Chapter Seventeen #2
The air was heavy with dew and smelled earthy and clean, and the distant nickering of horses cut through the silence as he stepped outside.
The morning was unusually cool with white mist hanging over the green pastures.
Quite refreshing after yesterday’s humidity.
But he knew too, that the heat would be coming later in the morning. It was after all, still August.
He needed to keep busy. Being busy kept his mind from spiraling back to thoughts about prison. About killing a man. About being away from Jenna for so many years.
Work was simple, predictable and something he could control.
Before breakfast he’d collected the eggs and had done a quick clean up in the coop, so before getting to the roof, he planned on mucking out the stalls and maybe if he got lucky he could see Jenna.
He told himself he just wanted to check on her, but the truth was simpler. He missed her presence already.
* * * * *
The shift in the morning light as it burned off the mist and chased away the coolness of the morning, made Jenna smile despite the storm inside of her. She loved sunny, cheerful days. Loved the warmth of the sun’s rays on her body as it chased away the dampness in the air.
She also loved to brush her horses. Just as she was doing now to the white mare named Sunny, named by her previous owner for her sunny disposition.
She smoothed the brush across the mare’s coat, listening to the bristles softly scrape over her smooth hide.
It was a rhythmic sound against the backdrop of the distant chatter of blue jays screeching in the nearby woods.
The horse’s flank felt warm beneath her hands and usually a horse’s touch would ground her, but not this morning.
Her mind was racing with what she’d witnessed last night happening between the two men.
She was haunted by the pleasure on Axel’s face, the eager to please expression on Nick’s face and how aroused she’d become watching the two men.
Her shoulders ached with a bit of tension as she focused on the mare’s soothing breathing and she tried to silence her self-doubt that maybe she was some kind of sicko, reacting so pleasurably to what she’d observed.
Shame pricked at her, sharp and unwelcome.
She didn’t recognize this version of herself.
Could it just be her hormones and the widow fire? Or was it much deeper than that?
She wished she could simply lose herself in her work this morning, but her body felt tight, needy. Her masturbation session had done the job in relaxing her and she’d fallen asleep relatively quickly.
But her dreams had been of Axel and Nick. Together. And dreams of them making love to her. Separately and together. The dreams had felt too real, too intimate, leaving her waking up breathless and aching.
Heat suddenly pooled in her cheeks. She was pretty sure Axel and Nick had noticed her distraction at breakfast. She hadn’t known how to act around them.
She’d barely been able to look either man in the eye.
Hadn’t been able to help herself in the way she’d barely touched her coffee and had kept her replies short.
Maybe she should tell Axel what she’d seen? The thought made her stomach twist. Tell him that she’d watched Nick take Axel’s engorged shaft into his mouth. That she’d wanted to have both men touching her. Making love to her.
She blew out a tense breath as her pussy grew hot and her ass clenched with want. Confession meant vulnerability, and she wasn’t sure she wanted that.
A tight, restless energy coiled low inside her, impossible to ignore.
Oh boy, how in the world was she going to get through today, if she was already wanting release now?
She pressed a hand to her heated forehead.
She was unraveling, and she knew it. Maybe she’d just go into the barn and have some fun with herself?
She was finished grooming Sunny, and well, she needed a bit of a break anyway.
Jenna released the horse from the post she’d been secured to.
Watching the mare trot off so freely made something in her chest ache. She wished she felt that light. Wished she felt happy and not judging herself.
Just like Axel had been last night. He’d been enjoying himself so much. The look of pleasure drenching his face made her want to pleasure him too.
She sighed. Axel had belonged to her in the past. She had planned to marry him. Have his kids. She had wanted a whole bunch of kids just like her parents had.
Sure, sometimes it had been rough having so many siblings. They fought. But her parents had never fought. They rarely disagreed. They had been in sync.
She had wanted a marriage with Axel to be that way. But Axel had screwed it all up. The memory still carried the metallic taste of fear. The night everything she’d planned for her future had shattered.
The familiar bite of anger shot through her as she remembered the night he had come to her apartment.
The night that had changed everything. She had known right away something was wrong. Very wrong. Had noticed his knuckles were bloody. He had a black eye. And bruises all over his face and knuckles. It was obvious he had been in a fight.
“I think I killed someone tonight,” Axel had told her.
At first she hadn’t believed what he was saying. He had said it so coolly, as if it was just a conversation. But looking back at it now, he had been in shock.
“I went after the men who crippled my dad. Beat the crap out of two of them. But the third, I think I might have killed him. I didn’t stick around to find out.”
She had urged him to go to the police. She had told him she would help him. But she hadn't. Not really. Guilt flickered. She’d replayed that night a thousand times, rewriting her choices, rewriting fate.
She had been naive thinking that they would give him an involuntary manslaughter charge because he hadn't gone there to kill. But he’d hit one of them and the man had fallen and smashed his head on the concrete. He had been dead instantly.
And Axel had run without so much as calling 911. Had he called for help, things might have gone differently. But he had panicked and come home to her for help, and she’d told him to turn himself in.
A man had died. The man’s family had mourned.
Axel’s parents and siblings had mourned the loss of Axel.
She had mourned for losing Axel. For years she’d thought only about herself.
Had wished she had told him to keep his mouth shut.
How could she have been so stupid as to risk losing him?
And she had lost him…lost him to another man, it seemed.
She inhaled deeply, pushing the past back into its box. She couldn’t drown in it today. The past was in the past. She needed to remember that. That was then. This is now.
As she headed toward the barn, she realized the early morning sunshine had seriously chased away the morning chill that had hung heavy over the ranch.
Now, its golden rays beat down upon her with heat, the sun causing the fabric of her clothing to cling to her skin, making her acutely aware of every shift of her body.
She lifted her cowboy hat off her head and swept up her hair, tucking the hair with a practiced flick, trying to tame more than just the loose strands.
Then she dropped her hat on her head trapping the strands in an updo but that did little to cool the heat creeping through her at what she’d seen last night up in that loft.
No matter how hard she tried, the images of what she’d seen clung to her.
They were vivid, forbidden, and impossibly tempting.
She rolled her shoulders, trying to ease the tension and just as she was about to reach out and push the barn door inward, the door groaned open and before she knew what was happening she bumped right into Axel who was just coming outside.
The sudden impact jolted her nerves like a spark.
It was too close, too fast, too much. The collision had her scrambling and her boot caught on the door jamb tripping her.
“Hey, woah,” he shouted as she was suddenly toppling backward.
He caught her by her shoulders, stopping her from a fall, but it happened so quickly that she was flung forward against him and her palms slapped hard against his chest. His hands were damp on her.
He must have washed them in the sink in the tack room and despite their wetness, they felt like two scorching branding irons on her flesh as he held her and his beautiful brown eyes locked onto hers like two heat seeking missiles.
How had she lived without this man for so many years? Her inner mind questioned her as she reacted to his touch. The heat of his body seared through the thin fabric of her shirt, and his thumbs pressed into the dip just above her collarbone, anchoring her.
“Easy there, baby doll,” he murmured, his voice low and rough.
Jenna swallowed hard, her pulse hammering in her throat. She could smell him. Sweat, and earth and something darker, muskier, the scent of a man who had spent the morning mucking out the stalls.
His chest rose and fell steadily beneath her palms, the hard planes of his muscles shifting as he breathed. She should have pulled away. She should have taken a step back and put some distance between them. But she didn’t.
As his gaze searched hers, Axel’s brow furrowed.
“You were quiet at breakfast. Figured you were thinking about Sam. It probably hit you pretty hard last night when everything got quiet,” he said softly.
His thumbs were tracing slow, absent circles against her collarbone. A shiver ran through her. That small touch felt far too intimate for daylight.
Jenna shook her head.
Instinctively her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt.
“No, it’s not that.” The denial came out before she could stop it.
“What is it then? What can I do to help?”
Unconsciously she wet her lips, her throat suddenly going dry and she didn’t miss that his gaze settled on her mouth. Heat curled low in her belly and the way he looked at her made the air feel thick enough to drown in.
The air suddenly felt way too charged and the doorway seemed to shrink around her pressing the heat of the morning into her making it suddenly feel suffocating.
He kept staring at her and then she saw his eyes darken, the brown deepening almost to black. It was as if he knew.
Jenna’s breath hitched. But that wasn’t possible. She’d been extra quiet. Her gaze drew to the chair were she’d placed the sleeping bags last night.
Her breath caught. The evidence of last night’s secret was gone, but the memory burned bright.
He followed her gaze.
“I saw you two last night,” she whispered. The words spilled out before she could stop them. Her confession felt like she’d just stepped off a cliff. There was no way back now, no way to soften the fall.
Axel went very still. The silence between them tightened, charged with something raw and dangerous. His fingers flexed against her shoulders, his grip tightening just enough to make her aware of the strength in his hands.
“What do you mean, you saw us?” his voice was breathy, rough.
Jenna’s cheeks began to burn. She shouldn’t have said anything. It wasn’t her business.
“Jenna? What do you mean, you saw us? Doing what?” His voice cracked at his last word.
“I thought you guys might be cold, so I brought sleeping bags. I was about to knock and then I heard…moans. I came up and saw Nick on his knees and his head between your legs.”
Had she just said that out loud?
The memory sent a fresh wave of heat pooling between her thighs.
Axel said nothing for a long while. Then a muscle spasmed in his cheek as he clenched.
“And?” he asked, his voice really hoarse now.
“And what? I know in prison it must have been hard for you. You are a very sexual man.” She should shut up now.
“Did it turn you off?” he asked.
Jenna’s breath came faster. She should have been disgusted that her ex-fiancé was now with a man. She should have been angry. But she wasn’t. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it.
Her heart hammered. She should lie. She should protect herself, but the truth pulsed too hot to deny.
She remembered the intoxicating and caring way Nick’s lips had stretched around Axel’s shaft. Remembered the wild way Axel’s hips had jerked forward as he’d chased the pleasure with a desperation that had made her own body ache with need.
She had touched herself last night right after coming in from the barn after seeing them. She’d been sopping wet and used her cream as lube while rubbing her clit and masturbating. The orgasm she’d had had crashed over her with a ferocity that had left her trembling.
“No,” she finally admitted, her voice barely a breath. The word left her in a rush, like exhaling a secret she’d been holding too tightly.
Axel’s eyes flared.
He just stared at her, his gaze raking over her face like maybe he was trying to read her. Trying to figure out if she was telling the truth.
“You were turned on,” he whispered. It wasn’t a question.
“I was,” she admitted, suddenly not feeling shy or embarrassed.
“I’m going to kiss you so I’m hoping you won’t slap me again,” he murmured.