11. Alex
My heart aches for Jaxon. The things he must have seen that night. I can't even imagine. My parents turned me away, and that’s sad, but Jaxon’s parents… They sounded like the really good kind of parents, who loved and supported their child. It's a shame that the good ones are taken so early and the ones who couldn’t give two shits about anyone but themselves are still walking this land.
I startle when a warm, soft towel wraps around my body.
“I was hoping you had a towel warmer here. Spencer wouldn’t stop talking about the one you have in the apartment.”
He chuckles, “I can’t help it… I like my spa time.”
A big, strong, tattooed man, I would not have thought of him as the pampering kind. But I sure as shit could get used to this thing. I wonder where he bought it? I'm gonna need to buy one for my place, or my new place , I guess? I’m going to have to find a place to live at some point. Jaxon can't want me as his roommate forever.
“Come on,” he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me down the hall and into his bedroom. “Sorry, it's messy. Once I knock down this wall I’m hoping it will really open the space up.”
Mess, what mess? My eyes are transfixed on the giant bed in the middle of the room. It's so big it could fit both of us and at least five puppies.
I really need to get to the shelter. But… back to this bed.
I look over at Jaxon with big giant puppy dog eyes, ready to plead my case.
He laughs and nods his head towards the bed. “Go ahead.”
I take off the moment he says go, leaping onto the giant bed, pillows flying everywhere. I can't help it. I love jumping on mattresses. It's a thing!
As soon as I get my bearings, Jaxon comes bouncing on top of me and we both end up in a fit of giggles, limbs tangled together.
“Sleep here tonight?”
“Okay. You don't have to ask me twice, have you seen this bed?”
Jaxon rolls me on top of him, taking my towel off in the process. My naked and damp skin hits the cooled air and prickles.
“Here,” he says, grabbing the comforter and pulling it over us. I snuggle down deep, enjoying the feeling of a warm solid body beneath me.
The thought of Jaxon's story floats through my mind, bringing me back to my own parents. I have not seen them in years and yet just the thought of them brings back too many horrible memories. I don't think they really wanted a kid to begin with. Their desire to be in high class society, where everyone had perfect little families, outweighed the logic that they should have never had kids. In the end, the universe gave them a giant ‘fuck you’ with a gay son. I was lucky to have Spencer and Jules in my life, always picking up the slack the others didn't give a shit about. Best friends… I don't know how I could have survived without them. My thoughts go to Jaxon and Marcus.
“Hey Jaxon?”
“Hmm?” he hums sleepily before rolling us again, this time with me being the little spoon.
“What is it, baby?”
“Were you the only survivor of the crash?”
I feel him stiffen behind me, and my heart breaks for him.
“Yes,” he says quietly, and I can't bear the thought.
Needing to see his face, I flip over. His eyes are wet and you can see the physical toll it's taking him to hold it in.
I gently kiss his lips, “I’m so sorry, my sweet man.”
That's what this man is… sweet. You wouldn't know it by looking at him. He looks hardened, like time has put up an unbreakable shield. With the tattoos, the scruff, the body mass, you would never know that beneath all that is a sweet man who loves his baths, and wants to take care of all the people around him.
My words linger in the air, giving him the chance to go into detail if he chooses, but I don't blame him if he doesn't want to dig up any more painful memories for the night.
“Thank you,” he finally says, kissing my lips. “I know some of this was without you knowing, but just sitting in The Malt Shop with you that day was exactly what I needed. There was no pressure sitting in my chest because of what that place is to me. It was just you and me, talking about the happy times. It was perfect. It helped heal some of the pieces inside me that time hasn't.”
Pride for this man grows in my chest. “I’m honored to be the person who got to share that with you.”
“You came to me when I didn't know I needed you.”
He places soft kisses on my lips before they turn slow and languid. With the events of the day catching up with both of us, exhaustion kicks in and our kisses turn into deep slumber.
Finally, I'm back behind the wheel of Trixie. I’ve missed this old girl. She has been the one constant in my life since the day my grandmother left her to me in her will. I’ve slept many nights in her back seat. If my friends ever knew how many, they'd never let me live it down. But, I see Jaxon's concern, she is starting to have her issues.
Jules and I are meeting over at Spencer’s before heading out for drinks at Leo’s. Now that Jules has Mira, and Spencer has Finn and the added stress of the cafe, we have all been so busy. We are trying to make time for the three of us when we can.
I think they feel bad for me, both of them finding someone while I’m still alone… and now homeless, let's not forget that. Well, I guess I’m not alone , alone any more. Actually, I don't really know, the evidence is still a little murky in my head.
I park in the alley behind the bookstore and head up to Spencer and Finn’s apartment. I guess there is some big to do happening at Ink Me tonight and they need all hands on deck, so it's just the 3 of us tonight, with Olly meeting us at the bar when he's done working.
I can hear the sounds of the Wicked soundtrack blasting through his front door. I don't bother knocking because Spencer is not going to hear me anyways, and from what I’m staring at, he's already got the party started.
Just as the door closes behind me the song changes. Spencer and I make eye contact, and there is no question what's about to go down as the song Popular comes through the speakers. Kristin Chenoweth eat your heart out!
I can barely keep it together. As the song starts in and the chorus hits we are both dancing and acting like fools, so much so, we don't even hear Jules come in until the slow clap at the end.
“I think that was your best one yet, boys. Now, I brought the wine.”
“Yay! Wine!” we both shout before I add “Ugh!” and let out an actual whine.
“What is your deal?” Spencer asks, nudging my shoulder.
“It's just that…” I’m being dramatic, I know this. “Well, now that you expanded your place, the bed is all the way over there, so how am I going to jump on it when I’m excited?”
“Maybe that’s a good thing, sweetie,” Jules says as she hands Spencer and I our glasses of wine before patting me on the shoulder. “Remember the bed incident of 2020?”
I gasp. “That was during Covid! And I'm pretty sure you were jumping on that bed with me.”
“Man, I really need to make a spreadsheet for the amount of incidents this group has. Like remember the oven incident of last year?”
I narrow my gaze on my so-called best friend.
“What? Would you rather talk about something else?” he asks.
“Oh yes! Let's talk about Jaxon.” Jules claps her hands excitedly, and I narrow my gaze at her next.
“I think we are gonna need the big comfy couch for this one,” Spencer says, leading us over to God’s gift to couches. It's massive, there are pillows everywhere and you can't help but to wanna disappear into it.
“What's going on, Alex?” Spencer asks, once we are all situated.
You would think that would be an easy question to answer, but my head is all over the place. And my heart, well, that was a whole different matter.
“I’m feeling really confused and I know I shouldn't be.”
“I don't understand. What are you confused about? Jaxon?”
“Yes! How do you not get it?”
“Uhh, Alex? I think you're gonna have to start from the beginning.”
“Fine. As you are both aware, Jaxon has agreed to be my fake fiancé for the fundraiser.”
“Yes… Go on,” Spencer says, and I roll my eyes.
“Anyways, we agreed to go on a couple practice dates, ya know, to get the awkwardness out of the way. But then he kissed me…”
“Oh we all saw that,” Jules says.
“Yes and thank you for that… But he kissed me and made it sound kinda like it was going to be a real date. He even picked me up at my bedroom door.”
I sigh, reaching for my glass of wine.
“I still don't get it,” Spencer says. “This is great news, you went out on a date with your dream man. You have been lusting over Jaxon for more than a year and… wait, did something go wrong on the date?”
“No, it was perfect. Completely and utterly perfect.”
I swirl my wine around and try to think of how to explain what I was feeling.
“It's like, I hear him when he says that it was a real date. But my brain just can't quite comprehend it and then I get all up in my head and just start to act like a crazy person who doesn't even know how to get into a car.” I sigh. “I feel confused.”
Why can't I explain this right?
“I’ve spent so long lusting over this man, that now, I just can't believe it could actually be happening.”
“It's okay to feel confused when life throws us curve balls,” says Jules.
“My life is so uprooted. I don't even know which way is up or down. I have no home, and then you throw in Jaxon…” My mind spins and it's too fast to grab on to any tangible thought.
Both Spencer and Jules lean in and wrap me in their arms.
“We love you, Alex,” Spencer says. “I know that sometimes it can feel like life is tearing you down, but maybe try to look at it differently. I think Destiny needed to shake things up a bit so all the pieces would fall into place. Maybe she is giving you a little nudge.”
“That's a hell of a nudge,” I scoff.
“Well, you're stubborn, so a shove sounds about right, she is a busy lady, that Destiny,” says Jules.
“I don't know what I ever did to her except for maybe being born.”
“And I’m so fucking happy you were.” Spencer kisses my cheek, followed by Jules.
“Me too,” she says.
“I’m going to say the same thing that you and Jules told me when I was freaking out about Finn. Jaxon and the guys—”
Jules clears her throat.
“and Mira,” Spencer adds, and Jules preens. “They are good people, they’re family. I don't think Jaxon would tell you it was a date if it was not really a date.”
“I know that you’re right, I just need my brain to get there.”
“It's okay to believe that good things can happen,” Jules says. “You are an up and coming video game graphic designer and you run your own freaking company. You're doing something with your life, but maybe it's time to let your heart catch up and have a chance to do amazing things.”
She’s right, I’ve built my life up from the ashes. I worked hard and made something of myself with the love and support of the two people seated next to me. And that love and support will always go both ways.
“I don't think I’ve really told you, Jules, but I’m so happy for you and Mira. You deserve for all the love that you give to come right back to you. Same with you, Spencer. God, the cafe is amazing. You really have something special there. And you and Finn… You guys are perfect for each other. I can see how much he loves you by the way he looks at you.”
“Awwww,” is all I hear before I’m crushed in a Spencer and Jules sandwich.
“All right, enough of the emotional stuff. Let's get this party moving. I’ve got cocktails to drink,” Jules proclaims.
“Oh yes, cock tails. I could swallow down a cock tail,” Spencer says, and Jules and I groan.
“How do you use this thing again?” Spencer says, staring at the phone in his hand. “Do I push this button?” A bright flash goes off, blinding us.
As you can tell we are a few drinks in and feeling the effects.
“No… that's the camera. Wait, was it a good pic? Let me see.” I grab the phone out of his hand and that's when I hear it. “Hello? Sweetheart, are you there?”
What the…? “Sweetheart, awww, that's cute but don’t let Spencer know you called me that!”
“Alex, put Spencer on the phone please.”
“How rude! You are the one who called me, Finn.”
“Oh God, how many drinks have you guys had? You're holding Spencer's phone and he called me.”
“Finn, baby is that you?” Spencer screams into the phone, wrestling it out of my hand.
“I can't wait to go pick up our baby tomorrow. You're gonna be the best daddy ever. Ohh, does that mean I can start calling you daddy now? Like, I’ve been a bad boy, daddy. I might need to be punished.”
I shake my head at him but then warmth invades my chest and I sigh. A daddy… I know of a daddy I’d like to get my hands on .
Waking up wrapped in Jaxon’s arms this morning was bliss. I can still feel the burn from his scruff on my neck and the way his morning wood felt nestled against my ass. We had no time for funny business this morning. We overslept and had to pick up Trixie right when the shop opened so Jaxon could go prepare for this tattoo party, or whatever, happening at Ink Me. We did have time for a heavy petting session, which did nothing but leave me half hard and on edge all day.
My friends are right. I need to shake off this feeling that I can't have love in my life too. Fuck my parents. Fuck them for telling me that no one will love me because I’m gay. That I’m unworthy of something as simple as having someone who loves me.
A shadow casts over me and I squint up into the lights. Ohh, this man is handsome. Whoever he’s here for is one lucky son of a bitch.
“Finn!” Spencer yells and I turn my head to see him wrapping his arms around his man, trying to climb him like a tree.
“I wanna tree,” I whine.
“Trees grow outside, baby.” The shadow says in an amused tone before it shifts in front of the light and comes into focus. “Jaxon…”
“How many have you guys had?”
“I’ve had no trees today, thank you very much. Well, I did get close to some wood this morning,” I cackle. My jokes are on point tonight.
“Spencer is super drunk and I’m only half drunk. You know that gray area in between drunk and really drunk? That’s me. One false move and I could topple the scales.”
Jaxon chuckles. “Why don't we get you out of here?”
“I can't just leave Jules, she's… Oh… Nevermind.” I can see that she is doing just fine on her own as she sucks face with Mira.
Jasper comes strolling over to our table. “Where is Olly?”
“He called and said he couldn’t make it.”
“Is everything okay, did he sound alright?” he asks, almost sounding worried. Huh, something is up with those two, I just can't quite put my finger on it.
“Yeah, I think so, but Spencer is the one who talked to him.”
All eyes turn to the man who is still trying to climb Finn .
“He's gonna be no help,” Jasper mutters, then lets out a slow exhale. “I’m going to go check on Olly.”
“Alright, man. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Jaxon says, slapping him on the back.
I look up again, shielding my eyes this time. My stomach swoops and I can't tell if it's the alcohol or the ruggedly handsome man in front of me. I wonder if I could convince him to let me climb him like a tree?
“Ready?”
“Okay, but what are we gonna do with my car? It's back at Spencer’s.”
“I had Dom drive it to our house. He only lives a couple streets over.”
“Ohhhh.” Our house…
“Yeah, ohhhh .” Jaxon’s chuckle is deep and sexy. “I guess it was a smart idea to give me a spare key this morning when we picked up your car.” After having no keys I thought it was a smart idea.
Jaxon takes my hand and pulls me up to stand.
“Yeah, that was pretty smart of me.”
“Mmmm, brains and sex appeal. How did I get so lucky?”
I stare dumbfounded until he leans in and kisses my lips, quick and chaste. It’s all I need to put my goal for tonight in my sights. Jaxon, in bed, naked.
“Okay, take me home now,” I say, looping my arm through his and dragging him outside where a burst of cold air awakens my senses and sobers me right the fuck up.
The temperature has dropped, and the wind blows the fallen leaves in swirls on the sidewalk in front of us. Jaxon opens the passenger door for me, and look, I’m not acting like a moron. Go Me! I’m caught slightly off guard when he reaches over and pulls the seatbelt across my body, buckling me in. I breathe in his scent, a mix of ink and lavender that goes straight to my cock. This will be the longest 10 minute drive ever.
As soon as we pull into the driveway, I spot Trixie looking all rusty and loved. My heart swoons with the realization that Jaxon thought enough to make sure my car made it home and I didn't have to worry about the logistics of picking it up in the morning.
“Don't worry, I’m sure Dom took good care of her.”
“She is my baby. I just got her back,” I say as I struggle to open the door. “What if it was your car, how would you feel?” Stupid door. Why won't you open?
“Well, no offense but mine is a classic hot rod, yours is a rusted old blue station wagon.”
“It is not a station wagon, It's a… well, I don't know what she is, but she is special.” I hear the click of the lock. My jaw drops and I turn to look at Jaxon.
“What? It was entertaining.”
I scoff and open the door, only to step out and get hit with a gust of wind. My foot slips out from under me and I grab onto the door to steady myself.
“You okay? Are you gonna puke?”
“What? No, it was just the wind.”
He analyzes me and I stick my tongue out.
The corner of his mouth lifts up in a smirk and he turns to walk up the porch steps and unlock the door. “Still, take something for your head and drink plenty of water before you go to bed.”
I reach up on my tippy toes and whisper in his ear, “Wanna help me with what I should swallow, and where?”
I hear him groan before he pulls me inside, spins me around and pushes me back against the door in a deep kiss, filled with tongue and clenched shirts.
When he pulls away, I’m panting and his eyes swirl with molten lava. “Meet me upstairs.” The air around us sparks with so much electricity I can feel the hairs on my arms standing straight up.
“Yes!” I say before the air can combust, and take off for the stairs, giddy with excitement.
“My bed,” Jaxon calls after me.
“My pleasure, daddy,” I yell back. Oh, yes. I’m letting go tonight.
“And you better be naked.”
I hit the top step, pull my shirt over my head and drop it in the middle of the hallway. Tonight I’m giving in to exploring what this thing is between Jaxon and me. I don't know if it’s the alcohol or spending time with Spencer and Jules. I feel a shift. Why do I have dreams if I don't allow myself the opportunity to achieve them?
Harper Studios was never a dream, it was just something that happened. Wanting someone to love and care about me. To be my partner and stand by my side. That has been my dream since the day my parents kicked me out of the house.
And my dream just told me to get naked.