Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
DELLA
The morning after is the most awkward of my life.
Leland must have sent for some clothes during the night, because there’s a row of shopping bags outside my door.
I pick through them until I find a simple blush dress that hits my knees with some matching heels.
After my shower, I curl my hair the way Kayleigh does.
Then, I push my shoulders back and practice a sweet little smile in the mirror.
I think I feel a brand new crack in my heart.
I go downstairs. In the huge dining room, Leland sits at the head of the table.
Landis is in his booster seat. When he sees me, he bounces up, but Leland clears his throat in warning.
The disappointment on Landis’ little face as he sits back down breaks my heart, but Leland is staring at me with ice cold eyes.
Head lowered, I sink into the chair at his side.
Kayleigh walks in, her brother, Paxton, at her side.
I’ve got no use for Paxton. He’s not any different than Leland, but the sight of Kayleigh lifts my spirits.
I offer her a small smile. She checks if Leland’s looking before winking at me as she sits down by Landis.
He pats her arm absently, like he’s used to reaching for her, and looks up at me.
I give him a little smile. He smiles back, but I can tell he’s confused.
“It’s good to have Della back,” says Kayleigh.
Leland sinks back but doesn’t answer as Georgie appears to fill our plates. Everyone is quiet, fake-pleasant expressions in place until she’s gone.
“It is,” says Leland after the door shuts.
Paxton has some coffee, turning narrowed eyes on me. “Any idea where you went off to, Della?”
I shrug. “I just went home,” I say, voice rasping.
“To Harlan?” Paxton drawls. A smug smirk appears. “Funny. We checked out your trailer, and there wasn’t anyone there.”
Kayleigh rolls her eyes. “God, Paxton, you just get off on the sound of your own voice, don’t you?”
“That’s more than you get off,” he snaps. “Haven’t seen you go out for four damn years.”
“So what?” She flips her voluminous ponytail. “At least I’m not a cheater like you two.”
Leland’s eyes snap up, flicking between his cousins, and my stomach sinks.
I know he wasn’t faithful to me during our marriage.
It hurt me then, a lot, but I feel like it shouldn’t hurt as much anymore.
I do a quick check-in on how I’m feeling.
It’s not pain this time around, just dull disappointment.
“That’s enough,” Leland snaps.
I clear my throat. “I don’t know if we should talk like that in front of Landis,” I say softly.
Everyone goes quiet, turning to Landis. He’s swinging his legs, eyes glued on me. I smile again, and he smiles back, but it’s shy.
Kayleigh breaks the silence, reaching for the juice pitcher. “Here, honey. Let me get you something to drink,” she says, filling his little cup. “I was thinking I’d go to the botanical gardens. You want to come, Della? We could take Landis.”
“I told you, I don’t want Della leaving the property,” Leland says. “You may take Landis if you’d like.”
Kayleigh gives him a cold stare while he’s turned away. I shake my head ever so slightly, and she sinks back against the chair, like it’s killing her to bite her tongue.
“That’s fine,” I say quickly, blinking back tears. “You both go without me.”
“Daddy.” Landis’ voice cuts through the noise.
Leland turns to his son. “What?”
“I want Mommy to go,” he says, scowling.
“She can’t. She has to stay home,” Leland says.
“What if you sent a couple of your guys along?” Kayleigh pushes.
“It might be good if you took him, Kayleigh. I think Leland and I could use the opportunity to talk,” I say.
She shrugs. “Alright, that’s fine.”
She goes back to eating, unbothered. Kayleigh missed out on a career as an actress. When she was helping me get through my divorce, there was absolutely no indication she knew anything. I know she put on the performance of her life when I disappeared.
Paxton grunts and changes the subject. We eat while the men talk, droning on in the background.
Then, I help Kayleigh get Landis ready to leave, and I’m allowed to stand in the doorway to wave them off.
Paxton and Leland go into the study for a while.
I sit in the living room, trying not to feel the empty space where Jensen sits in my mind.
I woke up last night and reached for him. I’ve never reached for a man at night before. I used to move away from Leland so he couldn’t touch me.
The study door slams open. Paxton walks through the living room, towards the side door.
“Leland wants you,” he says.
He gives me a disgusted look, lip curling, and goes outside.
Heart thumping, I get up and walk out into the hall.
Through the open door, I can see Leland at his desk.
He glances up and beckons me with two fingers.
My stomach is a cold lump. I hate that we’re alone, nobody but Georgie in the house.
She’s as powerless against Leland as I am.
I slip inside.
“Shut the door,” he says.
I obey. He leans back and releases a sigh of exaggerated patience. He’s in a tan linen suit, his hair slicked back neatly. Leland has gotten more handsome with age. He also looks more and more like his late father every year. Someday, the same things will happen to Landis.
“What am I going to do with you?” he says finally.
Tucking my hands behind my back, I keep silent. He’s not looking for an answer. He sighs again and points at the chair opposite his desk. I sit down, back straight, heels tucked. He opens a drawer and takes out a folder, tossing it down.
“My lawyer is reviewing the conditions of you returning,” he says, like he’s doing a real estate deal. “Obviously, if you want to stay, you will comply.”
I nod. “Okay. May I ask what they are?”
“You will behave yourself, as befits your place in my family,” he says. “You’ll attend events, dinners, and so on, as I choose. At home, you’ll run the household. Anyone you speak with, anything you consume, will be run by me first.”
I stare. “Consume?”
He gives me a hard stare back. “Media. Somehow, you got it in your head to leave. It came from someone, something.”
It takes everything I have to keep my face passive. He thinks I don’t know about divorce on my own, that I got the idea to leave him from somebody else. Or, apparently, a book I wasn’t supposed to be reading.
“You’ll marry me with a prenuptial agreement that specifies all of this,” he says. “And outlines next steps for our family.”
The silence is deafening.
“Next steps?” I whisper.
He nods. “Landis is four. If we want more children, the time is coming up. I don’t want them too far apart in age.”
I’m too horrified to hide it. “I thought you were angry with me. Now you want me to get pregnant again?”
He stands, turning to the window. It’s on the same side of the house that looks out over the magnolia grove. “I always knew you’d come back. Yes, I was angry, but I don’t hate you.”
That makes one of us. I hate him with everything I’ve got.
“I feel like we should maybe…do some marriage counseling first,” I say.
“We can do that,” he says. “But you will go right back to being my wife before anything else. Georgie is moving your things from the guest room into our suite. I expect things to return to the way they were with minimal interruption.”
The memory of Jensen’s arms around me in that little bed in the loft is so strong. The thought of letting Leland touch my body again makes me sick. I’m quiet for so long, Leland turns around. His brows knit, eyes staring at where I’m tearing the skin back from my nail. I drop my eyes to the floor.
“What?” he says.
“Um…there was something…something that really bothered me about when we got together,” I whisper.
“You can look at me when we’re talking.”
I obey, remembering the night I got pregnant, how I laid there for a moment and waited for him to get up to throw the condom out. But he didn’t, so I turned on the lamp. That’s when I realized what he’d done.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a brief second. “I wish we’d done it right and waited.”
“Waited?”
“Until we were married,” I say, voice hoarse. “Mama raised me to wait until I was married. Our wedding night was nice, but I regret not waiting.”
He’s clearly caught off guard. “It’s a bit late for that.”
I give him my biggest, most innocent eyes. “Maybe we could wait this time around. Get married at the courthouse and have a proper wedding night. It would…make me feel better.”
His jaw flickers, tightening.
“We could go on a real honeymoon this time,” I say, offering him the sweet smile that usually pacifies him.
He’s just looking at me. I go silent, unsure what he’s thinking.
“Your shot still up to date?” he asks finally.
I nod. “I’m still good for about a month.”
“Good. I want it in the contract you cannot get it again without my permission.”
My stomach roils, but I can’t show it. Instead, I tilt my chin and nod. “Just give me this one thing, and you can have everything else.”
He thinks hard for a minute, then jerks his head in a sharp nod.
“Fine,” he says.
“Thank you.”
Carefully, I get to my feet, clearly indicating I’m looking to leave, but he doesn’t dismiss me. Finally, I clear my throat.
“May I go?”
“Yes,” he says. “You’re not permitted to leave the house today. When Kayleigh returns, you’ll take Landis to the nursery and watch him for the rest of the day. Both of you will meet me in the dining room for dinner.”
I nod, turning to leave. I get as far as the door, my hand on the knob, when he taps the desk. Heart thumping, I glance over my shoulder.
“The least you could do is thank me for taking you back,” he says coolly.
My mind goes blank with rage. All at once, I’m not in his office.
I’m back in Montana, up in Jensen’s bedroom.
He’s on me, inside me, the way he was that first night.
He’s loving me with his hands, his body, his words, and I’m realizing my body was never broken.
All I needed was Jensen to make it come alive, to make me want more for myself.
When I was younger, I thought Leland robbed me of my home. But after meeting Jensen, I realize it’s more complicated. He robbed me of a future that will never happen now.
I could have met Jensen back then, loved him of my own free will. I could have willingly had his baby and watched him become a father to my son. I could have been happy, innocent, untouched by fear. The ghost that haunts me is a single question: who could I have been if not for Leland?
Instead, Leland wrote my story, and it can never be unwritten. I have to live with that, every day, every night.
But he won’t write the next chapter for me or my son.
That belongs to me.
I lift my chin and give him a passive smile, like I have nothing in my head.
“Thank you,” I say.