Chapter 36
Jersey
Watching Hemlock go into the house fully geared up as if he were facing a team of terrorists is harder than I even imagined. And believe me, I was livid when he told me that I was too close to Caitlyn to be the one to make entry. He claimed my mind would be clouded, and it could lead to mistakes, something terrible I'd never forgive myself for.
I know he is right, but watching his back as he just stands in the doorway is even harder.
Why hasn't he shot that motherfucker yet?
Then... one gunshot.
Followed by the most horrific scream I've ever heard. The sound of it has the power to invade my nightmares for the rest of my life. It's reminiscent of one of the versions of the nightmares I already have where Eden is screaming for me to save the boys before blaming me for everything that went wrong in their lives.
I've never heard such pain and anguish while awake.
Lark tries to stop me, but instead of waiting to see what's going on inside, I shrug out of my leather jacket, leaving him holding it as I make my way to the front porch .
I enter the home, my eyes scanning the situation quickly.
The man who was holding her hostage is in the middle of the kitchen with a self-inflicted gunshot to the head, his brain matter and blood sprayed all over the counter where Caitlyn and I spent a morning not long ago, and I hate the sight of anything of him tainting anything of us.
My eyes then find Hemlock crouched low in front of Caitlyn, his rifle on the floor. He's close, but he's not touching her. I'm grateful that the man did not insert himself too far into her personal space, which would make her even more uncomfortable.
"Caitlyn," I whisper, drawing her eyes up to me, and Hemlock stands, removing himself from in front of her just in time for me to drop to my knees and pull her against my chest.
Instead of staying situated with her line of sight over my shoulder and in the direction of the body, I lift her easily and sit down on the sofa with her in my lap.
Her sobs dampen my shirt, but nothing compares to the warmth of her in my arms.
My heart pounds as so many things I've struggled with in recent weeks are becoming crystal fucking clear.
Commotion swarms the house as the sheriff's department, finally having arrived after the scared young kid called in backup, arrives on the scene.
"Who shot him?" a big burly motherfucker asks as he grabs his utility belt before hiking it up a couple of inches.
"He shot hims-self," Caitlyn manages after pulling her head back from my chest.
I hold her a little tighter when it seems the trembling in her body shows no sign of stopping.
"Is that right?" he asks as he crouches beside the body.
I can sense the bravado in his tone, but the man looks like he's about to get sick all over the fucking crime scene .
"I have body-cam footage," Hemlock says as he steps forward and pulls his helmet off his head.
"I've heard about you guys," the cop says, pointing at my boss like he already has a bad taste in his mouth. "Did you make him shoot himself?"
"I have body-cam footage, including audio," Hemlock repeats. "Would you like to see it?"
The man pulls in a deep breath, his nose scrunching when it becomes clear that the scent of blood is getting to him, and then he dips his head before walking toward the front door.
"Don't touch anything in here," he says in my direction before disappearing.
I give all my attention back to Caitlyn, who is still clinging to me.
The nearness makes my heart soar, but I know better than to get comfortable with her in my arms. She's undoubtedly in shock, and we won't be able to stay like this forever.
"Kiva is outside with the guys," I whisper. "She was wandering around in the yard."
Another yet deeper sob rattles her entire frame, and all I can manage is to hold her a little tighter.
We sit like that for the longest time, and I can see the courage she's trying to display when she pulls her body back and swipes at the tears staining her cheeks.
"She's okay?"
"She's good. Out there enjoying all the attention she's getting," I tell her with a soft smile. I run my hand along her cheek, feeling like I've won an award when she leans her face into my touch. "We should probably get out of here."
" You won't believe the shit we found ," Casper says, his voice coming through my earpiece.
"I think he hurt his kids," she whispers as if she can hear Casper through my mic but I know she can't.
" Miles Lee ," Casper says as I pull Caitlyn back to my chest. " She worked with his family for a brief time last spring. He killed his two children. The youngest looks to have been gone for days. My guess would be around the time he was slinking around her backyard ."
" Fuck ," someone says, their voice traveling through the mic.
" The older one ," Casper continues. " Looks to have been shot early this morning. He left a note on what to do with his and his wife's body when they were found ."
" Is his wife there in the home ?" another team member asks.
" Wife died by suicide a year ago today ," Casper says. " The note named Caitlyn Rudd as his wife ."
" What the actual fuck? She's married to the sick fuck ?"
" No ," Casper says with a sigh, as if he's a little annoyed someone isn't keeping up." He's psycho and thinks he's married to her. His bedroom is like a fucking shrine to Caitlyn. "
"Enough," I growl, unable to keep listening to this shit. "Can we debrief later?"
" Good idea ," Hemlock says into the mic before giving Casper instructions on where to send hard copies of the information he has obtained for the police to have.
"What?" Caitlyn says as she pushes her palm to my chest to create a little distance between us.
"Not you, baby," I say as I point to my ear. "They're chattering in my mic."
" Baby ?" someone whispers, but I know the entire team can hear the surprise in my voice.
" I think I missed something ," Echo says, his gruff voice very distinguishable.
"Do you want to pack your own bag or do you want me to go to your room and grab some things for you?"
Confusion draws in her brows .
"You can't stay here, Caitlyn. The investigation will take forever, and then we'll have to have the body removed, and then biohazard cleanup crew."
"Where will I go?" she asks as if there's more than one option.
"Back home with me."
Her eyes search mine, and I can't tell if she's finding answers in them or not. We have so much to talk about, and I hate that it came to this for me to realize just how damned important this woman is to me.
"Can we go together?" she asks, and my heart rate doubles, knowing she doesn't want to be separated from me right now.
"Of course," I say as I stand and give her room to get her feet under her before taking a step back.
"Oh God," she says when she looks past me toward the piece of shit who thought he could come in here and terrorize her.
The knowledge of the note, making his intentions clear, makes my skin crawl. If she weren't beside me, I'd go kick the guy in the fucking face.
"Don't look. Let's get some things so we can get out of here."
I press my palm to her back and guide her out of the living room and down the short hallway to her bedroom.
She seems entranced and locked into place when we step into her room, and for the life of me I wish there was some way to pull this experience from her mind, some way to shoulder the burden of it all myself.
"I don't know why I can't stand for people to touch me," she says, her voice distant as she stares off into space.
"We don't have to discuss that right now," I tell her, but I don't continue when she shakes her head.
"You're different," she says, turning to face me. "You're different."
I pull her to me once again when her sobs are renewed, holding her in the middle of her bedroom. If I could close us in here and lock us away from the world for the rest of eternity, I think I would do anything in my power to make that happen. Without the problems of everyday life and no threats of harm to either one of us, I think I could spend the rest of my life just like this with her in my arms.
Knowing that isn't possible or if it would be something she'd be interested in, I take a step back, holding her shoulders at arm's length.
"Let's pack a bag," I say. "We can talk about this after we get back to the cabin."
She dips her head, swiping at tears on her cheeks only for them to once again be replaced.
But instead of getting lost in her own thoughts again, she moves to the closet, pulling a small suitcase out and unzipping it before placing it on the bed.
I stand to the side, not happy when she starts to pack a single change of clothes. I step in behind her, pulling out the larger suitcase that matches the one she selected, and begin filling it with more clothes when she heads into the bathroom to grab her personal hygiene stuff.
She frowns when she steps out of the bathroom with her bottle of shampoo and conditioner in her hands.
"What are you doing?"
"Making sure you have enough," I say, pulling the bottles from her grasp. "Anything else?"
"Is there anything left?" she asks, looking at the over-stuffed suitcase.
I don't bother answering her question before zipping up both suitcases.
"Can someone get the dog food and bowl?" I ask, knowing others are still on the mic. "I'll grab the bed."
I get an affirmative as I reach out for Caitlyn's hand.
"Ready?"
She swallows, looking like she's going to refuse, but instead, she drops her palm into mine.
"We're going to go down the hall and straight for the door. There's no reason for you to even look back, okay?"
"Okay," she answers, surprising me when she does exactly as I've suggested, making it to the waiting SUV of her own accord.
I help her into the back seat of one of the SUVs, put her suitcases in the back, and then climb in beside her.
At this point, I don't even give a fuck about my bike. Someone will either see that it makes it back to the cabin, or it can stay here until I'm comfortable enough to leave her side so I can come get it.
Lark pulls open the driver's side door and takes a quick glance at the two of us before dropping into the driver's seat.
"They're going to want to talk to her," he says as he puts the vehicle in gear.
" I'll make arrangements for them to come to the house tomorrow ," Hemlock says, his voice startling me through the mic still in my ear. " Jersey, we have shit to discuss. You might want to pull your mic ."
I reach up and yank the thing from my ear. I'm not afraid I'll miss anything. Casper is great with his dossiers when we debrief, and I know every single piece of information will be included when he's done with it.
Lark holds his right hand over his shoulder, and I drop the tiny piece of equipment into his waiting palm.
"Thanks, man," I mutter before looking back at Caitlyn.
She's watching out the window, and she seems damn near catatonic, and I hate that there isn't much I can do for her except be here as she works through all of this shit.
"Do we need the hospital?" Lark asks when he pulls up to a four-way stop.
"No," she whispers. "He didn't hurt me. "
I know that's not exactly true. There are more painful traumas than anything physical could ever cause.
"Let's just head to the cabin," I say, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror.
She doesn't speak when we pull up to the cabin, and she seems even more distant by the time we make it up to my room. There's no fucking way I'm going to shove her into a room by herself so she can get even more lost in her head.
"I'm going to put you in the shower," I tell her.
I don't know if he touched her or not, but I know how I felt after seeing my first person die, and the only thing I wanted to do was get clean, as if I could wash off the entire experience.
I guide her to the bathroom, slowly peeling her clothes away one piece at time, giving her plenty of space to ask me to stop, but by the time she's standing naked in my bathroom, her eyes look empty.
I strip to my boxers and guide her into the shower.
I wash her quickly, trying not to get her hair wet because that seems like a whole ordeal to deal with.
When she's clean, I towel dry her quickly, knowing it won't take much for her to start to get chills despite the warmth in the bathroom.
After dressing her in one of my t-shirts, I guide her to the bed before pulling the blankets up to her chin. I can't invade her space completely, but I do curl myself around her back and pray that she can find sleep easily.