Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
Paula had trouble concentrating the rest of the afternoon.
She worried about her friends and Josh and wondered about Jackson.
She kept checking the clock, but time seemed to have slowed to the speed of the police station’s internet.
The past fifteen minutes, however, rushed by at the speed of her new smartphone.
Paula shut down her computer, rose from her chair, and visited the bathroom on her way out. Why did she feel nervous about a simple dinner? Jackson likely only wanted to talk about Laura, James, and Josh.
I have given lectures to classrooms of recruits, led investigative task forces, and interviewed nasty criminals. I can manage one simple dinner.
While she washed her hands, she took stock of herself in the mirror. She wasn’t a vain person, didn’t use make-up or bottles of product in her hair. Her clothes were professional, if somewhat boring. Paula shoved her still-wet hand through her hair.
Stop being silly, woman. Since when do you care how you look?
She pulled back her shoulders and strode out of the bathroom with more confidence than she was feeling.
Jackson was waiting in the hallway. “Ready to go?” His voice startled her, but she covered her reaction.
She gave him what she hoped was a confident smile. “Yes, I am.”
They walked together through the station, and Paula kept her gaze forward, acutely aware of how close Jackson was beside her.
Outside, the late afternoon air was cooler than she’d expected.
Jackson ushered her to his dark blue Acura. Paula’s face heated, and she sure as hell hoped she wasn’t blushing, as she recalled the previous time she’d been in the car.
So not a good train of thought!
“Paula?”
“Sorry?”
“I asked you if Longboards was okay?” Jackson studied her, and she hurried to confirm that the restaurant was fine.
She stole silent glances at him, admiring his skill while driving.
He had the same kind of confidence as when he’d danced with her at the wedding reception—not aggressive, exactly, but assertive and competent.
He was in control of himself, the vehicle, and the traffic around him. Like he’d control?—
“We’re here.” Jackson interrupted her musing, as he pushed the gear shift into park. “Hold on.”
Paula froze with her hand on the belt buckle. Jackson hopped out of the car and rounded the hood to open her door. She unbuckled and narrowed her eyes at him. “I can open my own door.”
Jackson merely smiled, and his eyes lit up. “I’m well aware that you’re a competent woman, but I want you to be able to relax and let go for a while. Trust me to take care of you.”
She eyed his outstretched hand, wondering what he was talking about. She placed her hand in his and let him pull her out of the car. He walked her to the restaurant, and they went to the counter to order their wraps.
While they ate, Paula’s gaze kept going to her companion as though he looked better than her food.
Even the way he held his wrap was sexy. How crazy was that?
He lifted his arm, and she sat frozen as he brought his hand to her face to sweep his thumb over the corner of her mouth.
She nearly started drooling as he brought the digit to his mouth and sucked the sauce from it.
Her gaze met his, and she almost drowned in his stunning light blue eyes.
Without breaking eye contact he placed his hand over hers. “We need to talk, Paula.”
She nodded.
“Please tell me why you walked out on me?”
Her eyes widened.
He’s going straight for the jugular.
She was not going to talk about that. “I had an undercover assignment.”
Wordlessly, he dropped his chin to his chest while keeping his gaze locked on hers. Her seat became uncomfortable, and when she tried to break his stare, he tilted his head and cocked an eyebrow.
“I was embarrassed, okay?” she snapped.
“I should punish you for your tone…” His voice dropped. “But we haven’t negotiated those terms yet. And I’d rather reward you for your honesty.”
He looked so calm and composed, while she felt anything but. She wanted to growl at him or get up and leave, but she didn’t want to make a scene in a public place.
“You can keep glaring at me all you like, but you are going to be honest with me.” He didn’t raise his voice, but his words held an edge. “What were you embarrassed about, Paula?”
“I don’t sleep with cops.” She tried to keep her tone moderate.
To her astonishment, he smiled brightly.
“You’re a cop,” she clarified.
“I am. You broke your rule.” His smile got wider.
“I can’t break it again.” She gripped her glass more tightly.
“I don’t see why not. As long as you don’t break it with anyone else.”
Now she really was confused. “What?”
“Because”—he tightened his hold on her hand—“I want you all to myself.”
She looked utterly lost for words, like the ground had shifted beneath her feet, and somehow that made her even more breathtaking. Stripped of her usual sharpness, she wasn’t any less powerful. Just... human.
Jackson pushed on while he could. “You and I have some great chemistry going on. I would like to explore that. We’ve been colleagues for quite a while now, almost friends.
Let’s see how good we can be together—inside and outside the bedroom.
” He stroked the soft skin of her hand. “I want to get to know you better. Find out how we fit.”
Her eyes widened as his words sank in, and she started to shake her head. “Oh, no. No, no, no. I’m not going to have an affair with you.”
Affair? Why would she think that?
“I was thinking relationship.”
She stiffened and tried to withdraw her hand, but he wouldn’t let go, afraid she’d run again. “I don’t do relationships. I’m a one-night stand kind of woman.”
“Why?” If only he could read her mind.
“I’m not girlfriend or wife material. I like my sex with no strings attached,” she said, matter-of-factly.
He wanted to challenge her negativity, but now was not the time. “You must want something more sometimes?”
“Huh?”
“Come on, Paula. We spent the night together less than three months ago. You’re a sensual woman, and you like sex. Have you been with anyone since then?”
“Well, no, but—” she spluttered.
He couldn’t contain his smile. “Why do you think that is? Maybe our night together meant more to you than just hot sex?”
She swallowed and tried to pull her hand out of his again.
“Paula, stop it.” She stilled, and he felt a rush of power at the way she responded to his command. “Did you like our night together?”
She gave him a look that would have made more than one suspect confess, but he simply held her gaze.
She was the first one to break eye contact. “Yes, damn it, I did.”
Once their contract was in place, the swearing and that tone would earn her a double punishment like a butt plug and a spanking or maybe he should take away her right to wear clothes. He needed to rein in his wayward thoughts. First, he needed to get her on board with the idea.
“Enough to want more?” He hated to ask the question but had to know.
“Yes,” she whispered and looked down her their hands on the table, “but I don’t think we should.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s unprofessional, and when we break up, it will be uncomfortable.
Believe me, after my divorce, it became almost impossible to work in St. Louis.
” Her voice was steadier now, and she looked him in the eye again.
“It got really messy, and I was glad I could start again here in KC. I would hate to be forced to leave and start over again. Besides, I’m a Kansas Citian to the bones. ”
“Why would you leave the department?”
“I don’t want to leave. That’s my point. If I stayed, I would be the cold-hearted career bitch, and all the guys would side with you. They would make my life miserable, and I wouldn’t be able to do the job I love.” Her words came out dull and flat.
“Paula look at me.” He waited for her to comply. “If it would make you more comfortable, we could see each other without anybody knowing.”
“You think we can keep it a secret?” One imperious eyebrow slid to her hairline. “I think you underestimate the gossip machine at work. Someone could see us here tonight, and it would be out in the open. If we did do this, whatever ‘this’ is, it would most certainly affect our jobs.”
“If we do this—if you want to do this—we would have a contract between us that defines the parameters of the relationship, including how public we would be. You’re a very competent police detective, and I would not interfere with that.”
“A contract?”
“It’s a very common thing to do. As I told you this afternoon, a BDSM relationship is based on careful negotiation, and most couples would draw up a contract. I’m a Dominant, and have been active in the lifestyle for years, Paula. I would really like for you to try this with me.”
‘I’m a Dominant.’ Jackson’s words echoed in her mind.
Wasn’t that what Christian Grey had said to Ana before beating her?
Okay, Paula, think! What are the facts? Laura, Suzie, and Kate were members of the club, too.
Smart, independent women, who seemed happy.
James and Connor looked like decent men to her.
“What does ‘active in the lifestyle’ mean?” she asked.
“It means I have a BDSM relationship with the woman I’m with. We have a contract in place, which defines what we will and will not do and how we act around each other.”
“Why do we need to have a contract? Can’t we just have sex?”
“BDSM is about much more than sex.” Jackson sounded like she’d offended him.
“I don’t get it. I thought this was about having sex on a regular basis.” Paula couldn’t understand his reaction—he had brought up the sex part, hadn’t he?
Jackson frowned and opened his mouth twice to speak before saying, “In a committed BDSM relationship, both parties negotiate what they want to include in their contract.” He stroked his thumb over her hand.
“Like, if you are a service sub, we would define in what areas you would submit and serve besides the bedroom.”
“Wait, what? Does that mean you think I’m some sort of slave?”
“I don’t know what kind of submissive you are.”
“They come in different kinds?” A doormat was a doormat, wasn’t it?
Jackson chuckled at that. “So many people, so many tastes. There are also submissives who aren’t necessarily into service but who benefit from guidance by a Dominant in some area of their lives.
I know that Laura runs regularly now because of James.
One of the reasons I want to suggest a trial contract for two or three months is so we can find out how we might fit together. ”
“This sounds awfully complicated.”
“Why don’t you be my guest at Club Indigo next Saturday, and you can see some of the different types of relationships there are?”
“Why on earth would I set a foot in a club that objectifies women? I’ve been fighting for women’s equality for years.”
Why couldn’t he get this?
She’d worked hard to be treated fairly in the police department. She expected it in the rest of her life as well.
Jackson looked like she’d thrown a stun grenade at him. “The club doesn’t objectify women. Haven’t you heard what I’ve been saying? BDSM isn’t like that. We worship our submissives. Besides, not only women are submissive, men are, too.”
“You do? They are?” As the questions left her lips, Paula realized Kate had told her she was dominant and some men were submissive. She hadn’t given it much thought at the time, being too preoccupied with her own concerns.
“The inclination to submit or to dominate isn’t gender specific.
There are people in high-power jobs, like CEOs and lawyers, both men and women who like to let go and relax by submitting.
” Jackson’s expression was serious. “It doesn’t make a person weak.
On the contrary, many submissives I know are very strong and capable. ”
“I’ll have to take your word for it. I don’t understand it, and I can’t imagine I’d like it,” she replied.
“Come with me and experience it, please. Give me a chance to change your mind.” Jackson lifted her hand to his mouth and placed a tender kiss before he let go. She felt the loss of the connection—his warmth had been more than merely physical touch.
Paula placed both her hands in her lap and leaned back in her chair.
Go with Jackson to Club Indigo? Did she want to go there?
She’d declined Laura’s offer to attend her collaring ceremony for a reason—she didn’t feel comfortable with men whipping women for fun.
She thought back to the conversation she’d had with Kate and what Jackson had just said.
BDSM wasn’t about abusing women, and men were submissive, too.
Although she’d freaked out the next morning after her one night with Jackson, it had been the best sex she’d ever had.
A big part of that had been his domineering manner, like when he’d ordered her to hold the headboard.
Paula closed her eyes and pressed her legs together against the insistent throbbing at their apex.
Yes, that had been freaking hot! Was it worth trying out this BDSM stuff for more of that great sex?
Laura and Suzie both seemed happy, and neither was any kind of doormat. Maybe this stuff wasn’t as crazy as she’d assumed. She opened her eyes, met his ice blue stare, and answered. “Okay, I’ll go with you next weekend.”
She was rewarded with a dashing smile.