Chapter 10 #2
Moisture shines in her eyes. “This is wonderful. And—” She gives me a slow inspection. “You look so handsome.” Touching my collar, she adds, “I really love this color on you. It brings out the blue in your eyes.”
Her fingers graze my neck, leaving a sizzling trail of heat in their wake. Desire flares.
I imagine myself scooping Jess into my arms and carrying her into the bedroom, leaving dinner and wine and gifts until after I’ve lavished attention on every inch of her body. Showing her how much I truly appreciate her with more than just words and flowers.
My fantasy shifts to a naked Jess stretched out on the bed, her skin flushed with excitement.
Her breasts heaving with uneven breaths.
Her pupils dilated so there’s only a thin ring of golden green around them.
Her legs open, exposing herself to me. Inviting me in.
The seductive scent of her arousal and the clutch of her inner walls as I plunge into her.
Her breathy moans feathering against me and the bite of her nails on my skin.
An ache builds deep inside me; an intense hunger verging on pain.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Huh?” I yank myself out of the fantasy. “What do you mean?”
Her gaze drops below my waist. A tiny smirk curves her lips. “Well. I’m assuming you’re not thinking about flowers. Or candles. Unless you have some interests I’m not aware of.”
I glance at the growing bulge straining my pants. “No, not candles. Or flowers.”
“Then?”
“You know.” Leaning closer, I feather little kisses along her jaw before capturing her mouth again. My voice goes rough. “I was thinking about you.”
Jess sucks in a quick breath. “What were you thinking?”
One of my hands comes to her waist. She shivers with pleasure and leans into me. “I was thinking?—”
Shit. This isn’t supposed to be about my fantasies. It’s about making Jess feel special. Feeding her dinner and giving her gifts and ending the evening with a back rub to work out the stiffness in her shoulders. What I want has nothing to do with it.
“Kane?”
“Dinner,” I announce. “I made Bolognese sauce. And that bruschetta you like. And I got your favorite Cabernet to go with it.”
Confusion clouds her expression. “You were thinking about dinner ?”
“I was thinking about our date,” I explain. “Dinner and presents and I thought I could give you a back rub after. Since I know you’ve been feeling so tense.”
“Those all sound really nice,” she replies. “But.”
My gut twists.
Shit. She doesn’t like it.
“But what?”
“But.” Her hand comes to my waistband. Wide eyes raise to meet mine, uncertain but hopeful. “If you were thinking about something else. Maybe we could do that, too.”
My erection jumps, pressing painfully against the zipper of my pants. “Like what?”
Jess glances at my pants again. “Well. If you were interested in… other things. I’d be okay with that, too.”
My brain splits in two. One half declares sternly, Dinner. Movie. Presents. Stick with the plan. The purpose of tonight isn’t to get Jess into bed. It’s to help her relax.
Then the other half jumps in, reasoning, Sex is relaxing. The food can be reheated. And if this is what Jess wants, why the fuck would I say no ?
Because I want to do the right thing. Because Jess isn’t some random hookup.
“I just thought,” Jess continues softly, “if we both wanted it, maybe…” She pauses to gnaw on her lower lip. “But if you don’t, that’s okay, too.”
Shit.
The last thing I want is for Jess to think I don’t want her.
Still. She’s dealing with so much. Would it be taking advantage? I know I’m pushy about some things, but sex isn’t one of them. I may fantasize about all the things I’d like to do with Jess, but in truth, I’m in no hurry. I’ll wait however long it takes for her to be ready.
“I want you,” I reply carefully. “You must know I do. But that’s not what this date is about. I didn’t plan it with any intentions?—”
“I know you didn’t.” Jess lifts her chin. “You’re not like that, Kane. I just… I’ve been thinking about it. For a while, really.”
My erection jumps again. “Have you?”
“Yes. Since… before we started dating.”
“Really?” My voice dips. “For how long?”
Pink suffuses her cheeks. “Since I saw you at the car wash last summer.”
The car wash?
A beat later, it hits.
Oh. The charity car wash. I remember Jess coming through with her little hatchback, waiting patiently for her turn, paying double for the wash because, as she said, “It’s for charity, isn’t it?”
She wanted me back then?
My hand moves to the swell of her ass, cupping her sweet curves.
Then I drag her against me so she can feel my arousal jutting into her belly.
“I’ve been fantasizing about you ever since the Halloween Festival.
You were drinking a beer, and you had this bit of foam right here—” I kiss her upper lip, letting my tongue trail across it. “And I wanted to kiss it off so badly.”
“You did?”
I kiss her again, this time for longer. “I did.”
Jess works her fingers beneath my waistband. My abs tense. Need pulses; hard and insistent. “So,” she starts in a throaty voice, “we both wanted each other. Months ago.”
“I guess we did.”
“So… it wouldn’t be weird then. If we…”
“Jess. Are you sure? Because I’m not in a hurry. We can just have dinner like I planned. Watch a movie while I give you a massage. Kiss. Sex doesn’t have to be a part of it.”
“What if I want it to be?” She unfastens the button at my waist and slides the zipper down. “What if I want you? What if I’ve been thinking about seeing you naked all week? Imagining my hand wrapping around you?—”
My lungs stall as her fingers wrap around me, cool against my heated skin.
“Jess,” I grit out. “Are you?—”
“I’m sure.” With her free hand, she holds onto my shoulder for balance, stretching up to cover my mouth with hers. “I know you’re being careful with me. But, Kane. I haven’t wanted this in… a very long time. But with you? I’m sure.”
Fuck.
How can I say no? Especially when my body is begging me to say yes? When I want this more than anything?
I’m not saying no .
“Yes,” I growl. Then I lift Jess into my arms, koala-style, and she wraps her legs around my waist.
“Yes, what?” she asks as I carry her towards my bedroom.
“Yes to all of it. Yes to seeing your gorgeous body naked. Yes to kissing you all over. Yes to finally finding out how it feels to be inside you. I didn’t plan it this way, but shit, sweetheart. I want you more than I want to breathe.”
“Kane.” It’s strained. Needy. “I want you so badly.”
“Ah, sweetheart.” I stride into the bedroom and lay Jess on the bed.
Then I just stand there, looking at her.
Taking everything in. Seeing the trust she’s giving me and feeling so damn thankful for it.
Seeing the pink on her cheeks and the desire in her gaze.
Watching her breasts rise and fall with her breath, just like I imagined. “I want you, too.”
Jess stares at me, her attention roving from my obvious erection to my face and back again. She sucks her lip between her teeth, a little move I know she didn’t mean to be sexy but totally is. “Kane,” she says. “I really want you. But it’s been a long time. So… I’m a little out of practice.”
I start unbuttoning my shirt, loving the feel of her eyes on me. “That’s okay, sweetheart. We’ll go as slow as you like.”
“I’m not saying that I want to go slow.” Sitting up, she peels off her sweater and tosses it to the side, leaving her in only a lacy blue bra that shows off an expanse of creamy skin.
A little birthmark peeks out from the lace on her left breast, and another trio of them form a sweet constellation above her bellybutton.
“What do you want?” I ask. “Just tell me. Anything you want, I’ll do it. Fast. Slow. Missionary. You on top. Me from behind. Whatever makes you most comfortable.”
“Um.” The certainty in Jess’s eyes wavers. Then, in a quiet, almost tentative voice, she says, “I was hoping this time, you could… take charge?” The pink in her cheeks deepens, and it might be the freaking cutest thing I’ve ever seen. “I kind of like it when you’re bossy. It’s sexy.”
I freeze midway through wrestling off my pants. “You think I’m bossy ?”
“Only a little. And it’s only because you care.”
“Shit, Jess.” I climb onto the bed and pull her into my arms. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m bossing you around. Yeah, I know I can get pushy. But if I’m making you do something you don’t want…”
“You’re not.” Jess nuzzles my neck. Her breath is a faint breeze on my skin.
“I wouldn’t. But sometimes—okay, a lot of the time—I don’t do things because I’m scared.
Scared of making people mad. Of being accused of looking for attention.
Or losing the people I care about. But you…
you help me find my courage. And… I like it. ”
Oh.
My heart stutters.
Fuck.
I’m not supposed to be falling in love yet. It’s too soon. Love is supposed to be slow. A gradual build from friendship to more.
Isn’t it?
But if it is, then what’s this feeling in my chest?
I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Like the very presence of her makes it hard to breathe. Like my happiness hinges on hers.
Throat thick, I brace myself above Jess and brush my lips across hers. In a rough tone, I say, “If you like it when I’m bossy, I think I could oblige.”
“Kane.” Her eyes turn nearly black. “I would really like…”
But her words trail off as I take her nipple in my mouth, suckling at it through the lace. Instinctively, she thrusts her breast towards me and her head falls back, exposing the slender column of her neck.
Through heavy-lidded eyes, she watches me. Watches as I lave my tongue around one nipple, then the other. Watches as I kiss the birthmark partially hidden by that sexy blue lace. Watches as I kiss my way down her stomach and trace the constellation by her bellybutton.
“What do you want me”—she gasps as I roll her engorged nipple between my lips—“to do?”
Before I can answer, Jess reaches for me, wrapping her hand around me and stroking the sensitive skin.
Just the slightest touch of her fingers is enough to bring me close to the edge. Not because of how much time it’s been since I last had sex—though it’s been months, ever since I saw Jess at Halloween and couldn’t get her unstuck from my mind—but because it’s her . My Jess.
She wants me to take control?
That I can do.
First, I peel her remaining clothes off, kissing each inch of skin as it’s revealed. Then I take her wrists and gently hold them above her head, pausing to check her expression to make sure it’s okay.
From the heat building in her gaze, I think it is. But I still want to make absolutely sure this is okay, so I ask, “Do you like this? Me holding your wrists like this? ”
On a heavy exhale, she breathes, “Yes. I like it a lot.”
Ah, shit.
How the fuck am I going to last when I already feel like I’m balanced at the edge of a cliff? When one grazed finger, one brush of her lips could send me flying right off it?
But I have to last. I have to make this perfect for Jess. I don’t want her to experience one second of discomfort, of insecurity, of any doubt that she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.
So I focus on her. Tamp down the sensations rushing through my body. I kiss Jess all over, from her breasts to her stomach. I kiss the scars on her neck and jaw, giving special attention to the marks that prove she survived.
Then I work my way lower, to the apex of her thighs.
I lap at her satiny hot skin, tasting the heady flavor of her excitement.
I plunge my fingers inside her, first one, then two, stretching her so she’ll be ready for me.
I close my lips around her sensitive bundle of nerves and suck hard, feeling her hips jerking beneath me as she gets closer.
Jess moans as I curve my fingers inside her, hitting that soft spot that I hope will drive her wild. “Kane, oh?—”
She reaches for me again, but this time I stop her. I hold her wrists in my hand, marveling at how fragile and delicate they feel. How soft. How perfect.
Shit. It’s all perfect.
“Kane, oh please,” Jess whimpers. “I need…”
I lift my head from between her thighs. “What, sweetheart?”
“I know you’re in control. And I like it. But… I really want to feel you inside me. Not just your fingers. But all of you. Hard. Thick. Filling me. ”
“Jess,” I groan. “Fuck. Hearing you say that…”
“Is it okay?” Worry flickers in her eyes. “I told you, it’s been a long?—”
“It’s more than okay. It’s so damn sexy I’m trying not to finish right now.”
“Oh.” A smile curves her lips. “That’s okay, then.”
Just as I’m notching myself at her center, common sense comes crashing in. “Shit.”
“What?”
“Protection. I need to get something. My wallet. In my pants. I need?—”
“Or you could just… I’m on birth control. And I’ve been tested.”
Wet heat slicks my erection. “Are you sure? I mean, I’m negative, too. I get tested for work, just to be safe. But it’s a lot, Jess. And I don’t mind getting something.”
Jess stares at me, a depth of emotion in her gaze. “I’m sure,” she whispers. “I trust you.”
Ah, fuck.
Maybe it’s not too soon.
Maybe time doesn’t matter when you meet the right person.
As I slowly sink deep inside her, my heart agrees.
This is more than sex.
More than a simple physical connection.
It feels like coming home.
Like finding the one person in the world who fits you.
And with each plunge into Jess’s tight heat, I hear the same silent words on repeat.
She’s the one.
When Jess comes apart around me, calling my name, my heart nearly bursts from happiness. From the truth I know deep in my heart.
It doesn’t matter how long we’ve known each other.
After thirty-one years of steadfastly remaining single, I’m finally falling.
Or maybe I already fell.
Only seconds after Jess takes that leap into ecstasy, I’m right there with her, shouting out my pleasure. Filling her just like she asked me to.
It’s the first time I’ve been with a woman without protection, and there’s no one else I’d trust enough to do it with.
With the aftershocks still rippling through both of us, I roll us over and drape Jess across my chest. She snuggles against me, tucking her head beneath my chin. My hand strokes down the length of her hair, combing through the silky strands.
“Was that okay?” Jess asks quietly, her breath a whisper on my skin.
My hand stills mid-stroke. “Was it okay ?”
“It’s been a while,” she explains. “Like… ten years a while. So I might have been out of practice.”
My heart flips over.
Ten years. And she’s trusting me with this. Trusting me with everything.
Unexpectedly, my eyes burn. Pressing my lips to the top of her head, I reply, “Sweetheart. You were incredible. Beyond that. You were perfect . I promise.”