17. Kennedy
Kennedy
T he world returns in a rush of fear and cold sweat as I bolt upright. Chest heaving, I stare around blankly.
I don’t know this room. It smells sterile, and cold, and dark, and I scramble back until my back hits something solid.
The Center – I still had time—
A hand brushes my arm, and I throw them up instinctively, flinching back.
“Hey, love,” the voice murmurs. “It’s just me. It’s alright.”
My vision flickers, warmth illuminating the room with shades of orange. “Max?”
He kneels beside me, offering me a crooked smile. “You with me?”
My breathing still see-saws inside my lungs, but I force a nod. “What happened?”
“You don’t remember?”
My head shakes unsteadily. He studies me. “Oscar found you in town. You gave us a good runaround. But you weren’t well, so he brought you here. You had a fever, but it settled pretty quickly.”
My toes curl up, my fingers gripping the soft material beneath me. “Oh.”
“How do you feel?” He gives me another once over that must find me lacking, because his lips press into a thin line.
Like I’m dying. “Fine, I guess.”
I glance down, to the bandages wrapped around my palms.
“You had some glass there.” He nods to a small first aid kit beside us. “I took it out while you were sleeping. Didn’t want to leave it in. But I need to check your knees too.”
Glass, from Theo’s windows. I press my tongue into my cheek. “Is he here? Theo?”
“He is. But he’s not angry at you.”
My laugh is biting and sharp. “Sure he’s not. The way he put me in place with his bark really showed that.”
Max sighs. “It was unforgivable, and he knows it.”
Part of me doesn’t blame him, not really. Not when I’ve been giving him the runaround on Brett’s death, refusing to talk to him. But the rest of me could probably go for another ten rounds on his truck.
I take a breath, testing my pain levels. They feel tolerable, but worry spikes. I’ll need my medication. “What time is it?”
“Coming up to dawn.”
Shit. “I should go.”
“Or you could stay,” Max says quietly. “You don’t have to go.”
Such small words. But they threaten to flay open my chest, that string that connects us leaping in sudden, dangerous hope. “Don’t say things like that.”
“I mean it.” He reaches for my hand, eyeing me cautiously but wrapping his fingers around mine when I don’t pull away. He squeezes, infinitely gentle. “Stay, Kenny. Let’s work this out, like we should have done from the beginning.”
Smoothing my other hand down my jeans, I look away from him, taking in the room. My eyebrows furrow. “I… recognize this.”
But I’ve only ever seen it on paper. Max’s cheeks are flushed. But he shrugs. “You think we’d build a home for our pack and not include you?”
It’s… my nest. The one I always wanted. The one I drew for Oscar, when he asked me. “He really kept the drawing?”
“Of course he did.” Max’s thumb rubs over my knuckles. “He doesn’t break his promises, you know that. You were always supposed to be ours, Kenny. We just… got a little mixed up along the way.”
My hand tightens in his.
I want what he’s offering. Want it with an intensity that steals my breath as I stare around at the room they designed for me without even knowing if I’d ever see it.
Maybe things could be different.
I can almost see it. Taste it. A future I thought was impossible, lingering just out of reach. Around a corner, but so close .
I just have to tell them. Tell Theo.
Break his heart.
Break the agreement I made with his father.
Break the promise I made to myself on that cliff edge.
And in the end, none of it will fucking matter, because I’ll be dead and they’ll be broken all over again.
A double hit, and I’m not sure they’d survive this one.
Max shifts, and I turn my eyes back to him, breathing in his scent. Just like the forest he loves so much.
Max, who’s always smiling, but not now. He looks almost… embarrassed.
“Look…,” he hesitates, looking down at our hands. “I know I’m not the best option for you, not really. I’m not going to college, Ken. I’m never gonna have a fancy job, like Theo and Oscar will. Even Jake will rise up. But I’m a trail guide, and that’s what I’m good at. I’m never going to be able to give you everything I’d like to.”
My heart squeezes. He thinks he’s not good enough. For me . “Wait—,”
“But I’m a hard worker,” he rushes out. His brown eyes are bright. “And I’m loyal. I promise that I’ll make sure every day that you never regret choosing me, mating bond or not. Because I chose you two years ago, Ken, and I’ll choose you over and over again if you let me. I won’t let you down again. Not this time.”
He lifts our hands, pressing his lips to the back of my hand. “I’m shit with words. You know that. But whatever I have is yours, okay? We can figure out the rest. And I know I’ll have to earn it. We haven’t exactly been good mates so far. But I will earn it.”
The vulnerable, quiet words send me reeling. My breathing is the only sound as I lean forward.
Max inhales sharply as I press my head into his shoulder. His hand slips from mine, rising to run over my back as I nudge myself into him, breathing him in. “You don’t need to be anything other than you , Max. You never have.”
He lifts me onto his lap with effortless ease. My legs settle around his hips, my arms slipping around his neck even as he presses his lips into my throat, over my sweater.
And he murmurs my name like it’s his own personal nirvana. “Kenny.”
It’s pleasure, and pain, and a reminder.
I let myself stay there, just for a minute. Let my hand run through his silky-soft blond hair, the way I always wanted to. Lower, tracing the pads of my fingers over golden stubble as he looks up at me, his arms holding me close.
I don’t know what to do.
I’m a day away – less – from the Center picking me up and putting me under lock and key for everybody’s safety. And that’s what has me shifting back, away from the tentative hope in Max’s eyes.
I can cope with their derision. With their scorn. But if they love me, it makes it so much harder to go. On both sides.
Either way, I realize, I can’t win. Whatever decision I make, they’re still going to get hurt.
“I should talk to Theo,” I whisper. Hesitantly.
Max trails his hand over the back of my cheek. Gentle. “He’s probably in the kitchen. I’ll take you.”
I take a final look at the room before he leads me out. At my nest .
I would have adored this room. Probably would never have left it.
I could have had… heats in this room. With all of them.
My cheeks color at the thought. I’ve never had to worry about it before.
I was never mated before.
And now—
I’m not a virgin. Not anymore. And the thought of it – of that – it crawls over my skin like a heavy weight, pressing me down. Holding me in place.
Max inhales. And then he spins. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
My fear leaks into the air, and I swallow hard, pulling it back. “Nothing. Just… it’s been a long night.”
A long year. Max studies me for a moment, brows dipping, before he slowly nods.
I hide behind him as he stands in the kitchen door. Peeking around his side, I see the three of them. Jake and Oscar both look at me, faces softening. But Theo doesn’t look up at all, his head hanging down.
Oscar smiles at me. He nods to a chair in invitation, and I slip past Max. His hand brushes against mine as he leans against the door.
I’ve been in here before. The nest is a new addition, but Jake lived in his house for years before his mom passed, the same year I met them. His eyes crinkle at the corners, a mixture of worry and warmth. “How’re you feeling?”
“Better,” I whisper. None of us lift our voices.
Maybe we’re all done with shouting.
Oscar stands. I watch cautiously as he makes his way around the table before he drops down to one knee beside me, examining my face. He holds up a hand. “May I?”
When I nod, he carefully cups my face. My lips part as he travels over my cheek, up to my forehead, and then back. “No fever.”
There’s something in his eyes as he looks at me. Something new. An awareness that wasn’t there before.
He looks at me as if I’m… fragile.
Pursing my lips, I try to remember what happened, but the hours before I arrived here are blank. “Did I win the race? What do I get?”
His lip tilts the barest touch. Almost a smile. “I think I won the race. So the prize is mine.”
I hum, glancing to Theo. He still doesn’t look up. “What do you want?”
“Many things,” he says easily. But he pushes his glasses up on his nose. “I’ll take an IOU. Something I can cash in.”
Any lightness disappears from my face. “Deal.”
His fingers drop from my face.
“Theo?” I say his name quietly, and his body stiffens. “Would you… would you take me home?”
He lifts his face at that. His green eyes are rimmed with red. “You want me to take you?”
“Yes.” I watch as his eyes slide down, landing on my hands. On the bandages, carefully wrapped by Max.
And then he looks away again. “Sure.”
Jake shifts. “I’ll—,”
Oscar and I both shake our heads at the same time. Jake glances between us, his brows dipped.
“Take my truck,” Max offers from the doorway. He winks when I turn around. “I changed the tire, so it’s roadworthy.”
I wince. “I forgot about that.”
“Will you come back?” Jake asks, but they all focus on me. Even Theo.
I don’t want to lie to them. Not when I’ve told so many already. “Maybe. If I can.”