Chapter 48
Louis
It’s strange to touch someone again after so many years. Someone whose body you knew inside and out. Every vertebra, every mole. The small scar above David’s right eyebrow and his crooked little finger. The remnant of a poorly healed capsule tear. Everything is so familiar and yet so new.
David is lying on his back, his eyes closed, and I’m sitting straddling his thighs. We got rid of his T-shirt and our pants on the way to bed, but his boxer shorts are still clinging tightly to his body, trying to keep his cock in check.
With my index finger, I draw a line from his Adam’s apple to his belly button and pause. A shiver runs through David’s body, his breath catches, and tears well up in my eyes. Damn, I missed him. Even more than I realized.
Everything that has been missing with the countless men over the last few years is here, with him. His skin is warm and soft under my hands, the freckles still dancing on his shoulders. Nowhere else, only there.
I pull my T-shirt over my head, let my forehead fall onto his sternum, and all my emotions collapse over me. Violent sobs wash through my body in waves.
Until the very end, I was afraid that there was still a “but” hidden somewhere, but now, here in his childhood bedroom, where we should have been many years ago, I know that no matter how much we suffered and no matter how shitty our detour was, we made it.
We never lost each other, our hearts never let go.
I press my naked chest against his, he wraps his arms around me, and I let him hold me.
The alarm clock jolts us both out of a deep sleep. David jerks violently behind me and pinches my chest in shock. Now I’m awake too.
“Oh, fuck! Shit! Sorry! Did I hurt you? Do you need a cold pack?” He jumps up, so upset I can’t even be mad at him.
“It’s okay. Kiss me.” David runs his hand through his hair, as he always does when he’s insecure. I sit on the edge of the bed and tug at his boxer briefs, which I can just reach. “Come here.”
He pretends to be reluctant, but he follows me, and I pull him onto my lap, so close that our chests are touching.
A soft moan escapes his lips when he realizes what he’s sitting on.
I push my hips up, and what was a soft moan is now a whimper.
Ah, I love how sensitive he is to my touch. How he lets go.
“We... ah, fuck... we have to go down for breakfast.” David is right.
“But we can’t go downstairs like this.” I rub my cock against his balls again to emphasize my point, though it wasn’t necessary, my boyfriend is already delirious. “Get up, take your clothes off.”
He obeys without protest, and my underwear falls to the floor.
“Lube?”
“Bedside table drawer.”
I reach to the right without really looking at what I’m doing and grab something. I immediately sense that this is not the lube and grin. “Nice. Shall we take this with us for tonight?”
“I have some in Karlsruhe too.” David stands in front of me, stark naked, looking at his feet and waiting for me to tell him what to do. Nothing has changed.
“Come here, sit back down.” I lean back on one arm and reach for our cocks with the other hand. David groans but immediately bites his lower lip. “Get us wet, please.”
He carefully drips lube onto us and my hand slides up and down without resistance.
“You haven’t done this since then?” With his head thrown back and his eyes closed, his “no” is nothing more than a hushed whisper, and I love this answer more than I want to admit.
David belongs to me. He has always belonged to me, and he will always belong to me. “No one has ever touched your cock, no one but the two of us?”
He moans, shakes his head quickly, and pushes his hips up in quick succession, fucking my hand. His cock rubs against mine and fuuuuck, that’s so hot.
I feel the tension rising in his body, his twitching cock, hear his quiet cry, feel his load in my hand and on my stomach. Warm and sticky and so hot. Two more jerks and I follow David.
Unlike him, I’ve had many orgasms with many different men over the last few years, but none of them was anything like this here and now. Not even close, because it has never been him, my David.
***
After breakfast, we traveled back to Karlsruhe. David dropped me off at home and then went back to his place. At eight a.m. sharp, I’m sitting in my first class when my phone vibrates. I scroll through our chat and a smile tugs at the corners of my mouth.
“When do you finish today?”
“5 p.m.”
“Your place or mine?”
***
I hear the doorbell, but I’m not quick enough and can only stand behind Paul, who opens the door with a grin. Ignoring Paul, David pushes past him and throws his arms around me.
“Ah, you smell good. I didn’t know eight hours could be so long. I missed you, Lou.”
I press my head against his chest. His heartbeat is a little too fast, his breathing slightly uneven, and I love that I do that to him.
“Are you hungry, do you want something to eat?”
“Not really.”
“Then come on.” I grab his hand decisively and pull him along.
He gently leans against me from behind, kisses my cheek, my neck, my throat, tugs at my T-shirt, and I raise my arms above my head so he can pull it off.
“Damn, you’re so sexy.”
“Is that so?”
“Have you looked at yourself? Hell, yes.” David’s voice is raspy.
“Take off your clothes. Show me how sexy I am for you.” Piece by piece, his clothes fall to the floor, landing in a pile in the middle of my room.
Finally, his boxers fall, as always with his eyes downcast. I reach for his cock, which is so much smaller than my own and the reason for David’s insecurity.
He inhales sharply. “Look at me. Don’t make a problem out of something that has never been an issue before.
” I jerk him off slowly but hard, and David’s eyelids flutter.
“You’re perfect the way you are. And to be honest, we both know that you’re not going to stick your cock anywhere other than in my mouth. ”
He moans again as I lick his nipples. “What do you want?”
He shakes his head tensely.
“You have to talk to me, or I can’t do anything for you here.” Slowly, my grip loosens and David whimpers pitifully.
“Fuck me.”
My finger slides into his hole without resistance, and I immediately add a second one. "Pretty loose for someone who hasn’t had sex in six years. How often did you use your toys?”
“Often.” His answer dissolves in a moan as I stroke his prostate.
“And did you imagine it’s my cock filling you?”
“Always...” Oh, fuck.
“And how would you like it if I used a toy on you?” David’s eyes widen as I hold up a glass dildo. He’ll have to handle that if he wants me to fuck him. My cock has more girth.
“Ahhh!”
“Yes, babe, just like that.” In one smooth motion, the dildo is almost completely inside him. Only the last ball is missing. His hole tightens around the blue glass and David’s breath catches, then his muscles relax.
I give him just a moment to get used to the feeling, then I pull out to the first ball and push the dildo back into his hole. Again and again, until he squirms beneath me. His speech is slurred, but I can still make out three words clearly. “Fuck me, now!”
I don’t need to be told twice. Automatically, I pull a condom out of the drawer and position myself at his hole. Only then do I realize that we never used condoms before. But now is not the time for safety talk. I reach for the lube again, wet myself, then thrust.
Not gently, not slowly, not tenderly, because that’s not what David wants. He never wanted that, and his reaction proves me right.
“Ahh, fuck, yes!”
I pause for a moment, damn, he feels good.
“Don’t stop.”
I wait for just a second. Just for me. I slide my palms up his calves, need to touch him, hold on to him, hold him tight.
Slowly, I pull out, only to thrust hard once more. He feels familiar and yet so new. I look at him, his eyes closed, his mouth slightly open. The little crease between his eyebrows. The hair on his legs tickles my palms.
Everything looks like it used to, everything feels like it used to.
Nothing is like it used to be. The scars of the last few years run deeper than I realized before.
I missed him, was searching for him in all these men I fucked to fill the hole he left behind.
I longed for that one feeling that I only understand now.
For a connection that is so much more than just sex, because we were never just lovers.
First we were teammates, then we were friends, and finally we were a couple.
A grown entity. Not David and Louis, but us.
With every touch, life returns to this little ivy plant, whose vines David cut so brutally six years ago right at the root.
Its tendrils have become stiff and woody over time, dead and hopeless, yet they still bound me to him with no chance of escape.
New green branches are winding their way up now, strengthening what we’ve always had and forming new connections we don’t know yet.
It’s beautiful and at the same time it hurts so much.
Tears well up again. There’s excitement about where we are now, the thrill of what lies ahead, and there’s pain and fear of the past, and the awareness that we’ll never be the same again.
I mourn what we were, look forward to what we will be, and I let myself fall into the here and now.