CHAPTER FIVE #2
I felt the most bizarre combination of guilt and satisfaction at the display of affection.
Most of the dimari I’d worked with had started out with masters who didn’t have a clue how to look after them, and I’d started my part of the process with frustrated owners and depressed dimari.
There was something magical about watching one come straight out of the box, as it were, and into the arms of a master who had both the skills and the willingness to make sure he was well cared for right from the outset.
But at the same time, I hated the slave trade. I hated the training the Eumadians put the dimari through, I hated the mind-control technology they used to do it, and I hated the way that so much of Kade’s life had been stolen from him by people who had never even given him a chance.
After about half an hour, Kyle seemed to decide that he’d explained enough for the time being, and he stood up, telling Nik that he was going to take him home now.
“Yes, sir,” Nik said enthusiastically, and Soka quickly stood up as well.
“That’s my cue,” she said. She’d offered to escort the various visitors to the base to and from the meeting rooms, and our next guest was due to arrive at any moment. “I’ll be back soon.”
She left the room and we watched her collect Kyle from the conference room, and then we all breathed a collective sigh of relief.
“One down, seven to go?” I said, trying to sound more optimistic than I was feeling.
“That went exceptionally well,” Henderson said, a rare burst of optimism from a man who was more prone to scowling and glaring at people. “You should be proud of yourself, Aiden. You did well.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said, knowing that his praise wasn’t the part that mattered. If the dimari ended up happy and healthy, in secure and caring homes, then that was all the praise I needed.
? ? ?
By half past eleven, I was beginning to get a headache.
“I appreciate it’s been difficult to run the house by yourself after Derek died,” I was saying to our latest visitor, a woman named Helen who was contemplating adopting one of the domestic servants.
In a break in the routine, I was sitting alone with her in the meeting room.
Everyone else, Kade included, had been given a break while I explained some of the cold, hard facts to a woman whom I wasn’t quite sure was listening.
“Derek was a true asset to the military and I know Henderson has been offering whatever extra help he can, over and above Derek’s pension.
And with your three children, I know taking on a dimari might seem like a magical solution to all of your problems. Toz can help with the housework, he can help take care of the kids, and as far as intimacy goes, he’s…
” I hesitated, not sure how to politely phrase the rest of it.
“A compliant sex dispenser?” Helen said, her expression showing that she knew exactly how distasteful that sounded, even if I wasn’t willing to say it.
I cringed, even as I nodded. “Figuring out systems to make sure a dimari is consenting to sex is a complicated thing that takes a lot of time and effort. Please don’t take this personally, but I’ve interviewed a lot of people in the last year, and plenty of them really don’t understand the way it works.
The most important thing you need to accept is that a dimari is not, and cannot be, a romantic partner.
Not like Derek was. They don’t have free will.
They have a very limited capacity for decision making.
A dimari will certainly do the housework for you, but you still have to tell him what to do, teach him the routines of the house, and constantly give him guidance about any changes to that routine.
He’ll give you as much companionship as he can manage, but a person with free will would also be capable of things like buying you a surprise gift for your birthday, or making a decision if the kids ask to go to a friend’s house, or supporting you through a career change.
Dimari aren’t able to do that. They’ll tell you that they’re happy with whatever you decide to do, but they’re not going to sit down and work through the pros and cons of a major life decision with you.
Toz is never going to openly contradict you, if he thinks you’re making a bad decision.
And as much as that might sound like the ideal fantasy lover – someone who never disagrees with you – it actually means a lot of work on your end to make sure his needs are being met as well. ”
Normally, I wouldn’t be nearly so blunt in explaining the way a dimari saw life.
But Helen had come here, not eager and willing to care for a dimari, but rather with a shopping list of questions about whether that would make her life easier, after the death of her husband just over a year ago.
And the more I tried to hammer the truth home, the less she seemed to be listening.
The fact that I’d had to get so blunt about it was the reason I’d eventually asked to speak to Helen alone.
Kade would certainly have objected to my descriptions of how a dimari thought, though he wouldn’t have said so out loud.
He was aware of his own limitations, but continued to misunderstand how large a gap there was between his capabilities and the expectations of Alliance members.
“I’m confused,” Helen said. “And I’m genuinely not trying to be difficult here. But Toz needs a home. And I need someone to help me look after the house. And dimari enjoy raising children. Or at least, I’ve been led to believe they do.”
“So long as that’s been part of their training, then yes,” I agreed.
“So I would be giving Toz exactly the life he desires,” Helen pressed.
“And he would be freeing me up to spend more time playing with my children, rather than just washing them and feeding them and cleaning the house. So forgive me if I’m being obtuse, but I’m still not seeing why you think this is such a problematic idea. ”
“I’m concerned because I believe you see a dimari as a potential new husband.
Which is a role he’s never going to be able to fill.
And secondly, you seem to have given no thought at all as to what you’d do with him once your children are grown up.
Think of this as being like adopting a fourth child, but it’s one who’s never, ever going to grow up and leave home.
You’ll be looking after him for the rest of your life. ”
I’d expected that part to pull her up. But instead, she smiled, genuine warmth lighting her face.
“That would actually be really nice,” she said.
“See, the whole thing about this is that it’s not like I can’t hire a cleaner or a nanny to help on a temporary basis.
But I want someone consistent. I want someone who’s not going to quit after six months when they decide to move to Dranva with their new boyfriend.
I want my children to grow up knowing that there’s someone there who loves them, who’s not just looking after them because they’re being paid for it.
And after they’re grown and out living their own lives…
well, I imagine life could get quite lonely.
With Toz, we can go travelling. We can visit any grandchildren that come along.
We can study painting, or learn the Wasop styles of dancing, or…
whatever! And yes, you’re probably going to tell me that that’s exactly the role a husband would take, but I’m perfectly capable of taking the lead and finding plenty of interesting things to do.
But having someone to do them with makes everything so much more enjoyable.
“Right now, I’m drowning in dirty dishes and baskets of laundry. But I have so many other things I want to do with my life further down the track as well.”
Helen fell silent, waiting for my reply.
I watched her carefully, trying to weigh the truth of what she was saying.
At the end of the day, I realised, my concern wasn’t that she wasn’t prepared to take on the full responsibility of caring for a dimari.
It was that in the short term, she was far more willing than most people to make use of her dimari’s willingness to serve her.
But that didn’t necessarily make her a mean or demanding master.
As she’d rightly pointed out, domestic servants thrived in a busy house with plenty of organising to do.
So finally, I nodded. “Fair enough,” I said, feeling another small piece of the weight on my shoulders ease off.
“Let’s get Soka and Colonel Henderson back in here and get Toz ready to be activated for the bonding. ”
Half an hour later, I was watching Kade as he stared at the image on the screen.
He was wearing a look of satisfaction, as he watched the newly bonded couple get to know each other.
Helen was sitting at the table in the conference room with Toz, showing him pictures of her children, via her comm.
Toz seemed utterly enthralled. He was leaning forward, pointing to various details in the photos, smiling all the while.
That was one of the things that had made me want to give Helen a chance, for all my initial doubts about her.
From the descriptions in Toz’s operations manual, he’d been trained specifically to help raise a family’s children, and I’d imagined how disappointing it would have been for him if he’d ended up in a family without any.
It was a simple equation; if he loved Helen’s children, then Helen would love him.
It was as much as I could possibly ask for.