Chapter 34
Arnie
“You’re quiet. Still okay with how today went?”
Being at Euan’s and having Jamie with me had been an amazing experience that I was so glad he had been a part of. To share that side of myself with the person I loved meant so much.
Jamie had embraced a new kink that he might have immediately rejected. Just the fact that he took part and showed up with me would have been enough. But then, when I caught him and I noticed that same dark look in his eyes as I had the first time I experienced primal play; it had me hard as steel.
He continues to amaze me at every turn. Living together after just weeks of meeting, going through all the drama with Jamie’s stepdad, and then finding myself in a relationship for the first time might have been too much for others, but not for us.
It gave us an immense advantage with trust, respect, and love early on so that we could enjoy our dynamic more openly sooner than expected.
Despite Jed still being out there, the immediate threat of him was gone for now, and I wanted to bask in our new relationship and guide Jamie into the world of kink without us looking over our shoulders.
Jamie squeezes my hand that’s resting on my thigh as I drive us home, his huge puppylike eyes boring into my own as he distracts me from the road ahead.
“I’m amazing, A. Just in my thoughts, that’s all,” he says as he gives my hand one last squeeze and then the heat from his own is gone.
“Care to share any of those thoughts, darling?”
He chews his cheek, as if he’s contemplating whether to share with me. Worry settles heavy in my gut that I have completely misjudged Jamie’s eagerness today.
“Um…so, like, did Simmons talk to you before we left?” He continues to worry his lip, now picking at the bottom one with his nails. I grab his wrist firmly and remove it. Jamie gapes at me, maybe a little shocked that I could see him doing it in the dark and stopped him.
“No, we didn’t get the chance. I overheard from someone that he was having a hard time wrangling Freddie today. Come to think of it, Freddie was barely present. Did you speak to him?”
Perhaps he was worried that talking to Freddie and forming a relationship with the boy after their kiss back at Y2K was going to piss me off or upset me.
It was quite the opposite, to be honest. Jamie and I had never really had a serious talk about monogamy and what that meant to both of us.
The thought of watching Jamie come undone with only me or with me and others turned me on the same.
I wanted to see Jamie’s pleasure in any way that he wanted.
That night I had paddled Freddie; Simmons was like a cat that got the cream when he bounced over to tell me my boy had jerked it to the scene in front of him.
Assuming he would play with that little cocktease Freddie or with another Dom I trusted like Simmons, then I would be okay with it. It was a conversation we would have sooner rather than later; it seemed.
“I saw him…not, uh…talking as much, though,” he says with his brow pinched.
“Kissing, then?” I prompt. Jamie jerks in his seat, his eyes almost bulging out of his head. I try to hide a smile and fail.
“Blondie, it’s okay if you did. Sometimes subs mess around with each other at these things. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Are you ashamed? I promise I’m not mad if that happened,” I reassure him. He slowly shakes his head, though, biting on that plump lower lip.
“Jamie. Answer me. And stop biting that lip, or I’ll plug you, spread you wide and resign you to the attic alone tonight.”
“No, ohmygod, no. We didn’t kiss, but uh, well, Freddie dragged me into a small cupboard, and we were like this close,” he motions his finger and thumb to show me how small the space was.
“And Freddie was all like. Let’s play a game; I’m bored.
But I said no and then Simmons found us and Freddie lied and told him I fucked him, but I didn’t A, I swear. ”
Jamie is almost shaking at this confession, so I take pity on him. I park us in the driveway, glad for the good timing, switching off the engine before turning to face him.
“Jamie. Look at me. Okay, I am not mad, and it sounds to me that nothing happened. Why do you look so guilty, darling?”
Because he wanted to fuck him.
The voice in my head whispers. Would I be okay with that? I let out a small breath to centre myself and wait for him to respond.
“I… well…I’ve been having thoughts about possibly, maybe, like a little about doing something with someone like Freddie,” he confesses. He looks so distraught at his admission, as if I’ll tell him that filthy thoughts are banned from our relationship.
“Jamie, that’s okay. We all have dirty thoughts.”
“How are you so okay with this? Do you want me to kiss other people? Do you…are you saying…” But he didn’t need to finish the sentence because I knew what he was saying. Did I no longer want him?
“I love you. But I realise that we never had the talk about monogamy and if it’ll work for us. So, tell me, Jamie, honestly. Are you thinking we should open our relationship so I can watch you possibly, maybe, kiss some boys for me?” I ask with a sliver of teasing.
Jamie looks at me through those long lashes, the smell of pine and lavender filling the small space of the car and making me want nothing more but to strip him and have him ride me right here in the driveway.
Before I can think about the cost to tint the windows of my car, Jamie finds his voice again.
“I’m not sure. I love you too, and I don’t want to ruin anything or have you think I am not fulfilled because A, oh, I am. More than fulfilled, and I’m not just saying that. You’re incredible and make me feel so loved. I don’t want us to do anything we can’t come back from, I guess.”
I understood that. I didn’t want us to ruin anything either.
After what we had been through in the beginning and are currently still going through with Jed, the meshed weird found family we now shared.
I didn’t want him alone again if things went badly, and he felt that those friends, who had grown to adore him, were only on my side.
I’m sure that if I messed up what we have, it would be me in the end, as they’d all choose Jamie in a heartbeat.
“I get it. But communication is key, yeah? We keep talking, we discuss the fears, the wants, and everything in between, okay?”
At that, a small smile tugs at his lips, making him look mischievous.
“What is that smile for?” I ask with a similar look on my face.
“Simmons said that if I had truly fucked Freddie, then he’s have known. What do you think he meant?”
“Oh, Jamie. I think we’ve found our play partners,” I say with a wink. “C’mon out of the car. You owe me those acts of service before bed, and I think I might cash in a foot rub, cough job cough.”
“You filthy man. I’m in,” Jamie laughs as he throws open the car door and runs towards our home.