Chapter 18. Juniper
Juniper
SONG OF THE DAY:
“My Favorite Things” by the Supremes
When I step into the living room
in a cream button-down
gold oversized blazer
cropped black dress pants
and wingtips with a gold accent
I’m feeling myself.
I do a twirl for Mom and Mama Alice
who are waiting for me with their phones
ready to document the occasion.
Well, aren’t you just as pretty
as a picture—Mama Alice beams
two thick, messy blond braids
framing her perpetually rosy cheeks.
Mom walks up to me
and straightens my collar.
She’s got bags under her eyes
but her face is lit up like a paper lantern
soft and full of emotion.
Wow, just wow, Junie. You look
so grown-up and beautiful.
Thanks,
I say, flushing
savoring this moment
another family milestone
our unit still intact.
Hold it right there, you two!
I hear Mama Alice snap
a bunch of photos of us with her phone
and then she sets a timer
and runs in to join me and Mom
for a family shot.
The doorbell rings
a few seconds later
and instantly my heart rate spikes.
Mama Alice squeals and answers the door
before I even have a chance
to do it myself.
Maybe it’s better she does though
because I am wholly unprepared
for the vision that is Lyric
when she steps into the room.
She’s radiant
a cream faux fur shawl thing
perched on bare shoulders
her skin glittering with
some kind of bronzy lotion
and the jumpsuit—the hair
the flowers framing
her eyes her mouth
her lips
a blotted berry red.
I watched her GRWM
as soon as it was posted
but the completed look
standing here in front of me
does not compare
cannot compare.
Close your mouth, honey,
Mom whispers, nudging me forward.
My feet feel like boats
as I glide toward Lyric
trying to assemble
any kind of language
in my brain.
Lyric beats me to it.
Wow—you look—
That blazer—
You look really really
nice, Juniper.
There is a small tremor
in her voice
like she too is undone
by what she sees.
You as well,
I get out finally.
You look
great.
I want to say: Beautiful.
You look so beautiful.
But “great” is safer
is what friends say.
Well, come all the way on in, dear,
Mama Alice says to Lyric.
Let’s get some pictures of you two
real quick I know you’ve got
dinner reservations
and plus, your friends are waiting.
I motion for Lyric to follow me.
Then we stand awkwardly
as Mom and Mama Alice fuss
and tell us to scoot closer.
We do, get closer
but I don’t put my hand
around her waist like I want to.
Instead, we kind of lean into one
another hands at our sides
as Mom snaps away.
OK, OK. That’s enough!
I say. We have to go. Bye, Moms!
Lyric and I step out
into the clear, cold air.
There’s an almost-full moon
beaming down on us as we
jump into the back seat of Kiana’s car
and ride away into the night.
Dinner at Red Lobster is low-key but enjoyable.
Lyric sits next to me in the booth
Holden and Kiana across from us
her bare shoulder pressing lightly
against mine her laughter easy and full
as we all chat and try to guess
what messiness will unfold tonight
among our peers.
By the time we pay the bill
we are already forty-five minutes late
to the dance.
Good, Lyric says brightly. We can make
a fashionably late entrance!
Then she surprises me
by tucking her arm
under mine as we walk to the car.
Even more surprising
is when she lets me
open the door for her.
Thank you, my good lady!
she teases, curtsying as she climbs in.
You’re most welcome, Your Highness,
I say with a wink and a low bow
before climbing into the back seat
after her.
Are y’all going to do this all night?
Kiana grimaces from the driver’s seat.
Because if so
you can find a new ride home.
Come on Ki! Lyric laughs.
You’re the one who told me to loosen up
have some fun chill out.
So just drive, woman!
The ball awaits!
Ten minutes later
we burst into Lansing High’s gym
which has been utterly transformed:
gold streamers hang from the ceiling
red and green balloons are strewn everywhere
disco balls hang from the rafters
flashing shimmery light all around
Beyoncé’s “Ya Ya” plays loudly
the dance floor already packed.
This is epic! Holden exclaims
looking around, slightly blurry-eyed.
We all took a few pulls
of some truly awful vodka
from his flask in the parking lot.
I did not know your school
had it like this, Kiana.
Yeah, same, I say
the booze making me
feel all giddy and free.
This is really impressive.
Not bad,
Lyric says, assessing the room.
I still think the theme
makes no sense
but I’ll give the planning committee
an A for effort and execution.
Why are we still standing here?
Kiana blurts, grabbing Holden’s hand.
Let’s go dance. I love this song.
Holden follows Kiana
into the vibrating crowd
as a Megan Thee Stallion track
starts to play.
Emboldened by the vodka
and the ease of tonight
I turn to Lyric hand outstretched.
Wanna dance?
I—
Just as friends, of course,
I add awkwardly.
You liar, my head hisses.
Of course. Lyric laughs.
I know the deal.
Sure, why not. But first, I need to pee.
Wait here? I’ll be back in a min.
I’ll be here, I say with a nod
as Lyric beelines for the locker rooms.
As the dance floor throbs with rhythm
I make my way over to a table
stacked with sweet treats and punch.
I grab a brownie and take a huge bite
the gooey chocolate oozing
out the side of my mouth.
Is that Juniper I see before my eyes?
a voice behind me says.
I whirl around to find Jamison
and a brown girl
with a cute black bob
grinning at me.
Oh, hey. Hi!
I say, quickly wiping my lips
with a napkin.
Damn, Jamison whistles
stepping back to take me in.
You ate with this fit, Juniper!
That blazer is fire.
I mock shyness. Oh, stop it.
You’re too kind.
You both look great too.
Oh my bad. This is my girlfriend, Mya,
Jamison says, pulling Mya close.
She goes to East Catholic.
Mya—this is Juniper.
We run together sometimes.
Hey, Mya says.
Nice to meet you!
I’ve heard a lot about you and
wait—is Lyric here too?
She’s your date, right?
Um, kinda. We’re really just here as friends—
I say, giving Jamison
a side glance.
She’s here, just ran
to the bathroom.
Jamison clears his throat.
Yeah, babe,
remember I told you?
Lyric’s got Juniper
caught up in some
fake-dating scheme
to get more followers
on BeautyStarz or something.
Mya nods knowingly.
Right—that’s it.
You two are dating for the clicks.
An interesting arrangement.
I square my shoulders
and try to make my stance
as neutral as possible.
Yeah, I mean, she didn’t coerce me
or anything like that—I start.
I am a willing participant.
Plus, we’re both benefiting
financially, I add quickly.
So, it’s working for now.
Jamison snorts.
Yeah, right.
Just give it a couple more weeks
until she ghosts you.
Then come talk to me, bro.
Jami—Mya scolds
nudging him in the side.
Just leave it alone.
It’s none of our business.
Yeah, man—
I begin, but before I can finish
Lyric busts into our little circle.
Jami? Who the fuck is Jami?
she says, eyes ablaze.
Last time I checked
his name is Jamison.
And you’re right
what Juniper and I do
is none of your concern.
Just stay out of my life, Jamison.
You don’t know everything about me.
Then Lyric grabs my hand
and bulldozes us away
through the mess of gyrating bodies
past the ticket table
and out into
the dimly lit hallways of Lansing High.
Lyric has been
relaxed
and unguarded all night.
But now
she’s got the same
stance the same
closed-off fury
in her face that she had
at the ice-skating rink.
She lets go of my hand
finally
and then to my horror
stomps over to a nearby locker
and punches it hard.
Hey, hey! Stop!
I yell.
You’re going to hurt yourself.
Good.
Lyric exhales
beginning to pace.
I move closer to her
hoping she’ll remember
to breathe.
My mind is trying to catch up
with everything happening.
Lyric—
I try, grabbing her elbow softly.
I just need a minute,
she says, pulling away.
Sorry. I just overheard Jamison
talking shit about me and
I know I’m not perfect.
But he doesn’t need to drag our stuff
into this you know?
Lyric gestures between
the two of us then.
Our … friendship?
I try.
Yeah, that and our deal—
Lyric continues.
I mean he knows this isn’t just
about followers or clicks.
He knows I have to work for
everything I have.
I don’t ghost people
or quit.
I just don’t always have capacity
for it all.
But I’m trying my fucking hardest
to keep my head above water
and I don’t need his judgment!
I’m quiet.
We’re in this together
OK?
I offer, after a beat.
Now, how is your hand?
Lyric looks down at her knuckles.
Yeah, I’m going to regret that tomorrow.
Do you want to find an ice pack?
Lyric shakes her head.
I’m OK.
You know what sucks, though?
What?
I was actually having fun tonight
with you and Ki and Holden.
Well, the night’s not over yet,
I say. Let’s reclaim it!
How? Lyric looks at me then
and I can tell
she’s fighting back tears.
If you can’t tell, I’m kinda a disaster,
she whispers.
I shake my head. No you’re not.
Your anger doesn’t scare me.
Then I take her hand firmly.
Let’s dance.
Lyric doesn’t pull away
so I lead us back
toward the booming music.
Alright, Lansing High,
the DJ says
as if on cue.
It’s time for a slow one.
A SZA song comes on
and instantly the crowd mellows
as people pair off
or move to the sides to take a break.
I spot Holden and Kiana
and navigate over
to a space next to them.
There you are! FINALLY!
Kiana shouts at us.
Lyric waves limply at her
and then
looks down
at our intertwined hands.
I keep as still
and as confident as I can.
Come on—I say, squeezing her hand.
It’ll just be a friendly slow dance
between
fake internet girlfriends.
Totally normal.
Then
before I can stop myself
I wink at her.
Omg, why, Juniper?!
my head screams.
But Lyric doesn’t laugh
or call me out.
Instead, she takes a deep
full breath
in and out.
Yeah—why not.
Before she can change her mind
I make my move.
May I? I ask
hovering my hands over her hips.
You may. She nods.
I get closer.
Lyric puts her hands
around my shoulders.
Our cheeks touch
just barely.
You’re good, I whisper
as we sway.
Lyric doesn’t answer
only moves a little closer
so that I can feel her heart
thudding against my chest.
I can smell the oil in her hair—
sweet like amber and oak—
and I can feel her breath
on my cheek
her hands at the back of my neck
like a song only I
can hear.
I don’t hate this, you know,
she says
after a while.
What?
Dancing
with you.
It’s calming.
I smile.
Yeah.
I let our slow steps and gliding say what I can’t:
You deserve this.
You are safe.
We could
do this
for real. If you just trust me.
We are so lost in the moment
it takes me a while to register
that the song has changed
that Lyric is still in my arms
even though
the Supremes version of
“My Favorite Things”
blares over the gym sound system.
We are still holding one another
dancing to
a quintessential Christmas track
and everything is right.
Hold that right there, you two!
The flash from Kiana’s phone
is like a crack of lightning
to my senses.
Got it! This is the one to post, Lyric.
Trust.
You two look perfect.
Lyric pulls away
and I’m met
with a rush of cool air.
I get final approval.
Her voice is all business again
as she thumbs through the shots.
Yep! These will work.
Nice eye, Kiana.
I try not to be disappointed
as Lyric and Kiana
hurry off to a nearby bench
to think of a caption.
The moment
lost
but my heart
still drumming
still open.