Chapter 19
19
ZORA
I wave at my bestie as I step inside the swanky new fusion restaurant downtown. It’s the kind of place that only takes reservations after a certain hour. Everything is tastefully decorated in green, red and white and the wait staff are all wearing suits.
“You look exhausted girl. We didn’t have to meet today. I wouldn’t have minded if we rescheduled for another time.” Lea gives me a hug and I sink into her embrace, relieved that I can finally have a conversation with someone who isn’t going to stress me out.
I love my dad, but being with him lately has been draining. Seeing him go through radiation is heartbreaking. He seems so old and feeble and it’s hard to watch. As for Jackson…he’s another stressor I don’t want to think about right now.
That man is bound to send me to an early grave just from his neediness. It’s driving me crazy and there’s nothing I can do about it because he still holds the deed to my father’s house and if I back out of the arrangement, I’m sure he will make me pay back all the money he’s paid toward Dad’s debt.
But the worse thing isn’t having to sleep with him. It’s that I like it. My body has become addicted to his touch. That man may be many things: arrogant, needy, jealous and overbearing.
But damn he can fuck.
He’s like a demon in bed and sometimes can go hours, leaving me so exhausted, I can barely move when he’s finally done with me.
I’m not getting much sleep and it’s getting harder to make excuses to my father who wonders why I’m not staying at his house.
Maybe it’s a kind of sexual Stockholm Syndrome of some sorts, because I can think of no other explanation as to why my body completely bursts into flames with the slightest touch from him.
“It’s fine. Besides, this is the first time we got to see each other since I’ve been down this way? How have you been?” I ask taking a seat at the table she’d been waiting at. “You look great as usual,” I note taking in her chic appearance.
She’s barely aged these past twelve years. Her body has filled out a little more and she has a short dark bob cut just above her ears unlike the waist length locks she preferred in high school. Motherhood looks great on her.
Lea waves he hand dismissively. “Aww shucks, you’re just saying that.”
“No, I really mean it. You look great. I don’t know how you do it. You’re a wife with two kids and you have a successful real estate business. I am barely keeping my head above water,” I groaned.
“Well, I’m not doing it alone of course. Buck helps out a lot. He’s so great with the kids and he treats Jason like his own. Hans takes him every other weekend. And Angelica is probably the world’s calmest toddler. She barely gives me and her daddy any trouble at all.”
“I still can’t believe you married a man named Buck.” I giggle at the absurdity because the two of us used to make fun of these those corn fed country boy types who drove pickup trucks.
“Girl neither can I but after me and Hans didn’t work out, I was feeling really low. I just went to work and took care of Jason. And one night my cousin convinced me to go out drinking with her and we ended up in this dive bar where there was country line dancing. Buck was so sweet when he asked me to dance. Plus he looked damn good in those Levi’s. I fell for him right away. He’s the kindest, most gentle man I’ve ever met.”
“I love that for you. You deserve to be happy.”
“Thanks, friend. Honestly when I found out that I was pregnant the summer we graduated, I thought my life was over but I’ve learned life doesn’t end because you have a few setbacks. Besides, Jason is one of the best things to happen to me. The kids have been asking when they’ll see their auntie Zora again.”
“Aww, really? We can set up a time together whenever. I’ll be in Virginia indefinitely.”
She raises a brow. “Oh? You’re moving back down here for good?”
Just then the waiter comes to fill our water glasses and take our drink orders. Once he’s gone, I answer. “I’m not sure. Technically I still have a job up there. I’m working remotely. I’ve managed to keep a handful of my clients because they’re willing to do video calls. I still have my apartment there as well.”
“But you don’t know when you’re going back?”
I shake my head. I don’t think it’s possible to go back because of my father’s health condition and Jackson wanting me to be on call for him. The only reason I’m able to have lunch with Lea today is because he had to take care of some business out of town. It’s a much-needed two-day reprieve.
“No. My dad still needs me. You know how independent he is. He says he’s fine but he’s still undergoing radiation. He’s seems to be responding well to the treatment but it takes a lot out of him. I know it will be worse when the chemo starts so I’d like to be around as much as I can.”
Lea sips her water before asking. “I thought you mentioned him having a home health aide to help him.”
“Actually, he has an around the clock nurse. So far she’s great. When I’m there, she usually takes that time to go shopping for dad, or to take some time to herself.”
“He must have some good insurance to cover that. When my mom had heart surgery me and my sisters had to chip in to cover the cost of the nurse, the insurance didn’t cover. Medicare sucks.”
“Tell me about it. But actually it’s covered.”
“Really? Is it a supplemental policy? I’ll have to see about signing my parents up for it.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
I’m saved from answering when the waiter returns with our drinks and to take our food orders. Because we were talking neither of us had a chance to fully look over the menu.
The waiter stands patiently by as we look. Lea finally orders a salmon salad and I order the Chicken Piccata with a side of broccolini.
When the waiter walks off, I swiftly change the subject. “So how is business going?”
“Uh uh, girl. There’s something you’re not telling me.”
I stir my iced tea with my straw. “What do you mean?”
“Why does your father need an around the clock nurse if you’re here indefinitely and how are you affording it. Please tell me your good-for-nothing brother is chipping in.”
I hang my head in shame. This wasn’t the direction I wanted the conversation to take but I couldn’t hide this from Lea. She was took discerning for one thing and also, I’ve been carrying this burden around with me for weeks and it was time for me to get it off my shoulders. “I’m not paying for it at all. At least not with money.”
Lea cocks her head to the side. “Explain please.”
I fill my lungs with air and slowly exhale before telling her everything.
By the time I’m finished, Lea’s mouth is wide open and her eyes are as wide as saucers.
“Aren’t you going to say something?”
Lea shakes her head as if coming out of a trance. “I mean, what can I say? That’s a lot. Girl, no wonder you look so worn out. This is an incredible burden you’re carrying. I should say that I’m shocked about Jackson but I think it finally makes sense.”
“It does? Because I haven’t been able to make heads or tails from it. I don’t understand why he’s doing this to me. You’d think he would have moved on from making me his favorite target since high school.”
“But you said yourself he hasn’t harmed you in anyway. Hasn’t abused you?”
Just my pussy but there’s no way I’m going to admit that out loud.
“He hasn’t caused me any physical harm no. But I have to be at his beck and call when he’s not working. One day I had therapy sessions and then I hung out at Dad’s house for a while. My phone was off the entire time. But when I turned it back on, I had over 20 missed calls.”
“Yikes. Obsess much? But like I said, it makes so much sense.”
“Are you going to tell me what you mean or do we have to play a guessing game.”
“I mean, I kind of suspected that he had a crush on you.”
I snort at the ridiculousness of that statement. “Now you’re just talking crazy?”
“Haven’t you ever heard the expression that when a little boy picks on a girl, it means he has a crush on her.”
I roll my eyes. I hated that analogy because some kids are just rotten and mean for no other reason than to amuse themselves. As a therapist I’ve dealt with all kinds and I didn’t necessarily believe in that philosophy. “I’m sure there are some instances like that, Lea, but that’s not always the case.”
“Well, the thing is, Jackson was Mr. Popular back in school because he’s a good-looking guy and the Champion name. Everyone was scared to cross him, and people would also go out of their way to impress him. If they believed he didn’t like you they would target you. If you think about it, how much of the harassment actually came from him?
“Really Lea? You were there. You remember, he would call me hobbit in front of everyone.”
“You are short.”
“He would tell people to stop talking to me. You saw it yourself. Remember that foreign exchange student from Germany?”
“Oh yeah, I remember that kid. You and I were hanging out in front of my locker and Alex, I think he name was, stopped to speak to you.”
I nod, remembering that moment. “Yes, we had English class together. He asked me a question about a homework assignment. He made some kind of joke and we were laughing and the next thing I know Jackson pops up and tells Alex to pretend I don’t exist. He practically made that kid shit his pants.”
Lea taps her chin. “How I remember it is him telling Alex you’re off limits. Yes, he was excessively aggressive but when Jackson told him, to pretend you didn’t exist that could have just been his way of getting rid of the competition.”
“Why are you defending him Lea. You know how he made me feel back then. Don’t you remember the incident in the cafeteria when he called me out in front of everyone about what I was wearing? I was so embarrassed and went through a whole packet of tissues. I know you must remember because they were your tissues!”
Lea gestures me to lower my voice with her hands. “Hey, let’s use our inside voice.”
Heat rushes to my face when I realize, several people from other tables are staring in our direction.
A tall redhead in a white blouse and black pencil skirt, appears at our table. She’s clearly the manager of this establishment. “Is everything okay here?”
“Yes, sorry. We just got really excited about something,” I explain.
“Well, your food should be out shortly. If there’s anything else you need, please let me know.”
“Thank you.”
I sink into my chair when she leaves. “That was embarrassing. But really friend, you should be on my side.”
“That’s not fair, Zora. You know I’ve always had your back. I got suspended for punching Cameron Daniels in the stomach for shooting spit balls in your hair.”
I sigh, conceding to her point. “You’re right. I’m sorry for implying otherwise but I just don’t get why Jackson is doing all this just to sleep with me. He can have any woman he wants but he’s focused on me.”
“And why not you, Zora? You’re gorgeous. You have those amazing boobs and ass. You have a beautiful smile, a lovely face and you’re one of the kindest people I know. It’s why you’re a therapist, you like to help people. It’s also why you’ve taken on the responsibility of taking care of your dad, when your brother is off God knows where. Maybe Jackson was the problem, but you were also the problem.”
“What are you talking about? Are you saying I deserved what happened to me?”
Lea holds up her hand. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m telling you that you’re beautiful and kind and loving. I know for a fact your father dotes on your and thinks you hung the moon. So why weren’t our words enough to lift your up when those assholes at school tore you down? You let them get into your head and you started believing their lies. If you would have listened to us, you’d understand why Jackson is obsessed with you.”
“You make it sound like we were in the middle of some teen melodrama. I know what bullying is and he went out of his way to make me miserable.”
“I’m not going to go back and forth with you about the past since you refuse to see look at the situation from a different perspective. But maybe you should have a conversation with him and ask Jackson why he’s gone to these lengths to be with you. That doesn’t sound like someone who just wants to sleep with you. If that were the case, I’d say he would be done by now. But from the way you make it sound he may want something more.”
I seriously doubted that but the thought of having a conversation to clear up the past seemed pointless now. It wouldn’t change anything. “I hope you don’t think this is the beginning of some grand romance because I can assure you it isn’t.”
“If you say so hon, but I think it’s funny that you being a therapist is the height of irony.”
“I’m not sure what you mean by that.”
“I mean you’re avoiding having a conversation with him because you might find out you’re not as indifferent to him as you think. And before you say I’m taking his side, that’s not what I’m doing. What he’s doing to you isn’t cool either because its clearly causing you distress. You may not be able to do anything about your father’s health and your brother being a loser but you can figure out this thing between you and Jackson. That would be one less stress in your life.”
“You make it seem like this conversation is supposed to absolve him of everything he did.”
She shakes her head. “No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I just want you to be honest with yourself. I want you to be happy and I don’t think you can be until you’re able to move on from the past.”
Was she right? Would the key to getting over my anger and resentment toward Jackson was to finally let him in?