Chapter 28. Juniper
Juniper
SONG OF THE DAY:
“Hard Candy Christmas” by Dolly Parton
The amount of times
I’ve almost texted Lyric
to apologize
over the last few days
is, well embarrassing.
Equally embarrassing is
how many of those times
were from the cave of my room
where I’ve spent most of my time
wallowing trying to sort out
how to begin again.
My eyes are bloodshot
my hair
a flat mess
after being under my slap cap for days.
I need a shape-up in a bad way.
Finally, on the morning of the thirtieth
Mom busts into my room, unannounced.
Get up, Junie, she says, pulling open my curtains.
Ah, it’s too bright!
I yell, rolling into my covers tighter.
Get up, Junie.
Mom’s voice is calm
but firm.
It’s time. You can be mad
at me and Mama
but this pity party
has to stop.
I’m fine,
I say from under my covers.
Just let me sleep in a little more.
Nope. Get your ass up,
Mom says, ripping off my covers.
I’m taking you to the barber.
You never take me,
I say. I can drive myself.
Well, I am today.
Let’s go.
Fine,
I groan.
Let me get ready.
You’ve got five minutes,
Mom says, then we’re leaving.
Somehow, I make it up
and out of the house.
My barber, Ahmed, is waiting for me
when Mom and I rush in.
I slide into his chair still half asleep
as Mom hangs in the waiting area
reading her Kindle.
The usual? Ahmed says.
Yep, just a shape-up, I confirm.
You got big New Year’s Eve plans?
A date?
I laugh.
That I do not. Single as a Pringle.
Not even a party?
You should find a party to go to.
Have some fun.
I shrug. Maybe.
Just as Ahmed is finishing up
the door jingles
and in walks Jamison
of all people.
We haven’t really spoken
or texted since Winter Formal.
I’ve been keeping my distance
because of Lyric
and their history.
I’m so not in the mood
for any kind of confrontation.
Juniper, hey!
he greets me
sliding into the chair
next to mine.
Hey, I didn’t know
you came here.
My whole life.
Jamison nods.
Hey, uh—I wanted to apologize.
Been meaning to text.
I raise my eyebrow.
OK?
I’m really sorry for the way I acted
at the dance
what I said about Lyric
not being serious about anything.
I was just in my feelings holding a grudge.
It actually started a big fight with Mya
later that night.
She thought I still had feelings
for Lyric.
We’re good now, but yeah
I almost lost her too.
Do you?
Still have feelings for Lyric?
I ask before I lose my nerve.
Jamison pauses.
I think I will always care about Lyric,
he starts, but no, I’m not in love with her
anymore.
I just—I wish I could have
made her as happy as you do.
We were just never gonna work, you know?
Too much toxic stuff.
I nod before totally registering
this confession.
Wait—I begin.
What do you mean
the way I make her happy?
Are you serious? Jamison scoffs.
I saw you two during that slow dance.
And before that, at school.
You make her nervous and giddy.
She gets all tongue-tied around you.
Nobody rattles Lyric Watkins like that.
I don’t know—
I don’t think she feels that way
about me anymore.
Jamison shrugs.
I’ll stay out of it.
But I hope you two work it out.
Jamison concedes,
Lyric’s tough on the folks she loves sometimes
but she’s good people.
Look, if you want to run a trail again
sometime in the new year
hit me up, Jamison continues.
Maybe,
I say. And, uh—you should apologize
to Lyric too. I think it will help.
I know. I’m working on it.
Jamison sighs.
Just trying to figure out
the right words …
What you just said to me
was pretty good.
I wave bye then
following Mom out to the car.
Mom starts the engine
and pulls out toward home.
She hums along
to a Beyoncé track for a few moments
and then abruptly turns it off and says:
You’re being an asshole.
Excuse me?! You can’t just say
that to me.
I can and I will.
Because I too have asshole tendencies.
I love you but
it takes one to know one.
I’m speechless.
The good news is, Mom continues,
asshole behavior can be changed
if you want.
So, please, Junie, don’t let me and Mama
be the reason you never go after love.
Jamison is not the only one
who needs to apologize to Lyric.
I know you two think you’re being all business savvy
dating for clicks on BeautyStarz
and pretending you’re just friends
but anyone with two eyes and a heart
can see you have a deeper connection.
How do you even know—
you’ve barely seen us together?!
I scoff.
I’ve seen enough
and I have a BeautyStarz account.
I’ve been following Lyric
ever since you two
had your little meet-cute at the tree,
Mom says.
She has some really great tips
especially for us melanated folks.
I love her content.
Jamison said the same thing about our chemistry,
I mumble.
Something about the way
I make her giddy and nervous.
Oh, I heard.
And I agree
You love each other.
Mom nods emphatically.
Look, I don’t know what happened
between you and Lyric on Christmas morning
but the way she came back
from your walk
and rushed out of our house
as if she’d been banished
was not the action of someone who
“doesn’t care.”
From the hurt on her face
I know she deeply cared.
Mom barrels on.
So, whatever it was, fix it, Junie.
Apologize, and if you’re lucky
she might give you another chance.
And if not—
at least you did
everything in your power
to try and make things right.
But how?
I whisper.
Mom’s words hit hard
like a slap of sleet
across my bare cheeks.
Well, number one.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
and have some accountability.
Take control of your life, Junie.
Make a decision about what you want
and then go after it.
After all, as you told me and Mama
you’re almost eighteen
legally grown
so, you can do what you want.
Anyway, that’s just my two cents, Junie—
you don’t have to listen to me.
But just to refresh your memory
I too have experience
fucking things up
and having to start all over again.
I’d say it’s always worth trying
to make it right.
With that, Mom pulls into our driveway
and leaves me in the car sitting with myself
and my big feelings.
Early the next morning—
after scrolling the internet
for internships and jobs for next year
after Mama and Mom
had gone to bed
and the three a.m. moon had glown
over the cold sparkling landscape—
Dolly crooning softly over my speakers
I clip an old desk light
onto my desk
where I’ve stacked several books
and placed a mug on top of them
to help balance my phone.
It’s a bootleg setup compared to Lyric’s
but it will work.
I check my teeth
and straighten the one clean shirt
I found in my closet
and take a deep breath.
You can do this.
I log in to BeautyStarz, navigate to my
empty home page
glancing at the thousands of followers
I’ve gained since being tagged
in all of Lyric’s content.
This will be my first post ever, so I hope
I do it right.
I turn off the music
center myself in the camera
then I hit:
Start live.