Chapter 34
‘You eat dinner off it!’ Maya hops from one foot to the other. The four of them are playing a word game, Nadeeka’s eldest waiting impatiently for Jamie’s guess.
‘A plate?’ Jamie is struggling to stay present, his head still reeling from his first encounter with New Dawn. ‘A table?’
‘No!’ Maya flaps her hands in frustration. ‘When Mum says we can eat in front of the TV! We eat off them!’
‘I know it!’ Nish leaps up. ‘It’s—’
Nadeeka shushes her, laughing. ‘Don’t give them the point!’ She holds up the little plastic hourglass. ‘Time’s up.’
‘It was a tray!’ Maya rolls her eyes dramatically. ‘Now they’re going to win.’
‘Sorry, mate. You’ll have to be on Mum’s team next time.’
‘It’s okay. It’s not your fault you’re rubbish.
’ She pats him on the head, a daring glint in her eyes, and Nish bursts out laughing.
Jamie makes himself laugh too, one hand clasped to his chest in faux outrage.
He catches the shadow of a frown on Nadeeka’s face before she joins in with the good-natured teasing.
Is she suspicious? Does Jamie look as though he’s hiding something?
He gets up, ruffling Maya’s hair. ‘I’m going to put the kettle on. Anyone want anything?’
‘Coffee please!’ Nish calls, then falls about in hysterics at her own audacity.
‘Okay . . . I think it’s time for bed,’ Nadeeka says, scooping up her youngest.
‘But Jamie said we could play hide-and-seek!’ Maya follows Jamie into the kitchen. ‘Tell her, Jamie!’
‘Your mum’s the boss, you know that.’ He shoots an apologetic look at Nadeeka. ‘Although I did say we’d have a game before bed.’
‘One game of hide-and-seek. Then bed.’ Nadeeka uses her stern voice, but her eyes are dancing – she loves seeing them all getting on.
One game turns into three, and then Maya hides so well, Nadeeka calls a stop to proceedings before bedtime is pushed any later.
‘Maya!’ she calls from the hall. ‘Game’s over!’
‘She won’t come out,’ Jamie says. ‘She’ll think it’s a trap.’
‘It’s not a trap, Maya!’ Nadeeka calls.
‘Now she’ll definitely think it’s a trap.’ He takes up position at the bottom of the stairs and raises his voice. ‘Olly olly oxen free!’
‘Olly what?’ Nadeeka erupts into laughter. A door opens upstairs, feet pounding along the landing.
‘Did I win?’ Maya shouts.
‘It’s what you say when you’re calling a truce,’ Jamie says. ‘Didn’t you say it when you were a kid?’
‘Nope, must be a weird Golding thing.’
‘Well, now it’s a weird Prasanna thing.’ He grins at Maya as she appears at the top of the stairs. ‘You won! Where were you?’
‘In the bathroom.’
‘I looked there!’ Nadeeka says in outrage.
‘I was under the dressing gown on the back of the door!’ Maya is triumphant. ‘Come and see how I did it!’
‘Show me while you’re brushing your teeth. You too, Nish.’ Nadeeka herds the girls upstairs.
Jamie retreats to the kitchen, where he leans on the counter, palms either side of the sink, and exhales.
It’s been a week since he was told to burn down the corner shop.
There was a meeting tonight, he got the what3words location through, but he had made an excuse, unable to come up with a good reason why he hadn’t yet carried out his initiation task.
‘You are going to do it, aren’t you?’ Carrie had said as they’d left the British Legion a week ago.
Jamie had stared at her, incredulous. ‘Of course I’m not going to do it!’
‘It’s just a fire. No one needs to get hurt.’
‘They live above the shop!’
‘Fifteen of them in a one-bed flat, no doubt. Milking the child benefit payments.’
He’d almost blown it then – forgotten what sort of man he was pretending to be – but he’d bitten his tongue just in time. ‘Yeah,’ he’d managed, bile rising in the back of his throat. ‘Probably.’
‘Listen, Jamie,’ Carrie had said, and for the first time since she and Jamie had started talking he sensed a flicker of nerves.
‘The initiations . . . they aren’t exactly optional.
’ Jamie had wanted to ask if she’d had one herself, but he’d suddenly remembered what she’d told him in the park about the master list. I got access once I was through my initiation.
If Jamie wants to give the list to the police, he has to go through with his initiation.
He has to set fire to Surinder’s shop.
His phone pings, making him start. He’s noticed Nadeeka looking sharply at him when that happens. Maybe he should turn it off when he’s at home; or would that prompt just as much suspicion?
The message is from Carrie. The boss wants that project across the line by tomorrow morning. Okay with you?
It’s so far from okay, it would be laughable if it wasn’t so horrific. Jamie’s cursor blinks in the empty reply box.
‘Nish is bouncing off the walls.’ Nadeeka’s voice comes suddenly from behind him, and he slips the phone into his pocket. She laughs. ‘I’m not sure hide-and-seek immediately before bed was the best idea.’
‘S-sorry.’ Jamie’s heart is thudding so loudly he’s amazed she can’t hear it. ‘My fault.’
‘You’re forgiven.’ She comes close; kisses him lightly on the lips. ‘Apparently we’re having a rematch tomorrow night.’ She shoots him a sidelong look. ‘Maya wants to be on my team.’
‘I knew it,’ Jamie says. ‘Traitor.’
‘Can you stick something on TV? I need to get on with the girls’ nativity costumes.’
They watch re-runs of Frasier, Jamie’s eyes fixed on the middle distance.
Okay with you?
What if it isn’t?
Nadeeka laughs at something on the television, so Jamie laughs too, the sound hollow in his ears.
He should never have got involved. If he tells the police now, New Dawn will know it had come from him.
Maybe if he lived on his own he could ride out the consequences, but he has Nadeeka to think about, and Maya and Nish.
They never asked to be mixed up in this.
How could he have been so stupid?
He’s trapped.
The second episode finishes, and Jamie’s still going round in circles, no closer to knowing what to do.
He picks up his phone, thinking about messaging Carrie to say .
. . what? I can’t do it? I’m emigrating to Australia?
Or how about the truth? I was pretending to be scum like you, so I could gather enough evidence to grass you all up to the police?
‘Is something wrong?’ Nadeeka’s voice cuts through his thoughts.
‘What?’ The television’s been turned off. When did she do that? ‘Nothing’s wrong.’
‘You seem distracted.’
‘Just tired.’ He yawns, stretching his arms above his head. ‘In fact, I’m going to turn in.’
‘You would tell me?’ Nadeeka searches his face. ‘If something was wrong, I mean?’
‘Nothing’s wrong.’
‘That’s not what I asked.’ Her words are clipped.
‘Of course I’d tell you.’ Jamie can’t look at her.
Can’t lie to her face. It was the one thing she’d asked him, the moment things started getting serious between them.
Please don’t ever lie to me. I couldn’t deal with that again.
She felt vulnerable after what Scott had done to her, she’d said, and Jamie had rushed to reassure her that he wasn’t like that, that he would never lie. It wasn’t in his nature.
Of course I’d tell you.
But what other option does he have? The words of the boss’s moustached spokesman are ringing in Jamie’s ears. There will always be consequences.
As the clock on his nightstand ticks from eleven to midnight to one a.m., Jamie lies awake.
Nadeeka sleeps soundly, the duvet pulled tight around her as though someone might steal it in the night, and the softest of snores coming with every third breath.
He watches her, his heart full of everything they have together, everything they’re building together.
Then, when he is completely certain she’s asleep, he gets out of bed, pulls on his clothes and slips out of the house.