Chapter 11 Jericho
JERICHO
Evan and I spend the rest of the day with the shifters, trying to get to know them and learning about other packs in the area.
Shortly after we—or rather, Evan—eats dinner with them, we retreat to the van to have some privacy.
I’m surprised he still wants to, considering Jasmine offered him a room. Wouldn’t he rather have his own space?
We stay up late talking, and when he finally dozes off, I lay still beside him for a few hours, trying to do the same.
But there’s no way I can sleep with everything going on, or with his addictive scent so close to me.
It’s taking everything in me not to pull him close and bury my nose in his hair.
As carefully as I can, I climb over him to grab my sketchbook from the shelf. When I turn around, I nearly laugh. In the two seconds it took me to get up, Evan sprawled on his back taking up the entire mattress.
I consider nudging his legs to give myself at least one corner to sit, but he looks so peaceful. So calm. For the first time, he looks safe. Like none of the dangers can possibly touch him.
And he needs rest. I really should leave him.
I reach for my hoodie on the clothes pile and, as quietly as possible, open the door to make my exit.
Evan jerks awake, blinking hard to gauge his surroundings. When he sees me by the door, he frowns. “Where’re you going?”
“Just outside to draw for a bit. Go back to sleep.”
He glances out the window like he expects trouble.
“Everything’s fine, I promise. I just can’t sleep is all.”
He notices the notebook in my hand, then darts his eyes to the corner of the bed, as if looking for something. His expression shifts to one I’ve never seen before, but before I can analyze it, it disappears and he drops his head to the pillow.
“Get some rest, Ev,” I say as I climb out of the van. “I won’t be far.”
My eyes are heavy as I walk away, my throat tight. His scent is definitely getting to me, making my throat burn. I hate myself for saying it, but I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone. And I’m afraid if I don’t put space between us, I’ll lose control.
But I need him close to keep him safe, which means dealing with the constant ache of being torn in two completely different directions.
I take a seat on the swing and flip to a blank page in the notebook.
In smooth quick motions, I outline the basic form of a wolf running through the trees, recalling their long snouts and amber eyes.
They were actually quite beautiful, when they weren’t trying to kill me.
I tried to capture how the light glints off their fur, or the way their muscles tense as they run.
I add some trees in the distance and puddles on the ground, trying to make it look like early morning.
I become so lost to the art that I startle when the van door opens. When I look up, I’m surprised it’s well past sunrise.
Evan stifles a yawn as he strolls over, taking a seat next to me. He studies the page, the corners of his lips curving into a smile. “Is that someone from the pack?”
I shrug. “Wasn’t going for anyone specific.”
“Well, it’s still awesome. You should give it to them.” He’s quiet for a minute, then clears his throat and asks in a quiet voice, “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
“Are we… I mean, are we good?”
I furrow my brows. It’s not the first time he’s asked me that, but his tone unnerves me. He tugs at a drawstring on his sweatshirt, avoiding my eyes as he shifts in his seat. He still has bags under his eyes, like he didn’t sleep at all after I left.
“What do you mean?”
“This just isn’t how I thought our reunion would go, you know?”
I lower my voice. “I never meant to pull you into this.”
He glances at me. “That’s just it though. You’re acting like you genuinely don’t want me here.”
“What?”
“You wanted to leave as soon as you got to my house, Jer. Like, before Rip chased us. Which, just… Well, it hurt, if I’m honest. Then when my mom called yesterday, you basically shoved me away, like it was the perfect excuse to get rid of me.”
“I didn’t want you to go with us. It was dangerous.”
“Even though we promised we’d stick together?”
I clench my teeth. “You saw how they reacted. I didn’t want you near that.”
“Do you have any idea how nervous I was, though? I was afraid for you. I had no idea if we could trust them, yet you didn’t give me a choice.
You left anyway. Then last night, you left without saying anything, even though you’re clearly exhausted.
” His blue eyes are full of an emotion I can’t understand.
“It feels like you don’t want me around. ”
I still don’t reply. I’m not sure I can.
“So I’m asking you. Are we really okay, Jer? Or do you want me to go?”
“Why would I want you to go?” I can’t help but ask. “You’re safer with me, especially now.”
His cheeks turn red as he looks away. “I just… I wonder if it’s too hard for you or something.” His voice lowers again. “I saw the notebook.”
My heart lurches. There are dozens of erotic sketches in any of my notebooks, but if he meant the red one…
“What notebook?”
He avoids looking at me. “The one under the pile of clothes. With the drawings of us… together.”
I slam the notebook closed, shame and embarrassment flooding through me. Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuck.
I never wanted Evan to see those. Never wanted him to know… and now he does.
“That’s why you left, isn’t it? Because you… want me?”
I close my eyes, wishing I could crawl into a hole. “Wouldn’t you have left me if you knew?”
He scoffs. “No.”
I glare at him, but he shakes his head.
“I wouldn’t have! I wouldn’t have known what to do about it. Hell, I still don’t, but I wouldn’t have wanted you to leave just because you’ve… fantasized about me or whatever. Don’t all friends, at some point?”
I raise a brow.
He laughs, cheeks turning bright red again. “Okay, no, I haven’t. With you, anyway. But you know what I mean. It doesn’t need to be a thing between us.”
Except it is. It so fucking is a thing, and Evan can’t possibly understand that. All those fantasies, the times I jerked off to dreams of us together… all the feelings raging inside me. They’re real to me, and being around him again, controlling those urges, it’s intense, to say the least.
“But it is a thing, Ev,” I say softly.
He turns to look at me, listening.
“It’s not easy being around you. I mean, it wasn’t before when I wanted you, but it’s even harder now. Your scent—” I swallow hard, my nostrils flaring. “It’s an entirely new level of desire, and I… don’t have control yet.”
He doesn’t reply, his curious eyes searching for something in mine. “Do you need me to go?”
“No,” I say quickly. “I know it’s kind of fucked up, but it’s easier having you here now. It’s fucking hard, but it’s also easier. I don’t know how to explain that.”
He studies me. “Because you can protect me? Is that it?”
I hear the pain in his voice, like he thinks the only reason I want him around is to keep him safe. And that may be part of it, but it’s not all of it.
“I do want you safe, but that’s not the only reason. I want you here, Ev. I’ve always wanted you close.” Can’t he see how that’s a problem?
Evan finally nods. “I just want to know if we’ll eventually find our way back to each other, because I miss my friend, Jericho.”
“I miss you, too.”
“Okay, good. Then none of this” he gestures to the notebook in my lap, “matters to me, okay? Fantasize about me all you want. Just stop leaving.”
I laugh just as the scent of smoke hits my nose. I turn around to look through the window, where Forest is feeding logs into the fireplace.
My skin bristles. I’ve never liked the smell of smoke. Have never been able to tolerate it more than a few minutes. It takes me back to a time I’d rather not think about.
Evan nudges me. “Wanna go for a walk?” He knows my aversion to the smell, and he’s the only one in my life who knows why.
“Yeah.”
We stop at the van so I can put the notebook away before turning to walk through the trees.
We take the same path as I did yesterday, winding down to a stream.
It’s much prettier today, with the sun filtering in through the trees.
Birds chirp in the distance, and rabbits rustle in the bushes.
Far off in the distance, beyond what Evan’s human eyes can see, I spot a few deer moving around.
At least hunting won’t be a problem. There is wildlife everywhere.
“There’s an eagle’s nest up there,” I say, pointing to the two tallest trees on the ridge.
Evan squints, like he’s trying to find it. I step in close and point again.
“Oh! Yeah, I see it now. Wow. Is there anything in it?”
“No, but Forest says they return every summer.”
“That’s so cool. I wonder if they have any bears around here. Or moose.”
I chuckle. “Actually, I met a bear shifter in one of the packs yesterday.”
Evan’s eyes widen. “For real? A bear in a wolf pack?”
I nod. “He’s mated to one of them. Grizzly.”
“Damn. Was he scarier than Bronson?”
I laugh. “Bronson isn’t scary. He’s just an asshole.”
Evan makes a face. “I don’t know, Jer. If I had my gun, I would’ve shot him when he lunged for you. The guy had murder in his eyes.”
I turn to him. “You have a gun?”
“Yup. I told you, I learned to shoot.”
I flinch. “Because of me?”
“No. It was actually because of Trace. The guy you killed? He was pissing me off. But I mean, yeah, I figured it would be good to know if I was going to be hanging out with more supes, you know.” He pauses. “I wish I would’ve grabbed it before we left. I didn’t think about it.”
Evan with a gun? He always had reservations about them before, but I guess he finally got over it when he had a reason to protect himself.
I’m relieved. Regular bullets won’t kill a vampire, but the right kind can slow one down. And they can definitely kill a shifter.
Maybe I need to find a gun for him.
The snap of branches to our right catches our attention. I shove Evan behind me as two wolves approach.
“I’m a friend of the Clearwater pack,” I say. “I’m here with permission.”
They pause and bow their heads, then the darker of the two wolves shifts.
I let out a breath. “Oh. Hi, Neal.”
Neal looks between us, clearly confused. “What are you doing out here?”
“Walking,” Evan says calmly. “What about you? Where’s Aster?”
“He’s with Forest,” Neal replies. “You shouldn’t be out here. You know how the neighboring packs are.”
I ignore him. “We’re close enough. What’s up with you? Where are you guys going?”
Neal looks down at the other wolf, who I can only assume is his mate. “We always go for a run around this time.”
“Scouting?” Forest mentioned yesterday that everyone has been taking extra patrols to keep an eye out for vampires.
Neal shrugs. “That, and… Taren still likes to visit the last place she saw her sister.”
I swallow hard. “Oh.”
Taren nudges her mate then takes off running through the trees.
Neal sighs after her, saying in a quiet voice, “They got into a fight the night Sasha ran away. We didn’t hear from her for three months.” He closes his eyes, pained by the memory. “And then it was too late.”
“I’m so sorry, Neal,” Evan says. “Believe me, I know how awful it is to have someone disappear like that.”
If Evan meant that as a jab at me, he landed his mark. His words sting. I hate how much I hurt him.
“Yes, well… I don’t think my mate will properly grieve her sister’s death until the man responsible is dead. So if you’ll excuse me.” He shifts back to a wolf and chases after Taren through the trees.
“Taren blames herself for what happened,” I say after we’ve watched them go. “That has to be so hard.”
Evan’s reply is so quiet, I doubt he meant to say it at all. “I know how she feels.”
I snare his wrist. “Ev, don’t.”
He tries to pull away, so I tighten my hold. “Seriously. Don’t blame yourself for what I did.”
“How can I not!” he says. Those cold eyes send a dagger right through me. “I know the truth now, Jer. You left because you… or because I didn’t…” He shakes his head. “You left because of me!”
When he tugs away again, I let him go. Guilt washes over me. I don’t know what to do. How can Evan blame himself for what I did? It was my choice to walk away. Mine.
It was my choice to give myself to Foxx too. And if I’m not careful, that choice is going to cost Evan his life.
I clench my fists, nails digging into my palms enough to sting.
I have to protect Evan. I need to.