Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Jaxon waited until Tazzy’s breathing evened out completely. Then he slipped from the bed, careful not to wake her. Pulling back on his clothes as quietly as he could, he stepped into the hallway.
The time he’d spent playing with her had gone a long way toward easing him, but he still had something to get out of his system before it ate all the way through him.
If he didn’t figure out a way to get a handle on the anger inside him for everything the General had put him through, put both of them through, he was going to lose everything he’d just gotten back.
He’d managed to resist killing whoever it was that had tailed them tonight. Out of sheer spite for what the General was trying to accomplish, he’d maintained control.
He needed to talk to someone who understood. Someone who saw him as he was now, not who he used to be. It was time to take care of his shit. He stepped into the bathroom to make some calls.
His first call was to Law.
“Hey, brother. Sorry for the late hour, but I need you to watch my house tonight. Tazzy is asleep, but I have something I need to do. No way am I leaving her unprotected. I need you to keep an eye on the perimeter.”
“On my way.”
Jaxon was grateful Law hadn’t asked any questions. Ending that call, he dialed again.
“Ravage, you said you’d meet with me if I ever needed it. Well, I need to meet now. How about the truck stop on the edge of town?”
“No problem. I’ll be there.” Again, no hesitation.
Jaxon kissed Tazzy’s forehead, made sure Lord Nightwing was beside her, tucked her in tight, and left a note in case she woke up. That done, he went to the kitchen to wait for Law. The rumble of Law’s bike pulling into the driveway caught his ear and had him heading outside.
“Appreciate it, brother. I owe you one,”
“I’ll put it on your tab,” Law said with a smirk.
Jaxon should have expected it. Nobody kept track of favors at Sabre. That’s not how they operated.
Law took up a position on the porch. Only then did Jaxon feel comfortable leaving for the truck stop.
Ravage already sat in a back booth with two steaming mugs. The place smelled of fresh brew and late-night grease. Jaxon slid into the seat across from him. He wrapped his hands around the warm mug.
Ravage broke the silence first. “You sounded like you got something on your mind.”
Jaxon stared into the coffee. “After the clusterfuck at the protest today, what the General did to my Little girl, I lost my shit.”
Ravage snorted. “That’s not what it looked like to me. What I saw was a Daddy protecting his Little. You did what you had to do to make her safe. No shame in that.”
“Yeah, well, turned out the General wasn’t done with us. Someone rode my tailpipe all the way home tonight. At first, it looked like they were gonna ram us. Then they tried to pull up beside us.”
“You think they were gonna take a shot at you or run you off the road?”
“No idea, I ended up turning onto a road too narrow for them to follow us. I didn’t get a good look at them. But if it wasn’t the General, it was one of his minions.”
Ravage’s eyes narrowed. “I’ll look into it, see if I can find out who it was. Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
Jaxon studied his coffee, fighting the urge to say yes and leave. “No, I needed to talk about what happened next.”
Jaxon met Ravage’s gaze. “This goes no further than this table, get me? Not to Reid, or anyone else at Sabre. Not your pal Brick. Nobody.”
Ravage propped his arms on the table. “If you don’t think you can trust me, why am I here?”
“I know I can trust you.” Jaxon sighed. “Tazzy’s changed.
I know I’m a dick for saying that, but I can’t wrap my head around it.
Tonight, she was… more than bratty. She was combative.
She taunted me, almost like she wanted to push me too far.
I would never go there. She’s Little, for god’s sake.
With all the dangers she’s facing right now…
because of me… the last thing she needs is me to be one of them.
For the first time, I can’t read her. The way she acted?
It was like she was trying to push me to let all the darkness come out. ”
“And?”
“And I could have lost control too fucking easily. Gone too far.”
“Did it?”
“Fuck no. I didn’t let it. This time.”
Ravage studied him over the rim of his own cup. “Did she complain?”
“No,” Jaxon said. “But she has no clue how rough it could get.”
Ravage nodded once. “Did she flinch when you tried to touch her later?”
“No.”
“Was she crying? Upset?”
“No, but—”
“Sounds like she enjoyed what you did.”
“There’s pretty much no doubt about that.”
Ravage swirled his coffee around and tapped the side of his cup. Jaxon gave him time to think.
“Jaxon, she knows there’s darkness in you. She just doesn’t care. The way I see it, you have a bigger problem.”
“What bigger problem?” Other than someone else harming Tazzy, he couldn’t imagine a bigger problem than him losing control.
“She worked at making you mad, doing things to make you mad, draw out your dark side, yeah?”
“Well, yeah. At one point, she flat out told me she didn’t want safe anymore. What the fuck does that mean?”
“You have no idea why she might say something like that to you?”
“Like I said, she was being a brat. She had no idea what she was really doing.”
Ravage snorted again. “I think she was telling you exactly what she wanted. You just didn’t want to hear it.”
“What are you talking about? You know what? This was a mistake.” Jaxon started to get up from the table.
“Just hear me out.”
Jaxon looked down at Ravage and took a deep breath. When the rage passed, he sat back down. For now. “I’m listening.”
“You’ve changed, right?”
Ravage’s expression dared Jaxon to deny his words, but why would he? “Don’t think my changes are much of a secret. That’s what this is about.”
Ravage shook his head. “No, this isn’t about how much you’ve changed. It’s about how much she has. I see you’re working really hard at getting her to accept you the way you are now.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Bet you were pretty happy that she was willing to do that. In spite of all the mistakes you made and how much you hardened in prison.”
What the fuck? “I don’t get where you’re going with this.”
“Well, has she ever asked you to go back to how you were before? You know, mister strait-laced, clean cut, easy-going? The way you were eight years ago?”
Jaxon thumped his cup. “No, not once. I need you to get to the point.”
“That is the point. Correct me if I’m wrong, but she accepted with all that darkness and rage still there, isn’t that true as well?
“It’s one of the things that makes me love her even more, makes me want to protect her from all that junk I’m carrying around inside me.”
“I think your problem is that you can’t accept that she’s just like you, doesn’t want to change you, wants you to accept that she has her own darkness and anger, that just like you’re not the same person you were eight years ago, neither is she.”
Jaxon let the words sink in. Had he really been treating Tazzy the way everyone else had been treating him? Like she could just pick up where they left off and be the person she was after eight years?
Fuck. Ravage was right. That’s exactly what he’d been doing.
But he’d had his reasons. “She thinks she knows what she’s asking for, but she doesn’t.
All the rage inside me now? Even if you’re right, I can’t risk taking that shit out on Tazzy.
I won’t do that.” So… what, he was supposed to ignore something she might want?
“I get you. That’s not what I’m saying. There are times to release that rage, and times to keep in lock up tight. Sounds like you just proved you could do that. Were you even tempted to beat her bloody? Did it even occur to you?”
Jaxon’s back snapped straight. “Fuck no,” He growled.
“Damn right you didn’t. Play and anger don’t mix. You already know that, and you keep yourself in control. There are times she’ll want that, and you give her that play. But that rage is a tool, just like anything else.”
“It’s a poor excuse for a tool.”
“I see you think that. But say the General never lets go of this grudge match he’s got going with you.
To the General, Tazzy’s a pawn in his fucked up game.
One he thinks he can use against you. You can bet there’s a hell of a lot more coming than the shit he’s pulled so far before this is over.
You’re doing the right things by keeping her close and staying sharp.
She’s doing the same thing, only the one she’s taking care of is you.
What is it you think she sees when she looks at you? ”
“I have no fucking clue. Seems to me, I’m a bad bet.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. What you see as your darkness, she sees as strength and safety.”
“She won’t if I harm her.”
“The only way you harm her is by not being real and giving her a chance to do the same. Is that darkness and rage in you? Fuck yes. But you use it to keep her safe. You kept that from touching her. You channel that rage, handle the threats, and you do it away from her. That part of life does not touch her. She only feels the protection and the freedom to be herself. And, newsflash, buddy, your girl is darker, too. You avoiding that is what will really harm her.”
Well, fuck. Jaxon made a mental note to only ask Ravage’s advice when he’d eaten his Wheaties. But damn if the man didn’t make sense. And was enough of a friend to tell him what he needed to hear.
They talked for over an hour. Jaxon shared more about the chase and the way the black SUV had pushed his control to the limit.
Ravage told stories from his own past that mirrored the weight Jaxon carried.
The conversation shifted from advice to something easier.
They swapped thoughts on bikes and good whiskey and the best way to handle a tail.
Laughter crept in at the edges. Jaxon realized this was the start of a real friendship.
Not just an alliance against a common threat, but two men who understood each other.
By the time he finished his second cup, the tension in his shoulders had eased.
He knew the road ahead stayed dangerous.
The General wouldn’t just fade away. When he looked at the whole picture objectively, it hit him.
He had another brother at his back now and a girl at home who trusted him with every part of her. Including her own brand of darkness.
“Thanks for the meet,” Jaxon said.
Ravage clapped him on the shoulder. “Anytime, brother. Go home to your little one. She needs you now more than ever.”
Jaxon drove back through the dark streets running everything they had talked about over and over in his mind. Pulling back up to the house, he was gratified to see everything quiet. Law gave him a nod from the porch, waiting for Jaxon to take off his helmet before lowering his guard.
“Thanks for keeping a watch, bro.”
“No problem. Hopefully, it won’t be long before the General is a distant memory. I texted Reid, and it looks like the security equipment will be in on time.”
Law disappeared into the night. Jaxon locked up and slipped back into bed.
Tazzy stirred and pressed closer without waking. He wrapped his arms around her and breathed in her scent. The day replayed in his mind. The laughter with the Musketiaras. The terror of the chase. The way she had deliberately pushed him at home so he could release the anger safely.
He closed his eyes and held her. Tomorrow would bring new battles, but tonight she rested safe in his arms. That was enough to carry him through whatever came next.