Chapter 31
SUTTON
White flurries fall and melt against the cobblestone as I stride across campus, weaving between the student service buildings and the libraries, and past the Lyceum toward the old movie theater that no one ever goes to.
The film department still puts the classics on from time to time, but a couple other faculty members and I are the only ones who ever attend.
The crisp March air feels good against my skull, which has been pulsing since I left a faculty meeting that felt a bit pointed.
Dean Bauer spent fifty-four minutes talking about the importance of avoiding interpersonal relationships and not obscuring lines, and although he avoided eye contact the entire time, it still felt like he was speaking directly to me.
Maybe that’s my own guilt seeping in. It’s been weeks now since I had an official change of heart where Elle Anderson is concerned, though not getting involved with her never really felt like an actual option.
I’ve been feeding Death’s Teeth bullshit about my investigation into the new student, but it doesn’t feel like I’ve done enough, especially as her popularity on campus grows. At any moment, some part of me expects them to jump out of the shadows and snatch her from me the way they did my sister.
That guilt slots in place where the previous was housed, and I’m in a sort of limbo, torn between wanting to keep Elle out of harm’s way—out of Death’s reach—and needing to be near her.
Her chaos grounds me somehow. I find myself seeking it out involuntarily, like a tidal wave I can’t escape.
A light in the observatory catches my eye. Even the night classes are done for the day, so the building should be empty and locked up. But there’s one girl who seems incapable of playing by anyone’s rules but her own.
My legs drag me in the direction of the entrance.
The door’s unlocked; I enter quietly, flipping the lock behind me and pausing when a loud whirring noise echoes through the main area.
Up a flight of stairs is the massive telescope that Dean Bauer was so proud of getting a few years back, sitting on a wide platform directly beneath the ceiling panels that are currently open, revealing the vast night sky.
At the far wall on the platform, a woman stands with her hand pressed against a red button, looking out.
She’s in casual clothes I’ve never seen before—a pair of soft black pants that cling to her like a second skin, an oversize sweater, and a knit cap pulled down over her dark brown hair. That choker necklace never seems to leave her.
I watch from below as she walks to the telescope, letting out a big, contented sigh when she leans in. Again, as if they have a mind of their own, my legs take me up the stairs, ascending each step one by one until I’m on the platform with her.
People don’t usually run into each other this many times outside their normal schedules. It’s as if something is pushing, despite all the elements of our lives that should repel us, and I can’t make myself stay away.
Fuck, I know I should. I know being alone with her right now is a mistake, considering the staff meeting I just left.
But I don’t care anymore.
All I want is for her to touch me, and I want to fucking touch her.
After a near decade of shying away from the slightest caress or feeling disgust and shame whenever someone showed interest, this desire feels too significant to just ignore.
Even though I’m endangering her by getting this close, knowing Death’s Teeth is watching and waiting for some fuckup. Knowing they’d love the excuse to drag her into our world and shatter hers.
Everything is so goddamn convoluted that the only piece I can focus on is the want.
The need. The absolute desperation.
“What’s with you and sneaking up on unsuspecting women?” she asks, sensing me before I announce myself. She doesn’t pull back from the telescope, just lifts her brows over the equipment and smirks.
“Boy Scouts are drawn to damsels in distress,” I reply, shoving my cold hands into my pockets. “It’s in our nature.”
“Do I look like I’m in distress?”
“Well, you’re breaking and entering again, so I can only assume something is wrong.”
Elle turns, facing me. “Actually, my sister let me in, so no breaking required.” She pauses, wincing. “But… Don’t tell anyone please? I don’t want to get her in trouble.”
“Ah, so you do care when people’s careers are in jeopardy.”
“Didn’t we already establish you were greatly exaggerating?”
“As if I needed to say it out loud. You saw through it instantly.”
“Well, yeah, you came in your pants once when I dry humped you. I think that makes it pretty clear how you feel about me.”
“Wait.” I hold up a hand, frowning. “Who said anything about feelings?”
She makes a face, playfully pushing at my shoulder. “Anyway, that was one of the rules my parents had, actually.”
“Rules?”
“For coming here. They encouraged me to enroll, but they said if I caused Q any problems, they’d pull all of us out.”
“Would they see me as a problem?”
“Definitely. My dad has never liked any of the people I’ve brought home.”
“Is that something you’re considering doing?” I ask, moving behind her. My hands find her hips, and I revel in the soft gasp she elicits as I press into her. “Bringing me home to meet your parents?”
She laughs. “God, no.”
“Rude.”
“Trust me, I’m doing you a favor. My mom would eat you alive.”
“I thought you said your father was the one to avoid.”
“He is, but my mom would never let you leave. She’d want your entire life story, pictures of you as a kid, pictures of your parents, character references.
Then she’d call her friends over to gossip right in front of you at supper and would probably try to get you to commit a crime just to see how you’d react under the pressure. ”
Jesus. “So how often do you bring people home then?”
“Never.” She glances at me over her shoulder, and I reach up, tucking some hair behind her ear. “I’ve been out west since I graduated from high school, though, so it’s not like there’ve been many opportunities.”
“Anyone you’ve wanted to introduce them to?”
I’m being nosy, my curiosity about her past getting the best of me. I want to know everything about her though.
I want her to want to take me.
“Jury’s still out,” she says in a lilted voice, jutting her ass into my pelvis as she bends to look into the telescope again.
She slips away just as my grip on her tightens, walking to a table across the platform. I crouch lower, peering into the machine without moving it from the spot she had it in.
“Canis Major?”
“Yeah. I’m just, um, trying to go down this list I have and see what I can find.” She holds up a sheet of paper where she’s written down the names of multiple winter constellations. Orion and Canis Major are marked off.
“When you said you enjoyed astronomy, I have to admit I didn’t think you meant it,” I tell her.
She huffs. “Thanks a lot for the vote of confidence. Why wouldn’t I have meant it? Acting isn’t my only interest. Star power goes beyond the stage.”
“Enlighten me.”
“What do I look like, an encyclopedia? Do your own research.” She bumps my hip, nudging me out of the way as she moves on to the next constellation on the list. “Besides, if you can’t see the importance of being able to read the stars in the sky, then I guess you’ve never been at the whim of the cosmos. Getting lost is terrifying.”
“I can imagine.” I keep my gaze trained above us. “Imagine only, of course, since a Boy Scout like myself would never get lost. Coordinates and compass reading are day-one survival stuff.”
That makes her laugh a little. “So if you were plopped down in the middle of, say, some dusty desert, you’d be able to find your way out, no problem?”
“Sure. If I can’t rely on myself to find my place in the world, then who the hell else am I going to ask?”
She eases back from the telescope, tilting her chin. “That sort of independence must be nice.”
Unable to stop myself, I inch toward her, drawn by some invisible current. I don’t touch her but lift my hand, pointing at Orion’s belt with my index finger, then dragging it due west.
“See that bright point right there? That’s Aldebaran. If you follow the distorted Y shape it creates above and below, you’ll get the Taurus constellation.”
“Oh.” She leans into the telescope, sucking in an excited gasp. “Beautiful.”
My nostrils flare as I resist the urge to look at her and agree.
But she is. God, she’s fucking beautiful. Hollywood glam in a soft, delicate package that I want to tuck beneath my arm and never let go.
Up here, at least, it’s nice to pretend none of the external stuff—her schooling, my job, Death’s Teeth—matters. That I can just throw caution to the wind and take her anyway.
“Can you help me find Cetus?”
Nodding, I squint at the sky, searching for its tail. I point to the brightest star in a connected trapezoid. “Follow Menkar down, and you’ll find the whale swimming in the celestial sea.”
She turns the telescope to where I’m pointing. “I thought Cetus was a sea monster.”
“Well, sure. Anything can be a monster if you don’t understand it.”
Humming, she moves back to her notebook, scribbling something down on the page before returning to the scope. “You know, I got lost in the Primordial Forest when I was a teenager. It was stupid, really… We were here visiting Quincy, and I went off with this girl—”
“What do you mean, ‘went off with’?”
“To hook up.” She blinks, cocking her head at me. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what that means, Boy Scout. We’ve done it.”
“No, no, I’m aware. Just clarifying terminology to ensure we’re on the same page.”
“So studious and precise,” she teases. “Anyway, I remember thinking it’d be really great if I could have used the stars to find my way back, but alas… All the experience did was give me nightmares.”
I swallow. Those woods are as familiar to me as the back of my hand, and even then, they’re vast and endless. Getting lost within must have been horrific.
“How’d you find your way out?” I ask.