16. Ariana
16
ARIANA
I lie still, my heart beating a little too fast, the air between us charged with tension. My lips still tingle, the taste of him lingering there. Something soft and wanting curls deep inside me.
My hand moves before I’ve even thought it through. With instinct, need, and curiosity, I brush my fingers gently against his chest. It’s bare and warm under my touch.
He’s solid muscle, broad and strong, like a statue carved from stone. My fingertips glide across his skin, skimming over the hard lines and contours of his body, tracing all the lines of ink.
His tattoos are dark and sharp and beautiful.
Each one tells a story that I want to know about. Symbols, lines, some words in a foreign script. I trace one that curves over his ribs, and even though he doesn’t move, I feel the shift in his breathing. Subtle. Controlled. The man is so controlled.
Yet, all I can think about isthat he kissed me.
Not a friendly kiss.
Not a brush of lips meant to tease.
It was slow. Deep. Like he meant something by it. Like it wasn’t a mistake.
And now, I don’t know what to do with that.
Does he like me? As in, really like me? Or was that a moment between two adults who slept in the same bed?
Is this just physical for him?
The thought settles heavy in my chest. I’m still tracing the tattoos, but my hand has gone still, resting over his heart. There’s steady beat beneath my palm, and it both grounds me and makes my breath catch.
He moves, his hand lifting, curling under my chin, tipping my face up toward his.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he says quietly, though there’s still that stern edge to it.
I hesitate, unsure of how much truth I can give. “I’m not sure,” I whisper, because it’s the only thing I can say that isn’t a complete lie.
His eyes search mine for a moment before he speaks again. “Have you ever been in a relationship before?”
I shake my head slowly. “No.”
“But you’ve had a Daddy?”
Another small shake. “No.”
He exhales as his pupils dilate. Does it make him happy that I’m inexperienced?
“I think you need one.”
His statement stuns me.
My brows pull together. “A Daddy?”
“Yeah,” he says softly. “Someone to take care of you. Make sure you’re happy. Healthy. Safe. Not living in the fucking woods. Fed. All the basic stuff that you deserve and more.”
The idea makes my stomach twist, not in fear, but in something I don’t want to examine too closely. A longing I’ve had and fantasized about for years. I scoff, glancing away, trying to shake it off. “I have bigger things to worry about than relationships. I’m just trying to survive right now.”
He doesn’t flinch. His tone doesn’t change. “You don’t need to worry about that anymore.”
I roll my eyes. “It’s not that easy, Jasper.”
“It could be,” he murmurs, and when I glance at him again, his expression has shifted—stronger, certain. “If you trust me, let me be that person. Let me be your Daddy.”
That word—that name —hits differently. It sits on my chest like a stone dropped into still water. The heat rushes up my neck and into my cheeks, making me feel small and flushed and suddenly very aware of every inch of his body next to mine.
He leans in, his voice dropping another octave. “I’m drawn to you, rainbow. In a way that I’ve never been drawn to anyone . Ever since that morning in the coffee shop, when I watched you lift that jerk’s watch like you didn’t have anything to lose… you’ve been in my head. I haven’t stopped thinking about you, rainbow. All I’ve wanted to do is take care of you.”
I swallow thickly, emotions rising too fast for me to sort through. “Why?” I ask quietly. “I’m nothing special.”
His entire demeanor shifts. In one sharp movement, he throws the blanket off us and grabs me behind my knee, dragging me across the bed toward him with firm, unyielding strength. I gasp, my hands catching his chest for balance, my eyes wide as he moves.
Then—
Swat.
His palm lands on my bottom, quick and sharp.
I yelp, the sound bursting from me.
His eyes blaze with something primal and protective. “If I ever hear you say something like that again… If you ever put yourself down like that, it’ll be more than one.”
My cheeks burn, but it’s not just embarrassment. My whole body is pulsing, warm and tight and flustered in ways I don’t fully understand.
My core clenches, and I squirm, not sure if I want to pull away or get closer.
He doesn’t give me time to think. His stare is locked on mine like a command.
“Say you’re sorry,” he demands.
I blink. “W-what?”
Another swat. This one is firmer. More deliberate.
“Say sorry,” he growls. “For putting yourself down. Tell me it won’t happen again.”
My breath stutters. My fingers tense against his chest as I manage to whisper, “I’m sorry. I… I won’t say something like that again.”
And just as quickly, his arms are around me. Strong and sure.
He pulls me into his chest like he’s done it a thousand times before, like I’m supposed to be there. He strokes my back slowly, grounding me, and then he presses a kiss to the top of my head—gentle, reassuring, safe.
“That’s my good girl,” he murmurs into my hair.
And that’s when it happens.
The rest of the world softens. My limbs go heavy. My mind goes quiet.
I feel myself slipping.
Not falling. Not breaking.
Just… letting go.
Deeper.
Safer.
Right into Little Space.
And I’m not afraid.
* * *
T he sun feels magical on my face as I step onto the porch. It’s quiet out here, peaceful in a way that makes my chest loosen. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way. Probably not since I lived on the farm with my foster parents.
I need the fresh air. I need sunlight. And I don’t get that from my camper.
After sitting on the steps for a few minutes, I find myself wandering down the path, no real destination in mind. Just moving. Just breathing. Jasper said I could go anywhere on the property within the outer paved pathway that connects all the houses. Apparently, beyond that, there are multiple traps and man-eating bears. His words, not mine.
In the distance, I hear voices and the clang of metal. I glance up and spot Jasper and Cassian near one of the garages, both of them leaning over the hood of my beat-up car. It must’ve gotten towed back without me knowing. If I’ve learned one thing about Jasper, he does things without saying anything. I think it’s the controlling side of him. The side that is growing on me more and more.
Cassian’s gesturing to something under the hood while Jasper nods, arms crossed, brow furrowed in concentration.
I smile to myself before turning away, letting them do their thing. It would be pointless to tell them that they don’t need to try to fix it because like Jasper, the rest of the men in his family are also bossy, and they’re going to do what they want even if I tell them not to.
One of the paths leads me toward the center of the property, where I find a few neglected rectangular garden beds, three in a row. The weeds are out of control. The dirt is cracked and dry in spots. But I can see the bones of it—the layout, the potential. Like someone had an idea but then decided it wasn’t their thing and hasn’t touched it since.
I kneel down without even thinking. My fingers dig into the soil, fluffing the surface, tugging at stubborn weeds. The dirt works its way under my fingernails and streaks across my palms, but I don’t care.
I’ve missed this.
Being close to the earth. Feeling it crumble between my fingers. Letting my mind go quiet as I work. My foster mom used to call me her hippie girl because I loved walking around barefoot so I could feel like one with the ground. There’s just something about it. Dirt and plants and fresh air. I could spend hours out here and never get bored. Especially in a place like this. Among the trees and mountains and blue skies. It’s heaven on Earth.
I don’t know how long I’m out here before I hear the familiar sound of boots crunching behind me.
“Rainbow,” Jasper calls.
I look up and see him approaching with slow steps, a smirk playing on his lips. A genuine smile spreads as I wave at him, flinging dirt as I do. I giggle and shrug, almost feeling high from being out here.
“You’re filthy.”
I grin. “I know.”
He chuckles, stopping at the edge of the garden bed, and folds his arms. “Knew I’d find you out here eventually.”
I glance at the raised beds that I’ve barely started on. “It’s peaceful. I used to have a garden.”
His head tilts, curiosity lighting his expression. “Yeah? When was that?”
“When I lived with my foster family,” I say, pulling a few more weeds and piling them beside me. “Each kid had their own plot. We were expected to take care of it. Weed it, water it, harvest it.”
“What’d you do with everything you grew?” he asks, voice low and genuinely interested.
“Our foster parents took most of it to a street market on Saturdays,” I explain. “Sometimes we got to help sell the produce. I think they kept the money for the house, but I didn’t mind. I just loved growing things.”
Jasper glances around at the neglected beds, his brow raising. “We don’t grow anything here. Rowie wanted to try gardening once, so we built these, but she hated the bugs and ditched that idea almost on day one. Now, we plant pumpkins for Rowie once a year, but that’s about it.”
He pauses, then looks back at me. “If you want to use this space, it’s yours. I’ll get whatever tools and seeds you need, so you can keep playing in the dirt.”
My heart skips.
I blink at him, and then I can’t stop myself. I lunge forward, throwing my arms around his neck.
He grunts as I jump into him, my dirt-covered hands and arms wrapping around his shoulders. “You’re getting soil all over me.”
There isn’t any heat behind his words, and as he embraces me and squeezes me, I melt into his warmth.
“I don’t care,” I mumble into his chest, smiling widely. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, baby girl. So welcome.”
* * *
I ’m still outside as the sun dips behind the trees and the air turns cool. Jasper finds me again, telling me to come inside before it gets too cold. I turn to argue with him and tell him I’m fine, but his stern expression stops me in my tracks, and I find myself following him toward the main house. Then he tells me he has to handle some business after dinner, so I’ll have to sleep in the main house tonight. I nod, trying not to let my disappointment show. I shouldn’t be upset that I won’t be able to sleep in his arms again. It’s silly for me to expect it. Last night was probably just a one-time thing.
We walk together, and even though my hands are dirty, he takes one of them and intertwines our fingers. It soothes my disappointment a tiny bit.
The moment we step inside, I’m wrapped in the noise and warmth of his family, and I smile. It scares me how much I like it here. Around all these people I barely know. They treat me like I’m one of them. Like they care about me. I feel kind of bad that I’m still struggling to get all their names right, but sheesh! There are so many of them.
Being here reminds me of something I barely remember.
What it’s like to have a family.
And that’s something I miss so incredibly much.
Several of the guys come and go from the kitchen while Jasper stands beside me at the sink and actually washes my hands for me. Then he grabs a towel and wipes my face and arms free from any remaining soil. The entire time, he smirks and shakes his head, muttering under his breath about how dirty I am.
Once we’re seated, everyone digs in. Jasper rests his hand on my thigh under the tablecloth. I try to eat slowly, to enjoy the food like everyone else, but the gnawing instinct inside me won’t stop.
The voice that whispers, What if this is the last real meal for a while? What if you have to go live on the road again? What if Jasper changes his mind and sends you away?
So I eat fast. Too fast. I try to slow myself down, but the fear is louder than the logic.
Jasper notices, of course. He says nothing, but his hand tightens slightly on my leg like he’s trying to reassure me.
After dinner, Jasper stands, leaning down to kiss my temple. “I’ll be back later, rainbow. Be good for Theo and Koda.”
I nod and watch him leave with Cassian, Cage, and Ghost. None of the men speak of where they are going or what they are doing, and the girls don’t seem concerned about it either, so I don’t ask.
Rylan, Dom, and Gunner announce they’ll handle clean-up duty. Theo and Koda nod and tell us that we can go play in the playroom. My cheeks heat when they say it so casually, like having Littles in the house isn’t odd. I guess maybe for them, it’s not.
Ember grabs my hand and pulls me to the playroom with Rowie leading us. My stomach flutters with excitement, and as we walk into the room, the world softens around me, and I let myself begin to fall into my favorite place.
It’s magical in here.
Soft rugs. Twinkly lights. Cozy corners and bins overflowing with plush animals and puzzles. I walk slowly, fingers trailing along the backs of wooden toys and velvet pillows.
It doesn’t take long.
Being around Ember and Rowie makes it easy to let go. To stop overthinking. Toplay like I’ve never gotten to before.
Soon, the three of us are on the floor surrounded by blocks, building towers and knocking them over, our laughter echoing through the room.
Little Space comes on soft and steady.
It feelsgood.
“How old is your Little side?” Ember asks.
She has a pacifier attached to her dress, and when she was bent over earlier, I got a glimpse of her panties, which had ruffles all over the bottom. They were adorable. The three of us have never talked about it, but I suspect both of them go really Little at times. Just like me.
I balance a red block on the top of our tower and think about it. I’ve never defined my Little side by an age. “I guess, maybe two? Sometimes maybe younger, and sometimes older. I can’t say for sure, though, since I’ve never had a Daddy to experiment with. I’ve always had to take care of myself even when in Little Space.”
Rowie bobs her head. “Yeah. Same for me. I mean, my brothers are kind of my caretakers, I guess, but like, they kind of go with whatever headspace I’m in. They don’t push me or take care of me too intimately or anything.”
“I never had a Daddy take care of me like mine does,” Ember replies. “He’s super controlling, and he loves it when I regress really small. I think if I went full baby mode all the time, he’d love it. I like to keep him on his toes, though.”
We giggle and nod because she’s right, Cage is super controlling, and if he could do everything for her, he would. It’s actually pretty sweet, and I think I’d probably enjoy that sort of attention too.
“Have you ever had a Daddy?” I ask Rowie.
Her face pales, and she quickly shakes her head. Before she can answer, Theo appears in the doorway. “Okay, girls. Time for pajamas.”
We all groan dramatically, but when he shoots us a serious stare, we quickly put the blocks away and stand.
“We can watch a movie once you’re all changed.” Theo nods toward the living room. “I’ll make popcorn and meet you on the couch.”
Rowie and Ember link their pinkies with each of mine as we go upstairs together. When I reach the room I’m staying in, I freeze.
A pair of brand-new pajamas are folded neatly on the bed.
Soft, pale yellow with tiny rainbows printed all over the fabric.
I run my fingers across them, heart fluttering. Did Jasper pick these? Or was it someone else? Either way, I change into them, my cheeks warm as I pull on the matching shorts and top.
Downstairs, Ember and Rowie are already settling on the couch with blankets, stuffies, and each of them also has a pacifier clipped to their pajamas. Theo comes from the kitchen minutes later with three bowls of popcorn and hands them out to us, then drops down in an open spot near me.
I curl up, feeling warm and small in the best kind of way. I wish I had my pacifier too, but Jasper is the only person I’ve used it in front of, and even that is still a bit embarrassing.
Rowie is on Theo’s other side, already humming along to the opening song. I lose myself in the colors of the movie, the music, the feeling of Ember leaning against me as she seems to grow sleepier by the minute.
About halfway through, Theo reaches over for a handful of my popcorn. He doesn’t ask or even look, just casually dips his fingers in like we’ve done this a million times.
Without thinking, my hand lashes out.
Smack.
Right across his wrist.
He freezes.
So do I.
My eyes go wide. “Oh my God—I’m so sorry.”
He stares at me, completely stunned.
I reach out, panic rising in my throat. “I didn’t mean to?—”
My fingers brush his bicep, and he flinches like I burned him, jerking away so fast he nearly knocks Rowie’s popcorn out of her hands.
Then he’s on his feet, putting space between us like he doesn’t know what to do.
Horror swallows me whole.
Everyone is silent, staring at us, unsure how to react. Before anyone can say a word, I scramble off the couch and bolt from the room, my bare feet flying up the stairs.
I throw open the door and close it as quickly as I can, pressing my back to the wood, my chest heaving as the humiliation of what just happened replays over and over.
Theo hates me so much that he doesn’t want me to even touch him.
And right now, I can’t say I blame him.