Chapter Sixteen
Missy
I opened my eyes and felt rested for the first time in a long while. No dreams and no nightmares. What a relief. The sheets rustled softly against my clean skin, and hanging new on a stunning blue sky, the sun smiled down on me.
It was amazing what the cloud forest’s serenade and a good night’s sleep could do for a gal’s mental clarity. For the first time in a long time, a new vision of myself began to evolve. I hadn’t been totally useless lately. We’d fought against the mercs, and sure, I’d fainted—still embarrassing as heck—but it had happened after the fight. I’d survived a hellish ordeal. I’d also made my stand and faced off with Javier last night.
It hadn’t turned out the way I wanted it, but I’d learned from the confrontation. Not only did I not want to be my weak, pathetic, helpless self anymore, but for the first time in my life, I had expectations for and of myself. I wanted to live my life in a different way.
A ray of sunlight pierced through the netting and beamed on the empty side of my bed. Javier was nowhere to be seen. I wasn’t surprised. He’d been so freaking mad at me yesterday. I sighed, pushed up from the bed, and tucking the netting aside, padded quietly to the doors.
A look outside revealed the man missing from my bed. He laid in one of the hammocks outside. He must’ve gotten in quite late. He looked like he was out for the count. Since he chose to sleep outside, he must’ve made a deliberate decision not to share the bed with me.
I got that I was his mission and he wanted to keep it professional, but I was pretty sure he was lying about not wanting me, maybe even to himself. His body’s reactions were a testament to his denial, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t want to sleep with me. This was all I needed to know.
As Affie would say, there were other fishes in the sea. It was time to step out of my comfort zone and find what I wanted for myself.
I moved on to the spa bathroom. The single, cracked mirror at the orphanage had been no bigger than the size of my hand. It’d hung on a dark bathroom wall. The mirror I faced now was enormous, and the skylights enhanced the fantastic lighting in the ensuite. Bathed by so much light, a plain, red-haired, oval-faced woman stared back at me. She had zero pizzazz, no curves, small boobs, and a pale complexion that had remained so thanks to the nun’s insistence I wear sunscreen and big hats.
I looked young, unsexy, and not very appealing.
Honestly, there had never been much to me. I didn’t have Thena’s stunning features, pearl-gray eyes, and regal bearing; or Cece’s incandescent blue eyes, diamond-shaped face, and fierce intelligence; or Affie’s amazing curves, hilarious sense of humor, and enormous sex appeal. I was just me, plain vanilla with my thick, straight hair serving as the red cherry on top.
Considering I’d been living the stoic life for a long time, and remembering how close we’d come to dying in Nicaragua, I made more resolutions on the spot. If I had to be stuck in a tropical paradise, even if it was only for a day or two, I was going to use this time to transition from my old life to my new one.
A new life required a new me. What this meant, I wasn’t sure yet, but I was willing to explore it. One thing I knew, I didn’t want to be Mousy Missy or Prissy Missy anymore. I didn’t want to faint every time I got scared. I didn’t want to be plain vanilla, either.
“That’s going to take some work from you.” I pointed at the woman in the mirror. “Vagus nerve, you’ve been warned.”
Marching out of the room, I used my new identity and credit card to download several eBooks to Kai’s eReader on the subject of fainting. I’d done this before while in nursing school, but this time around, I was determined to research hands-on ways of dealing with my sensitive nervous system and practice until I got results.
For as long as we had to be here, I was going to seize the day, expand my horizons, try new things, and define my new self while enjoying la Vida Pura to the max. And here in Costa Rica, enveloped in luxury and nature, there was a lot to enjoy, although Javier was now officially off the menu.
I refused to let Javier’s rejection ruin the first day of the rest of my new life.
A new life required a new attitude and a new look. I padded back to the bathroom, took a shower, and groomed myself from top to bottom. It took some time. I hadn’t used a razor in years. Thena would’ve suggested a Brazilian wax job. Cece would’ve argued for the latest lasers. Affie would’ve chided me for not going totally bare like she did years ago. In the end, I compromised, leaving a small, trimmed rectangle over my pubis.
After rummaging through the shopping bag that had been delivered last night from the hotel’s boutique, I dressed in a pair of navy shorts and an ivory tank top. The clothes fit a little loosely, but close enough. A pair of flip-flops completed my ensemble.
I brushed my hair and decided it needed an update as well. After grabbing a pair of scissors from the kitchenette, I gave myself a French fringe. Hmm . I contemplated the results in the mirror. Not bad . I liked the way the bangs framed my face. The rest of my hair I put up in a ponytail.
The racket of the birds and monkeys outside helped me sneak out of the cabin while Javier slept. The moment I stepped out, I was greeted by Pedro, my babysitter for the day. He seemed like a nice man and wasn’t overbearing like Javier. We negotiated a fair agreement. If he gave me some space, he could watch over me from a safe distance. He followed me wherever I went, but he didn’t cramp my space.
I found the breakfast buffet in the open-air restaurant down by the lake. I’d always hated eating alone in public places, but given my new and improved attitude, I piled up my plate, sat down at a table by myself, and began to stuff myself silly. As I ate, I read a book called Taming your Vagus Nerve , and practiced some suggested basics, mostly grounding and breathing techniques.
Breathe in, breathe out. Work your diaphragm. Find the calm within. Connect with what brings you peace .
I was deep into my book and enjoying my meal when I registered the two cute guys that ambled my way. The dining room was crowded at this hour. My table could sit four, but only my seat was occupied. My first reaction was a shyness attack.
Oh, no, don’t come my way, please .
Even as I glued my eyes to my eReader and wished them away, the men came to a stop before my table. They asked if they could sit with me.
My impulse was to say no. I wasn’t comfortable with strangers and I had a vagus nerve to tame. On the other hand, I was safe in the grounds with Pedro watching over me. I was actively looking for the new me, and willing to make the necessary changes. Like other hotel guests, these guys had been cleared as non-threats if they were here.
I made a huge effort to overcome my natural timidity, set my reader aside, and, forcing myself to meet their gazes, smiled and gave them permission to sit with me. When they introduced themselves, I gave them the name on our fake documents. For now, I was Miranda. As I said the name aloud, it sounded good, strong, and sexy, too.
Yeah, I was gonna be a darn good Miranda.
The men were tourists from France. Pierre was tall, fair-haired, a runner like me, and a banker by trade. Gerard was shorter, darker, and broader, with black hair and blue eyes, a lawyer by day. They’d just returned from an early morning ziplining tour. They were funny, and I found myself appreciating their company. They had me in stitches before I finished my pancakes.
After breakfast, they invited me to meet them at the pool. I was nervous, so I said maybe. When I returned to the treehouse, Javier was nowhere to be seen. I donned my new sneakers and went for a run with poor Pedro panting at my heel.
The run helped me ground myself. The resort was gorgeous, and the landscapes were so breathtaking that I forgot how mad I was at Javier. Or maybe it was just me. Unlike my sisters, I’d never been able to hold a grudge for long, and under my new plan, I was determined not to waste a chance to enjoy whatever good times the universe threw my way.
By the end of the run, I was at peace with myself. Hands on knees, I bent over, replenishing my breath. If Javier didn’t want me, I had to respect that. In his case, my dreams had been wrong, but life had taught me to be resilient. I’d learned from Father that males were fickle, moody, and unpredictable. I shouldn’t have expected any different from Javier.
From now on, I wouldn’t pester him with my presence. I wouldn’t force my company on him, or my personal goals, for that matter. I wouldn’t let him walk all over me, either. Standing up for myself was at the top of my list.
Once I caught my breath, I lingered at the edge of the lake. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply, then exhaled a long breath. I let the whole thing go. No more anger. No more fights. He was free to do his thing and so was I.
I was very curious about what “my thing” was going to be.
After the run, I was warm and sticky. It was almost noon, so I changed into my swimsuit and a cute coverup. Before I hit the pool, I headed to the hotel’s boutique and bought some sunscreen, a beach bag, a wide-brimmed hat, and a pair of glamorous Jackie O sunglasses, all signed to the room. A fair skinned gal like me had to make sure she didn’t burn to a crisp, and well, I was going for fab, so the sunglasses were a must.
Once I arrived at the pool and took off my coverup, I stared down on myself, suddenly feeling self-conscious. I hadn’t worn a bikini in—yup, over three years. Vanity must’ve been at play, because I didn’t look too terribly bad. My years working at the orphanage had kept me fit and toned.
Javier might not want me, but what if someone else found me attractive? Not for nothing, but the guys at breakfast had been very complimentary. They had made it clear that they were not a couple, but friends who shared a lot of hobbies and enjoyed traveling together. I’d gotten vibes of interest from both of them.
Maybe I could start with that. I wasn’t looking for anything serious. A little fun, a touch of adventure, and perhaps a little flirting—if I managed to be any good at it.
The expansive pool was shaped like a lagoon. It flowed into coves, hot tubs, cascades, and open spaces. Pierre and Gerard were already in the water, along with other guests. They invited me to play on their volleyball team. It took all I had to accept the invite, but between the two tall guys and I, we slew every team that played against us and had a blast doing it.
Revelation number one: I had the capacity to have fun, to be fun.
After the games were over, I laid by the pool, enjoying the warmth of the day and the feeling of the water slowly evaporating from my hair and skin. The nice bartender made me a most delicious virgin pi?a colada ever. Pierre and Gerard lounged at either side of me, sipping on their beers. They told me stories of their travels together and made me laugh with their antics.
Revelation number two: after all the hardships, laughing felt good, freeing, promising.
They invited me to join them in their afternoon ATV adventure. It sounded fun, but I knew to stay inside the resort. I told them the hotel was so nice that I didn’t want to go anywhere else. When I declined, they asked me to join them for dinner and drinks afterward.
A case of the nerves had me hesitating. I gave them my usual “maybe.” Revelations number three and four: I didn’t have to make that big of an effort to make new friends, and, either the French fringe was a huge game changer for me, or these guys liked me.
We were exchanging hugs and saying goodbye for the afternoon when Javier showed up at the pool. Jaw clenched, eyes radiating with fury, he barreled up to us like a road roller.
“What are you doing?” He parked across from me and glared at my new friends.
“Having fun.” I stared at him, a little taken aback by his attitude. “You?”
“ Not having fun.” He waved a big finger between my friends. “Who are they?”
“These are Pierre and Gerard.” I gestured to each man. “They’re from France.”
“Awesome.” Javier ignored Pierre’s attempt to shake his hand. “Why don’t you go back there?”
“Please.” I shot him a warning look. “Don’t be rude.”
“Excuse me,” Gerard asked politely in his beautiful accent. “You’re related to her… how?”
Javier started. “She’s my—”
“Sister,” I interjected in the nick of time. “He’s my brother and a tad overprotective at times.”
“I understand, American.” Pierre flashed a conspiratorial smile. “I have a beautiful sister, too. No worries. Your sister is safe with us. We’ll take good care of her.”
“You will do no such thing,” Javier snapped.
“Because I take care of myself,” I clarified for all blockheads to hear.
“Of course, ma chérie, ” Gerard agreed. “What an insensitive thing for Pierre to say.”
Javier took my elbow. “I need to have a word with you.”
“Sure thing, brother .” I shook off his hold and turned to my new friends. “You guys enjoy your ATV adventure. I want to hear all about it.”
“Very well, my sweet friend.” Gerard leaned in and gave me a kiss on both cheeks.
“ Au revoir, mon amie .” Pierre also gave me a double kiss. “See you tonight.”
As soon as the men disappeared, Javier faced off with me. “What the hell?”
“What?” I asked, unable to understand why he was so mad at me.
“I’m not your brother.”
“Well, what did you want me to say?” I shrugged, not a little astonished at his reaction. “Boyfriend? Husband? Bodyguard?”
“Anything other than brother.”
“I didn’t want to risk insulting you.”
He drew his eyebrows together. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Nothing.” What was the point of rehashing last night’s argument? “It’s too late to change our story now.”
“We’re in the fucking honeymoon suite,” he bit out.
“They didn’t ask for my room number.” What on earth was going on in this man’s head? “If they do, I’ll tell them it was the only room available.”
“Wait.” A ferocious frown furrowed his forehead as he narrowed his eyes on me. “You look different. What did you do to your hair?”
“I gave myself bangs.” I fingered them, feeling a little self-conscious. “Do you like them?” I caught myself right away. “Never mind. I like them. That’s what matters.”
“Well, I happen to like them, too,” he stated, as if it should somehow matter to me, especially as his next words cranked up my annoyance. “What did the asshat mean when he said they’d see you tonight?”
“They invited me for dinner and drinks.”
A muscle feathered on his jaw.
“Javi?” I raised my eyebrows and whipped up my chin.
“Fine,” he retorted, as if I needed his permission. “But we need to be careful.”
“Of course,” I agreed wholeheartedly. “According to Kai, all the guests here have been cleared. So, it’s not like I’m taking any risks. I told them my name was Miranda. I won’t allow them to take any pictures of me and Pedro is with me at all times.” I smiled and waved at my friendly bodyguard, who waved back. “Now, why are you here, irritating me with a bad attitude I don’t deserve from you?”
“Pedro texted me.” His Adam’s apple bounced on his muscular throat. “He said those men were getting frisky with you.”
I gaped. “ Frisky ?”
“Handsy, you know?” He motioned his fingers over my body. “Grabby. As in putting their hands all over you?”
“Pedro must have a very conservative definition of frisky.”
“Or maybe you can’t tell the difference,” he deadpanned with a grim face.
I made an effort to stay cool and calm, but it didn’t work very well. “Let me be clear. I’m not a nun and I’m entitled to make friends with whoever I want. As you requested, I’ve erased yesterday from my mind, but I’m not letting you walk all over me. I had a lovely morning. Are you trying to piss me off?”
“No.” He had the good sense of looking somewhat chastised.
“The Frenchmen are charming,” I explained. “You must’ve checked them out if they’re here. Am I right?”
He gave a reluctant nod.
“Then why are we having this discussion?”
“The French like to get Americans in trouble.” He grappled for words. “Think World War II and Vietnam.”
“For God’s sake, Javi. What on earth are you talking about?”
“History.”
“That’s baloney.” I scoffed. “The French people are nice, and so are Gerard and Pierre.”
“Can’t you see?” he spat between his teeth. “Those idiots just wanna get in your pants.”
“Really?” The breath caught in my throat. I’d suspected they liked me, but I hadn’t been sure if they’d been looking for more, if I knew how to discern that kind of thing.
Javier rolled his eyes and huffed at the sky. “Really.”
If Javier detected an undercurrent of attraction, could the new me could work with that?
“We played volleyball,” I said. “We told jokes. If you have to know, I had a great time today. We’re stuck here, so until we leave, I plan to take advantage of our stay. This coming from a woman who hasn’t had a good time in a long while.”
He lowered his head, seemingly off balance but only for a second.
“You want a great time? Fine. I can do a great time,” he mumbled, mostly to himself. He picked up my coverup from the chaise and offered it to me. “Why don’t you get dressed? You and I can grab a picnic lunch and go to the waterfall—”
“I already ate.” I snatched the coverup from his hands. I don’t know what irked me more, that he felt sorry for me and obligated to take me to lunch or that he implied I wasn’t dressed. “FYI, a bathing suit is all I need to go to the waterfall.”
His eyes caressed my body from top to bottom. “You call that a bathing suit?”
“Yes.” I eyed him closely. “What do you call it?”
“Dental floss,” he shot back. “It leaves nothing to the imagination.”
“Jesus.” I gritted my teeth. “How’s what I wear any of your business?”
“Because… it is!”
“Did the asshole bug bite you again?” I asked. “Or are you out to spite me?”
“Missy,” he growled in a low voice. “You’re pushing my buttons.”
“What freaking buttons?”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“Because I’m a mind reader?”
“No, because I’m a man and you’re a woman, and all the rest.”
“Thanks for that insightful lesson in gender identity.” I donned my swimming suit cover, snatched my stuff from the chair, and stuffed them in my beach bag. “It was all addressed in the conversation I was ordered to forget. And now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to walk away from you before it becomes a habit and I call you an asshole again.”
“Wait!”
Something in his voice stopped me and made me turn around. “What is it now?”
The seconds ticked by. Hands fisted, he worked his jaw. I fathomed I heard his teeth grinding. He looked lost, but also angry. I was so confused. What did he want from me?
He had a few false starts, as if caught in some sort of internal struggle, but in the end, nothing came out.
“Javi?” I softened my voice. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” His voice was tinged with a mix of sadness and resignation and his eyes darkened. “You’re right. You deserve to have fun. I’ll stay out of your way.”