fucking Asa for years.”
I blinked. “What?”
“X saw him leaving your hotel room after Duke’s wedding.”
“No.”
My sister nodded. “Yep.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted you to tell me. Besides, sometimes dick is temporary. I didn’t know you’d still be getting busy with him two years later.”
“Now I feel stupid.”
“Honestly, I thought it was a one-and-done. Until Mom told me you were still doing it,” she added under her breath.
I wasn’t surprised that my mother spilled the tea to Zara. My mother was nothing if not consistent. But my sister had entered Paityn territory. She hadn’t even let on that she knew anything and I talked to her every single day.
“Thank you for not saying anything.”
“I told X, but he doesn’t count.”
I barked out a laugh. “Girl! What if he told Duke?”
“You know they don’t get down like that. And even if he did, Duke would never let you know he knew.”
I pushed food around my plate. “What does X think?
“He just wants you to be happy, and I don’t want him getting arrested for beating Rick’s ass.”
“Why would he fight Rick? It’s been years since the divorce.”
“But his memory is long.”
“My ex-husband is none of my business anymore. Tell my brother it’s okay to let it go.”
“I’ve done that countless times. But it might help if he knew you were actually happy.”
My phone buzzed. I picked it up and smiled at the video of Asa helping Ezra walk.
My stomach clenched when he let the baby go and my heart swelled when my Chunk took a few independent steps.
I could hear the family around him, clapping for him, encouraging him to keep going.
Then, I chuckled when he fell on his butt.
A text came through a few seconds later.
My Lil Light Thang
He did it.
My Lil Light Thang
Miss you.
“What’s wrong?” Zara asked.
I hit play again and held my phone out to her so she could watch the video. She placed a hand over her heart. “Oh my God, he’s so cute. He looks so much like Gemma. But with Asa’s swagger.”
I laughed. “Right?”
“She would’ve been so proud,” she said. “But I’m glad that he has you.”
I looked at her then. “You should see him, Sissy. He’s learning so fast. I bought him a little puzzle, and he figured it out in less than an hour.”
“I have a question for you.” She took a sip of her drink. “Do you think your feelings for Asa changed after Gemma died, when Ezra came to live with him? Because I know you’ve been helping him out from the beginning.”
“I’m not gonna lie, Asa is sexy as fuck in father mode. He’s so good with him, patient, and gentle. He’s not afraid to admit that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Don’t get me wrong, I love that baby, but . . . It’s not him that keeps me there, it’s his daddy.”
Tears filled Zara’s eyes. “Good to know.”
“I love him,” I confessed.
“Have you told him?”
I blew out a shaky breath. “I fucked up.”
“What happened?”
I gave my sister a quick rundown of what had transpired between us from the night Gemma died until he told me he loved me.
“Shit,” she mumbled. “Yeah, you fucked up. Have you talked to him?”
Although I’d attempted to finish our conversation, Ezra had other plans. The extreme high of watching him take his first step—together—had been eclipsed by a screaming fit.
Turned out, he actually did have an ear infection this time.
The baby’s fever climbed to one-hundred-two degrees, which prompted Asa to call the pediatrician. We spent the rest of that night in the emergency room and the following days taking care of Ezra.
Once the baby felt better, Asa took him to Michigan for a visit and I came to Atlanta. With everything happening so fast, I never found the right time to talk to him.
“It felt wrong to tell him while his baby was miserable.”
And even if Ezra was perfectly healthy, I’m still not sure I would’ve said anything.
My sister raised a knowing brow. “Is that it?”
“Okay, I was being a lil punk.”
Zara snorted, covering her mouth in a failed attempt to hide her wide smile. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh, but that was funny.”
“I can’t help it,” I continued. “I’m scared as fuck.”
I’d done the thing I’d clowned other people for doing so many times.
When Tyn nearly fucked up her relationship with Bishop, I gave her some cold, hard truths with no apology.
When Zara set rules of engagement for X, I told her she was trippin’.
When my mother hesitated on applying to Le Cordon Bleu, I told her to take her ass to Paris. Respectfully, of course.
But . . .
When I needed to pull my own head out of my ass, I couldn’t seem to find the courage to do so.
I knew my father was a bum-ass nigga when he failed to come to my high school graduation because he was busy, so I cut him off.
I knew Rick wasn’t going to change, so I made the change for both of us.
I knew my job would only continue to take from me without giving me much in return, so I quit.
And I knew Asa would flip my world upside down the moment he told me he wanted to fuck me through the weekend, so I let him.
What I didn’t know was that he would continue to fuck me after my surgery, through my bad days and during my good ones. He’d fucked me until my bones and muscles ached.
What I didn’t know was that I would love him in an all-consuming, soul-deep, profound, and unconditional way.
It didn’t matter that there might be lil Asas or Asalinas in different area codes. It didn’t matter that he was a single father. It damn sure didn’t matter that he was seven years younger than me.
Nothing had ever felt like this.
“Why? You never have a problem telling people how you feel.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I admitted.
“What’s your hesitation with Asa? Tyn?”
I shook my head. “No, Tyn knows. And Bliss caught us—”
Her eyes widened. “Fucking?”
“No. You’re worse than Mom.” I averted my gaze. “Bliss walked in before the dick came out.”
“Whoa!” Zara grinned. “Does the rest of the family know?”
“If they do, they haven’t said anything to me.”
She waved a dismissive hand. “They know. All of them know how to mind their business. Except Dallas.”
Cracking up, I agreed with her. “I don’t think they would be mad.
And I wouldn’t care if they were. The only person I was concerned with was Tyn, and she’s good with it.
” Actually, my best friend hadn’t even brought it up again.
I’d talked to her about it a few weeks ago, just to see where her head was.
“She told me to do my thing but don’t break her brother’s heart. ”
And then I went and broke her brother’s heart.
Zara cringed, seemingly understanding the irony. “Well . . . Now you just need to make a decision. Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“He’s young, Zara.”
“He’s not a baby.” she argued.
“That’s not what I meant.” As much as I’d tried to push past it, there was one thought that had been gnawing at me for months. It got stronger after Gemma died. And now I couldn’t ignore it anymore. “What if he wants more kids?”
Zara’s gaze softened. “Have you talked to him about it?”
“I never had to. This was supposed to be easy. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him. I’ve watched him fall in love with Ezra, I’ve seen him embrace his role as a father. If he decides he wants to give his child a sibling, which is his prerogative, I can’t get pregnant.”
“Sissy, doesn’t Asa know you had a hysterectomy?”
I nodded.
“He fell in love with you anyway,” she continued. “It sounds like you’re projecting your own fears onto him. And that’s not fair to Asa or you.”
On top of everything else, I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. I assumed he would eventually resent me for something I couldn’t control, especially since he’d never even done or said anything to make me think he wanted another kid.
“If you love him, fight for him.”
She was right.
I’d made my decision and I was determined to make it right.
I wanted my family. Not Mom. Not Zara. Not X. Not my niece and nephew. Not even Tyn.
My family.
I wanted Ezra.
I wanted Asa.
I didn’t want them just for now, I wanted forever.
I booked my flight to Detroit before I left the restaurant, then stopped at Pure Talent to let X know I wouldn’t be taking their offer.
On the way up to his office, I ran into Jax.
“Hi.” I hugged him. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here today.”
“Hey, baby girl,” he said, squeezing my shoulder the way he did when I was little.
Although Jax retired as the CEO of Pure Talent, he’d stayed on as Chair of the Board. He wasn’t involved in the day-to-day operations, but he was still very involved with the company.
“My son told me he’s trying to woo you to Atlanta.”
I eyed him skeptically. “Are you going to tell me you had nothing to do with that?”
He chuckled. “I can’t lie. I told Xavier that he would be a fool not to at least try to lure you here.”
“He definitely made it hard to say no.”
“Good.” He gestured to an empty conference room. “Let’s sit for a second.”
I followed him into the room and took a seat in one of the comfy chairs. The Pure Talent Headquarters was sleek, modern. Floor-to-ceiling windows, lots of open space. There was a café in the lobby, and recently, they’d partnered with a vegan restaurant for the building next door.
“I love what you’re doing here,” I told him.
“Does that mean you’re taking the job?” he asked.
Sighing, I stared at the man who was more of a father to me than my own. The years had been good to him. He still looked larger than life, even with gray hair and a slower stride. “I can’t.”
He tilted his head. “Did someone beat us to the punch?”
I shook my head. “It’s not that. I . . . can’t move to Atlanta.”
“Ah, I understand. It’s hard leaving an area you’re familiar with. California was home for so many years and I miss it.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“We had some good times there.”
I placed my hand on his. “We sure did. But I’m not going to stay there.”
He observed me quietly for a moment, then the corners of his mouth quirked up. “Something tells me you’re looking for a ticket to Detroit, not Atlanta.”
Nodding, I asked, “How did you know?”
“Well, I heard a few rumors. My wife thought you and Asa made a very good team.”
I recalled Ana’s visit several weeks ago. She inadvertently showed up during an intimate moment and both of us had a hard time recovering. “She said that?”
“She did, so I’m not surprised that you’re telling me this now.”
“What do you think?” I scraped the edge of the table with my thumb. “Do you think I’m making a good decision?”
“If you’re asking me because you’re worried that I would somehow think less of you, I have to tell you, that will never happen.”
“Thank you, but that’s not why I asked.” I laughed softly. “I just wonder what you would say to your daughter if she was making a move like this.”
“Well, first of all, you are my daughter.”
I sucked in a deep breath.
“Maybe not by blood,” he continued, “but definitely in my heart. You and Zara are mine. And that was the case before your sister married my son.”
Again, my eyes filled with tears. “Thank you for always being there for me. I appreciate you in my life.”
“I’ll be there every time you need me.” He leaned forward.
“But if you are wondering if I’m worried about Asa hurting you, I’m not.
His father is my best friend. Asa is my godson.
He’s cut from good cloth. And it’s been amazing to watch him grow from a boy to a capable, intelligent, funny man.
The way he loved Gemma unconditionally .
. .” He swallowed roughly. “He was the best friend she could’ve had.
He gave her a gift, and now he’s risen to the occasion. You could do a lot worse. And you did.”
I barked out a laugh. “Really, Jax?”
“Just sayin’.” His phone rang, but he made no move to answer it. “That’s probably Ana. I was supposed to meet her for a late lunch.”
“Well, don’t keep her waiting.” I stood. “I’m going to break the news to X.”
“He’ll be alright.” He opened the door and gestured for me to lead the way. As we neared the bay of elevators, he asked if I had any job leads in Detroit.
“My friend Cyn put in a good word with her grandmother at Batchelor Corp,” I told him.
“Ah, good company. I know Joyce well. Tell you what . . . I’ll give her a call. Let her know you come highly recommended.”
“I didn’t know you knew Joyce Batchelor.”
“Baby girl, I know everybody.”
“In that case, tell her I’m interested.”