Chapter 5
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Lily
What am I doing? I’ve totally and completely lost my mind. This cannot be my life right now. Leaving was a mistake. I’m going to be in so much trouble. I drop my face into my hands and struggle not to fall apart. Well, any more than I already have. I’m a mental and emotional mess. I can’t believe Nina did this to me.
“Breathe, girl. It’s going to be okay.” Gwen pats my back as she walks over to the window.
For her, everything is okay. For me, it’s all kinds of ways wrong. Since Sunday night, I’ve been riding and sleeping in hotels. Not the big fancy kind either. We’ve been stuck here in Texas for two days. If I ever see Nina again, I’m giving her a piece of my mind.
“It’s not okay,” I cry. “Take me back.”
Gwen lightly laughs. “No. No. No, girl. It doesn’t work that way.”
I slide off the bed and begin pacing. “If I go back now, I could apologize. Maybe I could come up with some story about rushing out of town for a family member.” I nod several times. “It might work.”
Gwen drops the edge of the curtain and plants herself in front of me. She roughly grabs my upper arms and gives me a little shake, snapping me out of yet another crazy moment.
“It won’t work. Do you hear me?” She leans right in my face. “If you ever go back, you’ll be dead within an hour.”
“Dead?” My breath comes in quick gasps.
“Dead,” she repeats firmly.
“I don’t want to die.”
“You won’t.” Gwen slowly shakes her head. “You’re not going back. You’re just scared. It’s the fear talking. Your mind wants to go back to what’s familiar. Fear has you trapped. We’re setting you free.”
Free. I latch onto the word. Oh, what I’d give to be free. Free from the pain, the fear, and free of Joel. Freedom is like hope. Both are fleeting and unreachable for me.
Gwen keeps her hands on my arms as I slowly lower myself to sit on the edge of the bed closest to the bathroom. Who knows. Maybe she guided me.
Sunday night, Nina started me on this insane journey. Tuesday afternoon, Andrew handed me over to Gwen. I have no idea where we were when I switched vehicles. All I remember is it was at a truck stop along the interstate. I’m not even sure which interstate.
A new helper was supposed to meet us late Wednesday night. They had a family emergency, causing my journey to halt longer than Gwen said should happen. My first thought flew to Joel. Had he somehow tracked me down and hurt the helper? Gwen didn’t mention the helper’s name. She assures me they had a genuine emergency and a replacement is on the way. I’m not so sure I trust this system. All I know is that every minute we spend in this motel in the middle of Nowhere, Texas, causes me to go a little crazier.
For the next half an hour, I sit quietly on the edge of the bed and either pick or bite my fingernails. Gwen peeps around the curtain into the parking lot every few minutes. She’s watchful yet calm. It’s good that she is. I’m freaking out enough for both of us. She quickly checks her phone when it dings with a text.
She smiles at me. “Time to go.”
Sensing I still need help, Gwen picks up the black backpack Nina gave me with one hand and takes my arm in her other. She leads me out the door to a dark blue pickup truck. I’m going to miss her minivan and calm voice.
The huge mountain of a man holding the passenger door open freezes me in my tracks. Andrew was a big man. This man is about the same height, maybe an inch or so taller. His muscles, however, make Andrew look like a child. Joel would be a ragdoll next to this man.
“Gwen?” I pull back slightly.
“It’s okay,” she assures me as she hands my backpack to the mountain. He puts it in the backseat. “This is Shepherd. He’s taking you the rest of the way.”
“The rest of the way?” I blink and stare at her like she’s the crazy one.
“You’re almost there, sweetie.” Gwen pats my hand and nudges me toward the open truck door.
My eyes drift back to the mountain. “I don’t know him.”
He smiles and remains quiet.
Gwen laughs. “You didn’t know me either.” She taps Shepherd on the stomach. She probably broke her fingers. There’s not an ounce of fat on this man. “He’s a big guy, but he won’t let anything happen to you.”
Shepherd nods and patiently continues to hold the door open. I lock eyes with him. “Where are we going?”
His smile fades. He gives me a moment to understand that he’s serious. “I’m taking you to Jacob.”
“Jacob? Nina told me to ask for Jacob.” I’ve repeated the things she told me to say at least a hundred times in my mind since leaving LA.
“Where is he?” No one has given me clear information about any of this.
“You’ll meet him tonight.” Shepherd motions to the passenger seat.
I cautiously take a step forward before spinning around to face Gwen. “Who is this Jacob? Why’s he so important?”
Her eyes go to Shepherd for a moment. They have some sort of silent conversation before she turns back to me and smiles. “Jacob’s story is his to tell when he chooses to tell it. He and his family started this organization.”
“This is an organization?” My eyes dart between them. “An actual organization? With a name?”
They both laugh. And it hasn’t gone unnoticed that they aren’t clearly answering my questions. So far, all my ‘helpers’ have done is given me more questions than answers.
“Yes, dear. This is a real organization.” Gwen takes a deep breath and wraps her arms around me. Who knew she was a hugger? “It was nice meeting you, Lily. I wish it were for better reasons, though.”
Gwen drops her arms and steps onto the sidewalk outside our motel room door. She was with me the longest on this journey. I’m going to miss her.
I climb up into the truck and fasten my seatbelt. I smile and wave goodbye to Gwen as we pull out of the parking lot. She didn’t share much of her personal life with me. Well, not her present life, anyway. From the things in the back of her minivan, she has at least one child. She did tell me she grew up near the beach, but not which beach.
My other helpers didn’t answer my questions. It’s highly doubtful this one will either. Does it stop me from asking questions? Not at all.
“I’m Lily.” I wait until we’re on the interstate to introduce myself. I’m sure he already knows my name.
“Nice to meet you, Lily. Did you get breakfast?”
I drop my eyes to my stomach like it has the answer. It’s only eight in the morning. Breakfast was the furthest thing on my mind. The only breakfast our motel included were muffins, coffee, and fruit. Gwen went across the street to a café for all our meals for the two days we were stuck there.
“No.” I keep my eyes on my lap. “I was too nervous to eat.”
“There’s a travel center about thirty minutes away.” He lifts a finger from the steering wheel to point ahead of us. “They have a little kitchen and make breakfast sandwiches. They have donuts, too. And I think you can get a hotdog and burritos twenty-four seven. We could get breakfast, top off the tank, and get road trip snacks.”
“Sounds good.” I also need to go to the restroom, but I’m not saying that out loud. I look Shepherd over from the corner of my eye. He, like Andrew, is wearing some type of leather vest. I can’t get a good look at the emblem on it. He doesn’t seem like the talkative type. I’ll try asking a few questions anyway. “What’s the name of your organization?”
Shepherd scratches the back of his head and scrunches up his face. “Jacob usually shares that.”
“Uh.” I toss my hands up. “Why’s everyone so secretive?”
These people are crazy. They expect me to go along with them but won’t explain things. I’m a deranged lunatic for following along so blindly. One teeny tiny glimpse of freedom let way too much hope bloom. I sniffle and wipe my cheek with my palm.
“Look.” Shepherd holds up a hand and quickly wraps it back around the steering wheel. “I know this is scary for you. I promise you'll understand once you hear the whole story tonight.”
I snap my head toward him. All of a sudden, every nerve in my body is on edge. “Tonight?”
“Yes, tonight.” He glances at me and nods. “We’ll be there in about eight hours.”
Wow. Eight hours. It feels too soon. It’s Friday. I left California five days ago. I should want this journey to end. Knowing it will in eight hours twists my stomach into knots.
Oh, please don’t let me throw up in this truck.
“Relax, Lily. Slow, deep breaths. You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re going to be fine. I can pull over if you need me to.” Shepherd doesn’t take his eyes off the road.
Oh my gosh. Did I say that out loud?
“I will tell you this much.” He pauses and waits for me to calm down. I nod when I’m ready. “One reason this is so secretive is because every member has sworn to protect the organization. No matter what.”
Well, that’s not a big surprise. It’s obvious none of the helpers I’ve met is going to share anything useful. Women have to be crazy or desperate to trust them. Like me. I’m crazy and desperate. Plus my friend didn’t give me a choice.
“And the main reason it’s so secretive is because thousands of women’s lives depend on it being this way.” He glances at me again. “Women just like you.”
Women like me. He means abused women. Women who couldn’t walk away on their own.
“Do you personally know Jacob?” So far, the man is a myth to me.
“I do,” he admits.
“How do I know I can trust him?” I should have asked these questions five nights ago. Nina didn’t answer the few questions I did ask that night.
“You don’t know.” Wow. Shepherd may be the most honest person I’ve met. “You trust the person who started you on this journey. They wouldn’t have contacted us if you didn’t need help.”
“Yeah. Nina didn’t give me any warnings. She just handed me off to Andrew with a hug and instructions about Jacob.”
“Nina?” Shepherd sounds surprised and looks at me questionably. I nod. “Well, trust me. You’re in good hands.” He pauses for a moment. “And your friend saved your life.”
“Yeah, she probably did. Hopefully, I can thank her someday.
“What happens when we get there?” No one has explained the outcome to me yet.
“You’ll meet Jacob. Maybe some of his family. He’ll look over your folder and help you start your new life.” He says it so casually that I can almost picture it.
Wait. I jolt up straight. “New life?”
Shepherd laughs. “Yeah. A new life. One where you’ll be safe and happy.”
I take a deep breath and lean back against the seat. “Safe. Happy. That sounds nice.”
“Yeah,” he says softly. “Just remember to say what Nina told you to.”
“I will.” I give him a tight smile as he pulls up to the gas pumps. “And thank you for telling me this much.”
“Between you and me?” He grins.
For the first time in days, who knows how many, I laugh. “Yeah. Between you and me.”
“Now, out. Food.” Shepherd winks before opening his door.
I laugh again and follow him inside the travel center. In eight hours, I’ll finally meet Jacob and discover what a safe, happy life could look like. There’s that hope blooming a little more. At this rate, she’ll be a full blossom soon.