Chapter 20. Juniper
Juniper
SONG OF THE DAY:
“I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm” by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
When I get home from my run
I shower and let the steam
circle in and out of my lungs
the scent from my peppermint soap
hovering in the thick air.
I try to focus on
the evening ahead.
Seeing Lyric at work
getting invited
to a movie night
has me faintly nauseated
my stomach flipping
as if full of dolphins
joyously riding waves.
What I hadn’t been able to tell Lyric
over coffee
is how quiet
my house has gotten
again.
Other than the afternoon
I got my Michigan State acceptance
when I found Mama Alice and Mom
dancing along to Etta
there’s been a creeping chill
of disconnection
that I can’t unfeel in our house.
I’m trying not to be too worried.
Sometimes this happens:
Mama Alice is an introvert
and Mom is a true extrovert.
When stressed
they have opposite ways of coping:
Mama Alice retreats into her art studio
and Mom gets extra social
saying yes to plans
additional meetings on campus.
I know they like their independence
but when I emerge from my room
all fresh and clean
and head into the living room and kitchen
I find Mama Alice on the couch
alone again
pulling up a show on the TV.
Hey, Junie, Mama Alice says.
She’s still in her overalls splattered with paint
her blond hair on top of her head
in a messy bun
a Slim Jim sticking out of her mouth
as she chews on it slowly.
Hi, Mama, I say, beelining for the pantry
to load up my bag
with movie snacks.
Where are you rushing to, love?
Um—I’m going over to Lyric’s.
For a movie night—don’t want to show up
empty-handed.
That sounds nice. Mama Alice nods
studying me closely
from her perch on the couch.
And how is your
social media partnership going?
I scratch a sudden itch
just below my hairline.
I don’t want to tell Mama Alice
that things have gotten
complicated—at least for me.
How maybe
I’m in a little
over my head.
It’s good, I lie.
We’re making money for sure.
So, that’s great
but tonight’s just a friend hang.
I’m glad to hear it.
And that extra cash won’t hurt
when you’re at college next fall.
I’m proud of you for saving up, Junie.
Shows maturity.
I swallow hard and nod.
Anyway—I’ll be home later.
If that’s cool? I add.
Fine by me. I think your mom’s
out again tonight
taking some job candidates to dinner,
Mama Alice starts.
Plus, I’ve got a date with L Word: Gen Q.
I cannot believe Shane is still doing
the same dirt she used to do
back in the original series—
I know, Mama, I say, trying not to roll my eyes.
Why do you even watch that show?
The acting is terrible.
Now, Junie.
You know I know that
but the acting is not the point.
I watch for the culture—
back in my day
we didn’t have all these TV shows
with queer or nonbinary characters.
In college, I had to jam into a tiny apartment
with every queer on campus
so I could watch a new episode
each week.
Showtime was expensive as hell
so we all chipped in and it was like
a whole family night event.
Oh, the drama! It was amazing. I sure do miss that.
I nod, because I know she does.
I also know that she stopped waiting for Mom
to watch the new episodes of Gen Q
because Mom was too busy.
What used to be their TV time together
had somehow turned into Mama’s solo TV time.
I feel a stab of guilt
that I’m not going to be home to join her.
Now don’t worry about me.
Mama Alice seems to read my mind.
I’m fine. You have fun with Lyric.
In fact
you should ask her what she’s doing
on Christmas Eve!
She’s more than welcome to spend it
with us if she doesn’t have plans.
Really? I don’t know.
That might be—I don’t know. Too much?
Well, just feel it out. But she’s welcome.
Anytime.
OK, I say, smiling. I’ll see.
I try not to be early
to Lyric’s
but I fail
and walk up the apartment steps
five minutes before seven.
I hate being late.
I hit the buzzer
and a few seconds later
she throws open the door.
Immediately, I’m hit
with the fresh scent of body wash and lotion.
I notice
that instead of the amazing blue lip she had on earlier
Lyric’s face is dewy clean
slightly flushed, her lips
pink and plump with just a little gloss on them.
Sorry—I can wait if you still need—
I blurt out.
No, no. Come in.
I just got out of the shower
and, uh, yeah, I was trying
to just clean up a little bit.
Grammy! Juniper is here,
she yells over her shoulder then.
Oh, I don’t care about mess,
I say, stepping inside.
Yeah, but I do.
Grammy Viv
taught me to never
have company over
with dishes still in the sink.
I smile and shrug, looking around.
So, this is your place?
It feels like it.
What does that mean?
I mean, it’s nice.
Cozy, organized, colorful.
Thanks,
Lyric says.
My room’s a little makeshift
with the screens and all
but we make it work.
Well, are y’all coming
in here or what?!
Ms. Viv calls at us from the bedroom.
I laugh
following Lyric
through the apartment.
Ms. Viv is propped up
in an armchair next to a full bed
wearing a floral sweat-suit set.
She smiles at us when we enter.
Hello, Ms. Viv,
I say.
Look at you
all cute and cozy!
Nice to see you again.
Oh hush, Juniper
your flattery is wasted on me.
But it’s good to see you again too.
I like you so much better than that
lil light-skinned model boy
Lyric was running around with.
I choke on a laugh.
You mean Jamison?
Here we go! Lyric says
throwing up her hands
in mock annoyance.
You never even spent time with him!
Sure didn’t, Ms. Viv confirms,
but that’s because
you never brought him around.
Just let him honk his horn
at you from outside
and you’d run down there
like it was nothing.
I’m not saying I needed to be
all up in your business
but if he was important to you
I would have liked to meet him.
Well, Lyric coughs awkwardly.
He’s not important, Grammy.
OK, then, Ms. Viv says.
All I’m trying to say is
it’s nice to have you here, Juniper.
Lyric needs some fun
and good people
in her life.
Now—what’s that you got there
in that bag?
Oh! I say, setting down the snacks.
I brought some movie night
supplies: extra butter popcorn
Peanut M&M’s, and Twizzlers!
You can put all those sweets
right over here next to me,
Grammy says, making room
on her side table.
Um, no,
Lyric says, laughing.
We will be sharing
the candy, Grammy.
I’m going to heat up this popcorn.
You two can pick the movie.
We fall into an easy rhythm.
Ms. Viv and I scroll through options on Hulu
and pick a dark, twisted movie on Lifetime
where a contractor-turned-stalker
starts living in the walls
of a woman’s house.
Lyric brings in a huge bowl of popcorn
and we settle in on Ms. Viv’s bed
to watch.
Get ready for the Grammy Viv
movie experience,
Lyric whispers to me
as she pushes play.
I soon learn
that Ms. Viv
likes to provide
ongoing commentary
scene by scene.
We watch
and I’m not sure what’s better
the truly unhinged plot
the relaxed and natural state Lyric
seems to be in by my side
or Ms. Viv yelling at the TV:
HE’S IN YOUR WALLS GIRL!
RUN!!!!
and then:
TAKE HIS ASS OUT, GIRL!
YOU BETTA USE THAT NAIL GUN. I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT.
By the end of the movie
we are all rolling with laughter
whooping and hollering
as the leading lady
shoots her stalker to death with a nail gun
and shoves his body
behind the same drywalls he was spying from.
I’m beat,
Ms. Viv says
after we calm down.
That was a wild ride.
I gotta take myself to bed now.
OK, Grammy,
Lyric says
jumping into action.
Let’s get you ready.
Then to me: You can stay if you want.
I just need a few minutes—
to get her settled.
Oh, yeah, no problem.
I stand up
start collecting the
popcorn bowl
and candy wrappers.
I’ll just clean these up
give you some privacy.
Take your time.
Good night, Ms. Viv.
Thanks for all the laughs,
I say as I walk out.
Night, night, Juniper.
Don’t be a stranger now,
she responds.
I head into the kitchen
to wash the bowl.
I pull out my phone
press play on a classic Ella and Louis track
and hum along softly
as I fill the sink with soap.
As I lay the last bowl out to dry
Lyric shuts the door
to Ms. Viv’s room
and joins me in the kitchen.
Who is singing?
Lyric asks
leaning against the counter
across from me.
Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.
Two of the jazz greats.
You’ve never heard of them?
Lyric shrugs and starts to sway a bit.
Grammy probably knows them
but no, I don’t think I’ve heard this song.
It’s refreshing.
If I have to hear “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”
one more time
I’m gonna light something on fire.
Whoa, now.
Please do not commit arson
over one of the worst
most rapey Christmas songs ever.
I beg you. It’s not worth it.
No promises, Lyric says
smiling and beginning to
tap her foot along with the song.
I don’t even think
about what I do next
I just take her hands in mine.
What—she begins.
Will you just trust me?
I say slowly.
We lock eyes
and she doesn’t move away
so I pull her in close
like at the dance last week.
Then right there in the kitchen
we do a little two-step
moving our hips
along to Ella and Louis singing
about winter and snow
and love keeping them warm.
Lyric is relaxed in my arms
and she smells like home.
I close my eyes
let the music take over
let my body melt
into the moment.
Juniper?
Lyric says as the song ends.
Uh-huh,
I say, pulling away slowly
letting the space filter back in between us.
Thank you for coming over tonight.
Grammy had a lot of fun.
And so did I.
Thanks for not being weird
about her being in my life.
Never,
I say.
You and she are a team.
I know that.
I had fun
but I needed this too.
You did?
Yeah, things at my house are, uh
well, let’s just say strained.
Still haven’t told them?
Nope. And also, they’ve just been kinda off—
they’ve had some marital issues in the past and I thought
it was getting better, but I don’t know.
I’m probably just being paranoid.
That’s hard. I’m sorry.
But I know you’ll find the right time to tell them.
Yeah.
I nod
and then because
I don’t know what else to say
I pull Lyric back into my arms.
We sway along to one more track
no cameras or eyes on us.
Just the two of us
creating a whole new story
with our movement.