Thirty-One
Under the spray of the shower, I rub at the cum dried on my legs. It comes off with a bit of water and soap, leaving my flesh bare. But it doesn’t clean me.
It doesn’t remove their touch, which sticks like fucking tar.
Like a tattoo.
A branding.
Forever marking me as a whore.
I came with them.
I rocked my hips against theirs.
And I enjoyed it.
I didn’t, I tell myself as I scrub at me harder. I hated it.
Desperation lances through me. My eyes are open, but I can’t check if I got it all. Maybe I feel disgusting because I missed a bit of it somewhere. Maybe there’s cum and blood still on me, and if I can just remove it, I’ll feel like myself again.
Tears mix with the spray as I duck my head and rapidly drag the rag across me.
My thighs start to sting beneath the pelt of the water as I rub off my top layer of skin, and all the anger that has been keeping me going since I came off the V now retreats under an overwhelming urge to break down and cry.
I am a Black, I tell myself as I fight down the scream building in my throat.
Dayne is waiting for me.
As is Lou.
And I need to kick Varius’ ass for taking my eyes after he promised me he’d never hurt me again.
How could he do this to me?
I’ve never felt so helpless.
So crippled.
Straightening, I force myself to move away from my thighs – and those thoughts. I can’t give into despair. I need to stay strong. Keep my head on my shoulders until I can figure a way out of here.
As I continue to wash myself, starting with my face and moving down, I go over the ways for a captive to increase their chances of survival.
Don’t draw attention to yourself. Stay calm and clear-headed at all times so you can study your abductors and their routines. Learn what they like, what their morals are, what things they respect about a person. Then mimic their beliefs. Become human to them, an ally that doesn’t need guarding.
And set goals to keep your hope alive.
I’m going to see my family again.
But can I even face them like this? With all the disease rotting away inside of me? What if I infect them? Lou’s about to be a mother. She doesn’t need my trauma around her and the baby.
I press my hand to my stomach as a sob threatens to break free.
I want to feel my own baby inside of me.
I want Rafiki to still be growing there.
I want her to be born healthy.
I want a future with her and her father.
One where we’re all running around the house laughing or cuddling on the sofa with her in my arms and Varius’ arms around me. I wanted the chaos and the frustration and the love and the joy.
I just want her. And I want him.
Fuck, I still want him.
Even though he took my eyes, I still want him to hold me. To break onto this boat and save me. As mad as I am at him and as much as I know there’s no fixing us anymore, my heart yearns for a different outcome. It mourns over the reality it’s in.
He chose to hurt me, and as much as I want to make excuses for him –he wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t been forced; he picked the same sense I would’ve because I need to be able to talk in this place, to win allies and gain intel; I would have done the same in his shoes, terrified Antonio would’ve taken his ears instead– I know I will never trust him not to hurt me again.
And a relationship cannot last without that.
Wiping away the tears, I force myself to think about my situation here rather than the one I am never going back to. If I can’t keep my head on my shoulders, I’ll break.
So I start to compartmentalize and set myself goals.
1. The biggest threat to me right now is V. I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to get addicted if I’m being forced to take it every hour, but the outcome’s inevitable. So I need to convince them to fuck me in their human forms. Sadist, at least, will be easy. He can’t get hard if I’m willing, so I’ll make it “fun”
for him. I’ll only fight him if there’s no V. The idea of engaging in “foreplay” with him makes me sick – not so much the pain and depravity he’ll inflict on me but the knowledge that I’ll be participating. Consenting in order to survive.
I scrub myself harder.
Force my thoughts to shift to the next goal.
2. I need to make allies. Sadist is out of the question, but there’s Sunny, as I’ve decided to call the guy who fed me due to his oh-so-sunny optimism, and Bear, the guy who couldn’t get hard at the school. The two of them might not help me escape, but I might be able to convince them to show me around the boat so I can learn its layout. I can also tease information out of them.
3. Eduardo is the only way on and off this super yacht. Teleportation magic uses a lot of energy, and he must be running on fumes given how much he has done recently – reviving me, cloaking the boat, healing himself and Sadist. Which means he and Antonio are going to be here for a while while he recovers… unless he’s taught Terra how to teleport. With his entire gang on the run, she’s probably here with us. Antonio will want to keep her close and safe.
So the other breeding women and Rudy might be here too…
I stiffen. Did he hear me scream? Did he hear me beg for their cocks?
My lips wobble. Does he hate me for being the reason he lost his hands, while I’m over here enjoying it?
He never should’ve tried to save me. I am the reason he is here, and by the gods, I will get him home.
Clenching the rag tight in my hand, I force it to glide across my face. I focus on the feel of it. On the rough cotton dragging across my lips. I ground myself in the now. I need to concentrate only on the present. On my goals. On staying alive long enough to go home.
Dayne will not stop coming for me. And Varius won’t give up on the brother he practically raised.
He won’t give up on you either, my heart whispers.
But even if I could forgive him for taking my eyes, why would he choose to stay with a tainted cripple like me? I’m disgusting. I’m broken. I’m dirty. I came on all their cocks… As soon as he realizes what I am, he’ll cut his losses. He’ll turn his back on me even if he still loves me, just like he did when he believed I betrayed him.
I cannot rely on him to come for me, so I won’t. Putting my faith in him again, just for him to break it will destroy me.
But I know Dayne will not stop regardless of how tainted I am.
So I put my faith in him.
And I put it in me.
After all, I am a fucking Black.
Wiping my body down one last time, I give up trying to clean my soul. Then I turn off the shower and exhale slowly.
I have this.
I will survive –
I twist on my heels as the shower door is wrenched open behind me. Knowing it’s either Eduardo or Sadist, I kick out in front of me. My foot slams into their chest. They grunt as they stumble back, and registering it’s Sadist, I charge at them. Eduardo wouldn’t have sounded so happy to be hit.
I make sure not to fight as well as I actually can. I want him to underestimate me until I’m ready to finally break out of here. His fist slams into my jaw. I stumble to the side, and he shoves me against the wall. His body presses against me. His cock is hard against my belly, and his fingers dig into my jaw.
“You’re going to pay for what you did,”
he sneers as he leans his face close to mine, his breath fanning across my cheek.
“For fucking your mom last night or for making you squeal like a little bi–”
He headbutts me in the face, slamming the rest of the words back down my throat. A migraine explodes in my skull, and I fall to the side, my knees buckling.
His grip tightens on my face, holding me up and forcing my mouth open. A cork pops nearby, and the urge to really fight back courses through me. The aroma of chocolate and fucking pomegranates assaults me, and it takes every bit of training I have to stay still.
To become the doll rather than the fighter I know he wants.
His cock starts to soften, and I start to believe in this plan. But then he says:
“You’re going to beg me to fuck you.”
I snap my arm up to elbow him in the face as my other hand shoots out towards the area I heard the pop.
I connect with his jaw at the same time I smack the vial out of his hold. It spills across the floor. He stumbles back, his hand dropping away from me, and I jump off the wall with my knee leading. It slams into his chest. He falls to the ground, and I try to stomp on his head, but he rolls into my legs, knocking me to the floor.
He scrambles on top of me and starts to choke me. I grope for his face, but his arms are longer than mine, and all I can reach are his shoulders. Changing tactic, I slam my fists and feet against the floor. I’m just trying to make noise now, to get Antonio’s attention.
He doesn’t want me dead, but in this moment, Sadist does, and he might take it too far. It takes five minutes to kill someone by suffocation, but just three minutes without oxygen can fry my brain permanently. Eduardo isn’t here to keep it from damage. He might not even be on the boat at all, and if he isn’t, then Antonio probably isn’t either. But maybe Sunny or Bear will hear me and come running; as long as they’re more afraid of Antonio than Sadist…
My chest burns. My limbs drop. Just as unconsciousness starts to take me though, the pressure on my throat lifts, and I suck in air between coughs of pain. I roll over onto my side, then to my knees.
The sounds of a fight fade into my sluggish brain. Then my instinct is screaming at me to run in crystal clarity. Stumbling to my feet, I head in the direction I hope is the door, my hands out in front of me. I hit a wall and slide my fingers along it, searching for the exit. Grunts and blows of pain echo behind me.
“Eduardo isn’t here to heal her!”
That’s Bear. I want to turn around and help him, but being blind in close quarters, I’m unable to distinguish who’s who. I could accidentally hurt him as easily I could Sadist. I need to get help.
Finding the open door of the ensuite, I run out into the room. I picture the layout in my mind, trying to figure out where the door to the hall will be. With the bed on my right and the table I ate at further along, I take a guess and hurry forward.
A sickening blow sounds behind me. Something’s been smashed into the floor. Now someone is scrambling onto their feet and running for me.
I pivot just as they reach me and kick out at them. They grab my leg, move in closer, then lift me for a throw. I elbow them on the top of their skull. They drop to the ground, dragging me down with them. Panic flares; grappling is not my fucking strong suit, and Sadist is bigger and stronger than I am. He can also fucking see.
It doesn’t take him much time at all to pin me down and start strangling me again.
“I’m going to enjoy turning you into my personal whore,” he says.
A part of me takes comfort in the fact that he isn’t going to kill me.
The other part screams that this is worse. He’s going to break my body in every way he can. He’s going to make me crave his touch. With the V in me, I won’t be able to deny him. I’ll be desperate for an orgasm, and if he denies me for too long, I won’t even be able to dissociate. Every part of me will be focused on getting that high just out of reach, and eventually, I will break.
I try to bang against the floor again, but this time no one comes. As I black out, my limbs fall still, and then I come to on the bed. He ties me up with straps already prepared for me, both my arms and legs. Either he did it before entering the bathroom, or they were always there, a mimic of the breeding table they had me on at the school.
My mouth is pried open and a new bottle of V is poured down my throat.
I try to spit it out, but he cups a hand over my lips and pinches my nose. Desperate to breathe, I suck it down, and he laughs as he releases me. Sharp arousal spreads through me. I fight it as much as I can, but as soon as Sadist starts stroking my body, I can feel my pussy growing wet.
“You want this, don’t you, whore?”
He rubs my breasts, then tugs on my nipples.
I shudder and clench my fists even as my legs spread on their own accord. He chuckles as he slides a hand down to my pussy. “I bet you’re already soaked.”
He slips a finger inside of me, working it in and out. “Oh, yeah, you are. I can see how much you want this.”
I tremble against my binds. Desperate to distract myself from what he’s forcing my body to do, I focus on Dayne’s heartbeat. I can feel him through the tattoo I gave him years ago – a promise that I will always protect him. He gave me a similar one, but Varius had me burn it off, and in this moment, I’m thankful. I don’t want him feeling me as I suffer through this. His heartbeat wouldn’t be normal then. Wouldn’t be calm, and I need to feel that right now.
Sadist shuffles down the bed. His head goes between my legs, and as his deformed tongue laps against my lips, I hate myself for feeling pleasure.
For rocking my pussy into his face.
For cradling him with my thighs.
I tug on the binds, desperate to break free, but they hold fast.
He licks me, and I can feel it coming.
I squeeze my eyes shut, begging my body not to do this to me.
My orgasm builds. I’m not going to be able to stop it.
But just as I start to near the edge of no return, Sadist pulls back.
I cry out in frustration even though I don’t want him to continue.
My thighs tremble as my hips lift, seeking his face.
He laughs at me.
I scream at me.
Moving off the bed, he says, “Beg me to shove my dick into your wet cunt.”
I clamp my mouth shut. Try to concentrate on Dayne’s heart rate to override my own.
The words burn at the back of my throat, but I refuse to let them free.
Ba thump
Ba thump.
I love you, Dayne.
Once again, he is saving me. There’ve been many restless nights where I wasn’t able to sleep without focusing on his heartbeat. And I know he’s done the same.
Ba thump.
Ba thump.
Blocking myself off to whatever Sadist is saying, I focus on what I can control.
Ba thump.
Ba thump.
I bring my heartbeat down to match his, and I wait for Sadist to tire of me.