Chapter 12
Charles
Iwoke in the middle of the night. Sweat dotted my brow, and I had a fresh bandage wrapped around my leg. Jess was resting on the floor with her head against the couch, softly snoring. Dark circles shadowed her eyes, and she wore the same clothing she was in yesterday.
Wind battered the window and whistled through the small gaps between the old logs. The fire had gone out in the fireplace and I could see faint traces of my breath on the air.
“Jess,” I said as I shook her. She woke with a start and immediately looked alert.
“Charles,” she said as she reached for my forehead. I must have had a fever at some point. “You’re awake. What do you need? How do you feel?”
“I’m ok, but the fire is out, and it’s getting cold in here. We should move to the bed and under the covers so we can stay warm.” I sat up and shuffled to the edge of the couch, so I stand and hobble to the bedroom.
She didn’t even seem to register the cold until I said something. Then again, she is a hot sleeper. Maybe she didn’t. We were going to need that heat tonight; I was in no shape to get another fire started.
I tried moving my leg and winced at the tug of the stitches, but it was bearable and I could make it to the bedroom just fine.
“Of course.” She reached for me when she stood and I leaned on her. I didn’t tell her I could probably walk on my own. Her reaching for me so readily was too good to pass up.
When we got to the bed, she pulled back the covers and tucked me in before going to the closet and getting the spare blankets. “Just in case,” she said as she laid them across the end of the bed.
She stood there and seemed to weigh her options.
“Just get into bed,” I said before she could make some excuse to run away again. She had been softening to me before, but I wasn’t sure what she was thinking now.
“Ok,” she said softly. “I’m just going to go change.” She turned around and left the room. I prayed she would come back.
It took longer than I would have thought for Jess to come back. When she finally did, I had to bite back a groan. She wore the smallest pair of shorts I’d ever seen. They hugged her hips and emphasized their curve. She seemed determined to torture me.
“Angel, you’re gonna kill me,” I said as she crawled into bed. There was just enough light to see her blush.
“It’s all I had. I didn’t expect to be here for long.” She toyed with the edges of her shorts and I couldn’t drag my eyes away from her finger.
“And the tiny shorts were for what? A spa day after?” I asked as I turned to her, careful of my leg, and pulled her into my arms.
She shrugged. “Just in case, I guess.” She didn’t elaborate further and left the rest up to my very dirty imagination. Whatever the reason she thought to bring those tiny shorts to the cold, snowy Rocky Mountains, I was grateful for it.
“Thank you,” I said when we settled into bed together. She was facing me and, to my utter surprise and delight, she didn’t protest my arms around her.
“For what?” She sounded genuinely confused.
“For taking care of me.” I ran my hands up and down her back in soothing circles, unable to stop myself from touching every part of her I could reach.
“Oh, what else was I going to do? Let you sort it out for yourself?” She yawned and stretched in a way that rubbed her front against mine, but she sounded so sleepy that I willed away the erection that was trying to form.
“I could have, probably, but I much prefer a pretty nurse.”
She scoffed at that. I couldn’t tell if she thought I couldn’t take care of myself or if she thought she wasn’t pretty.
Her breathing evened out, and she fell asleep quickly. I just laid there, unable to sleep, and watched her. Part of me still couldn’t believe she was here, so close to me, letting me hold her.
I didn’t know how long I laid in bed with Jess, but when I finally dreamed, it was of forever with her in my arms.
“Let me look at your leg,” Jess said the next day. I could get up and move around, but she insisted on continuing her role as my nurse.
“It’s fine,” I said. I was a little concerned with just how much she worried about me. “Let’s play a game.”
“Show me your leg first,” she responded with force in her voice. Her arms were akimbo on her hips and she was giving me a look that threatened more pain if I didn’t comply. My lips twitched, trying to form a grin.
I did as she demanded and let her fuss over my injuries. She checked each wound carefully and tutted occasionally as she turned my leg this way and that to get a good look at everything.
“The swelling is going down. I think that’s good. At least the infection seems to be gone.” She wrapped my injury in clean gauze before going to the kitchen to putter around in there.
“What’s wrong?” I didn’t want to play this game anymore. I didn’t want to beat around the bush or try to guess at her feelings. We had been doing well, and I was going to get us back to that point again.
“You could have died,” she said with her back to me. She stopped moving around, but leaned on the counter with her head down, like she couldn’t hold herself up anymore.
“It wasn’t that bad,” I protested. That was probably the wrong response. I have a whole day after my injury that I don’t remember, after all.
She turned with fury written on every line of her body.
“Not that bad!”
She stepped towards me.
“Not that bad!”
She took another step.
“You stepped on a bear trap!”
She was almost to me by now and I could feel my heart rate picking up at her proximity and wrath.
“I didn’t get everything out when I cleaned it!”
She reached me and shoved her finger in my face.
“Your fever was so high and I had nothing to give you! I had to watch you fall to the ground in pain! I had to hear you scream!”
Her breath hitched a moment, like she was holding back tears.
“Do you have any idea how scared I was? I never wanted to know the color of your blood against the snow.” Her voice hitched, and she stopped to collect herself. Tears rimmed her bloodshot eyes. “For a moment before you called out to me, I thought I’d lost you forever.”
She crumpled before me. Her knees hit the ground with a heavy thud. She was weeping in earnest now. I didn’t think. I just reached for her and pulled her into my lap and into my arms. Her great, wracking sobs vibrated through me.
“I didn’t die. I’m right here.”
She nodded her head, but didn’t respond in any other way. I ran my hands along her back and let her cry. I didn’t know what to say to that. If she had been the one to be injured, would I have kept me cool? Would I have been able to keep it together long enough to get her to safety and treat her injuries? I wanted to think that I would, after all, I’d had tons of training and opportunity to practice, but I’d never had to witness the love of my life bleeding and injured and helpless so maybe I wouldn’t be as strong as she was.
“I will be ok,” I said to cover my sudden anxiety over the images now playing through my head and the what-if’s that plagued me. That small glimpse into the pain and anxiety she must have been feeling was staggering.
“I know.” She buried her head in my neck and clung tight to my shirt.
We sat there and just held each other for a long time before she finally pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” she said as she wiped her eyes.
“Never apologize for that.” I reached up and traced a tear she had missed. “Never apologize for seeking comfort in my arms.”
She just looked at me, her cheeks pink, and her eyes red.
“Jessica, whatever nonsense is going through your head right now about my injury, banish it. I got hurt. I get hurt a lot. It’s part of my job and it isn’t your fault. It is never your fault that bad things happen. Bad things aren’t a sign from god, or the universe, or fate. The only thing this injury is a sign of is that your grandparents were worried about bears and no one cleared the old traps. That’s it. I will make your happiness my goal, but you have to accept that bad things happen.”
By the time I finished, she sat up and was looking at me with a smile on her face and hope in her eyes.
“I know.” She looked like she was going to say something more, so I let her gather her thoughts. “I’ve been in therapy for years. It took a long time to unravel all the convoluted and messed up shit from my childhood.” She looked away from me and then looked back. “My therapist told me when I started with her that healing isn’t linear and I don’t think I understood what that meant. I’m sorry I tried so hard to push you away. Being here — seeing you — it was a lot.”
I rubbed her thighs and let her process whatever was going on in her head.
“She had me do these exercises where I pictured a younger version of myself and try to give her whatever she needs, whatever she — I didn’t get before. Yesterday, while you were out, I thought back to 18-year-old me, the one that was heartbroken and firmly believed she had to let you go so you could be happy and well. It helps to picture comforting myself. I don’t know, it’s weird.”
“No, if it works, it’s not weird.” I ran my fingers through her hair to reassure her, and to just touch her, every part of her.
“Thank you for that. I’m sorry I ever did it. When I got back from prom and my mom had left to be with my dad, it just cemented in my head that anytime I was happy, something bad would happen. I didn’t want something to happen to you. I was so scared and alone. Grandma was there, and she did her best, but without my mom and knowing that she choose my abusive, drunk father over me, it was too much. I didn’t know how to share any of that.”
My heart broke all over again listening to her story. She hadn’t shared this with me before. I knew she and her mom lived with her grandma and her dad was out of her life, but she had never told me what happened.
“I can’t go back and comfort you then, but I can hold you now, angel. I’ll never let you go again,” I vowed.
“Charles, I love you,” she said after she stopped crying.
My heart exploded at those words.
“Finally,” I growled before leaning into her and taking her mouth with mine. She was eager and warm as she wrapped her arms around me. I pulled her in closer and when she gasped, I deepened the kiss. Her bold tongue tangled with my own. She sucked lightly on mine and I lost my mind. I trailed my hands down her back to her ass and guided her hips to grind on mine without ever letting go of her mouth.
“Fuck.” I groaned at the pressure. “God, angel.”
“Charles,” she whimpered. She was moving her hips along me in a dance so ancient that nothing came before it. Despite the layers of her clothing and mine, the feel of her was incredible.
“That’s it, baby. Take your pleasure.” My hands moved her and set the pace just right. When she was on the edge of an explosion, I reached up, sliding my hand under her shirt and pulled down her bra. I brushed her nipple, giving it a barely there caress before closing my fingers down on it and pulling. She came with a shout.
“Charles!”
She threw back her head in ecstasy as she came, her long hair trailing down her back. The sight of it robbed me of any semblance of control, and I joined her in pleasure. I haven’t come in my pants since I was a teenager. Since the last time Jess was in my life, actually.
I pulled her in close and buried my head in her chest. I could hear the rapid beat of her heat and feel the rise and fall of her labored breathing.
Her hands found my hair and gently ran through it like she was petting me. I rubbed my face in the valley of her breasts while I regained my composure.
“So that happened,” she eventually said. She was still in my lap and were it not for the rapidly cooling stain on my sweats, I would have held her there forever.
“Regrets?” I asked. I had to know.
“None.” She shook her head. “I don’t think it’s ever been like that for me.”
A stab of jealousy went through me at the thought of Jess with another man. Logically, I knew it had been ten years and despite her claim that she dated no one else, I couldn’t expect her to be celibate.
I smiled at her anyway. “You’re welcome.”
She slapped my arms and rose off my lap.
“I need to clean up, and I’m sure you need to as well.” She offered me her hand to help me stand, and I took it and twisted my hand in hers until our palms touched and our fingers laced together tightly.
“How about we clean up together?” I asked. I tugged her to the bathroom before she could answer, and the laugh she let out was pure joy. It was a sound I wanted to hear for the rest of my life.