Chapter Forty-Nine #2
I could collapse. The last three weeks have taken years off my life.
He cocks a light brow at me, and I rub my eyes.
“For you to be… normal,” I plead. “I want a normal fucking life, and I can’t have it! You ruined that for me, because you ruin everything!”
He looks taken aback for a moment, swallowing, his entire body stiff where he’s just kneeling in the dirt, gawking up at me like I’m an alien.
“You don’t want normal, baby bird,” he finally rumbles. “You’re not made for that… Cookie cutter shit. Working for a paycheck, marrying and babies… a white picket fucking fence?? That’s not you. That’s not us…”
My eyes feel abnormally round all of a sudden.
Us…?
I loathe how hopefully my heart still leaps when he says just that one stupid word.
“I thought there was no… us,” I croak.
“Of course there is,” he whispers. But then he clears his throat. “But it doesn’t end with happily ever after, mi amor…”
“So then… what??” I hiss. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Kill me,” he pleads. “Kill me, pajarito…”
The fear shining up at me in his coal irises is destroying me. He doesn’t want me to kill him. But he’s convinced himself it’s the only way…
“Or?” I sniffle.
“No or,” he grunts. “There’s only one way this ends… Sangre por sangre, pajarito.”
“I don’t accept that,” I bark. “There has to be another way… I want another way out.” He huffs, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes.
“Killing you doesn’t fucking fix anything, Diablo!
It doesn’t… Blood for blood is an excuse!
A way to unleash the pain and rage of the past without accepting blame. But it’s not real…”
My mind slips back, to the Tomb in Alabaster Pen, when I spoke to Trevel through the door.
“The best revenge is living a happy, healthy life…”
“The best revenge is not needing it anymore,” I mumble. “I think we all know healthy isn’t what this is,” I motion between us.
Ivory blinks up at me, and I fall to my knees before him.
His eyes widen, that nervous fluttering vulnerability we know he possesses, but refuses to stop ripping away any time it comes up to the surface. That look on his face is familiar.
Like earlier, I recognize it. And now I remember from where…
Nearly twenty years ago, peering down at me… The man in white, splattered with my parents’ blood. He looked at me then, just like this.
That’s Manuel Blanco.
“And I’m anything but happy right now, Diablo…”
He swallows. “I know… and I told you—”
“But it’s because you won’t allow it.” I cover his mouth with my palm. “You’re happy with me, and you can’t say you’re not. Nobody would believe that shit…”
I give him an expectant look until he eventually concedes and nods stubbornly.
“And I’ve definitely felt happiness with you, when you’re not driving me absolutely insane,” I murmur, removing my hand from his mouth.
“But what about—”
Rolling my eyes, I slap my hand back over his lips. “Dios mio, you’re fucking insufferable, Diablo! Jesus, enough already!” He glares at me, but I can see the tiniest flicker of amusement in his eyes.
Elation for the fighting he loves, and how I’m clearly not afraid of him.
He craves someone to put him in his place. Someone to obey him when he needs it… And also to fuck him into submission when he’s being a world-class fucking nightmare, which is most of the time.
“Revenge is never a straight line,” I speak softly, but with enough bite to get my point across. “It’s a forest. And like a forest, it’s easy to lose your way. To get lost… To forget where you came in.”
He tilts his head, and I can feel the smirk beneath my palm.
“Hattori Hanzo. Kill Bill Volume 1,” I explain with a grin.
He actually chuckles, and I pull my hand away for the second time, warning him with my eyes not to act up. He bites his lip.
“I don’t want to be your prisoner, or your pet, or your killer, Manuel Blanco,” I tell him.
One last chance…
“Then what do you want, little bird?” He whispers.
“I want to fly… with you.” I rest my hands on his chest.
The Ivory is scared. He looks every bit as terrified as I’ve seen him up to this point, in those brief flashes of vulnerability. But it’s at the forefront right now.
Fear and exhaustion. Like his admission earlier, he’s being crushed by the weight of this empire he swears up and down is what he lives for.
But maybe he just needs… something else to live for.
Some good to balance out the evil.
“I… want that too,” he admits, on such a nervous breath I barely heard it.
But as soon as he says the words, he groans and drops his forehead onto my shoulder.
“Heavy hangs the head, Diablo.” I rub his shoulders. “You’ve already surrendered… You’ve given up this island.”
His face lifts, our eyes locking. There’s thrill in them.
Unbridled joy for the toppling of this empire.
He swallows and looks around briefly.
“Does that… excite you?” I snort, puzzled.
His lips part like he wants to protest. I just gaze at him, pleading and commanding together until he sighs, “Yes.”
A small smile tugs at his lips, and I have to chuckle.
“Fuck, yea… God damn, that feels so good,” he breathes.
Then he lunges at me.
He tackles me to the ground, hugging onto me, kissing my face all over while I squeal.
“Fuck this fucking island,” he rasps. “Fuck that shithole prison… Fuck the Russo’s… God, fuck the Russo’s so hard.” He chuckles, then lifts his face. “I mean… may Antonio rest.”
He pulls an obviously fake pout that I just have to swipe my thumb over.
“The war is over, Diablo,” I hum, grinning. “You lost. Suck it up and move on.”
Manuel is trying hard to scowl over his obvious glee. And yes, he is more Manuel than I’ve ever seen him, right here and now. Giving up a pretty hefty chunk of his control.
But it was by far the heaviest piece.
“I’m still evil, pajarito.” His fingertips trace my jaw. “That won’t change. I’m still El Jefe…”
“If you say so, Jefe,” I tease.
“But I’m done being the Warden,” he says with sincerity. “It hasn’t been fun for a long damn time…”
I nod. “I know.”
“I gladly give this up… and fly free with you, my Angel,” he whispers. “If you’ll have me.”
“Dios, that sounds like a fucking nightmare,” I groan, only partially teasing.
But he grins, growling and dropping his mouth to brush mine. “Can I tell you the truth now?”
“Please do…”
“I love you, Angel Alvarez,” he breathes the words onto my quivering lips, and I’m just… weightless.
It’s scary. He’s just such a stark raving asshole, hot and cold, possessive and jealous and mentally fucking unhinged. But I’ve been attracted to it for most of my life. I can’t help it… I’m broken because he broke me.
But he also put me back together.
More importantly, he’s one of a kind. There’s a sweet, cherishing, doting side to The Ivory that nobody really sees… except me.
That’s the man I was always afraid to hope for.
I guess I got him. All it took was for his Alabaster kingdom to crumble.
“I love you,” he says again, trying out the words, like something delicious he always told himself he wouldn’t like. And how he’s addicted.
“I knew it,” I chuckle into his soft kisses.
“Is this really what you want?” He holds my face and my neck, pulling back to shine that perfectly innocent new love down at me. “You know historically I have a reputation for not knowing a damn thing about how to love someone…”
“Yea. That’s true,” I sigh. “But the difference is that I love you too. And not only do I know how to handle your loco side…”
“That’s both sides,” he snickers.
“Even better,” I hum. “But also… I know how to love you. Because honestly… I think I’ve been doing it for longer than I’ve been hating you.”
He’s pursing down an enchanted smirk that’s way too adorable to be coming from someone like him. “Have you now…?”
“Unfortunately,” I grin. “They weren’t kidding. That line between love and hate really is thin as fuck.”
He laughs again. I want to keep it…
Him, just like this. Forever.
“Do you still… hate me, pajarito?” He beams, holding my eyes with the same fierce, treasuring need that he holds the rest of me.
My body, my heart, my soul… All of it.
It all belongs to this devilish man.
“I can’t,” I whisper.
“Do you love me… Angel?” He blinks down at me.
And I nod. “Si… Tienes mi corazón, Diablo.”
“Yo también,” he whispers. “Eres mi reino, mi imperio… Mi todo.”
You are my kingdom. My empire…
My everything.