Chapter 40
JAHNVI
A pparently, when they called my name out as the first-place winner and I extended my hand out to grab my trophy, a group of girls were whispering about me in hushed tones.
“Yeah, I knew she’d win!” they’d whispered. “She was the one that burst out crying during her finale.”
That’s right. Right as the protagonist in my piece figured out she lost her loved one, I did all the movements and things I usually did, but with one important change: I had tears streaming down my face.
The tears then quickly turned to sobs as I realized that I didn’t need to act anymore.
I remembered what Everett had said about my speech.
“There was a beginning , a middle, a climax, and a short ending. You were really good, but there was nothing interesting about it.”
I got what he meant now. I’d only chosen that specific piece because it was emotional and people instantly connected with it. I had no true emotional connection to it, and so there was nothing unique about it.
But now...
As soon as the round had finished, I ran to the nearest empty room I could find, which happened to be a history classroom. I sank into a cold desk, my hands fumbling as I called the one person’s voice I needed to hear right now.
“Hey, how’s—”
“ Rose,” I gasped, crying again already, “I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
After a moment, I heard her sigh. “What did that fucker do?”
I blew my nose with the tissues on the teacher’s desk. “We’ll get to him later, but let me apologize first. It’s just...I got so wrapped up in trying to be his perfect girlfriend that I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have said those things; I’m so, so sorry.”
“Jahnvi...of course I accept your apology. I need to apologize too; I was so wrapped up in my beef with him that I wasn’t thinking about you.
You know you’re the hottest bitch I know, right?
” I heard a sniff from her end and frowned, was she crying too?
“You tried to be something you’re not..
.and I get it. I did that too with Everett.
All it earned me was a reputation as the school’s whore, so I’d definitely not recommend it. ” She let out a hollow chuckle.
“Oh...Rose—”
“Fuck him, Jahnvi. You be what you want to be, okay? You be what you want, and I’ll be what I want.
Let the boys say whatever they want; hell, we’ll be far away from them in college partying it up soon enough.
You don’t need to be his perfect girlfriend.
Let him start trying to be the perfect boyfriend, for once. What. Did. He. Do?”
“It’s what I did,” I groaned, getting up and spinning the globe on the teacher’s desk.
“He just...it just blew way out of proportion. I didn’t give him as much attention during the tournament ’cause I was fucking stressed about my last time acting ever , and he blew up on me.
Said that I hadn’t understood him, or whatever.
He’s just so sensitive, and I understand why.
It’s not his fault! But he’s just so closed off that it’s hard to talk to him.
I never know what’s going to upset him.” Like a dam, I released it all.
Him ignoring me for Evelyn, him causing me to cry during my final round, all of it.
I heard Rose’s breathing before she answered again. “Why else did you ignore him these past few days?”
Ugh, maybe I shouldn’t have called her.
“Well...he’s my first relationship. You always told me to not be stupid with the first one, so I used my head. I didn’t want him to...you know... Julia Ramirez me during Nationals.”
“You really think he would do that to you?”
“Of course my heart says no!” I spun the globe again with more force than last time, “But...he could? Right? With everyone’s stories, I-I just couldn’t deal with it at the moment.”
“Everett’s a nasty piece of work to a lot of people. But you know what he’s been through better than I do. And he seems to be...doing his shit a lot less recently.”
“He’s working on himself,” I added. “He’s putting in effort, and I see that. Can’t he tell I see that?”
“Even when we were together, I knew he always had a soft spot for you. And when the one person he really cared about, the only person I guess he thought he had, didn’t even trust him for a high school speech tournament? I guess I understand why he’d lose it.”
The globe stopped spinning, and I stared down at the Pacific Ocean, “D-did you just take Everett’s side?”
“I’m gonna puke.” We both laughed. “But you know I’m right. Fuck other people; what do you think about Everett?”
I smiled, my eyes tearing up again. “He’s.
..well, he’s Everett. My Everett. He’s scared of heights, fiddles with his rings when he’s nervous—which happens more that he lets on—and he loves Garfield comics.
He’s kind, generous, and he has always loved me.
And I have always”—I gulped—“ Loved him. I love him. But I guess I don’t really know him all that well.
I sometimes don’t know why he does the things he does, or what he’s thinking, or what he might do. ”
“Now you know what to do,” Rose said. “You have to figure out who he is to you, and that may take time.”
I was quiet for a little before I spoke again. “But what if he’s moved on by then?”
“He won’t; he loves you enough to fight for you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Jahnvi...I just didn’t want to admit it because it would hurt my feelings, but I’ve been sure since we were fourth graders.”
I had people running to me for hugs after I got my award and congratulations streamed from every corner. It was what I’d wanted for a very, very long time. I had finished my speech career with a bang—a national champion.
And yet, once again, I couldn’t have cared less.
I smiled at everyone, pretending to be the happiest person in the world.
I gave heartfelt speeches on the bus, thanking everyone for their support; I ate my last DC dinner at a big restaurant with a huge smile and loud laughter; and I left for home.
Everett was there for it all too. He pranked Mr. N.
one last time by hiding his shoes in the back of the bus, then laughed along with everyone. And he said his own goodbyes.
We both gave one last award-worthy performance.
Lost in that thought, I had almost sunk into the airplane seat next to a friend when another one of my friends darted into it.
“Uh-oh,” she said, giggling mischievously, “guess there’s only one seat left.” She motioned across from me.
There was one seat left. The seat next to Everett.
Fuck.
He was wearing a hoodie I didn’t know he owned and gray sweats. His hood was up, his eye bags were extremely dark, and he looked more disheveled than the day we’d come to DC.
He was on the phone.
Extremely out of it or ignoring me completely, he didn’t acknowledge me at all as I struggled to put my suitcase away (why are overhead bins so damn high?) and sat down next to him. I was itching to say something, or to reach out and touch him.
He looked so tired. Tired and lost.
It got even worse when the call ended. He glanced at me once, and when I looked up at him and made hesitant eye contact, he looked away suddenly at the runway. So, I pulled out a book to read; he twiddled his thumbs. About a page into my book, I heard him suck in a deep breath.
Uh-oh.
He looked at me then his mouth opened as if he was going to say something.
And then he shut it. I stared back at him, waiting and silently begging for him to say something.
If he cared, he would try to talk it out.
I’d apologized, and it was time for him to try to resolve the conflict.
No matter how much he hated talking about his feelings, he would put that aside for me.
He loved me enough to fight for me. Right?
“That,” Everett muttered, addressing my feet instead of my face, “was the new flower person. Apparently...”
And everything else he said was lost to the sound of my entire world crashing around me. He...was just moving on. He was just making conversation. Just talking about his stupid wedding order again.
Was...I not worth it?
After he had made my last speech tournament all about him ? This was the last time I could act, and I couldn’t enjoy it fully and he wasn’t even going to try to work it out?
“So, you want to come with?” Everett repeated his last few words. I had no response. All I could do was stare at him with a slack jaw.
No. I deserve at least another try to work this out. I deserve so much more.
I should’ve said my thoughts out loud. It was all I could think about as I felt the plane start to move.
I begged myself to speak, to yell, to curse at him.
I wanted to tell him that he should put his ego aside for one second and try to understand me.
I wanted to apologize for hurting him, but I wanted to scream that I didn’t always need to be the first one. But you know what I did instead?
I reached out and gripped his hand.
Everett, who had been shivering slightly and sitting like he had a ramrod up his back, looked down with just as much surprise as I had at that moment.
His deathly fear of planes.
I sighed. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Um, yeah. I’ll be fine. You don’t have to—” And that’s when the plane’s wheels left the ground.
I felt the sudden pressure as we started lifting away from the runway, and I felt the grip of Everett’s hand tighten.
He laughed nervously. “Well, maybe on second thought!” He sucked in a big gasp of air as the plane turned.
I didn’t say anything, my hands still grasping his. I didn’t say anything at all until we finally reached cruising altitude and Everett’s death grip on my hand finally released.
“Everett, don’t ever ask me to come get jasmine flowers or pounds of sugar with you again.”
And with that, I turned away from him and closed my eyes. I pretended to sleep so that he couldn’t see the tears forming.