Fifty-Six—Ivy
I
woke up on Mama’s bed, wondering momentarily how I got there. Momentarily, I was back in Monterey. That’s where I wanted to be, waking up in a pool house, talking myself into a swim. But then my new reality descended on me like a bucket of warm tears, and I couldn’t believe I had abandoned my grandmother for an entire night. How could I have done that?
After Tim had left, I’d fully intended to leave, too. But I wanted something of Mama’s, I didn’t even know what, her perfume, her pillow, her ratty slippers? I don’t know, just something. So, I’d come back up here and apparently fallen asleep on her bed crying into her pillow…which smelled like her perfume.
I’m terrible. I am an awful, awful granddaughter and that’s what I spilled forth when Geneva finally answered her phone. “I am so sorry, Gran. I fell asleep, which is shocking to me because I fully intended to come back to your house.”
“Darling girl. Darling, darling girl. I did the same thing. It’s been a hell of a few days, and they’ve taken their toll. We deserved it. Worry not about this old gal. How are you?”
I sighed. “I think I’m okay. Maybe I feel a little… amputated . But I think I’m okay.”
Oh, Ivy girl, that is exactly how I feel. Amputated.” Her voice wobbled, and then she started to cry. And then my grandmother let go of a gush of emotion that pierced my heart. Her pain crawled through the phone line and made it impossible not to hurt with her. We cried together for good long minute, and in the middle of it, I told her I was coming home. “I’m leaving now Gran. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”