Chapter Ten
Misunderstanding
Emma
College
T he next day, I’m sitting with Sarah in the dining hall, the buzz of voices and clinking dishes filling the air. She’s flipping through her notebooks, occasionally looking up to ask about my internship, talking about how proud she is. But I can’t focus—my thoughts keep drifting back to last night, to Ethan, and everything that happened.
Sarah notices and nudges me with her elbow. “You’re totally somewhere else today. What’s up?”
I shake my head, laughing a little. “Just thinking about stuff you know, the internship and everything else I have going on.”
She grins, unaware of the thoughts tangled in my mind. “Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine. No regrets, right?”
I laugh, responding without really thinking, “Honestly, sometimes I regret it.” My tone is light, but the words hang there, and the moment they’re out, a strange chill goes through me.
I shrug, brushing it off with a small smile, even as my stomach knots. I don’t mean it, not really. But the weight of everything—the internship, school, the complications with Ethan, it’s piling up, and I can’t shake the thought completely. I’m not sure I was cut out to be so busy.
Sarah raises an eyebrow, chuckling. “Oh, come on. You’ve put so much into this—you can’t be serious.”
We finish eating and talking then head back to our dorm, once there I decide to text Ethan. I want to make sure we don’t let us fall through the cracks and fall back into limbo.
Me : Hey! You free to talk later?
No reply. Minutes pass, then hours, and nothing comes through. I tell myself he’s just busy with practice—scouts have started showing up, and he’s mentioned feeling the pressure. But that doesn’t stop the strange chill that settles over me, like it did the earlier. I can’t shake the feeling that last night changed something, but I don’t understand what or why.
The following afternoon, I spot him on campus with a few of his teammates. My heart does this ridiculous flutter, but when I wave, he barely looks in my direction, his expression unreadable and distant. The person in front of me feels unfamiliar, and the realization stings more than I want to acknowledge.
Afterward, I drag myself back to my dorm, finding Sarah sitting cross-legged on her bed, typing away on her laptop. She looks up when I enter, her brows knitting together.
“You okay? You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.” She arches an eyebrow, studying my face for a hint of what’s going on.
I try to laugh it off. “Rough day. And, uh…things are weird with Ethan.”
She looks at me with knowing eyes, shutting her laptop and giving me her full attention. “Weird how?”
I hesitate, fidgeting with my bag. “Well, we…uh, we hooked up,” I say quietly, feeling heat rush to my cheeks. “It just…happened.”
Sarah’s eyes widen, and she grins. “Finally! So what’s the problem? Was it awkward or something? Was it not good? Oh my god, did he have a small…” she stops talking and holds up her pinky finger, wigging it.
“No,” I giggle, shaking my head. “It was…actually amazing.” I bite my lip, feeling that flutter in my stomach again. “But when I saw him earlier in the quad he ignored me. ”
Sarah sighs, giving me a sympathetic smile. “Men are complicated, Em. Maybe he’s just overwhelmed. I mean, you’ve got the internship, he’s got scouts breathing down his neck…it’s a lot.”
I nod, but her words don’t comfort me. I glance out the window, watching students pass by, feeling like the only person on campus completely out of sync.
Voices drift in from the hallway, a pair of girls chatting as they pass by. One of them giggles, her tone teasing. “Who’s the hottie?” I don’t pay much attention until Sarah speaks up again.
“Well, you don’t regret it, right? I mean, maybe it was a little rushed, but it’s Ethan. You’ve been in love with that guy since middle school, and if you ask me, that was one decision worth making.” She knows all about Ethan and I. I've told her countless stories and admitted that I’m in love with him. That’s not something I’ve even admitted to him yet and now I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to.
The voices in the hallway fade, the sound of laughter and the faint hum of music drifting further away. I turn back to Sarah, her expression unreadable as she watches me fidget with the edge of my notebook.
Before I can continue, the door to our dorm swings open, and there’s Ethan, standing in the doorway, his broad shoulders practically filling the frame. His face is set in an expression I can’t quite decipher, but his eyes are sharp, locked on me like he’s been holding something back.
“Ethan?” I blink, startled by his grim look on his face. “What are you—”
“We need to talk,” he cuts me off, his voice clipped and harsh. His gaze flicks to Sarah, and he jerks his head toward the hallway. “Alone.”
Sarah glances between us, her brows raised, and then stands, muttering something about needing to grab snacks from the lounge anyway. She disappears into the hallway, leaving the door slightly open.
I watch her leave, then turn back to Ethan, my chest tightening at the way he’s looking at me…he’s angry with me.
“What’s going on?” I ask, my voice low, unsure. “Are you okay?”
“Am I okay?” He lets out a bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair. “You’re the one who seems to have it all figured out, Emma.”
“What are you talking about?” My pulse quickens, dread curling in my stomach.
He steps further into the room, closing the door. “I heard you. Earlier. Outside the cafeteria.” His voice is quiet now, but there’s an edge to it that cuts straight through me. “You said you regret it. ”
The words hang in the air between us, sharp and heavy. Confusion hitting me, my mind racing to piece together what he’s talking about. What does he think he heard? Then I remember the conversation with Sarah about regretting my internship and how everything has me so busy. Oh my god, does he think I regret him?
“Wait, you… you heard that?” I stammer, my hands trembling as I take a step closer to him, but he takes a step back from me.
“Yes Emma, I heard you say that.” His jaw clenches, his eyes dark. “I didn’t stick around for the rest of your conversation with Sarah, but I got the gist.”
My heart pounds, “Ethan, no—”
“No what, Emma?” he snaps, his voice rising. “No, you didn’t mean it? Or no, you didn’t mean for me to hear it?”
I take another step toward him, my voice trembling. “You didn’t hear everything. You don’t understand, that's not what I...”
But he cuts me off, his laugh is cold, devoid of the warmth I’ve always known, his voice raising. “I don’t understand? Really? Because it sounded pretty clear to me, Emma.”
Tears sting my eyes, and I shake my head, my voice cracking. “It wasn’t about you, Ethan. I was talking about...”
But he cuts me off again and his expression something I’ve never seen from him before. Anger. At me. “I don’t want to hear your lies Emma!”, he shouts and I cower back from him.
“I’m not lying.” I say, my voice coming out in barely a whisper.
He falters for a split second, but he quickly recovers, his shoulders stiffening. “Right. Sure.” He murmurs, his tone skeptical, like he doesn’t believe me.
“I’m telling the truth!” I cry, desperation creeping into my voice. “I was talking to Sarah about how overwhelming it’s been—how I didn’t know if I made the right choice. I wasn’t talking about us, Ethan. How could you even think that?”
His jaw tightens, and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything, just looks at me trying to decide whether to believe me or not. Finally, he speaks, his voice quieter now, but no less cutting. “I don’t believe you. Guess we all have decisions we regret, huh?”
The words hit me like a slap, and I feel the air leave my lungs. “Ethan…” My voice is barely a whisper, my vision blurring with tears. “Is that … do you… do you regret what happened between us?”
He doesn’t answer right away, and the silence feels deafening. When he finally speaks, his tone is bitter. “Maybe I do.”
I take a shaky step back, the tears slipping freely down my cheeks now. “I… I can’t believe you’d say that.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn’t have come here,” he mutters, turning toward the door.
“Ethan, wait—” My voice breaks, but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t even look back as he leaves, the door slamming behind him with a hollow click.
I stand there, staring at the empty space where he’d been, my heart splintering into pieces. For the first time ever, I don’t know if we can fix this. I don’t know if we’re even still an “us.”
And the thought of that terrifies me more than anything else.
I stare at the closed door, my stomach twisting. That look in his eyes…it was like he didn’t even know me.
A moment later Sarah walks back in, “ I saw Ethan leave, he looked… angry. What did he…” Sarah starts, but I can’t hear the rest. His words and the way he looked at me keep replaying in my head, that’s all I can think about.
Because I know exactly what he meant.
To him, that regret—that mistake—is me.
I stand there, frozen, his words hitting me harder than I expected. My mind scrambles, trying to make sense of what just happened, but all I feel is the sting of his words and the emptiness left in his wake.
Sarah touches my arm, her voice gentle. “Emma…are you okay?”
I shake my head slowly, forcing myself to swallow down the tightness in my throat. “No. No, I don’t think I am.”
I sit down on my bed, trying to breathe through the ache in my chest. It’s a deep, raw feeling, one I wasn’t prepared for. Something I don’t think I’d ever be prepared for. I thought…well, I thought I knew what we had. I thought that maybe what happened between us meant something. But hearing him say he regretted it… shattered every bit of hope I had.
“Do you think he actually regrets it?” whisper, the question lingering in my mind. I don’t know if I want to hear the answer, but I can’t stop myself from asking.
Sarah sits beside me, looking hesitant. “Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding. Ethan’s not exactly the best communicator from what you’ve told me. And, you two have been through so much together—maybe he just doesn’t know how to handle things now that it’s changed.”
“But if he doesn’t want this…or doesn’t want me like that…” I trail off, feeling the tears pricking at my eyes again. I can barely get the words out. “I don’t know what to do if he’s already checked out. ”
She wraps her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug. “Hey, just breathe. You don’t have to figure it all out right now. Just…give him space, see where his head’s at. You know how he is—maybe he just needs time to sort things out.”
But deep down, I’m not sure time is going to fix anything. I keep replaying his face, that hardened look in his eyes and the things he said. It’s like he’d already made up his mind before he even walked through that door. Never even giving me the chance to defend myself… and I didn’t do anything to warrant it.
The rest of the day drags on, every second feeling heavier than the last. I try to study, try to distract myself, but it’s impossible. My mind keeps drifting back to what happend, wondering if I’ll ever get the chance to explain myself. Every glance at my phone fills me with both dread and hope, but no messages come through. I texted him a few times but he never replied, just left me on read.
Nothing.
He’s gone radio silent, and that feels like the worst kind of punishment.
By the next morning, the ache hasn’t dulled, but a resolve hardens in me. I can’t keep waiting around, letting myself get hurt over assumptions and mixed signals. If he’s done with me, if that’s what he really wants, then I deserve to know. But I’m not going to be the one begging for clarity .
Over the next few days, I do exactly what Sarah suggested.
I give him space.
I focus on my studies, diving into school work with a determination I didn’t realize I had in me. If I’m going to feel broken inside, at least I can channel it into something that might make a difference. My internship has become my lifeline, a reminder that I still have goals, that I’m still capable of something—even if I feel like everything with Ethan is falling apart.
But every time I’m walking through campus, I catch myself scanning the crowds, hoping for a glimpse of him. And when I finally do see him—passing by the quad with his teammates, carefree and unbothered—the ache sharpens, twisting deeper and deeper. He’s laughing with them, relaxed in a way I haven’t seen in weeks, as if whatever happened between us doesn’t bother him at all.
I summon every ounce of strength I have to turn away and keep walking and pretend I don’t see him, pretend it doesn’t hurt.
And maybe this is how things end—no big blow-up, no grand resolution. Just two people slowly drifting apart, each wrapped up in their own worlds, pretending the other doesn’t exist.
But as much as I try to tell myself it’s better this way, that this is what he wants, the truth is…I’m not sure I can let him go without a fight. But I just might have to.