Chapter 9
Jericho
Trying to follow and get intel on someone who would kill you on sight is more than a little difficult. Add in the fact that the man you need information on is more paranoid than your average human, and it becomes nearly impossible.
Damien Gaines was a cocky bastard when I spent those few months working for the Reese organization. He'd strut around like he was invincible.
These days, after taking out the head of a drug and gun empire, he's always looking over his shoulder, unless he's high as a kite from using his own product or drunk after leaving the strip club they operate. Then his goons are looking over their shoulders because they know there will be hell to pay if they got the boss killed while he was incapacitated.
Needless to say, I've spent the last three days trying to get information that would help me get Aspen away from the organization safely, and I have nothing to show for it.
There's no routine to speak of from what I can tell. He leaves the house at different times. He returns at different times. He's a contradiction to Ivan Reese who never left the house, and when he did, it was almost like the president of the United States with the security and planning. Nothing was done on a whim with the old boss.
I wouldn't put it past Damien to have shown my picture around to all his men, so it's not like I can befriend anyone to see if they feel like talking. Disgruntled people tend to get loose- lipped when they're half a bottle of whiskey deep, regardless of how dangerous it would be.
I'm mentally beating myself up for not swiping her off the street earlier this week when I get an email notification.
I haven't emailed her because I don't know if Damien is monitoring the email account. Although I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her for what she did that day eight years ago, I don't want her to be hurt any longer, either.
I nearly trip over the stupid fucking rug in the center of the shitty room, in my effort to get to the laptop I grabbed from a big box retailer the day I got to Boston.
The email does nothing but piss me off, but there's a part of me that expected it to say exactly what it does.
She apologizes for taking so long to write, but she has a hard time accepting that I am still alive. She doesn't understand why I've been absent from her life if I were still on this earth, and I can sense the pain in those words. Part of me feels that ache, but another part of me wants to shoot fire from my eyes because it's as if she's turning this around on me, as if I betrayed her, not the other way around.
I run both hands over the top of my head, agitation growing inside of me. I'd shake the woman, literally put my hands on her shoulders and shake her, if she were in this room right now. It seems we have a lot of shit to work through, but if I can't get her out from under Damien's control, then I may never get the chance.
I pull in a deep breath, pacing back and forth once more before continuing, because the last thing I need is to throw the fucking computer against the wall.
The woman drives me mad. She always has, and it seems even years of distance and separation haven't put an end to that.
I swear I can hear her whispering the words despite the fact that they're typed out on the screen.
I'm so glad you're alive and you didn't die because of me that day. I've used this email account in recent months as a way to get things off my chest because I'm so lonely, but don't mistake these words as a cry for help. There's nothing that can be done, and, honestly, I'm not worth the trouble. It's best for everyone involved if you forget I exist and continue to go on with your life, free of me and the danger I pose.
I pull in a deep breath, my frustration only continuing to grow. I don't want to be let off the hook. Who does she think I am? Does she really think that I'm the type of man who can walk away from any woman in a bad situation?
I didn't have much time to explain myself when we were younger, but I never portrayed myself to be someone different from who I was, other than my actual reason for being a part of her father's crew. I wasn't violent or mean. I wasn't rude or disrespectful. Those were some of the things that caused so many issues for me. I was pretending to be someone different in name only. I didn't change my personality, and that fucked with my head more than I ever should've allowed. I learned a lot about what not to do after that case was over for me, and that knowledge has helped keep me alive countless times since.
I won't bother you again. I'm sorry for using this email as a sounding board. Please don't come for me or try and interfere in any way. Doing so will only cause me more problems. It's not as bad as I made it sound. I was having a bad day.
A bad day.
I wonder if those are a reflection of her own words or if it's something that Damien says after he's finished hurting her. Is he the type of man who sends flowers and begs forgiveness after blackening her eyes and splitting her lip? I highly fucking doubt it. The Damien I knew would taunt her and press his finger into her bruises just to watch her wince in pain a second time.
I clench my hands into fists over and over, needing to hurt someone and knowing that I won't be happy until Damien Gaines is bleeding out at my fucking feet.
It's not just her. He has caused so much pain for so many people. As Ivan Reese's successor, he did most of it with impunity. The fact that he's keeping Aspen and her son separate speaks of his cruelty. What type of man keeps a child away from their mother? That alone is enough for me not to listen to her request. She can't see just how dangerous things are for her because she's right in the middle of it and her perspective is skewed. I'm well aware of exactly how these operations work from my years with ICE, and I know she and Eli are not only pawns for Damien to use against each other, but she's the main target of anyone wanting to unseat Damien from his stolen throne.
Even though she's requesting to be left alone, I know I could never do that. I could possibly convince myself for a day or so that she has every right to decide how her life is going to play out, but, in the end, it won't matter. In the end, she doesn't get to choose to keep her son in danger. Trying to give her what she wants would only result in wasted time because not helping her isn't an option. Leaving a woman in known danger isn't how a Marine acts. It isn't how Cerberus acts. It isn't how real men act. Helping her and getting her and her son free of that man is the only option. What she does after that is a hundred percent up to her.
I don't email her back because I know the risk. She could already have put herself in more danger for sending that last email, but there's nothing I can do about that other than worry about her safety every single minute between now and the next chance I get to pull her from that life.
I don't doubt that Damien has regretted not slitting my throat that night Ivan ordered that it be done. Other than wanting me to witness him getting everything I thought I deserved, I have no clue why he let me live. He wasn't known for his compassion or forgiveness. If anything, he acted possibly worse than he was so people would never question him. He ran so many risks by not killing me, including losing Ivan's favor and the chance to run the family one day, but who knows the finer details? Ivan could've told him he was no longer in the running and that could've been the day Damien slit his throat and left him on the side of the road like a bag of garbage.
As I do my best to try and formulate a plan, I know there are worse things that can happen to her than being smacked around by her volatile husband. I know that can happen at any moment, even between now and when I get the chance to grab her.
My heart races as my mind runs through scenario after scenario. Storming the house and grabbing her isn't an option because I'd just end up with a bullet in my head, and I'm no use to her dead.
Leaving her be is another option that keeps running through my mind because it's what she asked for, but I made a vow to myself, even after Damien sliced open my face, that I'd help her when and if she ever wanted out. Although she wrote those emails thinking I was dead, she did ask for help. I have to be there to provide it even though she's backpedaling. She'll always backpedal. She'll always choose the danger she knows because she has been threatened with so many awful things if she steps over the line. I have no doubt Damien is willing and ready to issue all those punishments he had threatened her with, but there's also the chance he'll do it even if she doesn't step out of line. He'll create some scenario where she's wronged him just so he can hurt her. It's what abusers do. You can't ever be perfect because they change the fucking rules right in the middle of the game to benefit them.
Then, there's Eli to consider. As much as I hate a part of Damien coming from her, that kid is also a part of Aspen. I have to think that he got all the good things Aspen has and none of the horrific traits his father is plagued with. Regardless of lineage, children are to be protected at all costs. If Aspen can't or isn't willing to protect that boy, then I will. She can hate me all she wants, but the last thing this world needs is another man like Damien running loose and hurting people just for the thrill of it. If the boy is left to his father's instruction, I have no doubt he'll be just as bad if not worse.