Chapter 11
Chapter
Eleven
TIA
I t’s Friday lunch time, and as I sit in the breakroom with a cheese pasta salad, I think back over the last few days. I have quite enjoyed the receptionist work, and I would be quite happy to continue on with that if it came to it, but I know Rachel, the actual receptionist, is back from her leave on Monday and I won’t be doing her job while she’s here obviously. I really hope I don’t have to go back to doing the shit jobs like sorting out the archiving and doing the catering. I get that they are tasks that need to be done, but I want to take on something bigger, something a bit more meaningful. Luke keeps saying I have to prove myself, but how can I prove myself if he isn’t giving me anything to do that I can use to show him my skills. Anyone can shred old papers or put prawns on a plate. I want to show him I know my stuff when it comes to web development.
I decide that after lunch, I’m going to go and talk to him and find out what he has planned for me, and if it sounds like make work, I’m going to request something a bit more challenging. The worst that can happen is he says no, and I’m still stuck with the shitty jobs, but hopefully he will see me taking some initiative and give me a chance. Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for. Maybe that’s what he means by me proving myself. And if it isn’t, well at least I will know I tried.
I finish the last forkful of my pasta salad and stand up. I put the container in the trash can and wash and dry my fork. I put it away and I stand for a moment leaning against the counter, just staring off into space. It seems that now it has come to be time to go and talk to Luke, some of my moxie has gone away.
I force myself away from the counter I’m leaning against, and I walk towards the break room door and into the hallway. I head to Luke’s office before I can change my mind altogether. I remind myself once more that really, the worst thing that can happen here is Luke saying no to my request and that won’t make me any worse off than I am now.
I reach the door to Luke’s office, and I knock on it. I wait until I hear him shout for me to come in and I open the door and see Luke sitting in his normal seat. This time though, he isn’t alone. A member of staff I vaguely recognize but don’t really know is sitting opposite him.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you had someone in with you. I’ll come back later,” I say and start to back out and pull the door closed.
I know I won’t build up the courage for this again today and I wonder whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Have I saved myself from being told no and getting embarrassed about it, or have I gotten in my own way and ruined the chance of getting a better opportunity? I guess I will never know. Except … The employee stands up and smiles at me.
“It’s ok, we were done here anyway,” he says.
“Yes, come on in Louisa,” Luke echoes and I step awkwardly inside while they make a few more comments to each other.
The man smiles at me on his way out and I return the smile. Once he has gone, Luke indicates the chair opposite him. I sit down and find it’s still warm from the previous occupant. Luke smiles at me.
“What can I do for you Louisa?” he asks.
You could swipe the desk clear, throw me on it and fuck me to within an inch of my life I think to myself.
“I wanted to talk to you about next week,” I say instead. Luke nods his head and waits for me to go on. “Rachel is back so obviously I won’t be doing her job anymore, and I wanted to ask you to give me a chance with something a bit more challenging. I will obviously do whatever you need me to do, and I will do so without complaint, but I feel like I’m letting myself down if I don’t at least ask for an opportunity to prove to you that I am good at what I do.”
Luke doesn’t answer me immediately, but he doesn’t look angry either so I guess it’s not as bad as it could be.
“You have shown that you will throw yourself into any task given to you, and I have no doubt that you are very capable,” Luke says finally. “I will think about it and let you know what you will be doing when I’ve decided what your next task will be.”
“Thank you,” I say.
I nod to Luke then I get up and leave his office. What he said to me wasn’t exactly the answer I had hoped for – an instant yes – but it was much better than what I had dreaded – an instant no. And it is still possible that Luke is going to trust me with something challenging. And I genuinely believe he will think about it, because he had no reason to lie to me. If he had already decided what I would be doing and it was something else menial and he wasn’t willing to at least consider changing his mind about it, I think he would have just said so. He doesn’t seem to be too worried about keeping me happy and I don’t think he’d start now.
I head back to my desk, upping my pace when the telephone starts to ring. As much as I have settled into this role, I won’t miss the sound of that damned telephone ringing every few seconds.