Chapter 11 #2
“This is true.” He made no attempt at denial. “Now, I can’t speak for the others, but what I can promise you is that I’ve never looked into you.”
“Not even a little?”
There was an immediate shake of his head. “I like to form my own opinions about people. Even the ones I work with.”
“I have to say, that surprises me.”
“Ryker trusts you enough to bring you onto his team. When he took that promotion, you were the one he chose to take his place.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t always mean—”
“And then,” he interrupted, “when the man decided to have two separate handlers for the ever-evolving R.I.S.C. teams, you were the agent he moved to D.C. to handle us, Charlie, and Echo. Not someone else, Talia. You.” His dark eyes locked onto hers.
“I’ve known the man for years, and his word is his bond.
It’s like that old sayin’…any friend of his and all that. ”
“Is that what we are?” she asked softly. “Friends?”
“Darlin’, we can be whatever you want us to be.”
Natalia grew flushed as a rush of flutters raced their way through her chest. If only he knew what she wanted. How badly she craved him. If only she had the strength to tell him.
If only.
“I’m the reason Julian’s dead,” Natalia blurted the admission before she could talk herself out of it. “Not directly, but I was in charge of the op that got him killed.”
As far as segues went, it was far from being smooth, but at least the truth had finally been set free.
“What happened?”
“It was three years ago, in Afghanistan. A terrorist by the name of Ahmed al-Asiri took a group of innocent men and women hostage. Our job was to locate and implement rescue, along with an off-books, black ops team. We were sent there to find them and bring them home. Instead, we found a pile of bodies and…a bomb.”
“That’s how Julian died?”
Her head moved in a slow, solemn nod. “But not before he saved the rest of us, first.”
“How so?”
Natalia thought back to that day. She could almost feel the warmth from the desert sun on her face and taste the grittiness of sand on her tongue. Jagger’s dark, intense stare never left hers as he listened to her share the part of her past that refused to let go.
“We did everything by the book from the beginning of the op. Followed the same, basic outline as all the ones before it.” It should have been so easy.
“Rahim Khan was my regional asset. He came highly vetted, and the intel he’d provided on previous ops was always solid.
” Always. “Every one of my jobs with him was a success. So when Rahim came to me with GPS coordinates of al-Asiri’s hideout, and said that was where the hostages were being held, there was no reason for me to think the information was less than valid. ”
“Khan double-crossed you?”
“My former boss at the agency thought so. As did his boss and the guy above him.”
“But not you.”
“No.” Natalia pictured Rahim’s kind, smiling face.
“A year before this particular op, Rahim’s wife and son were caught in the crossfire when two of al-Asiri’s men started shooting at a small group of enemy militants in the middle of the village market.
His wife was shot in the chest. Their son took a bullet to the head. ”
Jagger cursed beneath his breath, running a hand over the course hair covering his jaw. “Poor man.”
“Exactly.” Natalia swallowed. “There’s no way in hell Rahim would’ve sided with the terrorist group responsible for killing his family.”
After a moment of silence to process what she’d shared so far, he spoke up once again.
“Go back to where you first got to the hideout.” He shifted a bit against the plush ivory cushions. “What happened next?”
“Hold and observe.” She rattled off the agency’s textbook procedure.
“Confirm location and the presence of hostages, and initiate rescue. That’s what we were supposed to do, and that’s exactly what I did.
Only the place was like a ghost town. There was no movement.
None of al-Asiri’s men could be seen. We had no sign of the hostages, and no way to know from where we were holed up whether they were ever even there. ”
“So you went inside.”
Natalia nodded once again. “If there was even a chance the hostages were inside that building…” Her voice trailed.
She could still hear the words she’d said to Keith minutes before tragedy struck…
I can’t greenlight a breach if I think there’s a chance we’re being set up.
“You had to give the green light to go in.”
Jagger’s uncanny choice of words left her blinking. “But I knew, in my gut, that something wasn’t right.”
“Sometimes we have no choice but to follow the intel, instead.”
“I didn’t want to,” Natalia admitted softly. “I wanted to pull back until I had the chance to reconnect with Rahim. But Keith was hounding me to make the call to go in so we could see for ourselves.” She shrugged a shoulder. “So we did.”
“What happened once you got inside?”
“We found the hostages.” Tears pricked the corners of her blinking eyes. “They’d been dead for a while. Tossed into a pile like a bunch of old leaves or discarded trash.”
“Ah, hell.”
“The support team there with us took the perimeter and the upstairs. Keith, Julian, and I covered the main floor. Julian thought he heard something, and from the initial count, we were missing one of the hostages. So, Keith and I stayed with the bodies while Julian went to check it out.” She frowned.
“If there was a chance for us to save even one…” Jagger’s image became blurred.
“Turns out, it was a hostage. There was a bomb strapped to the body. The assumption is when Julian tried moving them in his effort to render aid, it triggered a timer.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Next thing we knew”—she continued—“he was racing out of that room, screaming at Keith and I to run.”
The next blink set a tear loose, but she hurriedly swiped it away. Jagger remained silent as she sat up a bit straighter, willing herself to breathe.
“Keith and I were the only ones who made it out of the building alive. The other team members who’d rappelled out the second-story windows, sustained minor to moderate injuries. But Julian …” Her voice cracked despite the effort she’d put forth to prevent it.
“That’s not on you, sweetheart.”
The unexpected endearment caught the breath from her lungs.
“I was the lead on the op, Jagger.”
“Doesn’t make you a mind reader or someone who can predict the future.” He slowly pushed himself to his feet. “Did you have any reason to believe there was a guy with a bomb waiting for you inside that room?”
Natalia brushed another tear away. “We didn’t even know the room existed until we were inside. It wasn’t on the plans we were given, which was one more reason the higher ups blamed Rahim’s intel. Or rather, the trust I’d put in him.”
Jagger walked toward her with unhurried steps, the soft soles of his boots silent as they moved across the shiny, hardwood floor.
“Let me see if I’ve got this straight.” He took a seat on the cushion right beside her. “Using intel from a known, reliable, government-approved asset, you followed protocol and implemented the search of a suspected terrorist hideout in an attempt to save a bunch of innocent lives?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Actually, it is.” Jagger’s handsome head tilted slightly to the side. “You had no way to know those hostages were already dead. And you sure as hell couldn’t have predicted there’d be some asshole waiting inside for you with a bomb.”
“It was a total mission failure.”
“Because of al-Asiri,” he countered. “Not you.”
Natalia scoffed. “Yeah, well, tell that to the CIA.”
“I know the guys in charge over there quite well.” Jagger changed positions to face her more directly. “They’re idiots.”
A burst of laughter unexpectedly escaped Natalia’s kissable mouth. “Massive idiots,” she agreed.
His lips curved into a smile. In an unanticipated move, Jagger reached up, gently tucking some hair behind her ear before resting his palm against her cheek. When he spoke again, his deep voice had softened to a heartwarming tone.
“What happened wasn’t your fault, darlin’.” He looked deep into her eyes. “You did what you could with the intel you were provided. I would have done the same thing in your shoes.”
“You don’t know that,” she whispered back.
“I do.” He scooted himself a bit closer. “You wanna know how I can be so sure?”
Natalia nodded, her heart racing from the warmth of his simple, sweet touch.
“Because I know you.” He leaned in closer, still. “And I know what kind of operative you are in the field. You don’t take chances unless the risk is worth it. And it’s obvious Julian was someone you cared about.”
“He was my best friend.” Her mouth curved into a bittersweet smile. “We were partnered up on day one at Langley. Julian and I…” She paused. “We just sort of clicked from the start, you know?”
“I do.”
“And it was never romantic between us. Neither one of us ever felt that way about the other. And I didn’t choose him for that op because we were friends.”
“I believe you.”
“I chose Julian to be by my side that day because he was a damn good operative,” she continued despite what he’d just said. “And then he ended up dying under my watch.”
“I’m sorry.”
A beat later, she whispered, “I never wanted you to know.”
Those dark brows of his dipped inward. “Why not?”
“I was afraid you’d look at me differently.” Then Natalia admitted, “I really like how you look at me.”
“Ah, darlin’.” Jagger reached up and cupped the other cheek. With his hands framing her face, he held her hostage with his stare. “I look at you this way because I’m in awe of who you are. You’re strong. Smart. Brave—”
“Come on, Jagger,” she interrupted with a roll of her eyes.
“No, I’m serious,” he countered, gently forcing her to maintain eye contact. “You are an incredible operative, Talia. The CIA was insane to ever let you go. I’m just damn thankful Ryker saw in you what those fools at Langley couldn’t. Otherwise, we probably never would’ve met.”
Natalia pulled in a breath, her lungs filling with air for what felt like the first time in years. Ever since that day in Afghanistan, there’d been an almost suffocating pressure. A weighted burden of guilt and shame she’d been too scared to ever reveal. But now—
He knows the truth, and yet, he’s not looking at me any differently.
She closed her eyes and let herself lean into Jagger’s touch. Her pulse spiked when she felt him pressing his lips softly against hers. This man knew the truth, and he wasn’t running for the hills.
Deep down, a part of Natalia had always known what happened that day wasn’t her fault. But a person could hear a lie only so many times before it started to feel like the truth.
It wasn’t my fault. I know it. I think I’ve always known it.
And now, Jagger knew it, too. Not only that, but she’d seen the truth staring back at her from his eyes. The man wholeheartedly believed every single word that he’d said.
About the op. The CIA. And most importantly…her.
“Tell me you still want me.” Her mouth brushed against his as she spoke. “Please tell me that hasn’t changed.”
“I want you,” he growled.
The primal sound filled her body with a heady, aching need.
“Good.” Natalia sent him a smile before pushing herself off the couch and up to her feet.
“Where are you going?” Jagger called after her, belatedly rising back up to his feet to follow.
Without a word, she turned away from him, slowly making her way up the short set of steps leading to the townhome’s next level. She passed by the dining room table on her right before moving toward the next set of wooden stairs to her left.
Natalia stopped mid-stride with one hand on the railing and turned to face him once again. “I need a shower,” she announced unceremoniously. And then she asked, “Are you coming?”