Chapter 20 #2
I open my mouth, but everything feels weak in comparison to how my heart is breaking. It’s not enough to know she’s protecting my son. I need to wrap him in my arms, press kisses to his round face. He is the biggest part of my heart, and it’s torture being apart from him
My throat goes tight. A tear slips out, traveling to my chin.
“Shit,” says Brothers, setting his napkin on the table.
“I’m fine,” I gasp. “Just tell her I miss them both. And thank her for watching over him while I’ve been gone.”
Beneath the table, a warm, strong hand slides over my bare thigh and holds it. I glance sideways, and Jensen flashes a look that warns me to be careful. I understand he wants me to keep Brothers at arm’s length, but God, it’s so hard when he’s the only connection I have to my son.
“I will,” says Brothers.
The dining room is so silent, I can hear a fly buzzing in the window.
“Would you like to see the colts?” Brothers says, standing abruptly. “I have them in the front barn, just a few yards from the back porch. They might lift your spirits.”
I glance at Jensen, who doesn’t move.
“Jen, we need to talk,” Brothers says.
“Alright,” Jensen says, rising. “But only if I can keep my eyes on Della.”
Brothers dips his head, crossing the room on his long legs and pushing open the side door.
Through it, I can make out a wraparound porch and black wood barn.
In the pen off the side are two dark bay, wobbly-legged colts.
I know they’re trying to get rid of me so they can talk, but I don’t care.
Brothers was right; it might help me to step out for a second.
I get up, moving past Brothers and heading straight for the barn. The morning dew has dried off the bluegrass. It’s starting to brown early this year from the heat, and it crunches under my boots as I lean on the fence, holding my hand out flat.
Behind me, Jensen and Brothers stand on the porch, watching me without speaking.
I feel like a bug under a microscope.
Jensen is still guarded, but he’s different since Brothers mentioned Jem. The weight of their history sits over them like a cloud. I’m deeply entangled in this whole situation, but when it comes to the emotional side, it’s clear to me I’m on the outside looking in.
There was a lot said at that lunch table between them without a word spoken. I’m third wheeling it hard out here.
One of the colts brushes its velvet nose on my palm. I keep them visible from the corner of my eye. Leland taught me to read men, to understand their body language to survive. I’m doing my best, but they are a couple of guarded motherfuckers.
Brothers takes out a pack of cigarettes.
They both have one. The faint smokey scent reaches my nose.
Now, they’re talking, mirroring each other’s movements.
Usually, that’s a negotiation tactic, but not with them.
No, this feels more natural, like they’re just…
used to being around each other like that.
Jensen says something that makes Brothers frown slightly.
He shakes his head, waving a hand as he replies.
They both inhale. Brothers is a repeat offender when it comes to nicotine—he inhales and really basks in it.
Jensen breathes in, but only about half the time, telling me it’s muscle memory, not an addiction.
Then, to my shock, they both laugh. Jensen sobers quickly, like he didn’t mean to, but I saw that.
I turn back to the colt, trying to make sense of it all. Jensen speaks of Brothers like he’s a striking snake. Handle with extreme care. But I never got that feeling from him. In fact, for someone who barely remembers their father, I felt strangely close to him in a way I’d only fantasized about.
I thought it was strange at the time. Brothers is maybe ten years older than Jensen at most. But there’s just something about him that makes me think a paternal hug from him would fix the last fifteen years of my life.
Maybe that’s why Kayleigh started sleeping with him. She always had raging daddy issues.
The colt nibbles my fingers.
“God, we’re all a mess,” I whisper to it.
I sink against the railing, overwhelmed. A few minutes later, I hear their boots crunching across the dry grass. Jensen pauses a few steps behind, but Brothers leans on the fence beside me, long body draped casually.
“You like them?” he asks.
I nod, running my fingertips over the colt’s star. “They’re beautiful.”
“We should wrap this up,” says Jensen.
I push off the fence, following him back to the porch. We’re at the door when Brothers clears his throat. We both turn.
“Can I talk to Della alone?” he says.
Jensen’s eyes narrow, but I put my hand on his elbow. “Yeah, you can.”
I know he’s giving me those warning eyes, but I’m going to risk it and ignore him.
Without looking back, I follow Brothers back into the dining room.
Jensen leans just outside, one boot notched in the doorway to keep it open like he’s my chaperone.
Brothers strides to the far end of the room, by the doorway to the hall, and stops. I follow, a little nervous.
“What is it?” I ask.
He hesitates, jaw moving. He’s got a habit of pushing his tongue into the inside of his cheek in a flicking motion.
“You have to go back in, Della,” he says finally.
My mouth goes dry. “What?”
“You have to go back to Leland.” He doesn’t hesitate this time.
A cold wave of panic spreads down my spine. All at once, I’m back in my bedroom, listening to my husband’s footfalls get closer until he’s turning the doorknob. Then, it’s just us, alone. He can do whatever he wants, and there’s nothing I can do about it but be sweet in hopes of mercy.
“No,” I whisper. “You can’t ask me to do that.”
“We need someone on the inside to get Landis out,” he says. “Realistically, the only way you’re pulling this off is if we get Leland away from the house for a night, and you take your boy and go.”
I shake my head.
“Yes.” He looks me in the eye. “You can. Jensen won’t accept my help unless he’s forced into it. The enemy of his enemy is his friend.”
“Are you his friend?” I hiss back. “Or his enemy?”
He flicks the inside of his cheek. “Jensen and I have a complex relationship.”
I bite my lip, hard.
“He has feelings for you,” Brothers says.
“I don’t know what he feels,” I whisper. “Somebody, probably you, fucked him up so bad, he doesn’t share anything.”
Brothers is silent. I clear my throat, leaning in.
“You want to use me as bait,” I accuse.
“No, I need someone on the inside to pull this off. You are Leland’s only weakness.”
I shake my head, feeling like I’m drowning. “I don’t believe he wants me back that badly.”
“You’d be wrong there,” Brothers says. “He was so sure you’d come back, he let you divorce him on paper.
He never meant to let you go. He didn’t think you’d leave your son.
It was a dark day here when you disappeared to Montana.
I’ve never seen him like that. I pulled my soldiers back that night and stayed on the defensive. ”
I mouth soundlessly. Panic is a fist around my lungs.
“I can’t beat Leland outright,” Brothers says. “But with Jensen’s help, with your help, you can get your boy back and I can…do something about what he did to Jem. Put the Caudills back in their fucking place.”
“How sure are you of that?” I whisper, glancing at the shadow of Jensen through the door.
“I would bet my life on him,” he says. “On it, I mean.”
A heavy shudder moves through my chest. Overwhelmed, I cover my face, and that triggers my tears. In a second, I’m in his arms, and he’s stroking my hair, shushing me in that comforting drawl.
“Hey now, it’s alright,” he murmurs. He smells good, like masculine cologne, notes of orange, cedar, vanilla. It’s oddly familiar, and it makes my heart ache. My eyes shut, and I wish so hard everything would just…resolve itself. But it doesn’t.
Brothers pulls back, hands on my shoulders.
“You know I’m telling the truth, Della,” he says. “Jensen is going to figure out he needs me. When that happens and you see me next, you’ll have an opportunity to do what needs to be done.”
“What’s in all this for you?” I sniffle.
“Unlimited power,” he says. “There is not, in fact, enough room in this town for both Caudills and Boyds. It’s time to collapse the Caudill empire, be done with this bullshit.”
That, I believe to my core. Wiping my face, I pull back my shoulders.
“I don’t think you and Jensen can reconcile,” I say.
“Leave that to me.”
I study his innocuous face and decide to ask the question I know he won’t answer. “What did you do to him?” I whisper.
Flick—he hits the inside of his cheek with his tongue. His hands rest on his slender hips. “Something terrible and necessary,” he says.
“But you can’t tell me?”
“No, I cannot.”
The door creaks, and Jensen’s presence fills the doorway. “Time’s up,” he says.
Brothers concedes to him, staying in the entrance of the dining room as Jensen ushers me away. I go with him, letting him walk me around the house to the truck. Brothers only steps out when we’re heading down the drive. I see a flash of his tall body, hands still on his hips, watching us leave.
“What did he say to you?” Jensen says, voice low.
I shake my head. “Nothing important. What did he say to you?”
“Nothing important,” he answers.
We’re both quiet the rest of the way to the gorge.