9. Alex
Oh my God! That smell.
My eyes are watering and my nose is burning. I turn my head to look at Jaxon; he has the collar of his shirt pulled up, covering his nose.
It's like the cutting of the onions but a million times worse.
I look around. My once beige carpet is now a shitty brown. My coffee table is shattered in a million pieces in the middle of the living room from where the ceiling caved in. It's a mess. Dust and plaster coat the furniture.
Well, I guess I never liked that couch, anyway.
Standing in the middle of a completely destroyed living room is a subtle reminder that this is my life, and from the looks of it, everything is still crumbling around me.
This cozy little bubble that I got myself into at Jaxon’s, it’s not real. It's not my life. It's just me invading someone else's life while I get my shit together… again.
I walk further into the living room, not wanting to turn my head and look down the hall. I already know all my shit is fried.
Jaxon’s hand grabs me by the elbow, pulling me back.
“Watch your step. There is glass everywhere.”
I look down, only now noticing the crunching sound under my feet.
“I don't think there is anything salvageable here.”
“They said the bedroom was okay, right? Except for anything around the carpets?” Jaxon says, no doubt trying to calm me.
“Yeah, I guess there might be something in there,” I sigh.
“Well, we have at least 3 boxes. If need be, I can always run and get more.”
“Whatever you say there, Daddy-O.”
Ugh, my mood is taking a nosedive all the way to the bottom of Shitsville. The longer we’re here the more I wanna barf. Of course that could have something to do with the mind numbing smell.
That's it. My brain is so numb from the smell it doesn't know how to process emotions so all I'm left with is blah…
Strong arms wrap around me from behind, stopping my internal rant.
“Everything is going to be fine, Alex,” he says, tucking his head into the crook of my neck. “Tonight, we are going out on a date.” He pauses and breathes me in. “And I’ve been dying to finish what we started last night. So, what do you say, we do a quick scan and then get the hell out of here?”
I swallow thickly, my body vibrating with his closeness. “I think I like the sound of that plan,” I say, my voice hoarse with need.
“Good, let's go,” he says, grabbing my hand and leading me down the hall.
“It's this one,” I point to the door on the right, hanging half off its hinges.
Jaxon lifts the door, pushing it back against the wall. Today I’m going to thank the arms God… and the t-shirt Gods. I feel like it was a combined effort. That white t-shirt is so damn tight, it outlines his nipple piercings. I don't know how he even breathes. And those tattooed forearms flexing as he lifts the door? I wonder what they would look like holding me up against a wall?
When I finally stop gawking, I look up to see Jaxon staring at me with an amused expression on his face. Shit, I’ve been caught. I clear my throat.
“Do you think the smell will come out of any of my clothes?”
“Not without some heavy duty dry cleaning.”
It would probably be cheaper just buying new clothes. Just because I like to color coordinate does not mean I waste my money on high end apparel. I know how to shop the bargain rack.
“How about your books?”
I make my way over to where Jaxon is standing next to the small bookshelf tucked in the corner of my bedroom. He picks through my collection. I will not be embarrassed, I am best friends with Spencer after all. We spent a lot of time hanging out in the bookstore growing up.
“It looks like they didn't get any water damage.” I place books in one of the boxes and the memories of spending the weekends with my grandmother come flooding back. God, I loved her.
Every Saturday she would take me to Dragonfly books. My grandmother would visit with Spencer's mom and they would sit and chat about books for hours. I don't know if she ever realized how much those conversations meant to my grandmother. She was lonely after being shunned out of the family, just like me. That is why our bond was so unbreakable. She taught me to forge ahead in life no matter what. You find your own family who understand the actual meaning of love.
Looking over at Jaxon, who is thumbing through my current comfort read, Until I Saw You by Dianna Roman, I wonder if I have found my family.
He looks up at me holding up the book. “Is it good?”
“Yeah, it's one of my high rotation re-reads. It's just so good, and funny. OMG! The dog,” I say, barely able to keep in my laughter from just thinking about it. “You really should read it.”
“I think I will.”
The thought of Larry makes me think of Chester. I called Marge and checked in with her to see how he's doing. He's a stubborn old dog who has been finicky with his food as of late. She said he's looking kind of down. Hopefully my car is almost done and I can get to him soon. Or I might have to catch the bus.
“Is there anything else in here you want?”
I survey the room and place a few items, like my watches, necklaces, and other jewelry like my grandmother's ring, into the box. “I think that is it.”
Finally, we are standing in front of the door that holds my life's work. I take a deep breath and open it. I hear the whoosh of air as it leaves my lungs and I slump back.
Everything is destroyed.
There is a giant hole in the ceiling that goes up and into the apartment directly above mine, which also happens to be directly above my computer.
“I’m sorry Alex,” Jaxon says, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Do you think there is anything worth saving?"
I walk over to where my grandmother's quilt lays over the back of my chair. I let my fingertips trace over the hand sewn fabric.
“My grandmother made this for me when I moved in.” The rainbow fabric is now wet and covered in dirt and grime, no longer letting the bright colors through. “It was her way of telling me she saw me and still loved me anyway… Out of everything in this apartment it's the one thing that means the most to me. Whenever I’d get sad or lonely, I’d wrap myself in it like a blanket burrito and pretend her love was surrounding me.”
I revel in the feel of Jaxon wrapping his arms around me. The heat from his body as it presses up against my back gives me the cozy burrito feel.
A tear that I didn’t know was hovering on the edge falls as my body shakes and a sob tears through my chest. Jaxon squeezes me tighter before turning me in his arms and holding me. His hand traces up and down my spine in a soothing motion.
“I can't stay here any longer. I want to leave,” I say into his chest. Jaxon cups both cheeks, then lifts my head so I’m forced to look up at him.
“I’m so sorry, baby.”
Even through my deep despair, my chest still flutters at the endearment. “Just know, you have a whole family of people around you that will blanket you when you're hurting.” He leans in and gives me a gentle kiss on the lips. When he pulls back his eyes search mine before his thumb wipes away the last tear. “Come on, let's go.”
I nod my head and reach for one of the boxes.
“Leave that one, I’ll come back up and get it.” He hands me the one next to him. “This one will be easier to carry and I’ll grab the one with all the books.”
We head to the front door and I stop for a moment, looking back at another place I’m leaving behind. It makes it slightly easier with the ceiling caved in, even so, I made this place my home. I did it myself, from nothing. That means something. I just fucking hate the fact I have to do it all over again. Maybe I’m not meant to have a place called home. That would be a cruel joke. Maybe I’m missing something and I just don't see it.
I’m sitting on my bed at 6:55pm waiting for Jaxon to pick me up at my bedroom door. If I wasn't having a panic attack I would think it's adorable. After I spent 20 minutes pacing this tiny room, I got the courage to go downstairs, only to be ushered back upstairs by a deranged-looking Jaxon. Apparently he was not joking when he said he would pick me up at 7pm. So here I sit, plenty of time for my insecurities to come racing back.
I mean, it's fine, really. So what if the man I’ve been lusting over for more than a year is taking me out on a date, albeit a fake date, but still a date. God that makes it even worse. Like is this really a date or is it still a fake date? Are we going dutch? It's customary for whoever does the asking to pay. But if it's a fake date, does that still stand? Or should I pay because he's agreeing to be my fake fiancé? Oh God, that makes it sound like I’m paying for his services. Wait! Are we starting the fake fiancé thing now or is this just a fake date? Fuck. What if it's real? I’m gonna barf.
There is a knock at the door. I swallow down the nerves wanting to vacate my stomach. I don't know why I'm so nervous. We have already kissed. Twice. Come on Alex, get it together.
Blowing out a deep breath, I get up to answer the door.
“Who is it?” I say.
“Candy Gram,” Jaxon says in a high-pitched voice.
“Is it a naked Candy Gram?” I chuckle to myself .
“If you play your cards right it can be.” The smooth velvety tone of his voice makes my cock twitch in excitement.
“Fuck,” I whisper.
Willing my dick to stay down, I take a deep breath and open the door. Standing before me is Jaxon, wearing black boots, dark jeans that sit on his hips and cup his bulge in just the right places, and a gray vest over a white dress shirt. My heart clenches at the sight of him. My gaze lands on his rolled up sleeves showing off the sexy inked forearms I dream about daily.
Pretty sure if I wasn’t so nervous my dick would be as hard as a rock right now. I swallow thickly, unable to believe that this fine specimen of a man is here to take me on a date. Me!
He never did tell me where we were going, but since it’s supposed to be like a date I figured semi-formal was the best route to go.
“You look amazing,” he says, reaching out to tug on my bowtie. Yes, I’m wearing a bowtie. It has black and white polka dots to match my black button up shirt and white jeans. It's nothing fancy.
“Thanks, so do you. I wasn’t sure where we were going so I didn't know if this…” I trail off, gesturing down to my outfit.
“It's perfect.” His eyes are trailing up and down, taking me all in. When his eyes meet mine again, they are dark and hooded. “Are you ready?” he says, holding out his hand.
I lace my fingers through his, “Yeah, let's go.”
When Jaxon walks over to the passenger side of the car I cock my head. What is he doing? Does he want me to drive? Should I sit in the back? I’m so confused as to what I should do so I start walking over to the driver's side.
“Where are you going?” he asks, his head cocked and a grin covering his face.
I stop, looking sheepish. “I don't know, you went to the passenger side. I was going to hop in the back but I figured someone had to drive.”
Jaxon chuckles, “Come over here.”
I make my way over to the passenger side just as Jaxon opens the door, ushering me in. “Oh, right, of course,” I say, sliding into the seat. Jaxon shakes his head as he walks around the hood of the car and gets in the driver's side.
Okay, in my defense I really don't think anyone has ever opened a car door for me before. I try to think back…
I’ve got nothing. How is that even possible? Or better yet, what kind of men have I been dating? This isn’t even a real date. I don't think… Maybe. Why is this making me all confused? I’m a smart man. I’ve been on dates before and had sex plenty of times, so why is Jaxon throwing me off so much? I’ve always been even keeled when out on dates or with a hookup, but Jaxon has kept me flustered since day one. I really need to figure out how to rein that shit in. Like stat.
By the time we make it to the restaurant I've had plenty of time to work myself into a tizzy. So much so, that I didn't even realize where we ended up.
Jaxon drives the car up a steep driveway that opens to a massive building once you reach the top. I shit you not, it looks like an old castle. Above the front entrance is a sign that says, “The Overlook.”
“Have you ever been here?” Jaxon asks, pulling into a parking spot.
I stare out the window in awe. “No, I didn't even know this place existed.” My face is so close to the window my breath fogs up the glass.
“Stay here.” Jaxson says as soon as he parks the car.
What the ever loving fuck? Why would he take me here just to make me sit in the car all night? I startle at the knock on my window before the door opens to Jaxon holding out his hand.
“Your date awaits, good sir.”
I laugh at the ridiculousness that is Jaxon and my uncanny ability to not understand how a date works when I’m around him.
When we make our way inside, Jaxon holds open the giant oak doors. This time I was prepared and acted totally cool.
“Hi, I have a reservation for two under the name Jaxon Baker.”
“Yes, Mr. Baker. I have your reservation right here. Please follow me.”
Our hostess leads us through a dark lit dining room. Each table has a tall wax candle in the center. There are old lanterns hanging from the tall ceilings with giant wood beams running across. The inside matches the outside with large stone walls.
My steps falter when we reach the back of the room .
“Wow.”
The back wall is one big window overlooking the bluffs and out into the ocean. But it's the way they have the booths set up that really steals the show. They are arranged in half circles, like if you were going to see a dinner show, but with tall backs for privacy, and the front opens out to the view.
“Can I get you gentlemen anything to drink?”
“Umm, I’ll have a glass of your house red wine.” She nods, and thank God because I have no idea if they even have a house wine.
“I’ll have whatever you have for a dark beer on tap,” Jaxon says as we slide into the booth.
My eyes are transfixed on the sky, which is currently bursting with colors of red, orange and yellow.
“I was hoping I got the reservation time right for the sunset.”
I turn my head and look at the gorgeous man seated next to me. The reds and purples of his tattoos, peeking out beneath his rolled sleeves, shine in the evening light. His beauty almost rivals that of the sunset.
“You did. It's amazing. How did you even get reservations?”
“I’ve got connections," he says with a wink.
I turn back to look at the sky and my throat fills with emotion. “It's beautiful.”
Jaxon’s hand covers mine and gives it a squeeze before lacing our fingers together. I’m torn about where to look. The beautiful sunset or the beautiful man next to me. The man wins, hands down.
When I meet his gaze, a tear escapes and falls to my cheek. My eyes flutter closed with the feel of Jaxon’s thumb gliding across my damp skin. The man has seen me cry so many times it's quite embarrassing.
“Are you okay?” he asks gently.
“Sorry,” I say, waving him off. “I’ve never been to a place like this. I think it just caught me off guard.”
Kind of like I have been all night.
“What, no romantic dinner dates?”
I give a self deprecating laugh and Jaxon frowns. “Nope, none of my dates have ever taken me to a place like this. Most of the time it's the standard coffee shop or movie situation.”
“Well, be prepared, Alex, because I’m going to woo you. Once I have my mind set on something, I pull out all the stops.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek just as the waiter comes over with the drinks and a basket of warm bread.
“Do you boys need some more time to look at the menu?” he says, giving Jaxon a flirty wink.
“Yes, please,” Jaxon says, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me in closer.
The move is what I would call possessive politeness, and I’m here for it.
Once the waiter leaves, I stay tucked into Jaxon’s side as I look through the menu. What do I want? Hmm, pasta, steak, some kind of meat pie.
“It all looks so good, I don't know what to get.”
“Dom is the one who told me about this place and recommended the steak.”
“What do you think is in this meat pie thing?”
“Err, meat?”
“You're so wise, dear ancient one.”
He narrows his eyes at me and I chuckle.
Giving Jaxon shit over his age is hilarious if only for the fact that one day he's going to realize that he's not actually 80 for christ's sake. If he doesn’t he’s going to let life fly by and wake up one day to realize he actually is 80. It could go either way.
That is why I decided, right here and now, that it’s going to be my job to show him just how much life he still has ahead. So what if he's going to be 38 in a couple of months? Yes, he's older, but he's not that much older. Narrowed eyes be damned.
In the meantime, I'm still gonna give him shit.
“Don't worry, you're still hot for your age.”
He pinches my side and I burst into a fit of laughter.
“You always think you're so funny, don’t ya? I'm going be 40 in a couple years.” He goes in for another pinch, and I'm in full on hysterics.
The sound of someone clearing their throat has us both sitting up straight, trying, and I say that loosely, to rein it in.
“Sorry,” Jaxon says.
Mr. WinkyFace McWaiter man gives Jaxon a shy smile, lip biting and all, then turns to me with a look of annoyance.
“Are you two ready to order? ”
We tell him what we want, me opting for the fettuccine alfredo and Jaxon getting the steak.
I’m not proud of it, but when he turns to leave I stick my tongue out and give him the stinky face. It had to be done. I hear Jaxon chuckle beside me.
“Jealous, are we?”
I scoff, “What? No. I just think it’s awfully bold for Mr. WinkyFace…”
“Mr. WinkyFace?”
“Yes, pay attention. For Mr. WinkyFace to flirt with you in front of me. We could be on a date for all he knows.”
“Alex, we are on a date.”
“Yes, but I mean a real date, not a fake date.”
Jaxon cocks his head, “Alex, we are on a real date.”
My jaw goes slack, “Wait, what? But you said you were taking me out on a practice date.”
He chuckles, resting his forehead against mine. “I thought the dry humping in the kitchen would have been a dead giveaway that this is very much a real date.” Then his lips ghost over mine in a sweet and sensual kiss