Chapter 32
“So, are we ever gonna talk about what’s bothering you?”
Janae looked up from her crouched position on the floor to find James standing over her. She sat on her haunches, tossing the soggy sponge in the nearby bucket of sudsy water.
“Boy, I know you see me busy scrubbing these floors. Unless you wanna do them for me, I suggest you leave me be.”
Considering the aversion that boy had to chores, she expected him to throw up his hands and scurry away. To his credit and her annoyance, he squatted until he was nearly on the floor with her.
“Ma, I know something’s wrong. I’m old enough for you to tell me when something’s up.”
She wiped her brow, giving him her direct attention while still trying to figure out how to calm James’ concerns.
“I’m fine, James. I just really want to finish scrubbing the kitchen floor.”
James chuckled, sitting down cross-legged in front of her.
“Sure,” he responded. “Because my mother, the woman who owns so many Swiffer products, just loves scrubbing the floor on her hands and knees.” He dropped his eyes, the motion made him look very much like the little boy who used to ask for a second slice of chocolate cake when he knew he’d already had more than he should.
“Is it Dad? Are the two of you fighting again?”
Janae slipped her legs from beneath her, her butt hitting the damp spot she’d just cleaned.
Unconcerned, she placed her hand to cup his cheek. “James, your father and I are not fighting.”
“Would you tell me if you were?”
She thought about it and sighed, slightly saddened that her little boy could no longer be swayed with a kiss to his forehead and the reassurance of her smile. Now he was old enough to seek to comfort her.
“I would tell you if we were fighting. I wouldn’t tell you what we were fighting about. That’s none of your business.”
Even though he laughed, she could still see the worry in his eyes and it didn’t sit right with her.
“Listen, James, I know you want your dad and I to get back together, but that’s not a possibility.”
“Did Dr. Henderson tell you that?”
She nodded slowly, gauging his reaction to her reply. “He didn’t tell me to break any sort of confidence with you. He told me because he and I were seeing each other romantically and he wanted me to know how you felt.”
James’ mouth dropped open in surprise. “How did I not pick up on that?”
She couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. “I think you were too busy being impressed with his hoop game to pay attention to anything else.”
He cautiously watched her before asking, “Are you mad I talked to Dr. Henderson?”
“No, you’re not in trouble, James, for talking to Adam. You have a right to the way you feel and there’s no harm in that. My only question is, why didn’t you feel you could talk to me about it?”
“Ma, I didn’t come to you, because I didn’t want to jinx it. I felt like maybe y’all were trying to figure things out on your own before you came to me about it.”
The proud smile climbed onto her face without any help from her. Seeing her son-shine, the boy she’d sacrificed everything for, display his concern and compassion for her made her heart swell.
“Dad and I make much better friends than spouses.”
“Because you have feelings for Dr. Henderson?”
She shook her head. She didn’t want James to lay any kind of misplaced blame at Adam’s feet.
“No. I’ve only been seeing Dr. Henderson since the beginning of the school year.
Dad and I were divorced for quite a bit before that.
I know you want us to reconcile, but that is never going to happen.
James, I’m not gonna ask you to be okay with that.
I am, however, asking you to respect our decision to remain apart. Can you do that?”
“I can,” he spoke without hesitation. “I just want you to be happy.” He drew a circle in the air. “Speaking of happy, you didn’t look happy when I found you scrubbing the floor. If it’s not Dad, is it Dr. Henderson that has you manic cleaning?”
She lifted a finger and shook her head. “Still not gonna give you the details of my business. Just know that whatever is going on, the thing that always keeps happiness planted at the center of my heart is my son-shine.”
“Ma, I’m fifteen. How long you gonna keep calling me that?”
“Until I draw my last breath. That okay with you?”
With a huge grin on his face, he leaned over, grabbing her up in a big hug, rocking her until they knocked over the bucket of sudsy water sitting on the floor next to her.
“I’mma let you handle that.” He jumped up in one smooth motion making Janae curse his youthful knees.
“You better get down here and help me, boy.”
“I’d love to,” he called over his shoulder as his foot hit the first step of the stairs. “But I gotta get ready for the variety show and make sure all the costumes are on point.”
“James…”
“Make sure you don’t take too long. You know you still gotta get cute before you head out.”
She tried to stifle the laughter building in her chest. He was funny, but she wasn’t about to tell him that and risk being the butt of his jokes forever.
Instead, she launched a wet sponge at his head.
But again, his youthful reflexes worked against her, and he ducked down just before the gauzy missile could make contact.
“Love you too, Ma” was the last thing she heard besides his laughter and his quick and heavy footfalls.
She cleaned the spilled water, still smiling from her son’s antics when she put her supplies away.
“That boy is right about one thing,” she huffed. “I do need to get cute. Even if I’m mad at Adam, I’ll be damned if I’m not looking irresistible when he sees me. It serves him right for being an insufferable lout who got on my last nerve.”
Yeah, that’s what she was telling herself. That’s the lie she was going with because for damn sure the last thing she was going to admit was that she wanted to look good because she knew it would please him. Nope, she would never admit that.
Janae sat in her seat trying her best to get comfortable.
She wanted to blame the discomfort in her stomach on the new pair of black jeggings from Torrid that made her ass look great.
But since she owned at least three other pairs in the same size, but different colors, she knew that wasn’t the truth.
She slid her gaze across the large room from her seat at the front left of the auditorium. This was a school function, one he’d planned with her. There was no way Adam would miss it. Try as she might, though, she couldn’t find him in any corner of the room.
“Looking for someone in particular?”
Janae nearly jumped out of her seat when she heard Cree’s voice close to her ear.
“You scared the shit out of me, Cree.” When the heads of the early arrivals scattered throughout the room turned, Janae lowered her voice and spoke through clenched teeth. “You play entirely too much, woman.”
Cree ignored Janae’s mom voice and gave her a coy smile instead. “I called your name twice, but you were so busy looking for a certain interim superintendent that you couldn’t hear me.”
Janae thought Cree was embellishing until she saw Vanessa bob her head in agreement with Cree. That revelation scorched her cheeks and made Janae slither down in her seat.
“I take it you staking out the auditorium for him means things still aren’t great between you two?” Vanessa’s voice was soft with compassion, soothing Janae’s embarrassment.
“I just don’t know how we got here. Everything was going so well, until it wasn’t.”
Vanessa wrapped her arm around Janae’s shoulder, giving her a comforting squeeze. “Have you at least talked to him?”
She responded to Vanessa’s question with a quick shake of her head.
“I texted him, saying we could talk after the show.” She was reaching and she knew it. That wouldn’t stop her from continuing, though. “Does that count as talking?”
“Janae,” Cree began, “you are such a piece of work. I understand why you’re mad with Adam.
If he really was angry with you about his father, he owes you a huge apology.
On the other hand”—Cree held up her finger to emphasize the point she was about to make—“you don’t really know if that’s the case because you didn’t give the man a chance to explain himself. ”
Janae opened her mouth to argue, but the sharp expressions on her friends’ faces stared back at her, forcing her to face some things she hadn’t wanted to acknowledge.
“Am I the problem?” she earnestly asked her friends. “Have I been the issue all along?”
She could hear her mother snickering in her head, telling her, I told you you were too much.
You need to humble yourself to get and keep a man.
Decades of her mother’s constant criticism poured over her and she had to wonder if this situation with Adam was proving her mother’s point.
Yes, she and her mother were taking the initial steps into changing their relationship.
That, however, didn’t mean all the hurt her mother caused was magically erased.
She shook her head instinctively, knowing everything her mother had said about her was a lie and Janae refused to burden herself with any of that garbage.
Especially after clearing the air with her mother, she realized now that her mother’s criticism wasn’t about Janae’s supposed inadequacies, it was about her mother fearing her own flaws and using misguided attempts to make sure her daughter never had to deal with them.
She wasn’t too much. Not for Adam anyway.
He treasured everything about her big personality.
His only ask was to let him in, to let him take care of her, to let him show her that just because she could do it all didn’t mean she should have to.
He’d shown her that she deserved more than self-care.
That was all well and good. But he’d also proven that she deserved a partner who would care for her too.
“You are not the issue,” Vanessa replied. The light tones of her voice calming Janae’s overwrought nerves. “I do think this is something the two of you can overcome, though. He wasn’t trying to hurt you, Janae.”
She looked over at Vanessa, searching for truth in her countenance. “You really believe that?”
Cree nudged her other shoulder. “Adam has never been intentionally cruel.”
Janae was about to respond but Cree held up her hand. “And before you start pointing fingers about what happened with his dad, I think maybe, just maybe, you should talk to him and see where his head was at.”
“And if his anger was really directed at me?”
Cree’s smile grew devilishly wide. “Then I’ll hold him down while Vanessa beats him with her stiletto.”
Janae loved her girls.
She laughed along with them at Cree’s joke. The fact that she still had a sense of humor about this told her she must be feeling better, a direct effect of having her girls around, she was sure.
“So,” Vanessa asked, “if Adam were willing to give you an honest explanation and apology, would you consider trying to mend fences with him?”
“It would have to be a pretty big apology.” Janae was serious about that. She couldn’t begin to think about reconciling if she had the slightest inkling that Adam wasn’t sincere.
“I think that can be arranged.” Cree’s cryptic reply had Janae twisting in her seat, but before she could say anything, the lights went down and an announcement was made that the show was about to begin.
The show was fun and uplifting, and the kids obviously enjoyed themselves. Whether they sang, put on a skit, played an instrument, or danced, they brought excited energy to the stage that hooked everyone in the audience, including her.
The curtain closed and the announcer’s voice filled the room again.
“On behalf of the Creative and Performing Arts Program of the Monroe Hills Area School District, we’d like to thank everyone who has supported our fundraising efforts.
And to thank you properly we’re bringing you some old-school entertainment to close us out. ”
The familiar tones of the Jackson 5’s “I Want You Back” filled the air.
But this wasn’t the original version. This was a tad bit faster and a key or two lower.
The curtain opened slowly, revealing three men; two of them were dressed in look-alike costumes from when the adult members of the group performed on Motown 25, the last was dressed in the style of the sixties.
“Oh my God!” The words slipped off her tongue easily as she realized Adam, flanked by Michael and Derrick, was on the stage, standing behind microphones.
Michael had on aviator sunglasses with what looked like a bedazzled baseball cap, and he was holding a guitar. As far as she knew, Michael didn’t play the guitar, so she wondered how he planned to pull off what she presumed was his role as a Korean Tito Jackson.
Derrick was on Adam’s left side, dressed in a sheer shirt, a green suit jacket, and leather pants with what looked like the juiciest Jheri curl wig she’d ever seen.
As if that wasn’t enough, Adam—with his lovely locs pulled into a low-hung ponytail and a magenta porkpie hat tilted to the side—wore the iconic purple fringe jacket and was channeling his best 1969 Michael Jackson, resurrecting all her dreams of falling in love with the late performer.
She pulled her eyes away from the stage long enough to look at both of her friends. “Did y’all know about this?”
“Shh,” Cree replied. “Watch the show.”
Janae knew a setup when she saw one, but once the men started moving on the stage, they warmed up the crowd so quickly that it looked like just about everyone in the auditorium was on their feet.
They were lip-syncing, not singing, but they had the choreographed moves down so well, she could hardly tell.
They performed the entire greatest hits routine from Motown 25.
“The Love You Save” was next, followed by “Never Can Say Goodbye.” By the time they “sang” the last note of “I’ll Be There,” the crowd was in a near frenzy.
But Janae couldn’t just enjoy this performance, not when she recognized it for what it was.
Adam had both supported this program by helping her with the fundraising efforts and was simultaneously giving his endorsement to the program by actually performing in it.
However, it was the last reason that had tears falling down her face.
Mr. Dapper, always in control, always calm, always dressed to the nines, had donned ridiculous-looking clothing along with his friends as they publicly let the town see them being silly as they performed this elaborate “I’m sorry” for her.
When the last note played and they took their bows, Adam’s honeyed gaze found hers and his message came across loud and clear. The ball was officially in her court now. What was she going to do?
What, indeed?