13. Alex
The morning sun shines through the crack in the curtain, illuminating a strip of light right into my eyes. Yeah, we are gonna need to discuss blackout curtains. I stretch out my legs before snuggling back down into the puffy white comforter. That is when I smell it… bacon. I let out a little squeal, kicking my legs. I’m happy, I feel happy. The man I didn't think I had a shot in hell of getting is downstairs cooking me breakfast. Jaxon’s promise from the night before comes back to me.
I’m up and out of bed in two seconds flat. Quickly taking a piss and washing my hands, I grab a pair of Jaxon’s sweats from the top drawer of his dresser and roll them a couple times at the waist. I’ve got this down now. With a spring in my step I make my way downstairs.
My suspicions are verified when I see a perfectly framed muscular ass in a red jockstrap. Jaxon stands in front of the stove with spatula in hand. I give myself a few moments to ogle then I clear my throat. Jaxon turns around and there is no stopping the laugh that escapes when I see the tuxedo apron he's wearing.
“I’m glad you took my advice,” I say, leaning against the door frame.
“Well, if you're getting on your knees for me later I figured I should protect the merchandise. And I felt like being fancy.”
My pulse speeds up because, God he's perfect and yes I am getting on my knees for him later. But I also hope he fucks me soon. It's cute that this is slowly building between us, but my ass needs to be filled, and he sure is taking his sweet ass time.
“Is this a preview of seeing you in a tux?” I ask.
He grabs the bowtie around his neck and gives it a wiggle. “You know it.”
Jaxon leans in, giving me a soft kiss, “Good morning.”
“Morning.”
“Come have a seat, everything is almost done,” Jaxon says, handing me a cup of coffee with just the right amount of cream.
I move to the chair facing out towards the stove and sigh, resting my elbow on the table and my head in my palm. I’ve never had someone cook me breakfast before. I’m beginning to realize there are a lot of things my past boyfriends never did. Things I never knew I was missing, like a man cooking me breakfast after a night of earth shattering sex. And this view… Damn, that ass. I bet I could bounce quarters off it.
Jaxon turns back around and sets down a plate full of fluffy pancakes and bacon in front of me, eyebrow raised. I blush at being caught, but who wouldn't stare at that glorious thing?
“Speaking of tuxes,” Jaxon says, “what is the dress code for this fundraiser? Is there anything I should know beforehand?”
Ahh, yes, this boring fundraiser, although seeing Jaxon in a tux might make it worth it. I still have a lot to do, workwise. It's been a busy couple of weeks, and losing everything put me behind. I just need some long days and probably long nights to get this project back on track. Thankfully it was just the hardware, and everything else had backed up to the cloud correctly. I have a meeting with Trent and Billy tomorrow to go over where we are at with the build .
Jaxon nudges my leg under the table. “What? Sorry, I was just thinking of what I need to do.”
“Are you still behind?”
My stomach growls, and I dig into the pancakes and bacon stacked high on my plate.
“Yes, but it will be fine. I have a couple errands I need to run this morning.” Including one stop I'm in desperate need of. “But then I’m going to hunker down.”
“I can't wait for House of Arrows 2. Can you give me any hints? Do we get a new bad guy this time around? Are there any special powers? Please tell me there is a jet pack.”
I laugh. Wow, I really underestimated just how much Jaxon liked the game. I didn't even know he played the first one. He never really let on. I knew he had followed how well it did but not that he actually played it.
“Yes, we’ve got a new big bad boss man. We took down one Mafia boss and there are plenty to pop back up in his place. And who it is, just might surprise you.”
Jaxon’s brows shoot to the top of his forehead. “Tell me, tell me, tell me. ”
“Nope, you're just going to have to play to find out.”
“Okay, but the jet pack, tell me it's a thing, because the on-line forums are saying it's a thing.”
Now it's my turn for my eyebrows to meet the ceiling.
“Hey, I’m a fan, what can I say?”
“No spoilers,” I tisk and Jaxon pouts.
“Fine, what about this fundraiser? Do I need a tux?”
“Yes, I made an appointment to get us fitted tomorrow. Do you think you can get away around lunch time? I’m sorry, I didn’t even think to check your schedule. If you're busy I can…”
Jaxon gets up from the table. “Tomorrow around lunch is fine,” he says before leaning down and kissing me on the lips.
“Are you finished?” He nods at my completely empty plate.
“What? I was hungry and there was a lot of sex that happened last night. I needed to refuel. I may be tiny, but I’m tall. I’ve got room.”
Jaxon chuckles, taking my plate before rinsing it off and bending over one last time, placing it in the dishwasher .
I groan at the sight.
“Okay, now that breakfast is cooked and the jewels are safe,” Jaxon unties his apron. “I have to head out, we have a full schedule.” He tosses the apron on the counter and my mouth waters when I finally get the full view of his red jockstrap. Fuck my life… he's hot.
He squeezes his dick, “But if you keep looking at me like that with those pretty little lips wide open, I’m going to be late.”
Jaxon moves to leave the kitchen but not before coming to stand next to me, placing a finger under my chin and closing my mouth. I swallow thickly… so fucking hot.
“Good morning, Marge.”
“Well, look who the cat dragged in. Are you doing alright?”
Marge runs the local animal shelter here in town. It's a run down old building that is in need of a lot of repairs. But this place is all these animals have, and Marge makes the best of it.
I’ve been coming here the last few years when I need a break from my overworked brain. It helps to hang out with the animals. It calms me down and gives me a minute to think.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Did you find yourself a place to stay?”
“Umm, yeah… a friend… he's letting me stay with him.”
“Uhhh huh, would this happen to also be the same friend you have been lusting over for the past year?”
I scoff. “How do you even know that?”
“First of all, you talk about Jaxon all the time, and you have told me as much, and second… Well, you know how gossipy Ms. Brandy and Ms. Cook can be. They hang out at that cafe all day long. I’m sure they overheard something. They are the only reason anybody in this town even knows what is going on.”
I frown because I do know how gossipy those two old broads are. At least they seem to be rooting for me .
“Well leave it to those two, but yes this would happen to be the same friend I have a crush on.”
Marge walks around the old reception counter and places a hand on my shoulder. “Then what are you doing here instead of with your dream man?”
I tilt my head slightly and she gives my shoulder a squeeze. She knows.
“Take all the time that you need. Plus I think someone has missed you this last week. He's not wanting to eat so maybe you can get him to.”
“Is he okay?” My heart sinks because I know he's getting old, way too old to be adopted.
“He's just getting old, or maybe he just needs someone to remind him it's okay to be a young pup sometimes.”
The irony is not lost on me.
Marge heads into the office and I make my way to the back where we keep the kennels. Okay, yes we . I may have donated some money to help with improvements, like the new outdoor play area. And umm, I may be part owner of said shelter.
My heart breaks seeing them sit in kennels all day. They needed a place to run and remember how to be dogs and I needed to make sure the shelter doors stayed open.
As soon as I pass through the door, the dogs all start barking, vying for my attention. I make sure to stop and give everyone head scratchies as I make my way down to the end of the dog enclosures. Of course we keep the cats on the opposite side. One time Pebbles got loose and it turned into def-con 1 with fur flying everywhere.
“Hey, buddy!” I say when I reach the kennel I’m looking for. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around, but let me tell you, some shit went down.”
I open the gate. Chester, an old black retriever sits just inside like the good boy he is, panting his excitement. He moves to stand up, wobbling a little as he makes his way closer to me. I sit down on the concrete floor with my back against the wall and Chester plops down, placing his head in my lap.
I can see the sadness in his eyes. He deserves so much better than to live the rest of his life out in this place. It's meant to be a temporary visit until they find their new forever homes. Chester was already older when he came to the shelter, but then he kept getting passed up. He got older. And nobody wants an old dog, they want the puppies. But not me, I want the old dogs.
“So Marge tells me you're not eating?” He looks up at me with the true meaning of puppy dog eyes. “You need to eat.”
My fingers slide through his fur, giving his old muscles a massage. I make sure I spend extra time on his hips.
“I wish I could take you home, but I don't really have a home right now. And I don't know how Jaxon would feel about me bringing an animal into his house…. Oh, not that you're an animal , animal, no, you're a good boy, the best.” I lean in and kiss the top of his head. “I promise I’ll figure something out.”
We sit and talk, well, I talk, telling Chester all about the flood, and Trixie, and Jaxon. He just listens, nuzzling deeper into my lap.
“I think I’m scared, buddy. I think I’m terrified at the thought of finally getting the one thing I always wanted. How silly is that?”
Chester lets out a little whimper and I hug him tighter.
“Yeah, pretty silly.”
My frustration is at the surface. “I don't want to be rejected… again. I can't. What if it's all a cruel joke and the universe pulls it out from under me just as I finally…” I sigh, “The only person who ever loved me is gone and I’m still left with rejection. I can't get it out of my head or my heart. The cruelty at the hands of a parent, how do you move on from that? How are you expected to trust?”
Jaxon said he was all in. The finality that showed in his steely eyes and the confidence in his voice, makes my stomach flutter. Of course the thought of him in that red jockstrap also makes my dick flutter, but that is beside the point.
But when I really think about it, it’s me who doesn’t have the confidence in myself, because what if I fuck this up? What if I fall, then manage to do something that brings it all down around me. My whole life I’ve had my parents look down at me simply because of who I am. I never allowed myself to change to be who they wanted. And I’m proud of myself for that. But that only means if it doesn't work out it's because of who I am. I’m not worthy of love. Jaxon though, he is worth loving.
I look down into the eyes of an old dog who is also worth loving, and he's putting his trust in me. And so far I’ve done nothing but let him down. But I’m still going to continue to try and love him, just like I’m going to do with Jaxon, and maybe myself. If Spencer can learn how to love himself with all the makeup and lace, maybe I can learn to love myself as just me. I’m a 25 year old business owner who has worked hard to get where he is. Maybe it's time to make that leap. Truly make the leap.
Of course ask me how I feel about it tomorrow and I’m sure I'll be back to being petrified.
I must have stopped petting Chester because he nudges my hand. “Listen I know I’ve been MIA but I promise I will come by every morning, okay? But I really need you to do something for me. I need you to eat, because you need your strength so when we finally leave here you have the energy to run and play in the biggest backyard you have ever seen.”
I reach over, sliding his food dish closer to us. Chester lifts his head but then sets it back down, expelling a giant doggy sigh. Same, dude, same.
I grab a few kernels of food and hold my hand out, palm up. He sniffs at the food and gives it a few licks before pulling a piece into his mouth and eating it.
“Good boy,” I whisper, then for the next 20 minutes we sit as Chester eats one piece at a time.
When it's time for me to go, I give him tons of kisses and tears stream down my face. Am I a bad person for leaving him here? I don't have a place of my own to bring him, but that doesn't make the guilt any easier to deal with.
“I promise I will be back tomorrow, and I might have a plan. I just need you to hang on a little while longer.” He gives me a happy bark and a panting smile, which makes me feel a tiny bit better.
I stop on the way out to let Marge know I got him to eat something and that I would be back tomorrow morning to visit with him.
“Sounds good, you still have your key? I have an appointment in the morning so I might be late opening up.”
“Yeah, I have it. Now that I have my car back,” I mutter, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
My computer screen comes in and out of focus as I stare at this one corner of the mob boss’s hideout, trying to get the intricate shading just right for the secret door that is in the paneling of the wall. I reach behind my shoulder, giving myself a pat on the back. It's the perfect place for a hidden health pack.
I stifle a yawn. I really should be heading up to bed, my eyes are no good anymore, and all the different shades of brown are starting to fuck with me.
But there is one small problem. I seem to have gotten in my head again.
Jaxon came into the office, who knows how long ago, and said he was going up to bed. I was in the middle of making this secret door so I stayed up to finish. I wanted it completed before the meeting tomorrow with my partners.
Now, I’ve been sitting here for the last 20 minutes trying to shade a perfectly good door, all because I have no idea which bed I’m supposed to sleep in.
I replay the conversation over and over again in my head. Jaxon came in, said goodnight, then told me not to stay up too late and to get some sleep. He failed to mention which bed.
It's like I'm in the awkward position where everything is still really new between us and we live in the same house.
With all the romance novels I’ve read, they have failed to inform me on how I’m supposed to handle this situation. Everyone is either magically in bed together or they skip a week and fail to mention the bed situation.
I sigh, turning off my computer. Exhaustion has kicked in, so it's time for me to drag my ass upstairs. By the time I reach the top step I decide it's better to be safe than sorry and head to my room, opening the door, but not before looking down the hall at the door I want to be opening. I’m sure he's already asleep and I really don't want to wake him. I slip into my room, strip down to my briefs and fall under the covers, hating the feel of an empty bed.