Chapter Twelve
Samantha
“Because I love you, Sammy.”
No. I shook my head at Jack. What he just said made no sense. He couldn’t love me. He didn’t know me. I lied to him, used him. I kept his daughter from him.
I was not lovable.
“Sammy.”
Looking up at Jack, tears fell from my eyes. He pulled me into his arms and buried his face in my neck. I felt his lips trailing across my collarbone. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I held him tight.
“Jack, wait.” I pulled back. “You should hate me.”
“I could never hate you, Sammy. What do I gain from hating you? I’ll get a whole lot more out of loving you.”
“You can’t mean that,” I whispered, shaking my head.
“I do, Sammy. I fell in love with you that first night. When I woke up alone, I was devastated. I didn’t know who you were. Had no clue how to track you down. I thought I had lost you forever. You were the first and only woman I had ever thought of settling down with.”
“Jack, it was one night. People don’t fall in love after one night.” There was nothing he could say that would let me believe he was serious.
“I did. Come to my room. I want to show you something.”
I stepped back as Jack stood.
“Jack, I’ve seen it. As impressive as it is, that doesn’t prove to a woman that you love them.” I scoffed.
“Smartass,” he retorted. Slapping my ass, he continued, “Not that. Though, any time you want to see it, just let me know.” He winked, then dragged me up to his room.
“We can leave the door open while you’re in here. Tomorrow, we get a monitor,” Jack said, digging through his nightstand.
He walked over, pulling me down to sit on the edge of the bed with him. He handed me a piece of paper that was encased in plastic.
“I had it laminated. I didn’t want anything to happen to it. It was all I had left of you,” he admitted, watching me.
I looked down at what he had given me and my hand raised to my lips.
It was the note I had left him.
Thanks for a great night. Sam
“You kept it,” I whispered as I traced the letters with my finger. There was more I wanted to write, so much more. But I had to be quick. I couldn’t risk him waking up before I left.
“Of course, I kept it. I had expected to wake up next to you. Take you to breakfast. Convince you to move to Nebraska with me. I couldn’t do any of those things. But I had this,” Jack said quietly, nodding at the note in my hand.
There was no way to stop the tears now, so I let them fall. My hand wrapped around the back of his neck and I pulled him down to kiss me. I needed him to feel everything I felt in that kiss. I couldn’t say the words to him, not yet.
Not until my divorce was final.
It wasn’t fair to Jack. It wasn’t fair to Charlie.
I pulled back and gazed into the eyes of the man who had given me everything without knowing.
“I can’t say the words back, Jack.”
“It’s ok, Sammy. You don’t have to—”
I kissed him again before he could finish. I wouldn’t allow him to let me off the hook.
“No, Jack. I want to say them. Just not yet. I need to be divorced first. You deserve someone who can say the words without being tied to someone else,” I told him honestly. “ Tomorrow, we can talk to Matlock. I need to get back to Charlie.”
I stood from the bed and walked to the door. Turning to look back at him, I smiled. “We’ll have Matlock start the process, and we’ll get a monitor so Charlie can sleep in her room alone.”
“I love you, Sammy,” he vowed.
I smiled and walked back to the room I shared with our daughter.
Tomorrow, this would become her room alone. This would be my last night sleeping without Jack. I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve, eager to wake up and have everything she ever wanted.
“Mommy. Wake up.”
My eyes wouldn’t open, my limbs were heavy. I’d tossed and turned all night. Every time I closed my eyes, my thoughts turned to Jack and the life we could build together once everything got settled.
“Mommy!”
Little hands shook my shoulder, and I opened one eye to peer at my daughter.
“What time is it?” I asked, knowing my daughter couldn’t answer that.
“Time to get up, Mommy. It’s time for breakfast,” she urged.
Turning my head to see the clock, I noticed it was barely six thirty. Why couldn’t children recharge their batteries during the day? I guess because then they would be up all night and I would be in the same predicament I was in now. Exhausted, while Charlie was raring to go.
“Ok, baby, let’s get up. Mommy needs to take a quick shower, then we can get dressed.”
Climbing out of bed, I heard a light knock on the door. Walking over, I hesitantly opened the door and saw Jack standing there.
“Morning,” he whispered. “I didn’t want to wake Charlie.”
“Daddy!”
Charlie crashed into his legs, wrapping her arms around him.
I huffed. “That is unlikely to happen. I don’t think I have ever woken up before Charlie,” I said, laughing and welcoming Jack into our room.
“Could you help her get dressed while I take a shower?”
Jack’s head snapped up to look at me.
“Um, am I allowed to do that?”
I tilted my head and saw the look of apprehension that filled his expression.
“Of course you’re allowed, Jack. Why wouldn’t you be?”
Did he think I wouldn’t let him help with every aspect of raising his daughter?
“Um, well…” he looked at Charlie, then back at me and whispered, “…because she’s a girl. Doesn’t she need privacy?”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. He was so sincere. Then, I immediately sobered. This was my fault. He had missed so much.
Tears gathered in my eyes as I reassured him, “You are her father, Jack. If you had been there when she was born,” I took a deep breath, and continued, “If you had been there when she was born, you would have helped change diapers and given her baths, and you wouldn’t even question if you could help her get dressed. That is my fault. I’m so sorry, Jack.”
The tears fell, and Jack rushed over to wrap me in his arms.
“Sammy, forgive yourself. I have,” he assured me, kissing my head. “You go take a shower; I’ve got this.” He tried to sound confident. “Where are her clothes?”
“Oh my God.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “I don’t have any clothes for her. There was only one pair of pajamas and one outfit in her bag. We haven’t been back to the house to get any of her things!”
I dropped to sit on the end of the bed.
Charlie was supposed to come first. Always. Yet, I had only been thinking about myself and my problems for the last few days. What mother does that? I looked at my daughter, who sat on the bed watching cartoons on a tablet. A tablet I didn’t recognize.
“Hey.” Jack kneeled in front of me. “Um, I have some clothes for her.”
“You do?” I asked, swinging back around to focus on Jack.
“Yea, when we were shopping the other day, we… uh… went a little crazy,” he said sheepishly.
I looked back at my daughter once more.
“Is that where the tablet came from?” I asked him.
“Let me go grab her clothes. Hey, Shortcake, you want to come pick out something to wear?” he asked Charlie, holding out his hand to her.
She scrambled off the bed, the tablet forgotten, and put her hand in his. The two of them rushed out of the room quickly, Jack avoiding my question completely.
Despite meeting for the first time a few days ago, they were already as thick as thieves. It was becoming clear that the two of them would keep me on my toes.
Enjoying the moment alone, I jumped in the shower and took my time. When I finished, I stepped out of the bathroom in my towel to find Jack and Charlie sitting on the bed. Charlie was wearing a lime green T-shirt with a unicorn on it and a dark purple… Wait, was that a tutu?
I giggled.
The two of them had snuggled up against the headboard, watching her tablet together.
Jack’s head snapped up when I walked closer.
“Damn, woman.”
I smiled. Derek never talked to me like that. In the beginning, he was attentive to my physical needs. Getting to know Jack over the last two years made me realize Derek never focused on my emotional needs.
He was a lot like my parents, I guess. Made sure he fed me and clothed me. He told me he loved me, but not like Jack did.
The words might be the same, but the emotion behind them was different .
With Jack, I could hear the truth of what he was saying because he wanted me to hear it. He wanted me to know how he felt. Looking back, I realized Derek had said it back only when I’d said it to him.
I wasn’t sure he ever said it first.
“Hey,” Jack said softly. “You ok?”
“Huh?”
“I lost your smile. Don’t do that, please; it breaks my heart. I never want to lose that smile. It’s one of my favorite things.”
I smiled at him. There was no holding it back, not when he said things like that.
“Just thinking about how different things are now. Thinking about everything Charlie and I have missed out on because of the way I handled things,” I admitted.
“Hey, I told you, you need to forgive yourself. Everything happens for a reason, right? If you hadn’t made the choices you did, we wouldn’t have Charlie. For that reason alone, I would want the last five years to happen exactly like they did.”
“How do you always know just what to say?” I asked.
“It’s a gift.” He winked. “Get dressed. Charlie and I are starving.”
I grabbed my clothes and walked back into the bathroom to get dressed. My family was hungry.
“YOU DID WHAT?”
Jack, Charlie, and I walked into the main room and found Beck glaring at Blade. I didn’t think they’d noticed us walk in. If they had, they might not have continued the conversation they were having.
“Becca, you don’t understand,” Blade pleaded.
“I don’t understand. Please, Micah, then explain it to me. Explain to me how you could vote against your best friend,” Beck demanded .
“She lied to him. She kept his daughter—”
“You voted against her because she lied?” Beck asked quietly.
“Oh shit, he’s fucked now.” King laughed.
Looking around the room, I noticed the other club members watching the couple as well.
“Becca—” Blade started.
She slashed her hand through the air. “No, asshole, you stop right there! YOU fucking lied! Have you forgotten that? FOR TEN FUCKING YEARS! Then, when I was standing right in front of you, you continued to lie.”
“We have dealt with this shit already. I thought I had a good reason…” Blade argued.
He did have a good reason.
I knew the story. Blade had grown up with Beck, here in Diamond Creek. His family had been in WITSEC. When Blade was fifteen, he’d ‘ died ’ because the mob his family were hiding from found them and they had to relocate.
Beck moved back to Diamond Creek a few months ago. Blade had returned from the dead and was living here with the club. He didn’t tell her who he was until she found out by accident in a very public display at The Diner where I worked.
I got it; I did. He wanted to keep her safe, just like I wanted to keep Charlie safe. Beck was right. What I did wasn’t that different from what he did.
“You don’t think she had a good fucking reason?”
“SHE IS FUCKING MARRIED!” Blade bellowed, throwing his hands in the air.
Ok, so maybe what I did was a little different.
I closed my eyes. They all know. I knew that. And they knew why.
It still didn’t make me feel any less shame.
“I don’t fucking care. You don’t vote against your best fucking friend. That isn’t loyalty!” Beck growled.
“You tell him!” Romeo yelled.
“Fuck off, Rome,” Blade snapped, then grinned at Beck. “You know, I liked it better when you used ridiculous words instead of swearing. Hearing you say fuck might be hot in the bedroom, but I don’t like it one fucking bit when you’re yelling at me.”
“Ok, enough.” King stood from his chair. “We don’t need to hear anything about what you get up to in your fucking bedroom.”
The brothers around the room laughed.
Jack cleared his throat, and every head in the room turned to us.