11. Kennedy
Kennedy
P ulling the door to the trailer closed behind me the next morning, I hoist my backpack over my shoulders and turn away from my bike and the busted front wheel, courtesy of my little trip to the ground after I saw Oscar in the grocery store.
I walked down to work last night. I can walk it again. And it’s early enough that I’m hoping to avoid any unwanted visitors. I had no desire to stay in bed after a night spent tossing and turning over memories that I’d rather forget.
But I have no doubt a reckoning is coming that I won’t be able to put off forever.
Theo wants answers about what happened to Brett. About what really happened.
I lean against the trunk of a red spruce for a moment, until the swimming in my head passes, before I carry on.
The payphone in town is one step past antique. Bracing, I pick up the set and hold my breath, but the sound of the line still comes through. Rummaging through my pocket, I pull out a few coins and push them into the slot before dialing.
It takes me a few minutes to get hold of him. “Dr Abrams?”
“Kennedy.” The shuffling of what sounds like paperwork echoes in my ear. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine.” I bite my lip. “The same. Some nosebleeds.”
“To be expected.” He sighs. “Are you following the plan we put together?”
“Absolutely.” Leaning against the wall, I glance down the street. Shops are starting to open up. My legs burn, courtesy of the walk down here and my shift last night. “I’m so rested I’m bored. But I have a question for you.”
“Of course.”
My mouth twists. “Theoretically speaking – if I found my mates, my actual mates, but the bond was rejected… would anything happen to them? When I – when it happens?”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Theoretically? Because that could possibly change things for you, as you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” My throat tightens. “Humor me, Doc.”
He hums for a moment. “I’ve never come across or heard of a case where a bond was rejected at this stage. Your illness is rare enough, without that added complication. But… I don’t think it would affect your mates, at least not in the long term. I would be interested to see if an existing bond – especially if it was rejected – had any sort of effect at all on the omega, however. The answer is that I don’t know, but I would imagine the alphas would survive. Of course, the best outcome would be an accepted mating bond on both sides. As you know, that might increase your chance of survival.”
“But not by much, right?” It was always a slim hope. Slim enough that it doesn’t change anything for me.
“No,” he admits. “Not by much.”
“Could they find someone else?” I whisper those words. My heart begins to ache. “It wouldn’t hurt them? I know it wouldn’t be the mating bond. But they could… choose someone?”
“I believe they could, yes.” Abrams hesitates. “Kennedy… are you sure everything is alright?”
Scrunching my eyes closed, I tip my face up, feeling the sun on my skin, the kiss of the morning breeze. “Thanks, Doc. For answering.”
Something settles in my chest. At least this thing inside me – this poison – it won’t spread to them. Won’t taint their pack, ruin their futures.
They can be happy, even if it’s not with me.
“Sure. Have you spoken to the Center at all?”
“Not yet. But I’ll probably need to soon.” I bite down on my lip as the screen flashes in warning. I don’t have any more change. “I have to go.”
“Call anytime. And take care of yourself.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
***
I feel like I’m counting my last days in filthy dishes and nosebleeds. Sniffing, I rinse off another plate and add it to the stack to be dried.
By me, because Mick is a stingy bastard who doesn’t employ enough staff. “I’m taking my break now.”
I make it to the dingy little staff bathroom in time to stem the flow, hanging over the toilet and grimacing at the red and black that spreads across the tissue.
Nobody ever said dying was pretty.
The lightbulb over my head sways, throwing shadows over my reflection in the mirror.
I look like a ghost. My skin is wan and ashy, the circles beneath my eyes big enough to hold a damned circus. There’s a streak under my nose, and I run the tap, scrubbing at it until the skin reddens.
My face blurs as I look up.
Puffing out my cheeks, I blow the air out. “Not long now.”
The Kennedy in the mirror looks almost relieved at the thought.
Pushing the door open, I eye the dishes again. But I glance over to the door that leads out to the diner.
Wondering if they’re here.
I edge up, waiting to see if Mick barges through before I look through the small square glass panel.
I can’t see them, but that doesn’t mean they’re not here. I didn’t hear from them at all today. I’d half expected a visit, but Rick said nobody came by.
What did you expect, Kenny?
My eyes catch on a figure settled in a booth. Nia Rivers shifts as someone leans in across the table, murmuring something in her ear. Theo and Brett’s little sister.
I always liked her. She was sweet.
But she looks uncomfortable now. Frowning, I crane my head to try and see who she’s talking to. She gets to her feet, shaking her head before she turns to leave.
When the figure slides out of the booth, I push the door open without thinking.
I recognize him. Nia doesn’t look back as she yanks the door open and slips out, but he follows her.
Eric Masters. An alpha – not one that I’d want to talk to. He was in our year. The others made sure I never came into contact with him. They warned me.
But it doesn’t look like they warned Nia.
He doesn’t like the word no .
Holding my breath, I follow them outside. The sidewalk is empty, and I turn with a frown as I look up and down the street.
The sound of raised voices comes from the alley beside me that leads down to the staff entrance, and I edge closer, listening.
“Be reasonable. I took you out for dinner.” Eric’s voice prickles the skin on the back of my neck. “Listened to you go on about everything under the fucking sun, and you think you can just walk out?”
Nia’s voice is shaky. “This was a mistake. I need to go home.”
She sounds scared .
My hands slowly curl into fists.
“That’s not how this works,” Eric murmurs. “I expect something in return, you know?”
“Sorry for wasting your time.” Footsteps, and I breathe a little easier. Until the gasp sounds. My feet overtake me, and I dart around the corner.
He has her pinned against the wall as she pushes her hands against his chest. “Leave me alone. Please.”
“I like it when you say please.”
Bile crawls up my throat. “Hey, asshole. She told you to back off.”
He stiffens, glancing over his shoulder. Nia peeps under his outstretched arm, her eyes wet. “Fuck off, Traylor trash . This isn’t your business.”
How fucking original. Never heard that one before. “She’s coming with me. Her brother is looking for her. And his pack.”
He laughs, but he drops his arm. Nia pushes out from under his arm and backs away, until she’s standing beside me. “Are they now? And they sent you ? I doubt it.”
Casually, I take a step forward, nudging her behind me. “Nia, go back inside.”
“But—,”
“Go on,” I say quietly. I shift, watching the way Eric’s eyes flicker between us. “He’s not going to touch you.”
Theo would shred him. And he knows it. A tic appears in his jaw. “You gonna give me what I’m looking for, then?”
Ugh. “Hard pass. I’d rather eat shit, to be honest.”
His face colors. I glance over my shoulder. Nia hovers at the street exit, her face uncertain. “Kennedy—,”
It’s a mistake. I feel the air shift, turn—
He shoves me hard enough that my side slams into the wall. Pain fritzes through my side as Eric follows. “Nobody’s gonna care if I have a little fun with you, trash. Not the town murderer.”
His hand wraps around my neck, and I dig my fingers in, tearing at the skin as my choke echoes into the air. Eric’s hands move down, feeling over my clothes, roughly rubbing at my breasts. Nausea twists my stomach into knots at the pain. Remembered and real. “What the fuck are you wearing? It’s not fucking winter.”
My vision… shifts.
In a moment, the world turns to shades of red. A face looms in front of me, and my lips split to bare my teeth. My throat vibrates, a deep noise yanking free.
Threat .
My body… it moves .
But I’m not the one in control. I’m shoved into a small box, screaming and banging on the walls as something else takes over. It threatens to push me down, to stamp me out.
No —
My body no longer belongs to me. It’s something more primal, growling and snapping. My nails rake and tear and savage, those snapping noises tumbling over each other as I push the face back, following it.
Too soon. It’s too soon —
Nobody can hear me. Nobody. I’m trapped, suddenly imprisoned inside my own mind, and panic floods me. Or is it her —
“Kennedy!” Hands shake me, and I flinch away, growling in warning.
Stay back.
But the face is gone. This is something else. A hand reaches for me, and I swipe. Movement pauses, and my body tenses, waiting for the next threat.
“Kennedy,” the voice whispers. “He’s gone. He left. It’s okay.”
My body twists, searching. Assessing.
“It’s okay.” Another face. This one is smaller. It smells like vanilla cupcakes. And salt, salt in the air as I breathe in. “You’re okay.”
There’s no trace of oil. The thing in control of my body breathes again. A crack appears in the box, and I push on it.
Let me out.
Not like this.
I still have time.
Red, to color, to red.
And then I blink, and the world is normal once more.
My fingers twitch when I move them. My eyes move when I tell them to.
I’m crouching against the wall, my hands up. A few feet away, Nia is crouching too, her hand out and eyes wide.
She has Theo’s eyes. I focus on them, and it helps. “Kennedy?”
Slowly, I look down to my hands, curling my fingers into fists.
Blood. Lots of it.
My hands fly to my face. Testing, searching. But my nose doesn’t feel like it’s bleeding.
“It’s his,” Nia whispers. “Eric. You… you shredded him, Kennedy. An alpha .”
Eric.
The tension in my body releases, escaping in a rush that has me falling on my ass, shuddering breaths clawing from my throat as I bury my face in my hands.
Dangerous.
Defective.
Dead.
The words tumble over in my mind, merging into one as the sobs break free. I couldn’t stop them if I tried, a dam breaking free that I’ve held in place for months through denial and sheer force of will.
I thought I’d have more time.
Despite Abram’s warnings, despite my scans, I realize that I truly thought that it wouldn’t happen. That it wouldn’t go that far.
A hand touches my shoulder, and I flinch back. “Don’t touch me.”
I’m dangerous.
“You’re not going to hurt me,” Nia murmurs. She settles opposite me as I blink the water from my eyes, and start to slowly rebuild those walls.
No, I wouldn’t hurt her. Not intentionally. But I can’t trust my own body, not anymore.
God. Nia.
My head jerks up. “You can’t tell anyone. Not Theo. Or Jake. Any of them.”
She stares at me. “But… you’re their mate. Aren’t you? Jake told me this morning.”
A new panic overtakes me. “Promise me. I helped you, Nia. Promise me you won’t say anything.”
She hesitates. I lunge forward, and she flinches back. My hand stops in mid-air. “ Please .”
“Why?” She assesses me, her lips pressing together. “I don’t want Theo to get hurt. Not after…,”
I see it. That moment of realization.
“What happened to my brother?” she whispers. “Did you… did you do that to him?”
I shake my head. Slowly, and then faster. “No. No .”
She blinks slowly. And then she flips the question around, her eyes narrowing. “Did… did he do this to you? Make you like this?”
She’s close. Closer than anyone has ever gotten, apart from the people involved in the aftermath. “Leave it be. It’s better that way.”
I roll onto my knees, use the wall to push myself upright. She follows, her face pale. “He did, didn’t he? He did something to you.”
I wet my dry lips. “Are you going to tell them?”
“You should tell them—,”
“It won’t help.” I brace myself against the plaster, breathing through my nose. “It won’t do anything but cause them more pain, Nia.”
Theo has had enough pain. Bad enough that Brett is dead.
If he knew the truth, I think it might destroy him. It would force him to choose. Me, or the memory of the twin he loved. And now we have a damn mating bond thrown in the mix.
And I’m used to nobody choosing me. Maybe it’s better. Only one person ever has, and it’s killing me.
How fucking ironic.
“And you?” She lingers as I push myself away from the wall and slowly turn. “What will happen to you?”
“I’m leaving.” I don’t look at her. “Soon. Don’t worry about it.”
We reach the end of the alley, and I force myself to look at her. “So?”
Fuck, I wish she hadn’t seen anything. She wraps her arms around herself, looking young and scared. “I won’t say anything. But you should.”
“This is my choice.” I turn for the diner. Mick is going to lose his shit if I don’t get back inside. “Thank you. You should head home.”
“I’ll walk you inside.”
She doesn’t need to, but I don’t argue as I pull the door open.
Shit.
Eric sits at the bar, his face covered in towels. And beside him, listening to him intently, is Theo.
He glances my way and stiffens. His eyes travel over my shoulder.
Ice and fire.
“Nia,” I whisper. “Step away from me, okay?”
“But—,”
“Now.”
He’s already moving, striding down the length of the diner. I back up, but he invades my space anyway, leaning down and snarling into my face. “What the fuck did you do now ?”
“Theo…,” Nia hovers beside us, but he doesn’t turn away from me. His words drip with anger. “And you . Go and get in the truck, Nia. We’ll talk about this at home.”
I slide my eyes to her. Her head drops, but she nods. Her hand brushes mine as she leaves, but I’m watching Theo. His throat flexes.
“Outside,” he says grimly. He doesn’t touch me as he moves around where I stand, frozen.
Eric looks over at me. His eyes widen, as if in fear.
He’s scared. Of me.
I lift my fingers, waggle them, and watch him blanch. Even though I feel like I might be sick at any moment, my lip still tilts up in a small smile as I turn to follow Theo.
If it was going to be anyone, I’m glad it was him. Fucker.
Theo turns as soon as the door swings closed. “I told him to call the cops on you.”
My throat dries. It won’t change anything. I’ll be in the Center in a few days, behind a locked door. And I’ll never walk back out. “Has he?”
He studies me. “He told me. You attacked him. Whatever you did, it scared him enough that he wants nothing to do with you at all. So no, he hasn’t.”
I loosen a breath. “Told you everything, did he? Are you sure?”
Theo takes a step, and then another.
Until he’s in front of me, our bodies barely an inch apart. I inhale as his hands come up, flinching back.
“Don’t do that,” he grounds out. His voice is almost a growl. “Don’t flinch from me, Kennedy.”
My mouth opens to ask him exactly what the fuck he expects me to do—
He touches me. Cups my face, examining it. And despite his anger, his touch is gentle. My mouth closes.
When I realize what he’s searching for, his eyes tracing my skin, my mouth dries. “It’s not my blood.”
His fingers pause. And then they move beneath my chin, tipping it up as he steps impossibly closer.
He feels warm. Warm, solid, and reassuring. I could bury my face in that chest. Crawl into him and let it all out.
Theo sighs. And I stiffen as his hand moves to my hair. But he carefully runs his hands through it. Stroking. Small, gentle touches that have my bones softening.
He doesn’t push me away when I lean forward. I let my forehead fall into him, my eyes closing.
Six months without touch is a long time. The bite of pain is worth it.
Theo’s hand moves from my hair, running down my back. “Did he hurt you?”
My eyes feel hazy. I can’t stop myself from wiggling, trying to get closer. “No.”
Lips on my hair. Travelling down the side of my face, warm breath brushing my ear. “Kennedy.”
“Mhm?” I blink, my eyes drifting closed.
I could sleep like this. Actual rest , instead of fractured nightmares and glimpses of the future waiting for me. My hand moves up, pressing over his heart. I can feel the steady thump beneath my fingers.
His soft whisper lands all the harder. “You really are a fucking psychopath, aren’t you?”
It’s a bucket of cold water over my senses. Acid poured into an already open wound. I try to move back, but his arms wrap around me, pinning me painfully in place. “I should have seen it. But you hide it so fucking well. First Brett, then Eric. I won’t let you touch anyone else. Do you understand? I’m watching you, mate .”
He spits the word like a curse. His hand winds into my hair, tugging it back. With me pressed against him like this, it feels like a parody.
Everything we could have been. Everything we’ll never be.
I run my tongue over my chapped lips, and he follows the movement. Our breathing mingles as I force out an icy response. “Are we done?”
“Not even close.” His words vibrate with fury. “Stay the fuck away from my sister.”
“Fine,” I say tightly. “Let me go.”
We watch each other for a long moment.
“You might be able to fool them,” he says finally. “Max. Jake. Even Oscar. But you’ll never fool me. You’re never going to be part of our pack – not if I have anything to do with it. I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than have you as a mate.”
Feigning boredom, I take a step back and fold my arms, glancing away. “If you’re done with the insults, I’d rather be washing dishes than standing here.”
His laugh shakes us both. “We both know that’s a fucking lie. You want me, Kennedy. Desperately. And you just proved it. Too bad you’re a murdering bitch, or I might have been tempted. Maybe I’ll toss you a pity fuck to take the edge off.”
“You never used to be cruel.” I pull away from him, my cheeks burning, and he lets me go, his fists closing on empty air. “And I’m not the only one wanting here, Theo. You made it pretty fucking obvious.”
Maybe I’d even take the offer, if he made it. Just to feel something. To pretend. I’d lose a little more of myself in the process - but what does it matter, when I’m disappearing day by day anyway?
“I was never a lot of things, until you blew up my fucking life.” He watches as I cross to the door. “You will tell me, Kennedy. I’m not going to leave you alone. I will be there, every second of every day, and I will make your life fucking miserable .”
“Well.” I keep my voice light as I pull the door open. “It can’t get much worse, so feel free to give it a shot.”
I glance over my shoulder. “And you should keep your sister away from Eric Masters. He’s a fucking rapist waiting to happen. That’s what you should be focusing on, asshole. But instead, you’re out here blaming me.”
Theo’s eyes widen, but I pull the door shut before he can respond.