Chapter 11
“God, I’d forgotten how beautiful it was up here, Adam.”
Janae looked out over Monroe Summit, a secluded peak that provided a panoramic view of their sleepy little town.
When they were in high school, it was the place where all the kids snuck away to make out or hang out or throw impromptu get-togethers.
Cars would be lined up, and for the most part, as long as they kept the noise to a reasonable level and no one did anything stupid to cause the sheriff to check in on them, kids would spend hours up here getting cozy with a date, dancing to their favorite songs, or just hanging with friends, dreaming about tomorrow.
As soon as she realized where Adam was guiding his truck, fond memories of the fun she’d had here with Cree, Michael, and Derrick assailed her. Flipping through them in her head, she realized there weren’t very many where she remembered Adam sharing in the fun with them.
“You live here,” Adam interrupted her thoughts as he turned down the tailgate and helped her onto the bed of the truck. “You mean to tell me you don’t come up here every chance you get?”
Janae chuckled. “That would mean I did anything more than work and take care of my kid.”
“So, no free time to sneak away with your suitor of the week?”
She twirled her finger in the soft red material on her sleeve before she answered. “If that’s your way of asking me if I’m dating anyone, the answer is no. There hasn’t been anyone since my ex.”
“You sour on the idea of dating, or you just haven’t had the opportunity to date?”
She looked up at him, the inkiness of the night sky providing a calming backdrop to the twinkling lights of the cars on the highway beneath them.
His eyes sparked with anticipation as he waited for her answer.
She realized he wasn’t just making conversation; he seemed to really want to know her answer.
“If you’d asked me this question two weeks ago, my response would’ve been an unequivocal ‘I’m so sour, my mouth is permanently puckered.
’ I’d invested so much of myself in my marriage that it took me a year post the divorce just to feel remotely normal again.
The more at home I felt in my own head, the more I realized how lost I’d been.
I decided then that I would never be in a relationship again. ”
God, that first year was so damn hard. It took everything she had just to get out of bed. Once she was out of it, putting herself together so she could smile in front of her son and take care of him depleted the rest of her limited stores of energy.
“If you’re asking me if I’m ready to date, Adam, I’m not sure. There’s so much on my shoulders.”
He put his hand over hers where she was twirling the material of her sleeve, stopping the repetitive motion with his touch. “Your ex doesn’t help with your son?”
“He does.” She took a breath, trying to figure out how to continue.
Her relationship with her ex was complicated, to say the least. Trying to describe that to someone who hadn’t been there and hadn’t shared in the misery in a way that gave a fair depiction of the events was almost impossible.
The feel of his hand on hers warmed her, making her feel safe enough to open up even slightly about it.
“Marq is a good father now.” Making the qualification didn’t feel unfair considering the hell Marq had put her through.
“He makes time for our son. He’s supportive of James’ interests.
But back then, he was a different man. He was plagued with a lot of darkness that spilled over from his father’s toxic idea of what masculinity should be.
Being a career military person didn’t help him develop a softer side either.
Once our divorce was final, I guess it finally clicked that his toxicity had robbed him of everything he loved, and he finally sought help so he could heal.
Getting to that point, however, he took our family through hell. It left me raw, like an exposed nerve.”
He slowly nodded his head, encouraging her to continue without pressuring her to do so.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for another relationship of that magnitude, Adam. It took so much out of me. Yet, I can’t deny that I’ve enjoyed the few times we’ve come in contact with each other. I don’t mean to sound confusing or fickle.”
He held up his hand to stop her. “There’s nothing fickle about that, Janae.
It sounds like you’re understandably cautious.
No one can fault you for that. I don’t need you to make any promises to me.
I just want more moments like this where we get to just be in each other’s presence and learn more about each other. Does that feel doable to you?”
She freed her hand from his, and the slight motion deepened the fine lines on Adam’s brow. She moved her hand up and cupped his cheek, loving the bristle of his neatly trimmed beard beneath her thumb.
She leaned in, brushing her lips against his.
The touch of her skin against his loosened something in her, sparking something unfamiliar in her.
Yes, it was attraction. That was a given.
Adam was a walking billboard for masculine sex appeal.
This was something else, though. Something elemental that she hadn’t had in a long time.
It was comfort. After so much pain and anguish over the last two years, comfort felt like luxury.
Without shame, she wanted as much of it as this man could give her.
She pulled away from him, smiling up into his inviting expression.
“Yes, Adam. I think that’s more than doable.”