Chapter Fifty-Nine #3
Out on the deck, I’m trying not to freak out too hard because I can obviously see Kemper from here.
He’s standing maybe thirty feet away, in his dress-shirt, sleeves rolled up his muscular, tattooed forearms, a vest and a bowtie, his dress slacks also rolled up a bit to avoid the sand.
He looks delicious, even more so because he’s wearing a massive, eager grin and desperately trying not to look over here.
“Okay, let’s do this!” Luthor cheers.
And my best men—I didn’t want to leave anyone out, so they’re all technically best men, though Luthor is the one holding Kemper’s ring—walk me down the steps to the beach, where they leave me to take their places at the end of our sandy little aisle.
And then my father steps over, taking me by the arm.
He smiles at me, and I have to smile back. I’m glad he’s here. It feels good.
Kemper invited him. I’d been on the fence for a while, and because my about-to-be husband knows my heart better than I do sometimes, he made the call.
Papa Dukes showed up this morning, all ready to give me away.
I could make a snide comment about how he already ditched me as a kid, now he’s giving me away, pawning me off on Kemper again. But I won’t do that.
Eyes open, mouth shut.
The music starts, and the Pen family lights right up. It’s a recording of Colson playing his version of Crimson and Clover acoustic. Ren had him record it since he couldn’t actually be here for the wedding.
We reach Kemper and I’m shaking a little. But he just looks so happy. It takes away all the nerves, like the snap of a hypnotist’s fingers.
“Tebya lyublyu,” my father whispers, passing my hand to Kemper. “I am proud of you, moy dorogoy syn.”
I swallow a lump of emotion, trying not to cry like a total baby. “Thanks, Papa.”
He grins, wandering away to take his seat.
Kellan looks down at me, reaching out to brush his fingers through my dark purple hair.
“Hi,” he croons.
“Hey,” I purse my lips over the insane smile that wants to take over my face.
It makes him laugh, until he leans in and whispers, “Mary me, baby.”
My toes wiggle in the sand. “Yes, sir, Officer.”
We pry our eyes off one another and look to Velle, who’s smirking at us.
Yes, we’re having Velle officiate, because Kemper wanted Joy to be his best man. And honestly, who better to marry us than King Chevelle himself?
“Who would’a thought someday I’d be standing up here in front of our family, and Fenwick,” Velle jeers, and everyone laughs, “Officiating the wedding of my least favorite coworker, and the kid who kneed me in the balls. Twice.” I cackle, and he beams. “No, but seriously, we kid because we love in this group. It’s kind of our thing.
We’re fucking menaces, degenerates… heathens.
And I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want my family any other way. ”
We all nod along.
“Welcoming you into our world was the beginning of the end, 101,” he sighs. “Am I annoyed that you stole my boat and fucked my shit up? Not anymore.” I chuckle. “I’m just glad it was worth it, which it was. You two turned fate into a real-ass concept. We see it every time we watch you together.”
Ren is weeping, and I look down to snicker, but mostly so I don’t burst into hysterics myself.
“Enough of this sappy shit.” Velle shakes it off.
“Thank you,” I whisper, and Kemper laughs.
Luthor and Joy hand us the rings, and we put them on. And we vow to have and hold, in sickness and in health, in the good times, and the bad… to love one another.
Undying, in its every shade, in our lives together, in this prism of color, we will be together and in love.
Dascha and Kellan, forever.
“I do, my Officer Kemper.”
“I do, Dascha Luscious.”
And we kiss to make it official.
To make it real.
Now…
My husband is excited.
We’re building a house. From the ground-up!
Not just remodeling like with ours. This one we’re building from scratch, right next door to ours.
Wanna guess who’s gonna live there?
There’s only a few months until Luthor and Ren’s wedding, and the plan was to have their house ready so they could move down here when they get back from their honeymoon in Italy. Which means we need to hustle. And by we, I mean Kellan and his crew.
The place is coming right along, but according to him, this is the annoying part. The electrical and HVAC; complicated shit that needs to work right. It’s fine, I have faith in him.
Plus, I’m getting the hell out of here in a few days, so it won’t be my problem.
I’m going to Cali to visit and help with some wedding shit. It’ll suck leaving Kel behind, but he’s got his hands full anyway. He needs me and Dog out of his hair for a few.
Pulling up the PenitentiFamily group chat—I mean the AP Family group chat, since Velle settled on the much more boring name than the one I came up with—I check the regular spamming nonsense that never literally stops pinging.
Ren sent a picture of Parker in a Gucci cape and little dog shoes, and now everyone’s ragging on him.
Velle: Does your dog know you’re a bigger bitch than she is?
Ren: ok you know he’s a boy
Velle: my bad. He’s dressed like a slut
Byron: LMAO
Ren: Don’t you have work to do wrong, you abominable cunt?
Velle: I can’t help how much I MISS YOU 48 OH MY GOD
Ren: *kissy face emoji*
Hancock: Ren can I borrow your dog? I wanna look like a total fucking douchebag for an afternoon
Ren: you don’t need my dog to do that. Just look in the mirror right now. Right this second. It’s happening as we speak.
Jasper: Guys leave Ren’s dog alone. It’s not his fault his mommy’s a chooch.
Rook: lol Joy just fell out of her chair
Luthor: GUYS FUCK OFF YOU’RE DISRUPTING MY GAME
Hancock: uh oh! Cuckerberg’s getting upset!
Jasper: Sorry Luth. Ren, stop torturing that poor mutt.
Hancock: yea, and leave the dog alone too
I snort out loud.
Ren: Felix Darcey please join the chat! I need you to go stab those two morons
Felix: On it!
The chat goes dead for a solid three minutes.
Byron: Did he actually kill them? Lol
Velle: they’re shitting their pants LOL
Felix: Guys, I didn’t even leave my room yet! Relax ;)
Ren: HA!
The madness is cut off when my phone rings, and I’m so distracted that I actually answer it, despite it being a random New Mexico number I don’t recognize.
“Hello?” I’m sighing out my chuckles, but then I flinch.
Damn, what am I, some kind of boomer?? I don’t answer the phone, especially not for unknown numbers.
“Uh…hi. Dash?” A male voice comes stuttering over the line, and it sounds vaguely familiar.
“Um… who’s this?” I ask nervously.
“It’s Ryan. Ryan Harper! From that time when me and my partners were on vacation…?”
I can hear the smile in his voice, and I’m losing my damn mind.
Ryan’s calling?!?!?!
“Holy crap!” I gasp into the phone. “Oh my God, Ryan! Hey, how are you?? It’s been a while!”
“I know right?” He chuckles, a bit awkwardly.
Maybe just because we only met that one time, when he and his husband and wife were here on vacation, and me and Kel got a lil freaky with them.
Still, I don’t care. It was fun, and Ryan and I bonded. At the time, we couldn’t really be friends, since we were trying to lay low and hide from The Ivory. But that’s not an issue anymore so…
“Dude, how the heck are you??” I ask, pacing around the garage. “It’s totally cool that you’re calling, by the way.”
“Yea… yea, it is,” he stammers. “I’ll admit, I was worried. I read something online that said you were… dead.” He chuckles, even more awkward now.
But of course I laugh it off. “Crazy shit. It’s a long story, but no, I’m not dead. Alive and kickin’! How are Ben and Jess?”
“Great, as usual. How’s Kemper?”
“Amazing. We got married last year.”
“What?!” He whoops. “That’s amazing, congratulations!”
“Thanks.” I grin. “You guys planning any more vacations any time soon? I hear Tulum is lovely…”
He laughs. “I wish. Ethan’s like all walking and shit, so ya know.”
“Yea, not really. But hey, you guys live in New Mexico, right??”
An idea flickers. And maybe it’s cray cray, but the impulsive part of my brain is onboard before the rest of me.
“Yea… why?” Ryan asks. “Oh my God, are you gonna come visit?! Please say yes!”
“I can’t right now, we have a ton of shit going on, but I was thinking… My best friends are getting married in three months, in California. Would you guys want to come?”
Ryan’s quiet for a second, and I have to chuckle.
“To a… wedding?”
“I promise, it’s gonna be so much fun. These guys are insane. In a fun way. Although…”
“And they’re okay with you inviting three strangers?” He snickers.
“Please,” I scoff. “I’m the best man, I can do whatever I want.”
“That’s not how that works,” he laughs. “But… yea. Hell yea, I’m down! I have to check with Ben and Jess, but I’m pretty sure we’re free. Send me the details.”
“Oh man… this is gonna be so fetch.” I beam.
“Like from Mean Girls?” He cackles.
“Sorry, my friend’s got me saying that shit. But yea, you’ll get to meet everyone! My whole dysfunctional surrogate family.”
“Dollface, stop selling,” Ryan hums, audibly excited.
And so am I. I’m buzzing right now.
“Okay, I gotta go. But tell Ben and Jess I said hi, and don’t ask, tell them you’re all coming.”
“You got it,” he chuckles.
“And invite whoever else you want. Okay, love you byeee!”
I make a bunch of kissing noises into the phone and hang up.
“Oh my God…” I’m beaming. “Kellan!”
Barely ten seconds later, Kemper races around the corner. “Who died??”
“No one yet, but Luthor is going to kill me.”
My face is breaking in half as I text the group.
Me: Hey Luth I just invited our friends we had that orgy with that time to your wedding, is that cool with you dawg?
Of course Kellan gets the text too. When he reads it, his eyes bug out of his head.
“Dear God, you’re a menace,” he cackles.
Luthor: what in the name of all that is FUCK?!?!?
Ren: Bitch. YES. This wedding is gonna be a major rager!
Byron: I always kinda suspected your wedding would turn into an orgy so this tracks.
Luthor: I give up.