Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Jace
I link my fingers with Aurora’s and together we step out into the night. The weather is brisk in Colorado this time of year especially late in the evening.
As we step outside, the cool air hits my face and Aurora shivers at my side. Immediately I reach out to pull her closer to my side wrapping my arm over her shoulders. “I should have warmed the car first.”
“I’m fine,” she insists.
“You’re cold,” I correct her and start walking us a little faster toward my car. Hitting the remote start, the lights flash and the roar of the engine rumbles throughout the parking lot up ahead.
“Boys and their toys.” I look over just in time to catch the end of her rolling her eyes.
Stepping off the curb, I quickly move in front of Aurora and place my hands on her hips. “Are you saying you don’t like my car?”
“A bit flashy if you ask me.” She shrugs her shoulders, and I know she’s playing, because she loves my Camaro.
‘’So you’re saying you don’t want to drive then?” Her eyes light up and a smile stretches out over her face. “Okay,” I toss my keys up, catching them, spinning them on my finger and she reaches out trying to snatch them.
Tucking my arm behind me, she moves closer, her front now firmly pressing to mine.
“Oh I’ll drive,” she insists still doing all she can to get ahold of my keys. I’m loving the fact that she is so close. I could play this game all night, but I know it’s cold, so instead I spin her around so her back is to my car and she lets out a surprised laugh.
“I’ll let you drive on one condition.” My heart is racing.
“And what would that be?”
Staring into her eyes, I feel something I haven’t felt in a really long time.
Comfort.
A warm sense of peace.
“A kiss,” I whisper, leaning in as slow as I can without actually kissing her, I hold her stare.
“I think I can managed that.” Aurora grips my collar and suddenly her lips are pressed to mine. What started off as a slow kiss quickly heats up.
With her back against the car, I lower my hands, placing them at her waist. Suddenly my keys are taken, and her satisfied laughter bubbles from her chest.
“That was a mean trick,” I tell her, tickling her side and making her squirm.
“It worked.” She wiggles free and hurries around to the driver’s side. Clicking the locks she climbs inside behind the wheel. No one drives my car, but seeing the excitement in her eyes might make this worth it. Even if the entire ride home I’ll be tense.
With me on one end of the couch and Aurora on the other, our feet and legs intertwined together we watch the movie. Some girly flick she chose, they meet, the guy fucks up and spends a good chunk of the show groveling to make up for his mistakes. Girl finds another guy that treats her good, bad guy sits on side, watching life he could have had going on without him.
I can’t help but put myself in the shoes of the fuck up. That’s me, the one always fucking shit up.
My stomach is in knots.
Then the girl sees the ex, and old feelings come rushing back and she realizes that what she felt for him hasn’t faded. It’s a roller coaster, up and down, back and forth.
“Jace.” I quickly look over to find Aurora watching me. “You okay?”
“Huh? What?” I ask clearing my throat.
“Are you getting emotional over a chick flick?” She laughs. What she doesn’t know is it hasn’t nothing to do with the movie and more of a fear that I’ll somehow screw this up and lose her.
Rising up on her knees, she slowly starts to crawl her way to me.
“I never took you for the kind of guy that got all mushy over a love story.” The smile on her face makes me keep my mouth shut. She is so fucking beautiful, working her way closer to me, watching me with a gleam in her eyes.
Straddling my leg, she leans in and kisses my jaw. The smell of her perfume surrounding me, as her hair tickles my chest, gently dragging over my neck, giving me chills.
“Don’t worry,” she whispers, “I won’t share your secrets.”
Hooking her waist and spinning around, I place her body against the couch cushions, before covering her body with mine.
“I feel for the guy,” I confess. Pushing hair back away from her face, the feel of her soft skin against my fingertips. “He’s not bad, just had a hard time expressing himself. He loves her,” I allow the weight of my body to get to her. “He never had anyone who loved him before her. So he’s lived a lonely life, never had to worry about anyone else, until her.”
I’m lying there channeling some fictional character in a movie, but it’s hard not to. The guy is me.
“Don’t let me fuck this up,” I say the words before I change my mind and her smile shifts, as her expression softens. “It’s the biggest fear I have. I want this, I want you, but I’m so worried about you realizing you are far too good for me.”
“I think maybe you need to stop worrying so much about messing things up and maybe instead be here with me. None of us are perfect, none of us are innocent and never mess up. The problem is you are so worried about being you, that its interfering with you being your true self.”
She cups my jaw, and I lean into her touch.
“You terrify me,” she confesses and I swear in that moment my heart stops beating. “You are the only man I know that can make me completely lose myself. I was willing to give up everything I’ve ever wanted just for the chance to be with you.”
“I don’t want you to give up anything for me.”
Tears pool in her eyes, and my chest feels tight, like I can barely breath.
“You say you are afraid of me waking up and deciding I don’t need you, but truth is I’m afraid of those same things. I think our fears are overshadowing everything we should really be focusing on.”
When I don’t answer, she does.
“Us,” she whispers, “getting to truly know the other. Enjoying the beginning phases, the falling, and all the excitement that goes with it all.”
What I want to say is that I’ve already fallen, but for now I offer her a kiss.
“No more fear,” I say ensuring she is looking into my eyes. Needing her to see me and to hear me. “We stop worrying about what-ifs and instead focus on the now.”
Our night shifted quick. What started as fun became serious and heavy. Both of us hanging on the edge, and I could let it all go. I could do what I always do when shit got real and I could shift it.
But instead I ask the question I’ve been wanting to ask for days.
“Why do you sleep with the lights on?”
Aurora’s lips part and she looks away, but I cup her jaw and force her attention back to me.
“The nightmares, the need you have to be able to always see your front door, why?” She closes her eyes, and I know she is fighting her demons, but I’m here. I need her to understand that.
“Ror,” her chest rises as she takes a deep breath. Then slowly she opens her eyes. “Talk to me, baby.”
“Because I never again want to be caught off guard,” she confesses. “It was never from fear of him coming back. It was always more from the idea that he took something away from me that day. He took something from all of us, and I know that I’m still allowing him to take things from me. I’ve never been one to be afraid to be alone, or the kind of person that was always looking over my shoulder, observing my surroundings constantly on guard and ready. It may be a bad thing, but I was always so relaxed and went with the flow.”
She worries her lip.
“He took away that part of me. He changed me. I became the kind of girl that fears every little noise, I was jumpy and nervous every day all day. He took away my security.” She shrugs. “I think I hate that more than anything, but the harder I try to get it back the deeper I sink.”
“Promise me something,” I curl my body, repositioning myself at her side. “You can look at this however you want, jealousy, possessive, whatever. But if you are ever scared, you call me.”
Aurora holds my stare and after a few seconds she nods. “Truth be told, you were always the one I wanted.” He words are nothing more than a whisper, as she tucks in closer and lays his head on my shoulder. With her hand on my chest and her hair tickling my nose together we relaxed and I held her right there on her couch throughout the entire night.
She slept heavy.
She slept hard.
And I loved being the man who held her through it all.