7. Alex
I can't quite wrap my head around last night. Like, did we cuddle? I mean, it felt like cuddling. There was ample hand placement. I can still feel his strong, hard chest under my finger tips.
God, what I wouldn't give to know what his skin feels like. My mouth wants to lick and suck the inked designs that stay hidden beneath his shirt. The longer I stay here, the more my fantasy takes root in my hopes and dreams for my future.
There has to be some other reason that Jaxon is hung up on our age difference. There is no way it's just because he's 37. Just look at his body, it's all smooth and defined lines of muscle. Add that to his caretaker tendencies, and he gives off a very “hot daddy” vibe. He has to be sporting a 6 pack. When does he even have time to work out?
My arm, though… That 's getting a workout. I already cut up the potatoes for the parmesan garlic roasted potatoes I’m making, and now I’m slicing up the fixings for the burgers.
Jaxon went to get ice and more propane for the grill. So now it’s just me and my thoughts… and this fucking onion.
My eyes are burning as I try my hardest to keep the tears at bay. It will be fine as long as I don't touch my face. I’ve got this.
Our friends should be here any minute and I need to prepare myself for the onslaught of looks. Oh, I've noticed the studying gazes thrown my way. I’ve been trying to keep up appearances but I’m tired and just feel down in the dumps.
Two years ago, when we created Harper Studios, I thought I’d finally turned the page on that part of my life where I didn't have to worry about money or a place to live. But here I am, staying in Jaxon’s spare bedroom and rebuilding my life from scratch, which cost a lot of money by the way. I don't even have a fucking car at the moment. How sad is that? It's not that I’m not familiar with the bus system. I’m pretty sure I still have the bus routes memorized from staying with my Grandma so much.
When my parents had their suspicions that I was gay, they started shipping me off to Grandma's house any chance they got. It's not that she even lived that far away, she was one town over. At first it was for sleepovers, then long weekends, until eventually I spent my summers with her. She was my favorite person in the whole wide world. She loved me. I mean, what kind of grandma would let their grandson dress up in skirts and sing I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston in their living room? Mine, that’s who. Not that the skirts ever stuck with me, but the dancing in my living room? Now, that stuck.
My parents never cared about me, all they cared about is what high society party they could fake their way into. They did okay, just nowhere near the caliber of the people they would try to impress. It was embarrassing.
I’m so caught up in the memory I don't even hear Jaxon return.
“Alex, are you okay?”
I jump, thankfully dropping the knife back on the cutting board. My hand rests on my now thudding chest .
“I was until you scared the bejebees out of me.”
“Sorry, but your eyes are all puffy and swollen, I was worried.”
‘What? My eyes?” I instinctively bring my hand to my face. Remember that earlier rule? Don't touch your face? So, yeah…
I pull in a sharp breath as soon as my fingers touch my eyes. The pain is instant. “Ow, ow, ow. It stings. Oh God, it stings.”
“Oh, fuck, you were cutting the onions,” Jaxon realizes, grabbing me around the waist and spinning me in front of the sink. “Here, try to rinse them out.”
He turns on the faucet before cupping my hands and placing them under the water. I splash my face several times until the stinging dulls.
“I brought the wine, bitches!” Jules yells from the entryway. Yes, because that's the only way she knows how to enter a room.
“You better be sharing. I had to sit there for an hour listening to Ms. Brandy talk about wine making while getting murder stares from her three cats for that wine. Gallifrey is gonna be pissed!” Spencer yells, coming in behind her.
“Hey, I had to sit and listen to Ms. Cook talk about brewing homemade beer and football,” says Finn, holding up a case of beer. “Okay, maybe not such a hardship.”
When they all enter the kitchen, I have water dripping from my face, and the front of my shirt is soaked. I’m reaching out for a towel when I feel Jaxon guide one into my hands.
“Oh my God!” Both Spencer and Jules say in unison, rushing towards me.
“I swear if you hurt him I will throat punch you,” Jules says. Jaxon throws his hand up.
I pat my face dry. “Sometimes she scares me,” I mock whisper to Spencer.
“What happened?” Jules says.
I try to pat my shirt dry as best I can. “Put the claws away. I was cutting onions, and I accidentally touched my face.”
“Oh, that will do it,” Jules says as she and Spencer nod their heads.
“Does anyone want this bag of ice that is just laying in the entryway?” Dom yells from the front door .
“Yeah, can you bring it out back?” Jaxon yells back, turning to look at me with a small shoulder shrug.
I stare at him in wonder. Was he that worried about me that he would drop a bag of melting ice on the floor?
My heart does stupid, stupid things. The little kisses to the top of my head, the cuddling. Could Jaxon actually like me? My chest tightens and I start to panic.
I avert my gaze and clear my throat. “I’m going to change into a dry shirt.”
As soon as I enter my room, I lean back against the door, sucking in giant gulps of air. It's time to get real. This crush I have on Jaxon, I’ve always known it was a dead end. It would never be reciprocated. But now that there is a hint that it could be something more, well, I’m fucking terrified. What if I fuck this up? Relationships are complicated and they scare me. That is why I mostly settle for a random hook up or my right hand. Mostly the latter as of late.
Pull it together Alex! You're probably reading more into it than necessary. Seeing things that are not really there. Just go downstairs and enjoy time with your friends.
Putting on a dry shirt, I blow out a deep breath before heading back downstairs where I can hear the party in full swing. From the extra voices I can tell everyone else has arrived. Looking through the kitchen window, I see our friends milling around on the back patio.
I wash my hands one more time for good measure.
“You okay?” Spencer asks, sliding up beside me and swinging his arm around my shoulder.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He cocks his head at me. “I’m fine, It's just been a hard week.”
“Is there anything I can do? Do you need to borrow my car?”
“Everyone has already done enough. Hopefully, my car will be done next week. Plus, I should be able to get into the apartment tomorrow. Not that there is anything worth salvaging.”
“Hey, that's not true! There are some good memories there.”
“I know, you're right.” I stare out the kitchen window, watching as my friends joke and laugh with each other .
“I’m tired, Spencer,” I whisper and he squeezes me tighter.
“I know. You're gonna get through this, Alex, I promise.”
I nod my head before straightening my shoulders, my shield back in place. “Let's go join the others, shall we?”
Jaxon’s patio is huge enough for a massive grill, a seating area, and off to the side, a stone fire pit. It's a beautiful day, clear blue skies with just a hint of chill in the air. When the sun goes down, it will be a perfect night for a fire.
“So, we have some news,” Spencer says from his perch on Finn’s lap. All eyes turn on them. “We are getting a new baby.” My mouth drops open at the sound of echoing gasps round me.
“She is the cutest thing. Her name is Winston, and she is a gray and white Maine Coon.” Everyone groans.
“Maybe next time lead with that!” Dom says. “Not that you guys won't make great parents.”
“Yeah,” Spencer turns to Finn, “We would make pretty excellent parents someday.” Finn gives him a gentle kiss on the lips.
He excitedly tells us all about Winston, who they will be bringing home this week. I would not recommend stepping foot in their house until the fur settles. Gallifrey will not be a happy camper.
“Burgers are about done,” Jaxon calls.
I nod my head towards the kitchen, “I’ll get everything ready.”
I pull out the pasta salad Beckett made and place the fixings, including the mother fucking onions, on the table. I discreetly give them the middle finger just as everyone piles into the tiny kitchen to make up their plates.
“Are you sure you don’t want some time alone with them?” I jump at Jasper's voice so close to my ear. He can be a stealthy fucker when he's not hopped up on sugar.
“What I need is for them to be buried in a shallow grave out back,” I mutter.
“Just let me know, I can dig a grave for you, it's my specialty.” My mouth gapes open as he winks at me while popping a ring of onion in his mouth.
“Jasper!” Dom and Jaxon yell in unison all the way from the patio.
He chuckles, filling up his plate and heading back outside. Once everyone has what they need, I make my plate and join them .
“How are your eyes?” Jaxon asks, placing a burger on my hamburger bun.
“Pfft, they're fine. Although, I may have used up all of your soap with the amount of times I’ve washed my hands.”
“Better safe than sorry,” he chuckles.
I take a seat at the table, squeezing between Spencer and Olly. Jules hands me a glass of wine before finding her seat at the end by Mira.
“How’s The Diner?” I ask Olly.
“It’s good, still just as busy as always. I put an ad out in the hopes of hiring another cook. I would like to step back a little and maybe just focus on the paperwork.”
“But you love cooking,” Jasper says. Olly gives a small shrug.
“The amount of paperwork that comes with running a business can be overwhelming,” Jaxon says, taking a seat across the table from me. “I can see why you want to hire another cook. I think it's smart.”
“Well, I don't!” Jasper says, clearly upset.
“Don't worry. I will still make your pies,” Olly says.
“This has nothing to do with pies and you know it!” Jasper claps back. He looks upset, and Jasper never gets upset. He's usually deliriously happy.
“Did everyone get their invites to Alice's wedding?” Spencer says with a wink in Olly's direction. “Thank you,” he mouths. Jasper huffs in clear annoyance of the subject change.
“I still can't believe she is engaged to Mr. Jacobson,” I say, shaking my head.
“Speaking of being engaged. Are we still ignoring the fact that you got yourself fake engaged and now need a fake fiancé?”
I wince at Spencer's assessment. “Ugh, I know! Do you know anyone in need of a fake fiancé?”
“ Please … everyone I know is in this room,” Spencer says.
“Maybe you could find a guy on Tinder and get yourself laid while you're at it. It could be like a 2 for 1 deal,” Mira suggests.
“I guess I could…”
“I’ll do it!” Jaxon says.
My eyes go wide and my mouth hangs open, stunned.
“Oh my God! It's happening!” Spencer shout-whispers, and I elbow him in the stomach before draining the contents of my wine.