Story 31 #2
Possessing a pussy is a powerful tool – and for most of these women, the only thing they had going for themselves. No matter how putrid, hairy, or rotten it actually was. What is the old saying? To a ship caught in a storm, any port will do?
Why, if Steven saw the tagline, “MUST BE ABLE TO HOLD A SMART CONVERSATION!!! IMPRESS ME!!!” One more time… he didn’t know if he could stop his finger from deleting the app in one swift motion, or at least tossing his phone through the nearby bedroom window. For one, he didn’t want to chat. And for two, he knew he wasn’t capable of holding such a conversation.
“Another bitch with 5 kids??” He screamed. “And what does she want?? Can you believe this, Pat?! She wants a RICH MAN who will put HER kids first… Are these girls crazy?? Dude, nobody wants to be your sugardaddy! You’re fat and ugly! Disgusting ditchpig! Are they serious??”
Meanwhile, Patrick simply nodded with hardly any trace of emotion at all. Then, without peering up from his porn video, he commented in a dry tone, “You’d still fuck ‘em.”
“Well…” Steven paused for a moment, cocking his head to one side. “Duh!”
The two then shared in a hearty laugh. Boys will be boys…
“Then get on back to swiping,” Patrick offered. “Put that algorithm to work! Show them you’re fed up and about to quit! They can tell a rage-swiper from a desperate-swiper easy enough. Even if they are often the same…”
“Alright, alright…” Steven sighed, returning to his foolish swiping of these choice women. “Fat… Fat… Ugly and fat… 8 kids… Can’t drive… Divorced 5 times… Refuses to have sex… Doesn’t do hook-ups… Looking for a long-term simp… Advertising her porn page… An actual prostitute… Great! I’m definitely swiping on her!”
“That’s the spirit,” his friend intoned. “Now, I’m just going to turn this chair around… Don’t look around the sides or over the top.”
The evidently aroused Patrick then spun his chair around, unzipping his pants as he did so.
“Dude… What the fuck???” The disgusted Steven winced. “Are you seriously going to jerk-off with me here in the room?? You fucking putrid pile of shit!”
“Listen, haha,” Patrick defended himself. “It’s only gay if YOU try to look! Just go about your business over there and don’t bother me – oh, pass me that tissue box there, would ya?”
“Jesus Christ…” The disgruntled friend shivered, passing the box over to the perverted exhibitionist in his room.
At this point, apparently, the volume on Patrick’s phone had been turned up a bit… as the sounds of rotten sex and fake porn acting filled the room. To block out the off-putting event happening a mere few feet from him, Steven Stiffstaff set his mind to focusing on the joyful act of endless swiping.
More ditchpigs, more entitled fatties, more ‘poly’ women trying to get a 5th guy on her bang-roster. Though, to be fair, there was a good number of fine, pretty-looking women. However, they were usually fakes or those promoting some social media account of theirs.
During this time, there came some unsettling grunts and groans from Patrick, just as his chair began to shake with a sickening rhythm. Not due to the pace itself, but due to what it indicated to Steven. And, who wouldn’t be sickened by that?!
“Lame… Lame… Not bad… Lame… Gutter-girl…” Steven commented, still swiping. “…No.”
Suddenly, a twinkle of disbelief flashed into his eyes. Every muscle of his stood still, including his lungs. Not a breath to be taken.
“It can’t be… No…” He repeated, still unmoving. “Is this serious??”
The tone and speed of his voice rose with an ever-increasing intensity.
“Dude, look at this!”
“Kind of busy!” Patrick sighed uneasily. “Almost… So… Close…”
“No, dude, seriously! Look!” Steven insisted.
Without waiting for a response, he’d shoved his phone around the side of the moaning Patrick’s chair. Which, by the sound of his increased breathing, suggested his willy was very close to firing off a round of stickiness.
“Look!” Steven shouted, lowering it directly over the top of Patrick’s phone. However, Steven made sure to keep his own head turned away, just so he wouldn’t have to spot his friend’s erect penis. That would, after all, apparently make it gay.
“Wha-wha-wha-aaaaaaah!” Patrick released a shrill cry. One which started rather pleasantly in sound, but quickly turned into a horrific, terror-filled shriek by the end of its ringing.
Splat.
Some goopy substance hit against Steven’s wall with tremendous force. Now, while Steven would normally have found this sort of thing appalling, it appeared the current situation had overridden his base instinct.
“What the fuck, man?!” The flabbergasted Patrick sputtered. “You just made me get off to a picture of… MY MOM!?! Are YOU serious?! Why are you even looking at my mom??”
“Should I swipe on her?” Steven inquired.
“Uh… Uh… I guess, might as well,” Patrick answered, pulling his underwear back up.
The dramatic moment when Steven’s finger slid across the screen… Both knowing the chance of a match would absolutely be zero. It just had to be, didn’t it? That sort of thing didn’t happen in real life, did it? It only happened in low-end, badly-written, poorly-plotted and overly simplified smut books – but, wait… You’re in luck then!
“No way!” The guys said together, as the word MATCH filled the screen.
***
The giddy Steven slid down against the bathroom door, his back pressed heavily into the wood. He held it shut, hard and firm. One might have expected him to show some emotion or physical strain during this moment, but the relaxed lines on his face told a different story.
Click.
He locked the door, finally sitting on the floor. One hand held the phone, as the other reached into his pants. Now, there happened to be a wide smile growing on his face. And on the phone? Ms. Suckgood’s profile pictures with an open chat box. What a world!
However, despite the peacefulness of Steven and his present state a mind, there came a harsh, loud banging from the other side of the bathroom door.
“No!” Patrick yelled. “No, you little cunt! You are NOT going to message my mother!”
That was probably good advice, actually. Not much good could come from interacting with this best friend’s mom. Besides, it wasn’t uncommon for women to accidentally swipe right on a profile. Sometimes the fingers can slip or a mindless fidgeting might result in a yes, when in actuality, the girl held no real interest in the fellow.
Even so, with one hand taking hold of his throbbing excitement, and the other making strange, awkward attempts to flip through Ms. Suckgood’s profile… Steven somehow managed to pop open the chat box. This act, also, may not have been the brightest idea – especially when a youthful man is stroking his lovepole. Much like alcohol and driving usually don’t mix well… Neither does jerking off and texting women!
But, just like the drunks of the world, try telling them it’s a bad idea! You’ll be wasting your breath, ya little dummies. Drunks are gonna drunk, and hornies are gonna horn!
“Wow!” Steven sighed. “She looks so good here… Is that kind of picture even legal?!”
He was, of course, referring to the lingerie picture the MILF had plastered onto her profile. A skimpy little thing which left just enough to the imagination… A place Steven didn’t lack any experience, or desire, for that matter.
“Look at those goddamn tits! So perky! Your mom’s a total slut, dude!” Steven Stiffstaff groaned, his other occupied hand beginning to move faster.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
“I’ll break a hole right through this door, Steve! Unmatch with her, right now! Unmatch!” Came some muffled screams.
Judging by Steven’s face, unmatching did not seem to be a likely scenario. Not now, not ever. In fact, a much messier situation seemed to be the expected course of action.
So, with the young lad’s hand going to work, he continued on with the debauched muttering.
“So fucking sexy… God, what an ass!” He reminisced, remembering all the times he’d seen her dressed in scantily clad outfits. “I’d do such terrible things to you, Ms. Suckgood… God, yes! Yes! I’d bend you over… I’d stick this big thing down your gullet… I’d fuck your fine ass… I’d… I’d… Ahh, god, I’d… want to… I want to… I want…”
His voice trailed off, as the horny fellow’s eyes shut tightly. The lower hand moved more furiously than ever before. Working his stiff staff, as it were.
“Ahhh!” Steven groaned, releasing a tremendous load of satisfaction from his nether regions. The throbbing, pulsating thing shot forth gush after gush of much-needed relief.
“God… So, fucking hot…” He sighed.
“I heard that, you goddamn pervert! We’re through! We’re done… I’m going to kill you!!” Patrick hollered, still whacking on the door.
Steven, however, had ceased whacking himself. After a moment or two spent recomposing himself, his eyes popped open to find the phone still in his hand – the chat window open.
“Uh oh…” Steven gulped, his eyes glued to the screen.
I want to fuck your little whore holes!
Is what the message he’d typed and, evidently, sent during the heated self-pleasuring session read.
“Can I delete messages on here??” He called out, hoping Patrick might give him a solution through the door.
But, by being a DELUXE member, Steven was privileged to see when, or if, his messages were ever read. Just then, he saw Ms. Suckgood’s profile show as being online… and his comment as having been read.
That’s when he saw the icon indicating Ms. Suckgood was typing him a message.
“Fuck my life…” He collapsed.
There’s a lesson for you, men… Always clean out the pipes BEFORE messaging women – or making any important life decision for that matter… probably a few times, actually!
Regret… Shame.. Embarrassment…
All emotions one might use to describe the mental state of Steven Stiffstaff. Having just messaged his best friend’s mother that, he would, in fact, merrily enjoy fucking her whore holes… The young man wasn’t quite sure what to do next. So, he did what all worrisome people do… He turned his phone upside down!