Chapter 4. Juniper
Juniper
SONG OF THE DAY:
“Wrap Me Up” by Jhené Aiko
Some people do their praying in a church
a temple or a mosque
but I feel closest to god
whoever she is
when I’m outside in the elements
running on fresh snow
or hiking a new trail
or watching a campfire spark up a dance
into the dark.
You must get your outdoorsiness from Mama Alice,
Mom likes to tease, even though
she’s the one who carried me
and Mama Alice had to formally adopt me
after I was born.
But I don’t think she’s wrong.
Mama Alice and I might not share blood
or be the same race
but we speak the same language
when it comes to nature.
When I was a kid and it was summer
it was always the two of us
headed out on another
weekend trip to hike a new trail
kayak on Lake Michigan
sleep alfresco
overnight under the stars.
Mother Earth is the most profound muse,
Mama Alice always said
as we roasted our dinner of hot dogs and corn
over an open flame
the sun composing an opus of orange and purple
all over the sky.
You just have to look closely
and you’ll see
all the beauty she paints for us.
Since we’ve moved to Lansing
Mama Alice and I haven’t had time
to go on any of our “outdoor” adventures.
But at least Lansing has
great running trails
that I can sneak away to
when I’m craving some time with the elements.
Like now, it’s Saturday
early morning, and the Old Town trail
snakes in front of me
empty and still with fresh snow.
I pop in my EarPods
and start to jog.
The ice shimmers with sunlight
in the bare trees above
and save the sleepy squirrels
the geese flying in formation above
I am the only moving thing
for as far as my eyes can see.
I take a long, lovely inhale
as I increase my speed
my chest filling with air
savoring the delicious
crunch of snow
I feel under my shoes.
Running has always been a way for me
to be in the moment
to practice being one with my body and mind
to learn to be in rhythm with nature
and the earth beneath my feet
the insistent thump of my heart
drumming me forward.
Sure, I enjoy competing in cross-country meets
but runs like this
when I’m outside and on my own
and there’s no finish line ahead
are my church.
I can go for miles
my strength and endurance building
my eyes and ears
full of prayer songs.
When I run
I’m not confused about the future
or why the thought of college
makes me feel trapped.
When I run
I know that adventure is possible
that there is so much of this land
to see and smell and be in conversation with.
And I don’t know
how to tell my moms
I want to do something wild and wonderful
after I graduate to not go immediately
back into a classroom to sit
and listen to lectures take more tests.
I want to camp in as many national parks as I can.
See this country and learn from its
back roads, running trails
mountains, and rivers.
When I’m in nature
I delight
in what’s ahead
I am myself—
I am living.
As I hit mile four I start to loop back
toward where I entered the trail.
I add a little more speed
my gait is smooth
my muscles warm
my lungs heave with that good air
as Jhené Aiko’s lush voice
propels me closer to myself and my dreams.
The above sky so blue
it stings with god and possibility.
Eight miles done
I lean against my trusty Subaru Forester, aka Chloe
and drain my water bottle
my whole body aching
with exhausted joy.
As my breath starts to even out
my Apple Watch buzzes with a text.
Lyric: Hey, Juniper.
Thanks again for your help yesterday.
Pics are fire!
Will post on Monday, but here’s a sneak peek.
I can see that a few photos have come through
but I won’t be able to open them fully
until I’m home and have my actual phone.
But more importantly:
Lyric is texting me.
We have each other’s numbers
after exchanging them
under the tree last night.
In case I need your services again,
Lyric said all businesslike.
Thanks! How’s your day going?
I send a voice to text before I lose my nerve.
I’m out on a run. Really beautiful day.
Chill out, Juniper, I mumble
as I climb into Chloe
to warm the engine.
Lyric: Headed to work
so you know, fine I guess.
You’re on some other level
being out in this cold.
Me: It’s not that bad, once you warm up.
Where do you work?
I bite my lip.
I’m going to lose her any minute
but I want to know
just as many things as she will tell me
about her life.
Lyric: Aldi
on Saginaw.
I gotta go. Running late.
I’ll see you Monday
at school.
Me: No problem, I hope work isn’t too busy!
Lyric: It will be.
But I like it that way.
Time goes faster. Bye.
Me: Bye.
When I get home ten minutes later
I make a pot of coffee, eggs, and some toast.
Then I grab my phone
sit at our round dining room table
to look at the photos Lyric sent.
They didn’t just turn out great.
They are sexy as hell.
My cheeks flush just looking at the way
Lyric stares at me in one
my lips almost touching hers my eyes
looking deep into hers
like she’s the only thing that matters.
Wow! Mama Alice
whistles from behind me.
I slam my phone down. You scared me!
Sorry, darlin’. I did say good morning
you were just distracted.
And now I see why.
Y’all got some chemistry.
Mama Alice’s Southern accent
is always more pronounced in the morning
and fades throughout the day.
Please stop. I barely know her. She’s just a friend.
I say this way too fast.
Uh-huh. Mama Alice helps herself to a big mug of coffee.
That’s what I said about your mom when we first met
and look at us now. She winks at me.
I groan. Yes, I know.
You’ve only told me a million times.
Told you what? Mom enters the kitchen
yawning and stretching her arms overhead.
Are there eggs?
In the pan, I say. (Like me
Mom can’t start her day without some protein.)
Nothing, Mama Alice was just telling me
how you were friends before you dated.
Mom nods slowly as she fills her plate.
That’s right … the best of friends.
But unlike Mama Alice, she says this
like she’s pulling the memory
from somewhere hidden, somewhere
forgotten.
As if everything that’s happened
—the bad and the good—
has made it harder to see.
Morning, love, Mama Alice says
as Mom sits down with us at the table.
Good morning, Mom says
giving Mama Alice a smile.
Well it won’t be if I don’t
get a kiss!
I watch as Mom rolls her eyes
and gives Mama Alice
a small peck on the cheek.
It’s not like the kisses or embraces
they used to share
but it’s an improvement.
Anyway, Mama Alice starts,
Junie has a new friend.
The one from last night?
Uh-huh, I say, taking a big sip of coffee.
She seemed very nice.
How did those photos turn out?
Oh, Mara, you have to see them.
So stinkin’ cute. Junie, show your mom—
Before Mama Alice gets any further
I’m up from the table
and putting my dish in the sink.
Gotta shower! I say.
And you both need to get dressed.
We’re picking out a tree today
remember?
How could we forget! Mom says.
You’ve only been talking about it
since the day after Thanksgiving.
’Tis the season! I say
heading down the hallway to my room.
I close the door
on their laughter
and smile.
I’m glad they’re back to being silly
with one another again.
Makes me feel better about my plans
to take a gap year.
Maybe telling them
won’t be so bad after all.
I’ll go have my grand adventure
and when I come back
they will be here.
No matter what
we always come back
to one another.