Chapter 31
Caitlyn
What was meant to be a form of closure has left me more torn up than I think I was before I sat in his room last night waiting for him to arrive.
The sex was fantastic. It always has been, but I could actually feel the disconnect this time, knowing exactly how he felt about it all before it happened.
Before I could lie to myself and imagine him feeling something for me. Last night there was no doubt that it was just a physical interaction.
I could easily convince myself that it wasn't transactional, that there's no way for someone to disconnect themselves so much during sex, but I know better. I know every experience I suffered through before him was just that. In my case feelings I might've had for a man would dry up almost instantly when he put his hands on me.
"You're awfully quiet," Zeus says from the driver's seat of my car.
There' s another vehicle pacing us, and it was explained that they'd wait outside while Zeus showed me how to operate the security system before they took him back to the cabin.
"Sorry," I whisper even though there's no real reason to apologize.
I don't owe anyone conversation when I choose to be quiet, but it just seems like common courtesy, the apology something expected. It seems I still have a ways to go in therapy, but I guess one is never cured fully, especially with society's expectations looming over them.
"You don't have to go home. I'm sure Hemlock would let you stay as long as you want," he says as he hits the blinker to turn into my driveway.
"I've stayed long enough," I say, working my seatbelt off as he pulls up in front of my house.
He doesn't argue with me, and I have no idea how my words make him feel because I don't look in his direction. I've avoided eye contact with everyone today, even when I was told that Jersey was going to show me the new security system but he’d left early for a job.
I have no doubt he wanted to get away from me before I questioned what we are now that I slept with him again. As grateful as I was for the distance, I still felt a little sad that he might've left just to get away from me.
I climb out of the passenger seat of my car, looking over my shoulder just as the second vehicle pulls up to the curb in front of my house.
Echo, a man who I just met this morning, dips his head at me just as Zeus steps up beside me.
I pull open the back passenger side door and reach in to help Kiva out. She stretches as usual before trotting along to find a spot to pee.
"Ready?" he asks, making sure to keep an arm's length of distance between the two of us.
"Ready," I say, turning back toward the house.
I scan the front porch, noticing that nothing looks any different than it did before other than the three cameras attached to the house.
Roman had mentioned fifteen cameras, and although I'm not going to go around the outside and count, I can't help but wonder if he put cameras inside as well.
Using the key on the keychain he still has from driving, Zeus unlocks the front door as I notice the blinking red light on the new doorbell, indicating that this is being recorded.
I wonder if Roman is watching right now, feeling upset or relieved that someone else has been given this task rather than being responsible for it himself.
What I need to stop doing is worrying about that man. I'm less than an afterthought for him, and he needs to be the same for me.
"You have all of the feeds on the app I put on your phone," Zeus says, letting Kiva run past us into the house before he closes the front door.
I pull my phone from the side pocket in my leggings, using the face recognition to open it before I hand it over to him.
"You'll get a notification if anyone crosses the path of the camera."
"Sounds like I won't be getting any sleep. I have all sorts of wildlife running out there at night," I mutter.
"We've managed the sensitivity to only register larger things. If a bear is on your front porch, you'll get an alert, but smaller animals won't disturb you."
He opens each image on the phone, showing me exactly where the cameras are pointing, making sure I know that there is plenty of overlap.
"It means even if someone tampers with one camera, another one will see what they're doing," he explains. "This button right here alerts Casper back at the cabin and will call the police for you. "
I nod my head, knowing just how long it takes for someone to get here from the cabin, and that it would probably take the police twice as long as well.
"Do you know your neighbors?"
I shake my head. "The house on the right is empty. I know it was an old lady who lived there but she either died or has been placed in a nursing home or something. It's been empty for months. The couple who lives to the left keep to themselves."
"It would be better if you knew them," he says. "But I understand wanting your privacy. Do you have any questions about the system?"
I shake my head.
"You have the gun?"
I nod, patting my purse.
"It doesn't do you any good if you lock it away. No one is happy that you're coming back here, Dr. Rudd, but I want to suggest you carry it with you everywhere you go for the time being, at least until we figure out who has been creeping on your house. If you feel too overwhelmed, just give us a call and we'll come get you."
"Thank you," I tell him honestly, walking back toward the front door.
He follows, freezing when he opens the front door and finds someone standing on the porch.
I look down at my phone. "I didn't get a notification."
He takes my phone, frowning at the woman there before looking down at the screen.
"It was disarmed. You're good to go now."
"Hi," the woman says. "I'm-"
"A good friend," I interrupt. "Rhonda this is... Zeus."
"The god of sky and thunder," my therapist says as she holds out her hand.
They shake hands, Rhonda seeming a little infatuated with the man already. He seems indifferent as he looks back at me .
"Call us if you need us," he says before walking off the porch and climbing into the SUV idling at the curb.
Dr. Moore grins as she watches them drive away, but her face looks annoyed when she turns to look at me.
"New friends?" she asks as she pulls her jacket tighter around her body.
I sigh, turning to go back inside, knowing I'm not going to get away with not explaining what has happened to me in recent weeks.
"You want something to drink?" I ask after closing the door.
"A hot cup of something would be great," she says as she settles on the sofa like she's been here a million times.
"I didn't know you were making the rounds," I say from the kitchen, knowing that my house is small enough that I don't have to yell to be heard.
"We can make small talk if you want," she says. "It won't stop us from getting to the root of why you've been avoiding my calls and emails."
I roll my lips between my teeth, biting down on them to keep from spitting something I'll regret.
The coffee is done much too quickly, and within minutes I'm sitting across from her, wondering just where to start.
"I've gone to the club many times since the last time we spoke," I begin. "I met a man there, and as it turns out he's connected to my newest client."
"A relative?" she asks, blowing over the top of her coffee to cool it down before taking a tentative sip.
"Not really," I say, knowing I have to skate a fine line to stay within the expectations of the NDA I signed. "My client's father and this man work for the same company."
"You like this man and your inability to be touched is complicating things," she predicts. "Is this the same man we spoke of before, the one who you said your body recognizes in some way? "
"The same man, yes," I answer. "He has touched me."
"At the club while you're tied up?"
I shake my head. "Here at my house. We've... had sex. Several times in fact."
She sits up a little straighter. "You were able to tolerate it?"
Tolerate.
What a strange word to use when speaking of getting intimate with someone else, but I fully understand where she's coming from. Before Roman, tolerating was all I was able to do with past lovers, and even then just barely.
"That's not the problem," I say, pressing my fingers between my eyes, trying my best to ward off a headache that's forming behind my eyes. "I have a stalker."
I open my eyes to find her staring at me.
"A guy followed me out to my car the last time I was at the club. He grabbed me, and Roman hit him before driving me home."
I pull in a deep breath, feeling like I'm spilling my guts and going too fast for her to keep up, but I find her nodding. "Go on."
"While Roman was here, the man drove by. Roman thinks that he had followed me home before that night because he wasn't behind us during the drive back here."
"That's... alarming, Caitlyn. I feel terrible for insisting you go to the club. I never considered the possibility that you could be victimized because of it."
"After that, on a different night, I saw someone lurking around my backyard," I explain. "The guys made me go to their cabin."
"Where your client lives?"
I dip my head, afraid of the conversation we'll eventually have about crossing professional boundaries. Having a sexual relationship with someone connected to Eli is much different from spending the night in the same house where my client lives.
"It wasn't the same guy," I confess, having gotten that information from Zeus yesterday. "That's why I have the new security cameras around the house. Zeus was here showing me how it works."
"And Zeus is not Roman? They're two different people?"
I nod, noting the look of relief on her face. It makes me want to laugh despite the seriousness of the conversation we're having. If she ever got the chance to see all the guys in that cabin lined up together, she'd no doubt wonder where the cameras were hidden because they all looked like Hollywood movie stars.
We continue our conversation, and Rhonda doesn't leave until I assure her that I'll be okay. She's not exactly happy about the gun, but she didn't argue about it either after I assured her I had training on how to use it.
I lock the door the second she's out on the porch, watching in the peephole as she makes her way to her car. She wanted me to leave with her, but I just needed some time to myself right now.
I shower with the bathroom door locked and the gun on the counter. I get dressed with my ears peeled and my eyes on the weapon.
I place it on the bedside table when I go to bed, and all the while I feel like leaving the cabin was the biggest mistake of my life.